[insert poetic blog title here]

Lets be friends.

[absolutely-xantastic]

Let’s scream with mama

[absolutely-xantastic]

Now let’s nap with mama

[babushkaat]

[corviiids]

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

[lastoneout]

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.

[tara-the-star]

i love the phrase 'i dont go here but...' like you're so in awe of my work you have decided to trespass into a fandom you dont belong to just to appreciate it. i love everyone who doesn't go here

[the-quasar-hero]

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

[aropride]

come play blorbos with me

we can do tghis. our touy

[timeturner-jay]

I told my friend that tumblr would love her shirt, don't let me down guys

[afeelgoodblog]

The kid will cherish this for their whole life. If they remember it.

[theroseandthebeast]

[nightpool]

went to look this tweet up so I could rt it and discovered this is the same dude as the tubthumping tweet masterpiece

[supreme-leader-stoat]

King

[sweaterkittensahoy]

If she does not remember the suitcase trip, the internet and her family will remember for her, so she will have that story to hold her whole life.

[thememedaddy]

[inthetags]

Reblog and put in the tags the book that is physically nearest to you at this moment.

[kosmogrl]

Dont blame yourself for not having known a lesson only time could teach

[cannibalcaprine]

K

[gumi-megpoidd]

U

[pepper-steak12]

N

[beetroot-merchant]

G

[four-two-six]

P

[ibuildblasters]

O

[shed-some-light]

W

[silaswhatever]

P

[beetroot-merchant]

U

[silly-gobbledygook-deactivated2]

S

[living-shifting-oil]

S

[asu-xu-namir]

Y

[star-mom-selkie]

[terramythos]

piss poor reading comprehension???? simply drink water and you will have an abundance of piss

[ferrocyan]

piss rich reading comprehension

[emcapi]

how dare you say we- actually no wait that's a great idea i think we should all piss on the rich

[beemovieerotica]

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

[iphigeniacomplex]

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

[pencilcomics]

[awed-frog]

For all my fellow oversharers out there.

[pup-dion]

As a chronic people-pleaser, this is my advice for success.

Offer as little as possible. Be terse. Get rid of all those exclamation marks and tidbits about why you want to take a sick day. State your needs clearly and concisely without reason. Start saying “No, I’m unable.” more often. Say Thank You only when the other party deserves it.

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges