Unorganized queer Chaos

Everything's a reference if you try hard enough

[addydageek]

Idk who needs to hear this but no one else is gonna make an edit of your middle school homoromantic best friend to the best by Conan Gray that's your job like pop off queen

[hoechlinth]

yuna hollander said “fuck ilya rozanov” to her autistic son and had the audacity to be shocked when he followed her instructions to the letter

[shanehollandered]

my no stakes hollanov headcanon of the day is that ilya is horribly ticklish while shane isn't ticklish at all. and the second ilya realizes this, that he cannot tickle shane into submission, he looks up at shane who smiles a truly wolfishly at him before he lunges, pins ilya and tickles him in turn until ilya is crying laughing stomach aching squirming and he's agreed to put on sunscreen every day

[craziestgrlevr-deactivated20251]

i dream of having a regulated nervous system

[troublepunk-ldn]

me as a teenager: man it sucks to have no privacy or autonomy but i guess its for a good reason. when i turn 18 i will realise how young i was and understand why they did all that.

me as an adult: teenagers are an oppressed class, their abuse is normalised and systemic and they need to start killing people

[soul-wanderer]

Ilya being committed to the bit on their wedding day and very seriously insisting that they can't see each other in their suits before the ceremony ("Ilya, we quite literally bought these together" "Does not matter, the rules are the rules, Shane"), but it all backfires when Ilya low-key has a panic attack because he's about to marry the love of his life and he knows Shane would never chicken out, but he can't help this sudden anxiety, so Sveta goes and gets his man and Shane carefully walks into the room and Ilya just "No, you can't be here, not before the ceremony" and Shane gently wraps his hands around his upper arms and his voice is so soft when he says "It's okay, I don't care. All I care about is that my husband needs me right now" and Ilya looks at him, teary-eyed, "I'm not your husband yet" and Shane smiles "Exactly. That's why I need you to take a deep breath so we can fix that, okay?" And that earns him the most adoring smile and nod, and Shane leans in for a kiss and when he pulls back he whispers "Don't worry, I will pretend to see you for the first time when I meet you outside" and that's when Ilya helplessly, joyfully laughs, realising once again why Shane was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with

[delsicle]

I think Hudson should be allowed to kill at least 5 people a month. And if he needs to kill another that’s also fine.

[underchxmtrails]

everyone criticizing the acting in s5 when it first came out but in fairness… if someone handed me that script, i would’ve given up too

[scriptiodaemon]

everyone knew ilya is insufferable.

so when they started officially dating, shane was preparing himself for what he's gonna do when ilya will catch a flu. it was challenging enough managing with his own... body fluids (HA!). and he genuinely didn't know how he's gonna react to ilya's mucus all around. but he was much more scared that a disease would turn ilya into a catastrophe.

he was very dedicated to be a good boyfriend and do whatever needs to be done, though.

what a shock he had, when he figured out, that when he's sick, ilya turns small, trying to hide in the darkest place and disappear. he is quiet, lying in the bed curled into a ball and shivering with fever. shane heart broke, when ilya started to apologize, almost crying, that he couldn't make him food and he's a shitty boyfriend.

never shane wanted to kill more, understanding that this is how probably ilya's family treated him every time he got sick since his mother died.

shane hugged him tightly, peppering his damp with sweat curls, mumbling tender words and promising himself he'll never let his baby feel sorry again for feeling bad.

[tinylilhollander]

Another time Shane and Ilya are babysitting the Pikelings, it's still early into the kids knowing Ilya. Ilya, against Shane's pleas not to, is wearing one of his old Raiders tees with 'ROZANOV 81' on the back, specifically to piss Hayden off before his date, but now that he's gotten his rise out of Hayden, they've both forgotten about the shirt. Shane and Ilya are now hard at work trying to get Amber to eat at least some of her dinner like Jackie asked them to (Amber is not on board with this plan). So they don't notice that Ruby and Jade have stopped their game.

"Oh you're Fucking Rozanov!"

Shane and Ilya freeze, blood draining from their faces. How the fuck does she know that about Shane and Ilya? How does she know what that means???

"Ruby, that's a swear!" says Arthur looking scandalized, and in Ruby's defence, she immediately claps her little hands over her mouth.

"Sorry, Shane, sorry, Shane! I didn't mean to! I'm just saying what Dad says sometimes."

Shane takes a steadying breath, trying not to panic.

"Okay, setting the swearing aside for a second," said Shane, doing a good job of staying calm and not passing out all things considered. "What exactly does your dad say when he says that?"

Ruby shakes her head, terrified, and Shane gives her a gentle smile.

"Look, how about I promise not to tell your mom and dad if you use it again to explain? I just want to understand."

"Well... sometimes when he's annoyed that you can't come over to play with him anymore he says 'fucking Rozanov.' Or when the Metros lose against Ottawa he also says it. Mom always makes him put extra dollars in the swear jar for being mean to his best friend's partner."

There's an audible sigh of relief from both grownups. Shane's trying to stay calm and in control but he feels himself wanting to laugh. Especially because out of the corner of his eye he can see Ilya fully giggling behind his hand.

"I see. Well, yes, my boyfriend's name is Ilya Rozanov. The one from Ottawa."

"So dad WAS being mean," says Jade, mouth hanging open.

"Nah," says Ilya, tamping down his laugh. "It is a kind of joking grownups do called 'irony'. He says it like he is being mean but he actually likes me."

"Grownups are confusing," says Ruby.

They wait until the kids are playing again before collapsing into giggles. It becomes an instant inside joke. They start muttering it under their breath to each other out of the kids' earshot anytime anything goes wrong, instantly dissolving into laughter again.

By the time Hayden and Jackie get home and get back downstairs from saying goodnight to the girls (who are allowed to stay up to say goodnight), Jackie gives them a curious look.

"The twins say you taught them... ironing?"

"Ah, no, irony," Ilya corrects. "It was fair exchange for teaching us about what Pike says when Shane has to cancel plans."

"Yeah, which reminds me Hayds – swear jar on Ruby's behalf twice, and make it triple for being mean about your best friends partner."

"Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, Hayden," says Jackie, facepalming. "I told you those girls don't miss anything."

"Fu—"

Ilya cuts Hayden off with a massive shit-eating grin.

"Uh-uh, don't make it another swear jar."

"Fucking Rozanov, am I right?" Shane laughs, and he and Ilya don't stop until they're at Shane's place.

[ilyarozanovsmouth]

Concept:

Ilya does love seeing old photos of Shane. Fat Baby Shane™ in all his forms, toddler Shane in his little hockey gear, Shane in elementary school with a big missing-teeth smile, Shane blowing out the candles on his 10th birthday, Shane holding up his brand new driver's license at 16. The list goes on.

One day Yuna finds an old disposable camera. The expiration date on it says 2009. She tells Shane about it; it might have some old photos from his graduation on it or something. She'd gotten a digital camera around that time so she can't remember what she used this one for. Shane is pretty indifferent about it.

Yuna sends the camera off to some company that still develops old camera film. It's about 15 years old at this point, though, so whatever is on it might not even develop correctly.

A few weeks later Shane and Ilya are over for dinner. Yuna tells them she got the photos back and they actually turned out ok. She hands over the stack of 10 photos. Shane rolls his eyes, but Ilya grabs the photos and starts flipping through them. The first two look like they are from some school event; there's Shane surrounded by similarly aged kids in an auditorium. There's one of the three of them on Thanksgiving that year and another of the three of them with Yuna's parents at the same dinner. Two of David asleep on the couch with the family dog clearly taken on different days. One of a Christmas tree in the Hollander's living room. The next two are Shane on the ice in a rink that Ilya recognizes as the one in Regina. The one from their first World Juniors Tournament.

And Ilya freezes. The last photo in the stack is a close-up of Shane. He's in a white hoodie with a black coat over it. He has on a dark green beanie and he's standing next to the door to the rink. He's smiling for the camera and his freckles are crinkled near his eyes. It's the Shane that so awkwardly and so confidently introduced himself to Ilya the first time they met. The Shane that had tried so hard to talk to Ilya then. The Shane that Ilya could admit to himself now that he'd had a bit of a crush on already. His Shane.

His Shane was getting blurry as tears filled his eyes.

[argillaforma]

if i was shane and i was listening to the love of my life spill his heart in russian over the phone and the only thing i could understand from that whole conversation was 'svetlana' i think i would jump from a high building

[probablily]

thing is i dont think the heated rivalry fandom is uniquely bad its just Big. there's more bad apples bc theres More apples

[gurlsrool]

just know I agree wholeheartedly with the influx of recent posts about how Ilya wouldn’t be chaotic online…however, I am reading them like this

[kuriositykillz]

I genuinely think about byler everyday. it could’ve been so beautiful, it could’ve been everything. If only they weren’t written by cowards.

[ilyapasta]

It's important to me that Shane and Ilya are criers. Big wet sniffling weeping snot guys. Shane's crying in the car on the way home from the club when he should be fucking his hot girlfriend. Ilya's crying in Shane's arms in Tampa because dammit Hollander we can't do this but I want to do this I want it more than anything. They're crying while they say I love you in the refuge of the cottage because they're safe now, they're safe to feel everything they've been wanting to feel. Ilya's crying after fucking his boyfriend so good on Halloween but it doesn't cure him it doesn't make everything better. Shane's crying after they fight because he fucked up mom I'm a terrible boyfriend I fucked up I didn't see how unhappy he was and now I'm going to lose him. They're crying on Facetime because Ilya could have died, and then Shane would have died, everyday, for the rest of his life. They're crying because they're going to spend the rest of their lives together. And then they fuck and lick up each other's fat Studio Ghibli tears while doing it raw. And I give it a standing ovation every time.

[shaneposting]

shane is literally a Boyfriend guys he’s stocking the cottage full of stuff he’d never eat bc they’re ilya’s favourite snacks and he’s driving his passenger princess around and carrying ilya’s bags and asking what he wants for dinner and waking him up in the middle of the night to be like ‘hey here’s how we can be together forever until we are old and wrinkly. do u agree yes or yes’

and even before that he’s constantly checking if his baby is okay and he’s sitting in that stairwell cuddling ilya’s jacket and he’s so desperate to hold ilya’s hand when he’s off his head on painkillers. he’s rereading old texts. he’s got his phone in his hand and he’s texting ilya when he’s literally just got off the ice after winning the cup again and that’s years before they’re even together. he’s inviting ilya to the cottage because he gets two weeks off a year and he wants to spend them both with his favourite person

he’s a loverboy! he’s spent so so long wanting to be able to connect with ilya like this and now he finally can! he was born to play hockey but also to be ilya’s boyfriend!