Agent Orange Juice

The beginning, the end, and everything in between.

[talking-fox-actual-deactivated2]

How do you feel about Americans?

Americans have one of the highest obesity rates in the world, yet they hold the most Olympic medals. They have a horrible education system, yet eclipse the rest of the world in scientific research. The country is filled with clueless philistines, yet their culture permeates every society, in some way, across the planet. The country is still less than three centuries old, but has spent most of it at war. They are universally hated or feared by nearly every other country on the planet, yet the first to offer help during a disaster. Their people are stubborn and never content with the way things are, and for better or worse, all of them imagine how things could be better. Every American is a bankrupt billionaire, a prince in exile, a grounded astronaut, a disgraced scientist. There are the people who do not settle for who they are, but for what they may become.

The country has her problems. Certainly their government has a lot of blood on its hands. But there is something charming about the people I can’t quite place. Even the delusional leftists or the out of touch neocons. There is a certain magic about the place that you don’t find elsewhere. There are bad parts and bad people, to be sure, but there are just as many good parts and good people. It is a land of extremes. But even the poor aren’t really that poor. Much better to be a homeless American living on the beach than literally freezing to death at a metro station in Moscow.

Sure, Yanks say some stupid things. Sometimes they do stupid things like arm terrorist groups they later go to war with. But sometimes they also say profound things. Sometimes they do profound things like planting their flag, in person, on the moon. I can’t stay mad at them and I can’t help but love them.

[mccarthyites]

Bless u

[viewtifulmarkovich]

Nerd.

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

That was profoundly said

[nunyabizni]

I love this

[uncle-beanbag]

America is a melting pot of everyone else. We are everything. 

[lilaccatholic]

I’m literally getting emotional because I can’t remember the last time I saw something this kind about Americans on my dash

[vassaltotheduchess]

Same. As a British ex-pat who has lived in the US for the past 25 years, I find myself with double-vision. Through one lens I can be terribly critical of my adopted country. Through the other I feel the greatest pride and affection. Thanks so much to OP for putting it to words.

[amarretto-cowboy]

I’m a proud American and I approve this message

[beardedmrbean]

Describing war to an American

[witch-hattery]

No, wait, seriously. Wasn't there some real conflict where America was running ice cream to the men on the front lines, and it fucked with the morale of the other side, or even intimidated them by having a supply chain so robust it supplied luxuries?

[beardedmrbean]

WW2 Pacific theater, there was different ways of doing it.

Had the refrigerated barge for one,

then we had bomber ice cream.

Source they linked for that here

And another

DIY Ice Cream in Wartime

Take one Corsair, 5 ammo cans, canned milk and circle at 33,000 feet.

[yokelfelonking]

In the European theater, I seem to recall reading about a German soldier who realized that the Allies would inevitably win when he got a hold of a standard US infantryman's rations and found coffee and chocolate in them, which, for the Germans, were luxuries reserved for the officers. "They can afford to give chocolate and coffee to all of their soldiers? They have the resources so they can all eat like this? Shit, we're fucked."

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[lesserknownwaifus]

Pixley, Pleakley's older sister from the Lilo & Stitch Franchise

[agentorangejuice]

Please has a sister? Dawg, you coulda told me that was Pleakley cross dressing again and I would've believed you.

[mlpoutofcontext]

[lohboh]

Happy July 1st

[mlpheritageposts]

my little pony heritage post

[teaboot]

Wait what's a buildings fire evacuation plan if you aren't supposed to use the elevator to get down

[lazodiac]

You go down the stairwell/fire escape. Is that weird?

[teaboot]

But what if you have a walker or a wheelchair??

[durpacerangerrogjro]

in america at least, in this situation, there isnt one. either your loved ones or the firemen can get you out using the emergency fire escapes or stairs, or you die 

[teaboot]

That's fucking horrific, thank you

[official-lucifers-child]

“fun” little story:

last summer my friend who is an amazingly talented artist and i were in this super tall building, and she’s in a wheelchair and i’m pushing her around the room. it’s an art exhibit and some of her art was chosen to be showcased there and so it’s all fine and dandy until suddenly an alarm starts going off

a FIRE ALARM

everyone starts running for the stairs and my friend just looks at me with this forlorn look on her face

“i can’t go down the stairs”

but i’m a stubborn bitch “i’ll carry you”

“what about my chair? it’s too expensive for me to be able to get another one if i can’t get this one back”

“i’ll carry that too”

and i did. we went to the stairs (by then most people from our floor were gone) and i lifted her up in a fireman’s carry over my shoulder and then lifted her chair up and used the ridiculous amount of adrenaline that was coursing through my veins to make it down approximately 20 half-flights of stairs until we met some people exiting lower floors, one of which who kindly took the chair. I changed positions so i was holding my friend bridal-style which was, somehow, easier and the person who took her wheelchair (with her permission to handle it of course) accompanied me to the ground floor and then out the doors

basically there is no real protocol for people who can’t use the stairs in an emergency. it’s up to the people with them, if anyone, to help them or the person to somehow make it down the stairs alone, unassisted

thank fuck that it was just a faulty alarm system, because if i was unable to carry her down those stairs and the building was on fucking fire???? then i don’t know what would have happened to her, but i don’t think it would have been very good.

it’s fucking ridiculous and ableist to the absolute max.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

I use a cane. When I did a day-long fire safety training at my northeast American university (UMass Amherst), I asked that exact same question: “what am I supposed to do if the fire alarm goes off and I’m in my lab on the twelfth floor?” 

the fire marshal hemmed and hawed for a while and then said to take the elevator- you’re supposed to leave it free for the fire department to use and they want able-bodied people out fast not waiting for elevators. if the fire alarm has just gone off the building probably hasn’t suffered enough structural damage to make using the elevator dangerous, and modern elevator wells are heavily reinforced. many large and high-trafficked buildings on my campus have fire rated elevators that link in with the fire alarm system so they won’t let you off on a floor with a possible fire. 

if the elevator isn’t working, wait in the stairwell and call the fire department to let them know where you are. modern stairwells are also heavily reinforced- it might not be pleasant but modern building code usually requires fire-resistant stairwell doors in office and big residential buildings, also to help firefighters get in and out safely. older buildings’ stairwells may or may not be retrofitted with fire-resistant doors but a stairwell is generally the safest place to wait if you can’t get out. 

what happened to your friend was horrible, and i’m very glad you were there to help her out, but you can absolutely use the elevator to evacuate if it’s not shut down. those don’t-use-the-elevator rules are for abled people.  

[tisfan]

This is GOOD TO KNOW. why do they not tell people this??

[ravynfyre]

Okay, firefighter here. If you are not physically able to use the stairs, and the elevator is NOT compromised, use the elevator. But you MUST be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that the elevator is NOT compromised before you get into it, because there is always the chance that once you get into it, you may not exit it. Power could go out. The elevator may actually BE compromised and you just couldn’t tell from where you were until you were in there, and it suddenly shuts down on you. Something else could happen. 

Understand that once you enter the elevator, you could POTENTIALLY be taking your life into your hands there.

It is NOT LIKELY, to be perfectly honest. It’s only in a pretty catastrophic scenario - think the Twin Towers, USA, on September 11th - that the elevators will be compromised and out of service. But there is a NOT ZERO PERCENT CHANCE and you need to understand that and accept it.

As for leaving the elevators free for the firefighters, okay, here’s the deal. Unless your nearest fire station is literally right next door? Your first on scene fire truck is NOT likely to be there on scene and needing that elevator before you get to the ground. It takes us TIME to find the address, gear up, and drive to the building. Then we need to hoof it into where the elevators even ARE, so YOU HAVE TIME to use the elevator to get down to the ground floor... BUT ONLY IF THERE’S NOT A RUSH ON THE ELEVATOR! And THAT is WHY we don’t tell people this shit. That’s WHY we tell people to NEVER USE THE ELEVATOR... because every self-entitled asshole will use it because they don’t feel like walking, and then put YOU in danger by delaying the elevator’s arrival to you.

IF, however, the elevator IS compromised, or you just can’t get it to come for you, or whatever, and you either don’t have anyone with you who has the adrenaline fueled BALLS to be able to toss you over their shoulder and hoof it down the stairs with you - because, let’s face it, that is RARE AS FUCK, then HERE IS WHAT YOU DO:

You call 911 and tell the call taker that you are in the building that has a fire alarm going off, and you are not able to evacuate because of a physical disability, and you tell them what floor you are on, and EXACTLY what stairwell you are waiting at. And the very FIRST thing that the firefighters are going to do once they arrive, if it is, indeed, a REAL emergency, and not a false alarm, is come get your ass and bring you down. Whether that means carrying you down the stairs, or whether that means locking out the elevators so that no one else can override them and coming to get you themselves, they WILL come get you FIRST THING if it is a real event. And if it is a false alarm? You will probably be the first person who is not involved with the building to know, because the call-taker is going to stay on the line with you until you are under someone’s care and out of danger, or until the scene has been sorted out as real or false, and you are out of danger that way.

These are pretty standard operations in the fire service throughout the United States. There may be some minor variations based on specific municipalities, but, for the most part, this is pretty typical: LIFE BEFORE PROPERTY. So, as long as SOMEONE knows where you are - hence why you call 911 - Firefighters will come get you. You are NOT alone, and you have NOT been abandoned. I PROMISE. It’s like, our whole reason for doing the shit we do: to save lives and to break shit. Sometimes, we get lucky enough to do both at the same time.

High rise fires suck ass, and I always hated them. But the very FIRST thing I asked anytime we got one was if we had “any entrapments” - which is what we call anyone who could not self-evacuate for ANY reason. We ain’t leaving you behind. And yes, your friend who doesn’t have the stamina to carry you down can stay with you, too. Because I would never ask that of someone, honestly. 

Also, just a little FYI... MOST fire alarms are false alarms. Not to make anyone complacent or anything, but, yeah. Most of them are either system malfunctions, someone accidentally hit a pull station, or someone burned popcorn in a break room. So don’t let a fire alarm freak you out until you need it to - by smelling or seeing smoke or flames. 

[gentle--riot]

i have had multiple nightmares about this very thing because NOBODY BOTHERS TO ACTUALLY TELL WHEELCHAIR USERS THIS STUFF

[downwiththebad]

I am loving these additions!

If you're disabled, this is worth the time and focusing energy to read through!!!

[kyraneko]

Short version:

If disabled and the fire alarm is just happened, you're allowed to take the elevators down but there's a small possibility you could get stuck if the elevators are compromised.

If you can't use the elevators or don't want that risk, go to the stairwell which is reinforced against fire, close the doors, and call 911 to let them know you are in that particular stairwell and can't get down.

Fire will strongly prioritize finding and rescuing people who might be still in the building during any actual structure fire. This is a major component of their job.

Fire people won't arrive in the course of one elevator run and actually half the deal with "don't use elevators" is supposed to be "leave it for people who need it in the emergency" which is both fire AND disabled people.

[identittykrisis]

a fire is my worst nightmare as a disabled person, thank you to everyone who helped put this post together

[animentality]

you can call me an asshole, but... a pro gun nut telling someone he's debating to "prove me wrong" about gun rights and immediately getting shot in the neck, bleeding out, and dying...

uh.

god has a wicked sense of humor.

[cheshireinthemiddle]

The guy who asked for peaceful debate got shot by someone who couldnt prove him wrong?

Let's hope that's not your go-to response to being proven wrong. I imagine you would be on quite a spree.

[sunder-the-gold]

He championed gun rights because he believed that everyone had the right to live and therefore to defend their lives. You and the assassin believe in murdering anyone who offends you, which is why people want to defend themselves.

You also both sent the message that talking doesn’t work anymore; you sent that message to the people who own most of the guns in this country.

Why do you expect that those people won’t retaliate by shooting Democrat speakers? Are you not counting on a mercy and tolerance you need to deny exists?

[ann-american]

Here’s what you don’t get OP.

Conservatives think guns are for sport, hunting, and self-defense because that’s what we use our guns for.

You liberals think guns are for murder because THAT’s what YOU use YOUR guns for.

Get off my lawn.

[millenniallust4death]

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

[millenniallust4death]

Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️

[psycorax]

Reblog to have your dashboard be visited by the spirit of joy that death can end but not erase.

[leavescrown]

Love that this is well beyond 7000 people now and still going

[millenniallust4death]

@leavescrown Exactly! It’s a beautiful gift. Martin and Bosco out there travelling around the Tumblr community, continually making new friends.

[millenniallust4death]

@sseanettles

#hello again martin and bosco!! sending you boys round for another go :)

Reading your tag made me laugh out loud. It’s like two old friends unexpectedly stopped by your porch for a quick visit. XD

[petermorwood]

I’ll always reblog Martin and Bosco when they splash across my dash, because of Reasons.

What’s loved, lives.

[elodieunderglass]

Back at you Peter

[gsirvitor]

So, let's go over everything Wizards of the Coast is trying to do this coming year.

>Erasing everything that made DnD fun

>Sanitizing everything to appease a minority of leftist puritans

>Making anyone who wants to play DnD pay microtransactions

>Making anyone who makes anything based off of DnD pay royalties to Wizards of the Coast

I hope the company fucking crashes and burns, Hasbro failed to claim TSR as their own now we just need it all to crash and burn so TSR can make a big comeback.

[judarud]

Wait, what do you mean Microtransactions? For a tabletop game? HOW?

[gsirvitor]

Wizards of the Coast President Believes Dungeons & Dragons Is "Really Under-Monetized"

Hasbro executives believe that the Dungeons & Dragons brand is heavily under-monetized, with moves [...]

They're planning on making all DnD content switch over to digital only eventually, meaning any source material can only be accessed through DnD beyond, and the ones being charged won't just be the DMs, it'll be players too as they'll lock everything behind a pay wall that you need to pay into to play.

They'll most likely disable any ability to share the content with others, meaning each person wanting to play will need to buy access to the content.

BTW the new DnD CEO was a former Microsoft employee who was instrumental in implementing ever more microtransactions in video games.

[thrown-away-opinions]

They’ve switch the President of the D&D portion of WotC a couple times over the last few years. Mearls was an idiot, but then they replaced him with Ray Winninger, a guy who at least had some background in RPGs and Tabletop hobbies, but was clearly hired because of his background in trying to force tablet and app integration into games (which failed). Things under Winninger apparently didn’t impress the higher-ups. New guy, Dan Rawson, is a nepotistic pick from the current WotC President, Cynthia Williams, who also worked at Microsoft with Rawson. Williams is the one above being quoted about not monetizing their brands enough, Rawson’s entire career has been monetizing and e-commerce.

WotC has been a fucking terrible company for years. There’s been more than enough reasons to dump them entirely over the past decade, but over the past few years they’ve made a dedicated effort to prove that it can absolutely get worse. They’re currently trying to sell piece-meal content from their books on the DNDBeyond website.

Individual feats, stat blocks, items, and anything else they can break up. It’s cheaper to just buy the whole thing instead, but this shit shouldn’t even be an option. They’re doing this because they’re trying to see what they can get away with. They will try worse. They will do worse. They will try to stamp out competition. 

People will make excuses that they can just keep playing 5e and keep using homebrew, but they need to stop making excuses for why it’s okay to support WotC indirectly and WotC will continue to see what they can get away with because not enough people will have abandoned them to make an impact on their profits.

[eye-of-yggdrasil-deactivated202]

The link above has:

Players handbook 5e (color and black & white copy)

Dungeon Masters Guide 5e

Monster Manual 5e

Deities and Demigods

Moon over Graymoor

Character Sheets 5e

note: all are in pdf format!

Massive DM's toolkit

Thought I'd share all of my bookmarks I've saved for DMing, that I've been collecting for a year now. This all exists on a Google Document..

Tons of resources for DM's including music!

More fun resources! ^

DnD 5e Handbooks : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Includes: Dungeon Masters Guide 5e, Monsters Manual 5e, Players Handbook 5e, and the oneshot campaign Moon Over Graymoor.In English.

That link has lots of different formats! ^

Fuck corporate greed! Ya'll have fun and stay nerdy!

[gsirvitor]

Got any older stuff? Like ADnD and 3.5?

[eye-of-yggdrasil-deactivated202]

not at the moment, but I will try to find some stuff and share links!

[eye-of-yggdrasil-deactivated202]

DND 3.5 Books Collection : Wizards of the coast : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Small collection of various dnd 3.5 books

Okay that link has:

Complete Adventurer

Complete Champion

Complete Divine

Complete Mage

Complete Psionic

Complete Scoundrel

Deities and Demigods

Draconomicon

Dungeon Masters Guide

Fiend Folio

Magic Item Compendium

Miniature's Handbook

Player's Handbook

Savage Species

Shining South

Spell compendium

I believe that is the complete collection and it has different formats available.

[gsirvitor]

Oh God, staff nuked her for this

[anarchpunk]

Share tf out of this

Fuck off @staff

[cannonballjones]

I hate - HATE - sharing this because of the idiotic comment OP made about 'leftist puritans'. It marks them out as one of the old-school neckbeards who demand racial essentialism and exclusionism, the kind for whom gatekeeping is a fucking badge of honour. They probably think people actually care that they've played obscure older editions. Thankfully the later contributions by saner people make it worthwhile.

[gsirvitor]

>racial essentialism

Mate, acknowledging there would be physiological and biological differences between species isn't being a racial essentialist you leftist puritan.

Remember kids, gatekeeping isn't bad, it's essential to keeping any hobby or IP you enjoy from being destroyed by those who hate it, like this Trog.

[unsolids-your-snake]

This Drive folder has like 100 3.5 books, please rb

[superlativesamsara]

I bring thee the Ultimate 3.X SRD Project:

Ultimate System Reference Document v3.5

I will also offer the d20pfsrd for those looking for a change of pace or something with less involvement from WOTC:

d20PFSRD

The d20srd organization also has SRDs for 5e, 3.5e (though not as comprehensive as the Ultimate SRD Project), and Pathfinder 2e.

There's also 5eTools, for you diehard 5e fans:

A suite of browser-based tools for 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons players and Dungeon Masters.

[throwbackblr]

[riverselkie-deactivated20190510]

i want to run away…but like in ghibli movie. like i take a block of cheese a loaf of bread and some apples and wander through the flower-specked mountains wrapped up in a shawl and i happen to wander into a moving castle and fall in love with a cute wizard

[samalsoblogs]

me (deep in the woods, dragging dufflebag of Kraft Singles™  and hopelessly lost): where’s totoro

[basedhighsenberg]

The "you can't say bad words on social media because the algorithm/advertisers will drop you" world we live in now can actually be directly blamed on the left-progressive push in the 2010s to use "more inclusive language" by waging a war on slurs and curse words.

Yet another symptom of "late stage capitalism" that is actually just leftist progressive ideology in action. You have to say PDF file and unalived or else you essentially get deplatformed because Baizuo's demanded it 15 years ago.

[emmaubler]

Those evil free speech advocates did say something about the nature of the face-eating leopards at the time.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

My favorite thing right now are all these videos of Europeans coming to America - especially the South - for the World Cup and discovering an entirely different world from what they’ve been told. 😂 My faves are the guy realizing he can get free refills at a restaurant and downing like 2 or 3 Cokes and looking like the happiest kid alive, and the sweetest little Norwegian kid doing his darnedest to order in English at McDonalds and absolutely nailing it.

And it seems like it’s actually making some people here wake up and go “hey, maybe our country is pretty cool after all.”

Too many people come here and only see NY or LA. There is so much more to America than a handful of failing coastal cities that more resemble third world shitholes than the other 99% of the greatest country on Earth. I love how many people are coming to the real America and finding so many things to love.

[bugfossil]

this is one of my favorite calvin and hobbes strips ever and i just need to preserve it on my blog

[whitepeopletwitter]

[elizabethgoudge]

It seems like being super wealthy requires a certain lack of empathy. Is it educated in? Do the children simply imitate their parents? I know in England the culture of boarding school at 5 or 8 years old stunts the emotions and causes complex ptsd.

I just want to know why the rich are so completely unwilling to have us live stable lives, why they have congenital wealth blindness and cannot seem to understand how much they could do for others.

[generallemarc]

“I just want to know why all these people hate us and want us to suffer.” They don’t, you just made that all up and decided that’s what they think. There’s your answer.

[charl0ttan]

watching a fictional character stop being the same age as you is fucked up

[sophy-lu]

Miraculous characters used to be older than I, now they are younger than me. Adrien and Marinette are 14 y/o for a decade now

[thecuckoohaslanded]

I can’t stop thinking about crocodiles for some reason so here’s some cool pictures I found of probably the second largest one in captivity, his name is Utan:

isn’t he beautiful

listen to the SOUND when he bites

and that’s not even a real power bite, that’s mostly just heavy bone falling on heavy bone from his jaws and the air rushing out from between them

[specsthespectraldragon]

2000 pounds of Good Boy

[thecuckoohaslanded]

you get me

[thecuckoohaslanded]

I honestly expected like 5 notes, what HAPPENED here

[thecuckoohaslanded]

More tags on this ridiculous post:

[cn123017-deactivated20181204]

Wait, thats the 2nd biggest crocodile? Then what does the biggest one look like?

[thecuckoohaslanded]

That would be Cassius, a very old Saltwater crocodile who is estimated to be around 114 years old and lives at Marineland Melanesia in Green Island, Australia.  His official measurement is 5.48 meters, which makes him the largest in captivity currently.  Because Utan is only slightly smaller and much younger, (only in his 50s), he will likely break Cassius’ record eventually.  But for now, Cassius holds the title:

He is NOT, however, either the largest crocodile ever captured in Australia OR the largest ever in captivity.

A slightly larger crocodile has been reported (though not yet comfirmed) to have been captured at 5.58 meters.

And while the famous Brutus of the Adelaide River was estimated to be just slightly larger than Cassius at 5.5m, he was driven out of his territory by a younger and even larger crocodile, who as a result has been given the name, The Dominator.  He is estimated to be just over 6m.

This is Brutus, with an appropriate caption:

It is believed that he lost that arm in a fight with a Bull Shark.  

The Bull Shark lost.

THIS is the crocodile who kicked him out.  The Dominator:

And that’s STILL not the biggest.  

The largest living crocodile ever reliably measured was Lolong, who for the 1.5 years between his capture and his death was the largest crocodile ever held in captivity, at a whopping 6.17 meters (20 feet 3 inches) and 1075 kg (2,370 lbs).  He had been feeding on both humans and very large livestock in the Bunawan creek in Agusan del Sur in the Philippines.  It took 100 people all night to drag him to shore during his capture.

And here’s why:

Also, to prevent credit from getting buried on a separate reblog, I have been informed that the above image of the crocodile with the cartoon eyes and halo was made by @rashkah!  (And it is wonderful and I would like to thank him for its existence, because it perfectly captures my feelings about terrifying giant primordial reptiles.)

[sometimesihavequestions-deactiv]

@theonewhocheeps

[theonewhocheeps]

Holy fuck

[simon-newman]

As far as Brutus is concerned I was led to believe that he lost that arm when relatively young.

Since then Brutus developed a habit of hunting and eating Bull Sharks.

Here’s him with a prey.

And if you thought that you’ll be safe if you just stay out of Australia then think again!

Meet Gustave the Nile Croc.

This crocodile became almost legendary for both it’s size and the habit of hunting both livestock AND humans.

So how big is Gustave?

No one is sure. Since he was NEVER captured.

His estimated size is of at least 5,5m  but some give him over 6m.

The terrifying parts are:

1) He is still growing having only about 60 years.

2) Adult crocodiles often perform a gesture of submission to him - something usually done by young crocodiles toward adults - Gustave is just THAT BIG.

3) His sheer size makes it difficult for him to catch agile prey Nile crocs tend to feed on - hence why he developed a habit of hunting either larger prey like Hippopotamus or creatures which are not good at spotting danger in the first place like livestock and humans.

And this is NOT ALL.

Gustave actually has a noticeable scars on his body - he was shot at east 3 times and stabbed with a spear or something similar at one occasion.

He lived to tell the tale - my question is:

What happened to that one dude who attacked Gustave with a spear?

[thecuckoohaslanded]

*Crocodile Dundee voice*  Mate, that’s not Gustave:

THIS is Gustave:

And he is the PERFECT CROCODILE.  He is the perfect example of what I mean when I talk about (as I do) how the morphology of extremely large crocodiles adapts to the changing physics of their bite.

This is a typical adult Nile Crocodile:

And THIS is a god among his kind:

This is it, folks.  The Final Form.  THIS is what peak performance looks like.

Crocodiles and physics have an interesting relationship.  Crocodiles have, by a CONSIDERABLE MARGIN, the strongest bite of any animal on Earth.  EVER.  Scaled up estimates (based on Nile and Saltwater crocodiles) give the extinct Deinosuchus an estimated bite force MORE THAN DOUBLE the recently updated Tyrannosaurus bite estimates.  Living crocodiles have bite forces measured in the range of 5000 pounds per square inch, for an individual around 15-16 feet.  It is estimated that modern crocodiles in the range of 18-20 feet would have bit forces around 7-8000 psi or more.

That’s a problem.

Because a crocodile’s skull is only designed to handle so much pressure.  Go beyond that limit and the force of impact when those jaws snap shut could literally shatter their own skulls.

But evolution has spent hundreds of millions of years perfecting crocodiles, so PHYSICS ISN’T GOING TO STOP THEM.  What ends up happening in the skulls of these extremely large crocodiles is they will increase dramatically in mass to compensate for the increased forces.  A crocodile’s skull is almost exclusively solid bone, with only minimal space for nasal passages, a surprisingly advanced brain, and some slightly porous looking framework that helps the bone distribute the force over a larger area.  The effect is by far the most pronounced in Nile crocodiles, which most regularly feed on larger prey and need to make use of all that power.

Compare, 26 inch skull:

vs 29 inch skull:

Both of those are Nile crocodile skulls (or rather, replicas thereof).

And just for fun, here are the skulls of completely different (and very extinct species), Deinosuchus:

and Purussaurus:

The bigger the crocodile (within a given species), the more massive the skull needs to be to compensate for that UNBELIEVABLE bit pressure.  This is one way to see from a distance whether you are looking at a normal sized crocodile:

and a truly extraordinary individual:

One of the things about Gustave that’s so impressive is how healthy his teeth look.  A lot of large crocodiles, in their old age, have very worn down and often missing teeth.  They do replace them many times over a lifetime, but when they get very old this slows down.  Gustave, at least in every picture taken of him, had teeth that were in very good condition.

Even crocodiles much smaller than Gustave’s reported size (probably similar in size to Dominator or Lolong) tend to have smaller or more worn teeth:

than the pinnacle of his kind:

[muchymozzarella]

Lolong! It means Gramps or Grandpa, because he’s a relic of an ancient world where crocs more massive than he was walked the earth. His body is on display somewhere right now though I forgot where.

[kaijutegu]

Lolong’s body is at the National Museum of the Philippines! They taxidermied his hide and they suspended his skeleton so you can see just how massive his skull is!