The Aggressive Unicorn

Short human with a tall heart. On a quest to find the perfect coffee, but will settle for anything with caffeine. Feminist. Obsessed with: Amy Poehler, Marvel, Game of Thrones, Parks and Rec, Veep, Merlin

[o-lanterns]

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

[passion-of-l0vers]

caramel frappe give me the strength to clean my room

[passion-of-l0vers]

caramel frappe PLEASE

[passion-of-l0vers]

#this art is so evocative. it feels like a goya painting 

thank you so much this is the highest compliment

[theworsethingsgettheharderifight]

Saturn Devouring His Caramel Frappe

[passion-of-l0vers]

oh i love this

[moveslikekeithrichards]

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

[moveslikekeithrichards]

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

[the-apocrypha]

other assorted roles may include

retrieval team for objects in the backseat

custodian of the parking garage tickets

"All clear my way"

en-route dining concierge

announcing "Horses!" when there are horses

[memewhore]

[40ouncesandamule]

Texas gave up that land so they could keep slavery:

“When Texas sought to enter the Union in 1845 as a slave state, federal law in the United States, based on the Missouri Compromise, prohibited slavery north of 36°30' parallel north. Under the Compromise of 1850, Texas surrendered its lands north of 36°30' latitude.”

[taxchurchesfundhealthcare]

Tell me more about how critical race theory shouldn’t be taught in school.

I am a grown ass man and I just learned about this 5 minutes ago.  Fuck everything about trying to hide the sins of our past.

[asundergrowth]

If I was over at someone's house and they made me wait in another room while their family had dinner, I would go full 1085 CE mode. You've broken the sacred laws of hospitality and my family clan is at war with you now.

[detectivehole]

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

[detectivehole]

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

[qqueenofhades]

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

[flavinbagel]

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

[theterriblethingabouttulio]

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

[kat-witha-k]

This is fucking insane

[brightlotusmoon]

[mod2amaryllis]

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

[irtenyev]

when w. h. auden said “evil is unspectacular and always human” and ursula k. leguin said “this is the great treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain”

[treethymes]

when toni morrison said “i just think goodness is more interesting. evil is constant. you can think of different ways to murder people, but you can do that at age five. but you have to be an adult to consciously, deliberately be good – and that’s complicated.”

[azbukivedii]

when simone weil said “imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”

[elfwreck]

when bishop kallistos ware said “each of us from the moment of his or her birth exists in an environment in which it is easy to do evil and hard to do good…. if i know somebody very well, in ten minutes, if i set my mind to it, i could perhaps say to them things so cruel, so destructive, that they would never forget them for the rest of their life. but could i in ten minutes say things so beautiful, so creative, that they would never forget them?”

[crittizen]

this is a poem

[wa-u-moved]

i couldn’t not draw this

[someonesfavoriteworstnightmare]

the rat poem is too powerful that’s why they don’t talk about it

[diaryofandnwoman]

[scienceraccoon]

[tangent101]

Welcome to the Protestant Work Ethic where if you are not working for 16 hours a day you are a Sinner that will Burn In Hell. Unless of course you are rich in which case you are Blessed by God and can go to Heaven without lifting a finger.

[obiwan]

#Your Friendly Neighbourhood Therapist

[alphacrone]

i know so many of us have been trained since a young age to be so accommodating as to fear ever expressing an opinion, but as we get older we need to understand that being “accommodating” to the point of total indecisiveness is a very uncomfortable way to go through life, for you AND those around you. it’s ok to have an opinion on something. it’s ok to make a decision. your friends won’t hate you if you’re the one to end the “where do you want to eat” “oh anywhere is fine with me” discussion by suggesting a restaurant. you’re not high maintenance if you say, “noon is more convenient for me” when someone asks you what time you want to hang out. make decisions, have opinions, be part of the planning process, understand that you’re not being inconvenient, you’re just contributing. 

[bruisepoking-archive]

the comments on this tiktok… the unity… the commitment to the bit…. women are so sexy

[the-bi-bilingual]

The immediate unspoken agreement to gaslight every man who sees this is truly incredible

[theconcealedweapon]

[spwr-throwaway-deactivated20220]

[yorickish-deactivated20220112]

there’s nothing worse than getting an email

[official-kircheis]

getting two emails

[yorickish-deactivated20220112]

there’s one thing worse than getting an email

[actuallyallergic]

i’ve got bad news about the cardinality of natural numbers

[notajerusalemcricketd-deactivat]

There’s a countably infinite number of things worse than getting an email

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[heritage-post]

date of origin: December 21st, 2012

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

2012 did so much heavy lifting for the culture of this website

[teaboot]

Someone asked for my pronouns the other day, and nobody ever asks, so in a flustered moment of weakness I replied "Oh, I see you've sensed my queer energy", like some kind of dungeon warlock