1/9/21 @10:45pm
Some days I found myself making excuses for him even though I knew better. Sometimes I tried to reason that the man I knew and remembered just might be depressed and need me to hold his hand and ask him how he’s doing and let him break down to me like he always did even though I was the one that desperately needed the comfort and to break down. Sometimes for him I want to cast my anger aside and forget the things he’s said and done because I think if I don’t then where will we ever be but then I remind myself that isn’t fair that it’s always me having to be there for him when clearly he cares so little for me. Sometimes I ask myself are we just weathering the seasons and we’re finally seeing the ugly sides of each other we don’t like. Should I be more patient with him and remember that as people we are fallible? Is he depressed and is crying out for help? I make up excuses all day long some days because I can’t fathom his behavior but then other days I tell myself no he knows what’s he’s doing and he doesn’t care and I’ve pitied him enough and forgiven him in the past but enough is enough. This isn’t pride getting in the way, this is about walking away from someone that continues to hurt me and does nothing to change his behavior. This is about finally choosing more as I’ve always known I deserve. But that was the thing about my love for him it was boundless and abundant. No matter how many times I uprooted the weeds, they’d always grow back in a different area and stronger.
Via (Amons-abyss)