MEMENTO MORI

Empress of sarcasm. Lover of dinosaurs. I am the darkness. I am the night. I am. Batchu... Welcome to my sparkly blog of fun and happiness!

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

[jester that just got kicked in the crotch] ah! my jesticles!

[william-snekspeare]

working memory bad 💚

[william-snekspeare]

ALTERNATE ENDING:

there are lots of coping mechanisms out there but this is the only method that (sometimes) works on my wretched brain. can't remember? predict the Future

[sergle]

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

[theuntoaster]

Is this…shipping discourse?

[frances-baby-houseman]

Amazon once threw a package at my door and then took a photo while it was midair. Not sure where that fits in this schema but I did want to tell y’all about it.

[somerandomgit]

[lillie-garden]

kissing you on the forehead

[increasingpanic-deactivated2024]

with tongue?

[lillie-garden]

with tongue. 🥰

[just-taking-adam-break]

[titkoks]

[pietriarchy]

[asexualgeorgecostanza-deactivat]

[joey-wheeler-official]

[piss-bong]

[canopycapers-deactivated2022111]

[schmendrick-lamar-deactivated20]

[journeymanfool]

[dowereallyneedthis]

[favoritefightingfrenchgoth]

[disorderfaking-deactivated20200]

[goofballproximitysurveyor-deact]

[wilburian-deactivated20221116]

great job everyone lets hit the showers

[testosteronetwink]

[pinkthinkspalistineshouldbefree]

Not again

[cool-way-to-die-deactivated2022]

gentle reminder that you can’t get this kind of nonsense from any other site

[lady-byleth]

it always comes back to skyrim somehow.

[shutupmerlin]

A series of events:

1. I put in an Annual Leave request form almost 3 weeks ago and my boss has not approved it yet

2. I went into my office today and replaced every single writing utensil with crayons in preparation for April Fools Day on Monday

3. Whilst searching for pens to remove, I found my unsigned Annual Leave form in my boss’s drawer

4. I placed my unsigned Annual Leave form in a photo frame and put in on his desk

5. The frame I used was from a photo of his kids that I deemed less important than my Leave form

6. My boss sometimes goes into the office on Saturdays to work

7.

[aerialsquid]

I appreciate the context of 1-6 or else 7 might have had some very concerning implications.

[ruxiecat121]

I tell you this made me laugh way harder than it should have...

[exhausted-cryptid-deactivated20]

when it takes you a while to process what someone is saying and you realize they asked you a question

[doughfox]

I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me

[musicprincess655]

Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid

[bismuthcladbattleship]

And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!

[mutttooth]

[fishingboatproceeds]

As I near 200,000 followers here at fishingboatproceeds, I just wanted to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

[arkham]

this how we lost post editing and it was still worth it

[greelin]

remembering so many people being like “well actually salt lamps don’t have any REAL benefits” as if having a pink glowing rock in the room is not a benefit. it helps me

[greelin]

“it doesn’t help your health at all” bitch it is pink and emits a soft, comforting glow. what more can you ask of it

[huffylemon]

[huffylemon]

an important addition

[william-snekspeare]

creacher

[semutamusic]

[towerofglass]

i’m so glad i grew bored of 4chan in the mid-2000s.

[towerofglass]

Thanks for the overwhelming support ladies.

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

Opening Task Manager to scare the programs into behaving again

[amygdalae]

black and orange might b the classic Halloween colors but let us not forget purple and pale turquoise they are 100% as ghastly and ghoulish

[bogleech]

The thing is the colors of Halloween are all of the colors. You’ll see Halloween promotions like “we made our milkshakes GREEN!!! Spooky!!” or entire product lines where it’s all red because that’s like gothic vampire stuff or devilish. Blue motifs for haunted mansions, white ghosts and bones and ivory, pink guts and blob monsters, Halloween just celebrates every possible color palette and aesthetic.

[dollsahoy]

[forepop]

my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don't have anything to give you. you're not just gonna give it to me.

me: i would just give it to you.

my dad:

[androfembot]

in elementary school we had. basically an immersive economics lesson that was "playing City," with different jobs and businesses; it was mostly semi-free time for socializing and selling/buying toys and snacks from each other. one of the lessons we were supposed to learn was the importance of paying a small amount of money into health and/or business insurance, because you had a chance of being hit with the Daily Disaster and a huge bill.

anyway, some kid who didn't buy insurance got hit with a "medical bill" early on, so he was supposed to be bankrupt and have to sit the rest of the game out. the 8 year olds were not having it and spontaneously invented crowdfunding so he could keep playing with everyone else.

kids who don't 'get it' are right, actually

[catfindr]