occasionally subtle
Andulka
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Today's Document
Product Placement
KIROKAZE
PR's Tumblrdome
Noah Kahan
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
official daine visual archive
Claire Keane
Cosimo Galluzzi
Show & Tell
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
@theartofmadeline
#extradirty
taylor price
The Bowery Presents
seen from Ukraine
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seen from Switzerland
seen from Bangladesh
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seen from United States
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@anxious-alto
I just wanted to remind you that you are meant to take up space and live a long, full life. I know sometimes all the darkness in the world and in our own minds clouds our ability to find a reason to keep going, but it's there, I promise. I want you to stay alive. Please stay alive. I love you.
bby shane who joined his dad at his job for a day as little kids do
shane who sat under his dads desk and helped him out with ‘important documents’. his dad ‘needed all these papers folded in perfect halves’, and five year old shane was not gonna disappoint him. he was gonna win at folding papers in half.
(in reality these were just last years invoices that ought to be shredded but shane needn’t know that)
by lunch time he had folded nearly 100 important documents in half and susan the receptionist told him he’s the best paper folder she’s ever met! dad ruffled his hair with pride.
shanebug is buzzing. he cannot wait to tell mom when he gets home :)
Shane realizes how much he’d gotten used to being mistreated when none of the Centaurs so much as glance at him during a random bar trivia night.
It occurs to Shane that the Metros are a walking, talking, sentient amalgamation of microaggressions. Or just plain aggressions, honestly. He knows his team—his former team. He knows that after a few drinks, Comeau couldn’t be trusted not to ask JJ whether he sacrificed chickens for voodoo rituals. He knows the rookies would ask him what wait staff at Chinese restaurants were saying, despite multiple reminders that a) he’s not Chinese, b) the people working here aren’t necessarily Chinese, and c) someone speaking another language doesn’t mean they’re talking shit about you. He knows at least three of his former teammates would randomly stick a hand in JJ’s hair and ask if he could wash it “like normal people.” He knows that Hayden (well-meaning and generally receptive to criticism, but still lacking in some areas) would direct math questions his way, like he was a human calculator.
Sitting with his new team, with Ilya slightly tipsy and completely relaxed at his side, Shane realizes that he’s just…a guy. He’s any other guy at the table. No one’s checking for him, with him, or on him in particular. When a science or math question comes up, they’re not deferring to him for the answers because he’s Asian and they assume he’s a STEM whiz.
He is, to be clear. He’s an everything whiz. Shane was a straight A student in school and could’ve gone to any university of his choice had hockey not been his goal/passion/obsession. It’s just not because he’s Asian—it’s because Shane Hollander refuses to give or be anything less than his absolute best at anything. His perfectionism runs deep and is quite possibly genetic (yes, Ilya always says, because I have seen how you and your mother play board games), but it has nothing to do with being Japanese.
“Okay,” Bood mutters to himself as he reads the clues again. “Genetic disorder, shortens lifespan. Featured on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and associated with…stones?”
“Stone disease,” Ilya considers aloud. “That sounds familiar. F-something?”
“Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva,” Shane and Wyatt say simultaneously.
The table goes silent for a moment before erupting into laughter and questions.
“Why and how do you know that?” Harris shouts over the ruckus. “Who just has that knowledge ready to go?”
The questions are directed at just Shane. The table assumes that Wyatt—known nerd and husband of a physician—can pull random medical knowledge out of thin air on command. Nobody assumes that Shane’s supposed to know everything. Nobody’s disappointed when he doesn’t have the right answer and saying “I thought you guys were supposed to be smart” if he can’t answer a math question correctly in 5 seconds. Harris is genuinely amazed that Shane pulled the answer out of nowhere and curious about where he learned it, instead of just rolling his eyes and saying something like “of course he knows.”
He shrugs. “I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole once.”
Ilya laughs loudly and pulls him in for a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “We should play doctor later. I have this problem with my di—“
Shane shuts him up with a kiss and makes a mental note to invest in scrubs. For science. Again, not because he’s Asian. Because he’s horny and creative.
“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”
not even risking that shit
scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button.
She ain’t no games in real life so I take her serious all the time
Anyone with a name that starts with a “Z”, ends with an “i”, and isn’t some kind of Italian pasta, IS SERIOUS
I’m not climbing no mountain with a pig on my back, 🙅🏽🙅🏾🙅🏿 Negative.
Nope. I know better, have your reblog Madame Zeroni.
who the fuck is Madame Zeroni
Look at these stupid children who don’t know who Madame Zeroni is
Man lissen if you don’t know you better ask somebody AFTER you hit the reblog button
Idk who she is but I have an exam today so I’ll reblog her
idk who she is but i have an exam today so i’ll reblog her
^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!
Because wise, I am.
Oh fucks no she’s back lmao must reblog. I’m sorry guys
Oh I’m not risking it! I’ve seen Holes and know the risks!
Keep those yellow spotted lizards away from me!!!
Don’t know who this girl is. Don’t care. I’ma reblog this before something bad happens
I love myself and my family way too much for me to just scroll past this
OOHHHHH THAT LADY ALR
I’m not sure who this is but I’m also kinda scared so reblogging to not fail my 2 exams
I don’t need any more bullshit in my life
I know better than to forget her
I ain’t risking that shit
So anyway, let’s talk about what happens when Shane finds out that Wiebe is bisexual.
Because during The Long Game, Ilya decides not to tell Shane because it’s not his secret to tell, and Shane has to find out eventually, right? Wiebe says something like “I’m sure Ilya has told you that I understand a little bit about your situation.” And Shane is thinking like, what, you definitely don’t, you were a mid player at your absolute best. But eventually Wiebe gets the point across and it goes, I think, one of a couple different ways:
One: Shane HATES this information and tries to memory hole it immediately. Shane has had a complicated psychosexual attachment to every hockey coach he’s ever had, which is fine because hockey coaches are straighter than God. Even though both Shane and Wiebe are in happily married monogamous relationships, finding out that it’s actually hypothetically possible for a coach to experience reciprocal attraction to him is the worst thing that’s ever happened.
Two: Finding out that Wiebe is bisexual pushes Shane over the edge into having a meta-textual breakdown. Shane: “It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s absurd! We’re already the gayest team in the league. The gay married team. And now we have a gay coach?” Ilya: “Lubimiy, he is bisexual, do not make me ask Harris to give another PowerPoint presentation on bisexual erasure.”
Three: Shane pours over stats from Detroit’s 2001 season and figures out who Wiebe’s teammate was in less than 60 minutes.
the centaurs win the cup and in the midst of the wild locker room celebration, someone asks “where are the marrieds?”. the ever wise and vigilant bood answers “honestly prob in a closet somewhere fuckin” everyone cheers 🎉
cut to shane and ilya - in a closet somewhere- clinging to each other so tightly, sobbing tears of joy and happiness.
it feels like a dream come down and they don’t want to wake up.
they don't really use pet names when they're around other people but their teammates learn very quickly that there is ilya (positive) and ilya (negative) and rozanov (fuck yeah that was fucking gorgeous) and rozanov (if you do not shut the fuck up immediately i swear to fucking god) and shane (adoring) and shane (sad) and hollander (that's how you fucking do it!) and hollander (sit your fucking ass down or we will have a problem) and these distinctions are way more important to keep track of than the five times a month hollander calls cap "baby" and cap's face goes all sappy
Those poor people who work with David. For years they have had to hear about the Canadian treasure that is Shane Hollander. “Yes I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son is in the Stanley cup finals”
“Yes, that is my son on that billboard, he’s got a new sponsorship”
“Yes, my son has started a new charity and is running hockey camps”
I know at least one of them was hoping they get a terrible in-law, but no it’s Ilya Rozanov. So now its
“Yes, my son and his husband were over for dinner, they wanted to talk to my wife about expanding their charity. You know the one they founded together”
“Yes, I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son and his husband are in the Stanley cup finals. Yes, again.”
“Yes, we’re so happy that NHL players are going back to the Olympics. We’re hoping both of our boys get to go.”
I think David pushes off retirement just so he can keep bragging.
Part of Shane Hollander will always “just want to play hockey”. But after over a decade in MLH, he also wants to win, be respected for his achievements, be paid for what he’s worth and have his jersey hung up on the rafters in Montreal. He’s allowed to want those things because he’s worked hard for them. It’s not selfish.
Ilya thinking he’s about to embark on a sexcation only to be bombarded by cutieful Shane Hollander with plans to spend the rest of their lives together which effectively alters Ilya’s brain chemistry to be The Boyfriend of all time is straight up the funniest thing about heated rivalry
Personally i think a flavor of this is that literally up until shane says "i would really like to relax with you, for once," ilya is very much under the impression that he is like, an alpha being dragged to his omega's secret den to be used like a sentient sex doll for 2 weeks and that Shane only wants dick from him and he is "fine with that" and "willing to have whatever shane will give him" until the end of time
Except then shane is like no, this is my comfort place, and now its yours too, and I am so giddy to see you here I cant see straight and yes im a little hard about it but mostly I just want to exist with you with no pretense of running out the door in a few short hours hey by the way dont marry svetlana even for a green card, I have a better idea--
And ilya is so starstruck by this 180 of his expectations from being here to provide orgasms to spending the rest of his life with this man that he loses his grip on himself and says I love you first and then panics but then shane says it back and holds him while he sobs and they can never go back from this
Ilya and Shane, but it’s just them seeing each other as a version of their husband no one else understands them seeing.
To Ilya, Shane is the funniest, sexiest, bitchiest and downright FREAKIEST person he knows. He tells everyone he knows this, yet for some reason no one seems to believe him. His husband is such an asshole, and Ilya loves him for it.
While to Shane, Ilya is his soft and most precious baby. A heart of gold and with feelings so wide and deep he is breathless at just how much he CARES. Sunshine itself. Shane laughs at how people describe his ‘scary, no-smiling Slavic nightmare of a husband.’ See Ilya! He DOES get sarcasm (he does not.)
shane when he joins the ottawa centaurs:
conversely to that image of ilya being asked what it’s like being married to a faggot (very awesome), shane is asked what it’s like to be married to a manwhore, to which he responds with a picture of ilya he’s taken on their honeymoon, hot pink drink with an umbrella in his hand, sun-kissed skin and fluffy hair, floral shirt unbuttoned, sweaty six pack peeking through, short short shorts riding up his massive thighs, and he’s sprawled on a sunbed not giving a single shit about anything except for the man taking the picture (what do you think? 😍👍)
shane cockwarming ilya this, shane cockwarming ilya that… this fandom tends to forget that ilya is a throat goat and freaking loves to suck a dick, he swallows cause he “does not mind” (i.e. moans harder when shane cums down his throat than shane himself.. you know - the person cumming)
add to it that ilya loves resting his head in peoples laps, getting his hair played with.. and has an oral fixation
so what i am saying is that ilya loves, loves, LOVES! cockwarming shane - sometimes they just chill on the couch, watching a renovation show or a movie ilya isn’t particularly interested in so while he rests his head in shane’s lap he simply turns around, tugs shane’s sweats down and puts shane’s cock in his mouth
they stay like that for a long time, ilya gets all floaty and sleepy bc shane’s hand is stroking through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp and his cock is in his mouth
when ilya gets antsy again he starts sucking him off and gets him to come quickly, swallowing at the end of course and goes back to cockwarming him if shane wants to continue watching his show
Thinking about Shane learning the Russian words for ‘my little bear’ because Ilya’s so large and imposing but so soft and his hair is so fluffy- but he also delights in knowing he can use it on Ilya to needle at him and sweetly annoy him. He can imagine Ilya’s faux-irritated brow crease, followed by wrestling Shane into the couch to prove he’s no little bear- he’s a grizzly bear who’s going to eat Shane for breakfast…
So he works to get the pronunciation down, and finally springs it on him one day when Ilya’s just come in from the lake, hair air dried and floofy and he’s all open limbs and soft edges.
The moment the words fill the space, Ilya goes silent, and tears start to fall. Shane panics, and closes the gap between them to hold his husband close with a crushing grip.
‘What’s wrong? Did I not do it right? Did I say something bad?’
Ilya stays quiet for a moment, trying to control the inevitable break in his voice when he speaks. When it comes out, it’s wet, and wounded, like blood seeping out the mouth of an injured animal.
‘No, no. It’s ok- my mama, she-’ another small sob. ‘She used to call me that. I have not heard it in a very long time.’
Shane knows he doesn’t need to reply, or to fill the following lull.
He just needs to stand there. Solid and unyielding.
Arms a vice around Ilya’s torso, large hands stroking down the damp skin of his back. Soothing kisses pressed like a comforting brand to his temple, his cheeks, his eyes. Urging the tears to flow because they need to. Loving his man exactly how he needs to be loved.
ilya and shane are having the laziest, slowest morning sex before practice. shane got so soft and relaxed afterward that he just didn’t want to get up. ilya cooed at him saying “my sweet baby, you don’t have to go, it’s optional”with his face buried in shane’s hair, holding him tight and shane’s like “but i don’t want you to leave” and ilya’s like “i don’t want to leave you either but i’m the captain, sweetheart, can’t stay”and shane goes “no, you can stay here with me” while hiding his face in the crook of ilya’s neck and ilya chuckles “shane hollander, golden boy of hockey, saying that i should skip practice?” he asks kissing shane’s temple and sniffing him and shane just nods against his neck and goes “yes, we should just retire and spend all of our days like this” with his voice muffled and ilya tightens his hold and says almost whispering “i wish, sweetheart, but later when you’re back to yourself you’ll definitely not like this idea anymore” and shane just lets out a little “mmmh” and ilya goes “let’s get up, ok?” and shane says “no” and ilya snorts holding a hard laugh he loves when shane is soft and acting spoiled like this but he gets up anyway and pulls shane with him so they can take a bath together, go make and eat breakfast and go to practice, cus he knows shane will definitely regret it later if he misses it
the intern is doing a funny montage video with a bunch of questions for the centaurs and they ask shane “what do you consider to be a perfect day?” and shane answers “any day i spend with ilya is a perfect day” and the intern’s like “but you spend every day with him” and shane just deadpans “yeah? it’s been perfect since i married him” and they ask “even when you guys lose?” and shane goes “if i lose, i still go home to ilya”. and then they ask the same question to ilya and he answers “a perfect day is when i spend every single hour with shane” and the intern says “shane answered the same way” and ilya’s like “really?” and the intern tells him “he said that every day has been perfect since you guys got married” and ilya gets a little emotional and asks softly “he said that?” and the intern nods and ilya just gets up and leaves to go find his husband because he needs to give him a big sloppy kiss immediately.
