The Aperture "HR" Team!

Run by Icarus L. Jameson, Elijah T. Hardwell, and Bosch “Melonhead” Johnson. (some relation)

[aperturehrdept-offical]

() Booting up . . .

( This thing on? good, good. )

( I am Icarus Jameson, though I usually just go by Dr. Jameson or Ike. )

( This blog is run by me and two of my coworkers, Eli and Bosch. As far as I’m aware both of my coworkers go by he/him, but I myself go by any pronouns because being a shapeshifter and only using a select few is inconvenient. )

( I tend to play the “straight man” to my teammates’ more.. eccentric personalities, often having to physically restrain Eli when he’s about to do something stupid. )

( Usually I handle most of the R&D for the majority of the projects we do here, Eli doing Engineering and Bosch design. )

{ As you might’ve guessed I’m the “Eli” Ike was just talking about. I only started working here again fairly recently, meaning I’m generally a bit rusty, but hopefully by the end of the month all of my experience’ll have come back to me.. }

{ the main thing I do here is gathering samples, field studying and other things that involve covering a lot of distance, and also engineering as Ike just mentioned. }

[ I’m Bosch, the newest recruit to the team. Ended up in the facility after discovering, getting stuck in, and then finding an exit (which went entirely the wrong way) in what I thought was the “beyond” section of bed bath & beyond, but is apparently the backrooms. ]

[ Thankfully I brought my toolgun and physcannon with me before I went in.. unfortunately Eli “reclaimed” the physcannon thinking it was stolen aperture tech.. I think he modified it afterwards, and he’s not letting me have it back.. ]

[ Anyway, as Dr. Jameson said I do a lot of the design work on our projects, though I’m also responsible for coming up with most of the concepts for products/projects in the first place. ]

( below is an image of the current team roster. Elijah is to my right and Bosch is on my left. )

() Message Sent . . .

(mod text below)

Mod goes by nate, he/him/they/them.

All of my RP posts are tagged with #Aperture HR Department #Half life/portal #Officialverse and #Rp Ask Blog plus the tags of the media whatever I’m rping is, and all the non-rp ones are tagged #Aperture HR Department, #Out Of Character, and #Not RP.

Icarus talks in blue parentheses ( like this ), Elijah talks in orange curly brackets { like this } and Bosch talks in green square brackets [ like this. ] whenever a character’s name is mentioned they’ll be highlighted in the colour of their dialogue.

Sending asks is highly encouraged because, y’know, this is an ask/rp blog.

I’m fairly new to the officialverse but I do have some previous experience roleplaying so hopefully I can get a decent grip on all of this fairly soon. See you around.

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

I want to take a bite out of a bar of soap

[withered-roses-still-live-deact]

are you stalking me wth i just said that-

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

oh how the turns have tabled

[withered-roses-still-live-deact]

how the tabled have turns

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

have turns how the tabled

[withered-roses-still-live-deact]

tabled how turns have the

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

turns tabled how the have

[withered-roses-still-live-deact]

have tabled turns the how

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

tables the have turns how

[no-one-offical]

tables chairs floors spaghetti

[satan-offical]

Guys I just wanted a normal family dinner can you stop turning the table

[aperturehrdept-offical]

( Too late, the table just started spinning on its own. )

[distractedboyfriend]

[queermarzipan]

WHAT THE FUCK

[barrelex]

This is just the opposite of the LONG LOOONG MAAAAAN, and I’m here for it

Context if needed:

[ffxkay]

Congratulations!

You reached the bedrock after u scrolled ur feed so deep.

[stankystarthang]

I love this post bc mutuals will reblog this and itll be like. 3 posts from the top

[mothmansjuicymetalass]

Superflat world

[just-a-bi-hoe]

Time to scroll T̵̨̛̰͔͚͔͇͕̭̬̬̞̜̹͖̪̪̦̉͑̏͂̈́̄͜ĥ̴͚͔͓̝̐̔͂̅̎̔̓͌̀̌̏͊̌͠͠è̶̗̄̔͒͗̄́̀̀̚̚̚ ̵̨̧̥͖̭̲̺̫͕͋͑̀v̵̢̧̡͍̮̳̳̯͚͍̒̂̊̌̔̇̂̎̈̂̑̓̚̚͘͝ͅơ̵̞͋́̈́̂͑̓̑͘̕i̵̤̣̮̐͊͋̾͠d̶̨̜̖̙̻͍̦̤͔̞̹̖̳̬̙̠̥̈́̍͌̍͛̈ next!

[yehoria-offical]

it was at the very top for me

[no-one-offical]

‎

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

Literal top post for me

[sans-the-skeleconch-offical]

Oh look bedrock, i wonder whats benea-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHhhhhhhh-

[aperturehrdept-offical]

(Eli’s moving across the bottom with a pair of suction cups..)

(He lets go of one, points his arm towards sans and presses a button on his palm before-)

(Thwip)

(-A strand of webbing shoots towards Sans, attaches to him, and pulls him upwards.)

{ G’day! }

{ You alright down there? }

[weedleysnumberonefan]

(Oh yeah how's the web shooter going nate lol)

[aperturehrdept-offical]

Trying to figure out the baseplate mostly. Need to make sure the firing trigger has enough wiggle room to flex the stopper out of the way, and also room at the back for the cartridge to connect.

[ffxkay]

Congratulations!

You reached the bedrock after u scrolled ur feed so deep.

[stankystarthang]

I love this post bc mutuals will reblog this and itll be like. 3 posts from the top

[mothmansjuicymetalass]

Superflat world

[just-a-bi-hoe]

Time to scroll T̵̨̛̰͔͚͔͇͕̭̬̬̞̜̹͖̪̪̦̉͑̏͂̈́̄͜ĥ̴͚͔͓̝̐̔͂̅̎̔̓͌̀̌̏͊̌͠͠è̶̗̄̔͒͗̄́̀̀̚̚̚ ̵̨̧̥͖̭̲̺̫͕͋͑̀v̵̢̧̡͍̮̳̳̯͚͍̒̂̊̌̔̇̂̎̈̂̑̓̚̚͘͝ͅơ̵̞͋́̈́̂͑̓̑͘̕i̵̤̣̮̐͊͋̾͠d̶̨̜̖̙̻͍̦̤͔̞̹̖̳̬̙̠̥̈́̍͌̍͛̈ next!

[yehoria-offical]

it was at the very top for me

[no-one-offical]

‎

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

Literal top post for me

[sans-the-skeleconch-offical]

Oh look bedrock, i wonder whats benea-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHhhhhhhh-

[aperturehrdept-offical]

(Eli’s moving across the bottom with a pair of suction cups..)

(He lets go of one, points his arm towards sans and presses a button on his palm before-)

(Thwip)

(-A strand of webbing shoots towards Sans, attaches to him, and pulls him upwards.)

{ G’day! }

{ You alright down there? }

[mazeriettefanart]

Father Grigori fan nation rise up

[smokinghorse]

just had a really good mango it was so good that i had to illustrate how it made me feel afterwards.

[catstrat]

op’s tags are so fucking important to me

[enjoylentgreen]

[aperturehrdept-offical]

Got the wrist strap for the web shooter done.

[male09-offical]

Yo @aperturehrdept-official you guys wanna see what happens when someone eats a xen crystal?

[aperturehrdept-offical]

(Eli raises an eyebrow, Isaac slowly shakes his head, and Bosch looks as unimpressed as he possibly can with his grand total of one facial feature.)

[carl-found-the-internet]

(There’s a man in a blue sweater attaching something roughly the size of a doorframe to one of the walls in smallish pieces..)

(He seems.. frustrated, grumbling to himself about the trolley problem.)

Can I…help you, sir?

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ No, no I’m alright, the screws on this thing are just really finicky.. }

{ Thanks for the offer, though. }

(He takes out a small cylindrical device, pointing it at the aforementioned screws and activates a button on it..)

(The light on the end turns on, and the device emits a faint buzzing noise.. a second later the screws seemingly tighten themselves.)

(the man rises out of the hunched squat he was in and steps back, inspecting the newly assembled.. thing.)

{ If I got the link chips set up right.. }

(He pulls a small remote out of his pocket, aims it at the frame and presses a button on it..)

{ This should lead to- }

(A void appears within the confines of the frame, before an image of a foggy beach fades into view..)

{ ..Erid. }

(The man sticks his arm through to the beach, checking to make sure whatever the device is is functioning properly before pulling it back out and nodding to himself.)

(he seems satisfied with his work..)

(He deactivates the gate, takes out a roll of tape, and attaches the remote to it.)

{ Best be off before anyone tries interrogating me for setting this up.. }

[rattmann-offical]

Hey hey wait hi hr-dept what's up? :]

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ Got bored and set up a phasegate from here to the biodome but.. not much else honestly. }

{ At least I’m assuming I already set the other side up.. testing it wouldn’t have worked otherwise, but I don’t remember going there and doing it, so I’ll have to do that now. }

{ Time travel stuff. }

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ ..How did you get here, anyway? }

{ You didn’t stow away on my ship, did you? }

[carl-found-the-internet]

(There’s a man in a blue sweater attaching something roughly the size of a doorframe to one of the walls in smallish pieces..)

(He seems.. frustrated, grumbling to himself about the trolley problem.)

Can I…help you, sir?

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ No, no I’m alright, the screws on this thing are just really finicky.. }

{ Thanks for the offer, though. }

(He takes out a small cylindrical device, pointing it at the aforementioned screws and activates a button on it..)

(The light on the end turns on, and the device emits a faint buzzing noise.. a second later the screws seemingly tighten themselves.)

(the man rises out of the hunched squat he was in and steps back, inspecting the newly assembled.. thing.)

{ If I got the link chips set up right.. }

(He pulls a small remote out of his pocket, aims it at the frame and presses a button on it..)

{ This should lead to- }

(A void appears within the confines of the frame, before an image of a foggy beach fades into view..)

{ ..Erid. }

(The man sticks his arm through to the beach, checking to make sure whatever the device is is functioning properly before pulling it back out and nodding to himself.)

(he seems satisfied with his work..)

(He deactivates the gate, takes out a roll of tape, and attaches the remote to it.)

{ Best be off before anyone tries interrogating me for setting this up.. }

[rattmann-offical]

Hey hey wait hi hr-dept what's up? :]

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ Got bored and set up a phasegate from here to the biodome but.. not much else honestly. }

{ At least I’m assuming I already set the other side up.. testing it wouldn’t have worked otherwise, but I don’t remember going there and doing it, so I’ll have to do that now. }

{ Time travel stuff. }

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Aperture branded computers came with a free cup holder. Take that, Black Mesa!

[aperturehrdept-offical]

[ The Sierra Corp ones came with extension cables, monitors, the option of either a trackpad or mouse.. ]

[ I only offered so many benefits (such as following OSHA guidelines) because I didn’t want perfectly good minds to die because of structural damage due to negligence.. ]

[ Saw it happen plenty of times before I bought Aperture out, and never again afterwards. ]

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Okay but where do I put my cup

[aperturehrdept-offical]

[ There were cup holders built into the desks. ]

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Aperture branded computers came with a free cup holder. Take that, Black Mesa!

[aperturehrdept-offical]

[ The Sierra Corp ones came with extension cables, monitors, the option of either a trackpad or mouse.. ]

[ I only offered so many benefits (such as following OSHA guidelines) because I didn’t want perfectly good minds to die because of structural damage due to negligence.. ]

[ Saw it happen plenty of times before I bought Aperture out, and never again afterwards. ]

[champmorado]

i didn't post about this when it happened (cuz it was very emotional to say the least)

but i re-came out to my mom as a trans man. it went better compared to the first time :]

she stopped expecting me to wear dresses at church, she's buying me boy shorts-style underwear instead of panties, she corrected herself when she called me her "baby girl" and just changed it to "baby", she's even helping me look for a binder!

and my younger brother gave me a stick of old spice that he wasn't using anymore #HellYea

[greythemutt]

honestly that's a very brother thing to do.

" oh you're a guy now? here have my half-used deodorant"

[aperturehrdept-offical]

Yeah.

[raindropssys]

enough haunted asylums. INVESTIGATE A GROCERY STORE ‼️👻

[mario-bounty-hunter]

So you can't normally kill Wario, but what if you blew him to smithereens? Reduced him to atoms? Like, say, with an Orbital Strike Cannon? Would he be able to come back from having his atoms scattered across the universe?

Either he pulls himself together or his individual atoms reconstitute themselves and then we have billions of Warios. NOT ideal

[sm64-wario]

...wait... if there'a were multiple of me, I'a wouldn't have to hire employees...

[mario-bounty-hunter]

Look DEEP inside yourself and ask if you would honestly be able to work with thousands of versions of yourself without killing yourselves.

[sm64-wario]

Fair enough, no employment. We'a can just go rob people instead.

[mario-bounty-hunter]

Look DEEP inside yourself and ask yourself if you could split the loot evenly between yourselves

[sm64-wario]

[aperturehrdept-offical]

I’m laughing like an idiot thanks

[carl-found-the-internet]

(There’s a man in a blue sweater attaching something roughly the size of a doorframe to one of the walls in smallish pieces..)

(He seems.. frustrated, grumbling to himself about the trolley problem.)

Can I…help you, sir?

[aperturehrdept-offical]

{ No, no I’m alright, the screws on this thing are just really finicky.. }

{ Thanks for the offer, though. }

(He takes out a small cylindrical device, pointing it at the aforementioned screws and activates a button on it..)

(The light on the end turns on, and the device emits a faint buzzing noise.. a second later the screws seemingly tighten themselves.)

(the man rises out of the hunched squat he was in and steps back, inspecting the newly assembled.. thing.)

{ If I got the link chips set up right.. }

(He pulls a small remote out of his pocket, aims it at the frame and presses a button on it..)

{ This should lead to- }

(A void appears within the confines of the frame, before an image of a foggy beach fades into view..)

{ ..Erid. }

(The man sticks his arm through to the beach, checking to make sure whatever the device is is functioning properly before pulling it back out and nodding to himself.)

(he seems satisfied with his work..)

(He deactivates the gate, takes out a roll of tape, and attaches the remote to it.)

{ Best be off before anyone tries interrogating me for setting this up.. }