you always have the wildest life stories ryan so tell me a funny story about something that happened to you
when I lived in Tokyo there was a particular band who had a singer who was built like a linebacker and whose schtick was to take an entire 48 case of water bottles and dump them on all the girls in the front row at their shows.
Naturally when December rolled around and they were scheduled to play a very tiny venue me and my drunk Aussie friend Nicki decided we had to go to this show in slutty santa outfits. Because why not. So we go to the Don Quixote and she buys a a backless santa slut dress, and I buy a strapless santa slut dress, and off we go.
Now it's important to note: this wasn't truly strapless. It did, in fact, have little clear rubber straps on it. We'll come back to this.
At certain shows in Japan people do this move called a gyaku dive- everyone on the rail leans over the rail so they're ass up. Then the second row runs up and body slams them and bounces off their asses. Then the third row takes a turn. Etc etc. It's nonsense, just act accept it.
Nicki leans over the rail and the singer pours a whole bottle of water down her bare back, lifts up the dress so it runs down her ass. I go to dive against her back.
At this point, the guitarist chooses to put his hand out and grab mine to help me dive harder (normal). But he underestimated his strength vs my weight, and the fact that Nicki's back was a literal slip n slide at the moment.
Wet back + bare shoulders + strong man pulling me = I go flying heels over head like Nicki is the hump on a water slide at Action Park. I tuck and roll across the stage. When I look up, my head is on the singer's shoe. The music has not stopped.
Remember the clear rubber straps? Yeah. Those broke the second I went ass over tea kettle. This man has me sprawled across his feet, tits out, santa dress at my waist.
(what I didn't mention is that he does know me somewhat, because me and another friend went to his band's signing a few weeks back and asked him to sign our boobs 80s hair metal band style and he really thrived off that interaction. Like that just doesn't happen over there and he's the kind of friendly perv who we knew would just love that experience. So in this moment, dress around waist and lying on his feet, I become Miss American Tits to him forevermore)
I manage to pull my dress up while lying on the stage and hold it over my chest with one arm. My other arm, he grabs around the wrist to haul me to my feet and then he lifts me so I can hop batman style over the rail and back onto the floor.
Impressively, the music never stopped for a second. I finished the show by safety pinning the clear straps back into place.
We talked to a buddy who was also playing that night, after, and he said everyone backstage heard and was dying. There's video of it probably but unfortunately I never got to see it, and now every day I wonder what it looked like to see me disappear over the rail and reappear disheveled and being lifted back into the crowd.
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