ArcaneThought

[frownyalfred]

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!

He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!

Alfred: Oh my you’re right

There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well

(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING

[welshronin]

Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!

Alfred:

[dragonpuppies]

Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”

[frownyalfred]

@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this

[killyourrdarlingss]

EXCUSE ME ?!?!?!?

[johannesviii]

"Nickelback doing sea shanties on tiktok" wasn't on my wishlist but now that it's here I wonder why I didn't ask for it

[dutchster]

when it’s november 1st

[crazyaboutlefandoms]

Songs with the same bpm but played over different than original video tracks give me life

[vulcanette-deactivated20260506]

I am completely speechless on this one

[viriven-deactivated20210615]

checked the notes for someone doing any kind of transcription and didn’t find one, so I’ll try my hand at it:

Woman wielding wool cards and dressed like a very fashionable peasant while a cat cutely prowls around in the background: “But I mean just imagine being in love with a creature who lives inside your own consciousness? I mean, you share your perception with them as if you were one entity. Can you even, can you even fathom seeing yourself through their eyes in the third person, naked and vulnerable and exposed from the inside out, and feeling their savage love for you as though it was your own emotion? Loving the, loving them at all would force you to confront the mortifying ordeal of knowing yourself, of loving yourself, okay? It’s, it’s not just about the, it’s not just about the shape shifting alien sex, okay? It’s about the paradox, it’s about the pining, it’s about the metacognition, and it’s also about the shape shifting alien sex.”

Woman on a laptop: *stares back at the first woman in concerned bewilderment*

[photofeesh]

Yaaaaas 😍

[truechaosseed-deactivated202405]

[glitchinthesystemstuff]

“Son, you best get t’steppin’ if’n y’don’t want this lil doggy.”

*aggressively brandishes gnoll who speaks like a rural Canadian*

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Alexa for landlords

Today in “Cyberpunk is a warning, not a suggestion” news, Amazon has released a landlord edition of its Alexa surveillance speaker that can be forced upon tenants. https://www.gizmodo.com.au/2020/09/amazons-alexa-for-landlords-is-a-privacy-nightmare-waiting-to-happen/ Here’s Amazon’s pitch: Landlord Alexa “makes it easy for property managers to set up and manage Alexa-powered smart home experiences throughout their buildings.” Satire is dead. Poe’s Law rules all. Landlord Alexa incorporates special commands that “let their residents pay rent, submit maintenance requests, and manage other things.” It also lets landlords “drop in” (Alexaspeak for “trigger the mic and camera”) in their tenants’ homes. Amazon claims they’ve taken steps to prevent nonconsensual surveillance, but as Joanna Nelius writes for Gizmodo, there are so many trivial ways that landlords could circumvent Amazon’s precautions. It’s as simple as adding themselves as a contact on the device before turning it over to you (indeed, this is so trivial that one must presume that Amazon either did no security analysis at all here, or that this is deliberate). And of course, if you forget to set “Do Not Disturb” when you’re not home, your landlord can just virtually “drop in” and surveil your residence without leaving any trace. I am well aware that I wrote one of the definitive texts on how evil landlords could exploit IoT devices to torment their tenants (how could I forget when so many people sent me this story!), but honestly, Unauthorized Bread was not a pitch deck. https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

[sinversus]

What the ever loving fuck!?!?!

[runcibility]

[veresfika]

day 19(?): boredom got way worse, trying to make myself a victorian friend

[veresfika]

gained conciousness, not ashamed to show some tits

[veresfika]

no more bare tits

[veresfika]

oh shit a bow

[veresfika]

[veresfika]

having a moment

[veresfika]

[veresfika]

🎶sleeves sleeves sleeves makin puffsleeves gonna look like french meringue doesnt even rhyme at all not even a little bit🎵 shhhh shhhh go away kitty

[veresfika]

aight folks that’s it for today i have some booing to do at the tv about some shitty and inaccurate costumes

[veresfika]

good morning sluts, back to work

[veresfika]

fellas im straight up not having a good time im in the middle of a lil meltdown over how much time i’ve spent sewing roses on my skirt before realizing they were anuses (or ani like cacti? 🤔)

[veresfika]

we’re gonna be so pretty

[veresfika]

wig snatched

[veresfika]

[veresfika]

shit do i gotta act like a lady now?

[veresfika]

if I play dead it might goes away

[veresfika]

oh my im getting hotter by the minute

[veresfika]

what a lovely creature im having a real beuty and the beast moment… wait no that bitch is a furry

[improveordie]

[veresfika]

I’m SO flattered (and self-centered) i had to hang up your amd @a-sip-of-anxietea ’s drawings I just love them ❤️

[veresfika]

girl’s night out(ish) 🍻

[arcsin27]

Is she single asking for a friend

[veresfika]

No❤️

[vampirebriar]

[protectspock]

Loving the idea of earth cryptids/folklore monsters being real only the humans have no idea until after first contact.

[protectspock]

Vulcans: Our scientists have questions about the small nocturnal portion of your population that drinks blood and appears virtually immortal. Is there a name for this sub-species?

Humans: THE WHAT?!?!?

[count-spicula]

Klingon ambassador: "We have noticed your Starfleet has no officers who are Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD. Why would you not recruit such fine and obviously powerful members of your population?"

Terran ambassador: "I'm sorry, what? The translator isn't catching that phrase."

Klingon ambassador: "Your Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD. You know, the ones who change with your lunar cycles."

Terran ambassador's assistant: "Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD? The...wolf men?"

Terran ambassador: "THE WHAT?"

[areusittingcomfortably]

Bajorans: we are very curious about why you have exiled the sub-species with the large extremities to the woods?

Humans: I'm sorry, what?

Bajorans: the hairy people with the big feet?

Humans: ?!

Bajorans: Homo erectus... sasquatchii?

[redsparrow12]

Backround human cadet, wearing mothman boxers under their uniform: I fucking KNEW IT

[swingsetindecember]

cryptids being salty towards vulcans for blowing up their spots 

[nonasuch]

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

[tygermama]

I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY? I WOULD CALL RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?

[thequantumqueer]

“alright, babe, one more reminder that my license was revoked which means i have to tell you this as your friend and not as a mental health professional: you have two options here. one of them is safe, legal, and healthy, and will have lasting long term benefits. the other one is fun.”

[thejgatsbykid]

It's nearly 3am and I just had the most worldshaking epiphany: Anakin Skywalker is only nine years older than Han Solo. This is important for several reasons (one of which is "oh my god Anakin is a BABY when he has kids") but the most important is that obviously now there has to be an AU where Anakin was never Vader and instead he just peaced out of the Jedi order and became like a bounty hunter or something but my money is on smuggler bc pilot, and also because where I'm heading with this is an AU where Han and Anakin are, like, familiar with each other before Han ever gets involved w Luke and Leia and the rebellion. Like, they're acquaintances. Frenemies. Business associates, idk.

Will add more later

[dragkingandreweldritch]

tfw you meet your fiancee's dad and 1. you've swindled him multiple times, 2. you've made out with him even more than that

[thejgatsbykid]

Anakin calls obi wan to be like "so you know that absolute himbo i used to do crime with every so often and also make out sometimes? He's dating my daughter now" and obi wan is like "from the bottom of my heart, you deserve this and I'm thrilled it's happening"

[jollysnidge]

I keep thinking how much more powerful the Spiderman origin story would be if Peter Parker was an African American kid, whose Uncle Ben was shot by police while being arrested for a minor parking infraction. There is no formal investigation, and Peter decides to put himself on the line to prevent it happening again. He tackles the white crimes that go unpunished, punishes POC criminals fairly. He is the leveler, always fighting to be without bias, to be just. To protect people like his uncle. 

This not only mirrors so much of what’s happening in America, but feeds right into the complex relationship between Spiderman, the authorities and the media. 

Peter Parker is a brilliant student, awkward, a nerd, but is branded a thug, a gang member, a criminal, because of his appearance. The media latch on to that and misrepresent him totally.

The police, humilitated by the fact that he refuses to work with them and often punishes cops themselves for brutalizing innocent people, or guilty people who still deserve better treatment than they get, attempt to hunt him down.

[plintoon-reblogs]

I had to.

[mcufandomhatespeopleofcolor]

oh man. This is the shit.

[im-not-a-real-hero]

The “with great power comes great responsibility” line gets such a deeper meaning within this context.

[clowndotorg]

Not to mention a white nerdy boy with glasses is not the look of a social outcast or person of ridicule anymore.

[sharkiealami]

I want this made right now

[la-laborista-republiko]

[strawbebbynya]

https://twitter.com/MNateShyamalan/status/1281276972463730689?s=19

It's real

[swingsetindecember]

superman always has amnesia in fics. i want batman to have amnesia. and clark has to justifiably explain why he needs to be by brucie’s side. like, bruce naturally assumes he’s is his metropolis boyfriend and clark is not fast enough to come up with a believable lie before the batkids are like YES, THIS IS YOUR BOYFRIEND CLARK, HE WEARS KHAKIS AND TERRIBLE TIES BUT YOU LOVE HIM 

clark splits time being superman and batman (because nightwing can’t fill in) and oh god, bruce has a crisis because he has a crush on batman

[swingsetindecember]

clark has to sneak all his plaid shirts into the manor. like, bruce feels bad about not remembering his hot farm boy reporter so he doesn’t criticize all the plaid but really wants to say something

like really wants to

and bruce can’t sleep at night, like he was up all night wandering around the manor and like he almost discovered the bat cave while playing the piano 

wayne corp cant deal with how hands on bruce is being with the company, like he is awake during board meetings. everyone is freaking out. 

[anais-ninja-bitch]

clark’s parents. are. so. supportive?

omg, our son in law is in crisis, let’s move in and take care of him.

clark is not amused.

[cipheramnesia]

Bruce has a long heartfelt conversation with Clark about his Batcrush and Clark is just like being supportive externally but internally he has no fucking idea what to do.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

give clark kent more secret identities challenge 2k19

[dvandom]

Broke: Clark Kent’s secret identity as a spy gets him dragged into a big spy crossover.

Woke: Clark Kent’s secret identity as Batman gets him dragged into a love triangle with Bruce Wayne and himself, while Lois laughs her ass off.

[swingsetindecember]

the myth that batman is invulnerable has peaked, criminal underworld claims batman can catch a grenade and crush it with his fist 

bruce wayne worried his supportive plaid wearing boyfriend wont like batman

[queenofshenanigans]

Amazing

[dont-ask-me-idk-anything]

Where’s the fic?

[graaaaceeliz]

@ambrosius-faust Eliiiiiiiii~~~~ pls write something for this I am begging you

[workingchemistry]

I need this fic like I need air

[whumpbby]

Dick, Tim and Jason, to Clark at different occasions: “I can be your Robin!” :O

Bruce, surprised with Lucius being surprised at his constant attendance in the WE, does a bit of research on his pre-amnesia persona and is DISMAYED to discover that he used to be such an uncaring airhead and wows to change that, starting now! How could he demand of Tim - A BABY! - to full in for him while he cruised with the models???! 

Lucius tearing at his hair because how you keep Bruce Wayne away from his own R&D???

The family dismayed that now Bruce is on a warpath of being a Good Dad and they have no peace to do their jobs, because Be wants to sped time with them and they have to pretend there’s no shady stuff happening!

And Jason! Bruce is perplexed by Jason! Isn’t he supposed to be dead? All the papers said so and his death certificate is read… what?! 

Dick, panicked: “He was… witness protection program!”

Jason: “Yeah! I had to pretend to die and then went undercover! Now I’m a…I- I work for the FBI!”

Bruce: “Oh… I’m so proud of you, Jay!” 

Jason: *in a strangled voice* T-Thanks, B…

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Oh my god, whump! 😭

[swingsetindecember]

bruce not understanding any of selina’s innuendo, like he really thinks she is into cats. and selina is perplexed when all bruce asks to see her cat photos and he talks about how much he loves his boyfriend. 

[north-peach]

Bruce taking the time to reassure Jason that he’s proud of him, that he loves him because he was fifteen when he went into witness protection. Of course, Bruce looks up all the newspapers in the months after Jason’s death and sees all pictures of him after the funeral, looking like death warmed over- clearly in mourning- so he thinks that he didn’t know that Jason was alive because things and considering the lack of presence in the mansion, this is a pretty believable theory.

So Bruce always takes the time to reassure Jason that just because his memories are gone and they obviously were in the middle of a fight or something, he’s still his son, he’s glad he’s alive and this isn’t going to change when he gets his memories back

Jason: *visibly trying not to burst into tears and cry on his dad’s shoulder because part of him is still a fifteen year old who just wants his dad to be proud of him and say, ‘I love you,’ out loud*

Alfred: *entirely pleased because Jason is now spending more time at the mansion and Bruce is displaying never before seen levels of emotional intelligence*

OH.

Damian.

Poor Damian with his mother and excuse for a childhood, oh my Lordy, how does one go about explaining Damian’s behavior to civilian!Bruce?

Damian: What do you mean he doesn’t know he’s Batman?

Bruce: You are my son? That I was unaware of until you were ten? And your mother and I don’t speak to one another?

Damian: *entirely speechless because how does one explain the al Ghuls?*

Bruce: You…your first language was Arabic? I apparently speak Arabic, why do you not call me father in your native tongue?

Damian: *still speechless because his father has no knowledge of him and yet it’s very clear that he is still loved beyond Batman and Robin and he’s not sure how to take this at the moment*

Bruce being upset with past him because he went out with all the women- publically- while Clark was at home and entirely aware and he’s kicking himself and promising to be a better partner, a better father and a better CEO.

Everyone else: *tearing their hair out because Bruce is breaking his own cover*

[swingsetindecember]

bruce wayne doing tv spot psas, like, hi, i’m bruce wayne, as some of you may not know, i have amnesia. but i love gotham. and that is why i am building a new community center. and like he is undoing like 30 yrs of meticulous brucie ground work yet also the public loves him??? and so when he is like, i am in love with reporter clark kent, everyone is like omg amnesia bruce still remembered his lover. and like they are the new it couple 

[sabakuu]

And the joker knows his batsy and ThAts NOT HIS BATSY!! So the joker is out to prove that’s an imposter and the Robins are freaking out.

[swingsetindecember]

conversely,  the joker is really bad at proving thats not batsy 

SO ITS MORE FUNNY THAN ANYTHING

and yes, the joker is 100% a coms guy 

[arrghigiveup]

Putting the full text of the NYT article that the first tweet was responding to underneath the cut.

Link to the original tweet: https://twitter.com/speechleyish/status/1275990670663012352

Link to a couple of more serious threads about exactly why the biennial “Durian: the Freakshow Fruit” articles are so annoying:

https://twitter.com/amirulruslan/status/1276088736296472577

https://twitter.com/amirulruslan/status/1276313332492845056

Keep reading

[augustdementhe]

They. Went. INNNNN.

[sewickedthread]

You know, I’d read a whole series of articles like this. Please. 

[trip-wild]

May I hit y'all with a hot take

Uncle iroh has Hawaiian shirt energy

Sokka also has the same energy but no sleeves

Thank you for your time

[phoenixbrightheart]

[fourforyouodo]

I’m Gonna Be (500 miles) is honestly just such a pure, solid good song. The lyrics are cute af and actually resemble a long-term committed and happy relationship and to top it all off you can scream ‘DAHDADADA’ and the top of your lungs in a pub and someone will scream it back to you. 

[saintsideways]

Prompt I will never do anything with: instead of being given to the Dursleys, Harry Potter is put up for adoption and is adopted by the Addams Family

[fieldbears]

Gomez, being forcibly removed from the stands of a Hogwarts quidditch match for the third time: MY BOY! MY BOY’S UP THERE! HE’S SEEKER!

McGonagall, sweating: Mr. Addams, how do you keep sneaking onto grounds

[saintsideways]

As I said to @door :

Wednesday is woefully jealous of how dramatic Harry's origin is and fiercely protective of him, only SHE is allowed to torture him

[door]

[tygermama]

Harry's hair would be more slicked back and shinier than Draco could ever hope to achieve Harry still gets sorted into Gryffindor Morticia says he gets that from Gomez' side of the family

[crinosg]

Meanwhile Wednesday gets into Hogwarts as well,

*During House assigning*

Professor McGonnagal: Wednesday Addams.

Wednesday *begins to get up*

Sorting hat: Yeah no, no, sit back down kid. You’re Slytheren. I have never been more sure of anything in my existence.

*Later at Slytheren dorm*

Draco: Well look, if it isn’t Potter’s little Mudblood sister, listen up you little...

Wednesday: *Shoots Malfoy a glare which instantly silences him.* You will listen to me and listen carefully. I do not like repeating myself. Harry is off limits. In fact, everyone in Gryffondor is off limits, that goes for the rest of you. If you cause ANY trouble for my adopted brother, you will answer directly to me. Is this understood?

Draco:...Yes mum.

*Later in potions class*

Snape: Potter, you were two seconds late, twenty points from Gryffondor.

Wednesday: *Picks up beaker and smashes it on the floor.* Professor Snape. I have wilfully destroyed school property. I believe that is a twenty point deduction from Slytheren house.

Snape: Did you? Well I didn’t see it so.

Wednesday: *Gets up, walks to the front of the class, looking Snape in the eye the entire time, smashes another beaker on the ground right in front of him.* Twenty. Points. From Slytheren.

Snape:..... Alright then twenty points from Slytheren.

Wednesday: *Returns to seat, still glaring at Snape*

Snape: Now before we get on with classes I have the results of last weeks pop quiz, fairly expected stuff, Mr. Weasley you did adequate, but your penmanship was atrocious which is...

Wednesday *Grabs another beaker and holds it up with a look on her face that says ‘I can keep this up as long as you can old man’*

Snape:....Something you should work on in the future.

*Later*

Draco: Can’t you just expel her professor?

Snape: Well I could in theory, but considering her muggle father keeps somehow sneaking in here I think whether she has permission to be here or not is rather Academic. Besides, I’m not crossing her after what she did to Umbridge.

Draco: *Shudders* Don’t remind me.

[randomslasher]

This is one of those posts I'm going to watch for hopefully in future to see what awesome new additions it gets. Go on Tumblr, be brilliant!

[teethkeeper]

please keep me informed as well

[injuries-in-dust]

I just imagined the third book when they learn Sirius Black is trying to kill Harry, and is his godfather.

Gomez: well that makes him family, we must invite him over.

Harry: but father, everyone says he's trying to kill me.

Gomez: oh, of course, how thoughtless of me. Lurch, put away the swords for guests and sharpen up the good swords we use for special occasions! A relative visiting is one thing, but a murderous relative needs to be celebrated.

Harry: thank you, father.

[im-forever-a-fangirl]

XD and as soon as they find sirius is innocent hed be welcomed into the family with open arms.

Can you imagine the Addams during the fight at the ministry of magic or at hogwarts?

[injuries-in-dust]

Gomez with a sword

Mortitia with man eating plants

Pugsley with explosives

Wednesday just keeps pulling bigger and bigger weapons out of those tiny pockets on her dress. She has a wand but never uses it!

A death eater turns a corner and she's inexplicably there with a cannon!