Am I aromantic, or does my autism cause me to feel like classic “romantic” behaviors are inauthentic and I’m bad at performing them?
Am I aromantic or does the “fun” mutual teasing, the unspoken rules of dating, the ungraspable social game of it all feel terrifying, unintuitive, repulsive, prohibiting?
Am I aromantic, or are the steps just out of order for me?
I do love. Deeply, soul crushingly, intensely, earth-shakingly. I write poetry for my loves, enjoy holding hands with them, sharing my soul with them.
I enjoy living with them, cooking meals together, taking our kid/s to the park together, running errands together. It feels like home.
Am I aromantic if the only kind of love I create feels more like family than fireworks?
Companionship, safety, friendship to the max, affection, maybe even sex (though never necessary), but… somehow it just seems different, queerer, than how people describe their romances.
I do not know where best friend ends and lover begins, if there even is a difference. People insist there is. I have felt euphoria in the development of such friendships, so… are all my friends my lovers? Are my lovers all my friends? We all love each other, but not in the way that’s scary to tell somebody. “Don’t say I love you yet, it’s too early” Scuse you, I DO love them and I WILL tell them, every time I feel it; the ‘I Love You’ will just grow deeper and richer over time, like a plant stretching roots down deep.
But somehow… when I say that, people say that’s different than romance. Weirder.
Maybe the categories are just too narrow for the breadth of the human experience.
Or maybe I’m just aromantic.
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