My Chaos

[materassassino]

I can’t draw anything else anymore. Goodbye.

Please appreciate Fairy.

Bonus:

[sunderwight]

Isekai but the teenage boy wakes up to find himself sporadically occupying the body of a little old lady who appears to be the protagonist of a series of cozy murder mysteries where everyone in her quaint seaside town keeps getting violently and thematically killed.

Whilst wearing the guise of retired widow Mrs. Butterwell, Hideki must use all of his knowledge of genre and structure to try and prevent these murders before they can happen, because quite frankly that seems easier than actually solving the murders (he's not great at puzzles). He's been spending a lot of time talking to people around town to try and solve their various crises just to cover his bases too. It's really opened his eyes to the importance of community.

[kungfunurse]

nuh uh @sunderwight this doesn’t get lost in the tags

[freckledhollander]

based on our canonical crumbs of information about jackie pike (met hayden at a club, got married relatively quickly, hottie) i now imagine that pre-hayden, jackie was a club rat to rival the likes of ilya. just her and like four other girls absolutely tearing up the montreal party scene. leaving a string of broken hearts across the great white north. multiple clubs, outfits, guys, and girls a night. she has three tattoos that shane knows about and five that nobody but hayden ever sees. and maybe she liked the idea of a family one day down the road but it never really crossed her mind because she was happy as she was, having fun with her friends. until one night out of the blue she meets this guy in a club. and he’s clearly very nervous talking to her (who isn’t) and he doesn’t seem like the most interesting guy there at first, but he’s cute and sweet and a surprisingly good dancer for a hockey player as she finds out, and he tells her earnestly that he wants to have a million kids before stumbling back to add only if my wife does, obviously, and there’s just something so charming about the way he says my wife like it’s a sure thing to him, like he doesn’t know who she is but he’s already completely devoted to her. and one thing leads to another and suddenly it’s 2 am and he’s coming back to her apartment and kissing every one of her tattoos and then just. asking her questions. about her life, her family, her interests, and she can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy towards whoever ends up being this guy’s wife who he may or may not have a million kids with.

only one thing leads to another and before long jackie’s friends are staging half-joking interventions because he’s a hockey player, jackie, he is literally a professional jock, and he’s always going to be traveling, and he must have had at least five concussions already, and how are we going to go out without you? and jackie laughs and eventually the protests die down and she goes out with her friends just as often, only now the massive rock on her left hand catches under the neon lights.

it’s quintessential to me that shane has no idea about any of this. he just thinks jackie is a nice girl hayden happens to cross paths with at a club one night. and pre-my dinner with hayden shane is having a total nervous breakdown to ilya because these are my best friends, they’re the best couple i know, how am i going to explain to them that we’ve been dating for six months but we’ve been fucking for almost ten years? they’re going to think we’re insane oh my god and then ilya opens the door and is face-to-face with the girl who did a line of coke off of his abs in a seedy montreal club and then left with two of his teammates ten years ago and he’s like. moya lyubov i don’t think jackie is going to judge us for anything.

[cozy-stardust]

Imagine Grace defined his name as the elegance definition of grace and Rocky spends years thinking how fucking ironic this clumsy leaky space blobs name is.

Until Grace slips out a sentence along the lines of "could you give me a little grace here" and Rocky immediately points out he used a word wrong so Grace has to explain that yeah, grace means elegance but it can also mean mercy sometimes too.

And Rocky has to suddenly reconcile that the clumsy leaky blob that saved his life twice, that almost certainly doomed himself to come back for him, name is Mercy.

[till-dawn-do-us-part]

[unclefather]

[superepicchan]

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Ich bin sicher, das wird er souverän und mit Humor aufnehmen

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

If you're comfortable accusing anyone of faking disability, you're not a real ally to disabled people

[teaboot]

One time when I was a kid a group of girls and I had to treat another student for hypothermia by ourselves because she had so many invisible health issues that the adults we asked for help didn't believe us. The student in question was actively hallucinating. When I finally ran for help the people I grabbed were slow as shit to respond, casually joking about how "dramatic" the person in question was.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart- as someone who isn't physically disabled but hears this shit all the time- fuck off

[itsyveinthesky]

[seabassapologist]

[penismage]

Hello!

Howdy!

I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.

Sure thing!

And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.

Which do you mean?

The one with the… With the seeds.

What are they called?

Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”

Sure thing. Would you like anything else?

Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?

Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…

A… One of those right there!

You really must tell me, what’s it called??

I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.

Sure thing! Anything else?

That one there?

You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]

I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?

Do it!

[grunts like a pig]

That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!

Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

[lifes-pinata]

One of the compelling things about Project Hail Mary is that you can't fix it.

"What if Stratt didn't force Grace to go?" Then the Earth dies.

"What if Yao and Ilyukhina had survived?" Then they all would have died in space, not enough food to get to Earth or Erid

If the Taomoeba hadn't escaped then Grace would have never seen his best friend again. Returning to a world he loves but no longer recognizes.

If the stars weren't dying then Grace never would have met his best friend at all. Living content but alone.

Project Hail Mary is a hopeful story. It is a story of friendship and what it means to be brave. It's a story about saving the world.

But you can't remove the tragedy of the story without making it unrecognizable. It's written into the bones.

[pumpkinhrat]

She would, in fact, download a car

[chio-chan2artbox]

Human Perry Poll ✨

Doofenshmirtz Poll ✨

[agentlizardofowca]

A Sexy-man you say? Get the inside scoop on Phineas and Ferb’s double enty into Tumblr's biggest event of the year

Nemesis turned MORE. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus (human) shock and amaze at this year’s Tumblr sexyman competition. Both were nominated, and now both compete. We sit down with these two fascinating men to learn more about this prestigious competition.

​Q. WHAT IS THE TUMBLR SEXYMAN COMPETITION? Heinz: It’s been around for years now. Once a year, Tumblr users -these are a specific type of internet user- can nominate men, and if they get picked to compete, they get pitched together in a set of polls. Winners get pitted against each other until one remains. Last year, I made it to the finale, but I lost to Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls.​

Q. DO TUMBLR USERS EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD SEXY MEANS? Heinz: HEY! How RUDE! You- Perry: (interrupting) Whether a person is sexy or not is a matter of taste, not a matter of fact.

Q? ​…AND THE PEOPLE ON TUMBLR HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE? Perry: Yes. Heinz: I’m not so sure. I DIDN’T WIN, LAST YEAR!

Q. ​SO YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT? Heinz: I love a good competition! We’ve only just started, but so far I seem to be doing well. Nothing feels as good as crushing the competition into a fine mist before moving on to the next

Q. AND YOU, PERRY? Perry: I’m only in the first round and already struggling, but I don’t mind. Once I am out, I get to chill out in my hammock and watch him (Heinz) win. If I make it to the second round, that would be great, but I don’t expect anything.

Q. ​AREN’T YOU USUALLY A PLATYPUS? Perry: (whilst clamping his hand over Heinz’s mouth.) My canon platypus appearance usually gets nominated for the sexy-furry competition. I got second place last year. And yes- I know Kermit is competing in the sexyman competition, but he’s not furry. He is a frog and also a muppet. My human appearance has gained traction on Tumblr and Ao3 over the last few years. There is plenty of fanart and fanfiction where I am human. For the PnF fandom and the Perryshmirtz shippers, this competition is a fun way to let more people know it’s out there.

Q. ​AND YOU ALWAYS LOOK THE SAME?Perry: No. No, I do not.

Q. ​AND IF YOU WIN? Heinz: I will use my newfound sexy powers to TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE-AREA! VOTE FOR ME! DOOFENSHMIRTZ FOR SEXY MAN 2025! (It’s 2026)DOOFENSHMIRTZ FOR 2026- Man, where does the time go? Really? Is it 2026 already?

​

[ashenmind]

“Living weapon” covers a lot and all of it is hot

[ashenmind]

[dying-crying-pining]

“stabbing crying killing hot” has a fantastic ring to it

[earndiltheequalizer]

This reads like Captain Picard having trouble at the replicator.

[the-haiku-bot]

This reads like Captain

Picard having trouble at

the replicator.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[drawnsnake]

I cried watching Project Hail Mary btw

[janmisali]

oh I know how to make a poll's results look like the letter E watch this

what is the rightmost digit of the number of responses this poll has right now? (it should be visible before you vote.)

0, 1, or 2

3

4 or 5

6

7, 8, or 9

Remaining time: 4 days 16 hours

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[stormsthatrage]

Heated Rivalry AU where Ilya dips out early from a post-game party with Boston, and someone gets the idea to put on a Hollonov compilation as a joke.

The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)

The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.

(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)

The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.

Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"

And. Well.

Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.

Cliff asks aloud, to no one in particular, "Are we just stupid?"

[409-conflict]

I cannot stop thinking about what a fucking year Ilya had in 2014

Putin warns gay people not to spread propaganda during Sochi Olympics

Every Western media outlet wants a sound bite from Ilya, a Russian superstar who’s lived in the West for five years, regarding the gay propaganda laws

Ilya has to thread the needle of neither denouncing or promoting Russia’s stance

Ilya leads the National Hockey Team to a demoralising crash out

The prettiest man in the world makes the unbelievably stupid decision that now is a good time and place to talk to each other in public for the first time ever

He is upbraided by his Papa

Sveta completely misreads what he needs, and he can’t even be mad about it because at least she’s trying

The Bolotnaya Square protesters are convicted

Russia moves troops into Crimea

He keeps frantically googling pictures of Shane in the middle of the night

Russian opposition leaders are detained

G8 suspends Russian membership

Boston makes the playoffs

The Russian government enacts laws tightening control of dissemination of information, categorising bloggers alongside journalists

The Donetsk and Luhansk referenda, unrecognised by the international community

Boston wins the Stanley Cup

Has panic attack in a bathroom, is immediately accused of being an asshole for arriving on time

Successfully convinces himself he’s capable of having sex with Shane without feelings, definitely doesn’t cry once he’s alone

Super super fun happy times summer with his ailing father

MH17 shot down by Russian-made missile

Russia hits back at sanctions by banning food imports, sends food prices soaring

Oil prices crash, halving Russia’s national budget

Foreign ownership in Russia media is capped

Has Totally No Strings No Feelings secret sex with Shane, everything is Chill

Russian financial crisis hits, prices of food up 40 to 50%, some KHL teams can’t even pay their players

And all throughout this, every time he opens Facebook he’s tagged in yet another hundred fucking ALS ice bucket challenges

[ill-gotten-gaines]

After they're out, Shane and Ilya record a lifestyle video together for ESPN. ESPN is chomping at the bit: no one can imagine Racecar Rozanov and Hockey IQ Hollander's life behind closed doors, and they want the exclusive.

The crew shows up totally unsure of what to expect, charmed but surprised when it's Ilya opening the door in a tank and sweats and dramatically sighing, "Is meal prep day."

They spend hours filming the couple navigating the kitchen, arguing over how much salt to put in their egg cups, talking about how they learned to cook together when they first made a real go of their relationship.

Shane keeps his hands busy and his eyes focused on his prep work, and that makes it easier to talk about the murky grey area between healthy food choices and disordered eating. Ilya just rubs his back and mocks how he's dicing the bell peppers and keeps calling what he's wearing his "unlucky sweatpants" until Shane hits him in the face with a spatula while mumbling something about tuna melts.

Surprising exactly no one, the video goes viral when it drops on YouTube. It explodes on socials, with thousands of people stitching together Ilya saying "is meal prep day" with videos of their own meal prep, their healthy habits, sharing their own journey to loving food and treating it as fuel and not punishment. They use the tag #eatlikehollanov and it trends immediately.

Ilya's favorite part is when fans start to battle over #eatlikehollanov - the food posts get overtaken with videos and photos of them out at social events, serving cunt and generally looking like top designers battle it out for who gets repped by The Gay Wonder Twins of Hockey (which they do, and stop calling us that, we're married you perverts).

Then Shane and Ilya are spotted at a bar making out in a dark corner and everyone remembers these two probably spend 30% of their waking hours eating each other alive, and suddenly it's #eatlikehollanov munch munch munch yum yum yum.

The Centaurs jump on the trend, sharing their own food prep videos with increasing innuendo. Luca Haas turning bright red while eating a glazed donut gets 3 million views, but Troy really breaks the internet by eating a banana while maintaining eye contact with the camera the whole time. Harris threatens to replace the Kiss Cam at games with #eatlikehollanov and Shane tries his hardest to crawl into a corner and die because he just wanted to share how he protein loads, you guys, why did you have to make it so weird.

Scott Hunter helps not at all by making blueberry and banana smoothies with Kip. Shirtless.