small but powerful @ashleyketchumall - Tumblr Blog

❗️❗️EMERGENCY HELP insulin and food help❗️❗️

so we need $58 for food & $36 for bro insulin as it's important we need help for this now we have nothing after paying grandma all my check this month due t her having to call plumbers awhile back + no car + 2 kids + 5 adults + 4 disabled, live with abusive grandma, no family to rely on. anything is appreciated. if you send hate, you're blocked.

p-y p-l v-nmo c-sh app kofi

memendoemori-deactivated2025020

Good morning everybody

tokidokifish

sosuperawesome

Glitter Pins // Layla Ashtar on Etsy

willgrahamscock

my favorite customer service slip ups

willgrahamscock

here are some extra ones that made me break out in tears enjoy

mossbawn

i hope the beloved mutuals don’t think me unintellectual for this but i love romantic subplots i gobble them up delightedly with very few exceptions. ‘oh fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me’ etc

mossbawn

“how are they finding time to fall in love when the worlds ending” and what are we all doing right now 🤨

radiofreederry

Oh fuck off

radiofreederry

Anyway the best opening line to a book is still from The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

heroineimages

Another favorite is the opener from CS Lewis's Voyage of the Dawn Treader:

"There was a boy named Eustice Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."

a-preferable-alternative

May I present a strong contender as well:

mei-ly01

JESUS CHRIST. Killer opening.

jackdoe

For those of you who are curios:

“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

zoobus

OP didn't know you can't ignore a will just because you think it's unfair that your brother's friend got more than family

cryptid-sighting

Not the brother's friend, his partner

cryptid-sighting

Ooof

quadraxic-expression-deactivate

EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS

aztechnology

oh it just keeps getting worse folks

egberts

metalheadsagainstfascism

OH MY GODS YOU DIDNT INCLUDE THE BEST PART. HE LEFT MOST OF HIS MONEY TO HIS PARTNER OF 10 YEARS BECAUSE THE FAMILY DIDN'T APPROVE OF HIM FOR BEING GAY BECAUSE "RELIGION".

They think just because they paid medical bills and funeral costs they should get all the money. They clearly didn't sportive of his relationship. They said "I don't know how his partner got ahold of the will". He probably gave his partner a copy knowing that his religious family that didn't approve of him being gay suitor pull this crap.

LGBTQ+ community. If you cut your family out of the will, be sure that you give a copy of your will to your partner/chosen family that must of your money will go to. So your family can't try to pull this crap.

-fae

mysteryteacup

also your bank. make a fucking note for your bank letting them know that x persons - despite having blood in common with you - don't get to touch your money.

and make sure you specify the executor of your will - not a family member still close with pushy bigot relatives, a friend or your partner.

wattse

Hi this is jigsaw. last week in starbucks you did a gross fucking burp that put me off my panini. In front of you is a panini press. You will notice also, that your dick is out,

queerstudiesnatural

some of my favourite sign fails <3

3liza

ok I'm standing up

catgirlanarchist

me when i'm the real slim shady

3liza

you cant post shit on this web site

lordworm

Reblog to make it die faster

chilewithcarnage

chaotic-hypnotic-erotic

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

angelicguy

guy left at work today and someone replied to his goodbye email with this

tastefullyoffensive

prismatic-bell

HERE’S THE THING THOUGH

I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click

And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”

So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is

“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”

I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:

“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”

I accidentally called the director of the FBI.

My job got investigated because a computer randomly spit out a number to the Pentagon.

kuroba101

This is my new favourite story.

therobotmonster

When I was in college I got a job working for a company that manages major air-travel data. It was a temp gig working their out of date system while they moved over to a new one, since my knowing MS Dos apparently made me qualified.

There was no MS Dos involved. Instead, there was a proprietary type-based OS and an actually-uses-transistors refrigerator-sized computer with switches I had to trip at certain times during the night as I watched the data flow from six pm to six AM on Fridays and weekends. If things got stuck, I reset the server.

The company handled everything from low-end data (hotel and car reservations) to flight plans and tower information. I was weighed every time I came in to make sure it was me. Areas of the building had retina scanners on doors.

During training. they took us through all the procedures. Including the procedures for the red phone. There was, literally, a red phone on the shelf above my desk. “This is a holdover from the cold war.” They said. “It isn’t going to come up, but here’s the deal. In case of nuclear war or other nation-wide disaster, the phone will ring. Pick up the phone, state your name and station, and await instructions. Do whatever you are told.”

So my third night there, it’s around 2am and there’s a ringing sound.

I look up, slowly. The Red phone is ringing.

So I reach out, I pick up the phone. I give my name and station number. And I hear every station head in the building do the exact same. One after another, voices giving names and numbers. Then silence for the space of two breaths. Silence broken by…

“Uh… Is Shantavia there?”

It turns out that every toll free, 1-900 or priority number has a corresponding local number that it routs to at its actual destination. Some poor teenage girl was trying to dial a friend of hers, mixed up the numbers, and got the atomic attack alert line for a major air-travel corporation’s command center in the mid-west United States.

There’s another pause, and the guys over in the main data room are cracking up. The overnight site head is saying “I think you have the wrong number, ma’am.” and I’m standing there having faced the specter of nuclear annihilation before I was old enough to legally drink.

The red phone never rang again while I was there, so the people doing my training were only slightly wrong in their estimation of how often the doomsday phone would ring.

arctic-hands

Every time I try to find this story, I end up having to search google with a variety of terms that I’m sure have gotten me flagged by some watchlist, so I’m reblogging it again where I swear I’ve reblogged it before.

voroxpete

But none of these stories even come close to the best one of them all; a wrong number is how the NORAD Santa Tracker got started.

Seriously, this is legit.

In December 1955, Sears decided to run a Santa hotline. Here’s the ad they posted.

Only problem is, they misprinted the number. And the number they printed? It went straight through to fucking NORAD. This was in the middle of the Cold War, when early warning radar was the only thing keeping nuclear annihilation at bay. NORAD was the front line.

And it wasn’t just any number at NORAD. Oh no no no.

Terri remembers her dad had two phones on his desk, including a red one. “Only a four-star general at the Pentagon and my dad had the number,” she says.

“This was the ‘50s, this was the Cold War, and he would have been the first one to know if there was an attack on the United States,” Rick says.

The red phone rang one day in December 1955, and Shoup answered it, Pam says. “And then there was a small voice that just asked, ‘Is this Santa Claus?’ ”

His children remember Shoup as straight-laced and disciplined, and he was annoyed and upset by the call and thought it was a joke — but then, Terri says, the little voice started crying.

“And Dad realized that it wasn’t a joke,” her sister says. “So he talked to him, ho-ho-ho’d and asked if he had been a good boy and, ‘May I talk to your mother?’ And the mother got on and said, ‘You haven’t seen the paper yet? There’s a phone number to call Santa. It’s in the Sears ad.’ Dad looked it up, and there it was, his red phone number. And they had children calling one after another, so he put a couple of airmen on the phones to act like Santa Claus.”

“It got to be a big joke at the command center. You know, ‘The old man’s really flipped his lid this time. We’re answering Santa calls,’ ” Terri says.

And then, it got better.

“The airmen had this big glass board with the United States on it and Canada, and when airplanes would come in they would track them,” Pam says.

“And Christmas Eve of 1955, when Dad walked in, there was a drawing of a sleigh with eight reindeer coming over the North Pole,” Rick says.

“Dad said, ‘What is that?’ They say, ‘Colonel, we’re sorry. We were just making a joke. Do you want us to take that down?’ Dad looked at it for a while, and next thing you know, Dad had called the radio station and had said, ‘This is the commander at the Combat Alert Center, and we have an unidentified flying object. Why, it looks like a sleigh.’ Well, the radio stations would call him like every hour and say, ‘Where’s Santa now?’ ” Terri says.

For real.

“And later in life he got letters from all over the world, people saying, ‘Thank you, Colonel,’ for having, you know, this sense of humor. And in his 90s, he would carry those letters around with him in a briefcase that had a lock on it like it was top-secret information,” she says. “You know, he was an important guy, but this is the thing he’s known for.”

“Yeah,” Rick [his son] says, “it’s probably the thing he was proudest of, too.”

So yeah. I think that might be the best wrong number of all time.

Source: http://www.npr.org/2014/12/19/371647099/norads-santa-tracker-began-with-a-typo-and-a-good-sport

arty-ari

No okay THAT is adorable and I’m queueing this for next December.

🤔

Light that sucker up

@maeamian coming in ... delightfully sporting

[img txt: #simple #i would bunt the baby and sprint for first #thus making the problem that of handling the live ball/baby the problem of the catcher and third baseman #who would then have to throw the baby to first before I got there #Then I'd steal second because what're they gonna do try to toss a baby back and forth to get me in a rundown? No fuckin way #I'd take a quick break on second before stealing third and then home #for the game's single most upsetting inside the park home run]

sotrias-labyrinth-deactivated20

mozilla-firefucks

Stop putting this christian baby in Situations

apas-95

genuinely in love with the reveal, from the baby prodigy scenario, that Christian Baby does not refer simply to a baby baptised and born to christians, but to an infant that holds a belief in christian theology