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@bangoskank
yuna hollander does not seem to me like the kind of person to hesitate even one second she is dry-swallowing that misoprostol she’s not even waiting for water
like mother like son lol
this is why the shanepreg doesn’t ever hit for me you know it’s an IMMEDIATE aborshane
and if i said #myirina who does the same ilya mouth thing
the other reason she is irina to me. teary ilya voice. shane would you like to see a photo of my most beautiful mama…
shane voice. oh uh. yeah. i do see the resemblance.
Fandom is so obsessed with contrasts in ships that they force them onto hollanov, a couple who are FAMOUSLY supposed to be similar. There is no slutty one and prudish one. They both love sex. There is no smart one and dumb one. They both excel at the same career where traditional metrics of academic intelligence don't apply. There is no jock and nerd. They are both professional athletes. There is no neatfreak and slob. They both pay other people to clean their houses. Please release yourself from the need to manufacture an opposites attract dynamic in every facet of their relationship, ESPECIALLY when the central conceit of hollanov as a couple is that they're more alike than everyone else seems to think.
HUDSON WILLIAMS as HENRY PARK in YAGA (2026)
baseball au heated rivalry ilya does not have the 2011 boston red sox ‘beer and chicken gate’, instead he has a much worse ‘coke bender, dui, and assault charge gate’ in late 2016 that is very carefully pleaded down and covered up by management
You know how in lady and the tramp, lady calls her owners darling and Jim dear bc that’s what she hears them call each other?
anyway anya calls her owners asshole and little slut
baseball au ilya hits for the cycle exactly once in his career- its at fenway park and in his first at bat of the game he hits a triple into the triangle (against hayden pike mind you) and in that moment he Knows he’s going to make this happen
he hits a homerun in the bottom of the 9th - he saves it for the last second because it’s more fun :)
the erasure of throat goat Ilya Rozanov is starting to get to me lately 😔 we must fight back, we must restore his good name
Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"
One of the most important critical texts of this century imo
image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description
No, because their dynamic literally drives me insane. And it's in everything for those with eyes to see. Like, sure, you have Ilya telling Shane to show off for him and Shane dropping to his knees as soon as he's told to, and I will in no way undercut how hot any of that is.
But, you also have the "more" of it all. Shane doing as he's told from the off; Ilya effortlessly slipping into the dominant role right from the start and Shane revelling in the submission, before they've even gotten physical with each other. And you have "no" in that Vegas bathroom. 'No, you are not in charge here'. 'No, you cannot have what you want, even though you did exactly as I asked'. 'No, this is not on your terms'. 'No, you will wait until I decide I want you'. And then you have Shane standing there, at the cottage, revelling in the fact that Ilya is finally here, in his space, with him. He's preening, patiently waiting for Ilya to touch him; for Ilya to kiss him; for Ilya to decide what it is they will do now. Because he's a good boy. He won't act out of turn. He won't presume he's owed a kiss. He will wait for Ilya to decide what he deserves.
Even now, after more than half a year, it still blows me away that we get this on our television screens.
Like, as a person who's been in fandoms most of her life it is insane that this is the source material. We've been out here scavenging for crumbs of D/s where there are none to be found.
Dom Edward was huge in the Twilight fandom. Where is he in the source material? Fucking nowhere.
People were twisting every Sherlock line into a possible indicator of a D/s dynamic, when even just the romantic relationship between Johnlock was never canonised.
We were out here writing the nastiest little BDSM fics for Klaine, for God's sake. Spinning gold from fucking nothing.
And then Heated Rivalry comes along and just... makes it canon? Holy shit. Truly incredible work. We are so used to giving and now we get to receive.
Rachel Reid and Jacob Tierney really said, we see you, you are clearly starving, we will feed you.
I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.
Actually Mr. and Mrs. Hollander I know you think I am the slutty one but your son regularly begs me to fuck him so hard that he cries so. Thank you for pasta
Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again
Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net
Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go
i love that shane's whole emotional experience of heated rivalry is just him being like why is he mean to me then nice to me then mean to me then nice to me then really nice to me then really mean to me then nice to me in a way that bewilders & disconcerts me so much it briefly turns me heterosexual. and then he's mean to me again. oh it's because he's scared. yay! i can work with scared. i intend to marry him
Skip divorce is hilarious. My personal hc is that after Shane and Ilya learn about the divorce, and send them each a fruit basket (but Kip's is better) they roleplay sloppy divorced sex.
ilya: i like trouble
the trouble:
