A blog dedicated my headcanons, fanfic prompts, shipping content, reblogs and shit-posts! Mostly Jaskier centric stuff + Jaskier centric ships like: Geraskier, Yennskier, Lambskier, Jaskel, hell even Veskier! THE BARD DESERVES TO BE LOVED!
Let's be fair. If you fuck with Jaskier in anyway you're just an idiot. He may not be the best at fighting for himself but this man has the love of some of the most powerful people in the continent.
Like his best friend is Geralt of Rivia! Probably the best Witcher on the continent thanks to that double mutation. He will kick your ass if you touch his bard!
His best frenemy and bitching buddy is Yennifer of Vengerberg the most badass powerful sorceress. She can and will save his ass from any situation.
He is the uncle of Ciri! The girl who holds the fate of the world in her hands! And who is the most powerful person you could probably come across! This girl holds so much love for the bard that if you even try and take him away I think you're dead on the spot.
And then any elves he's ever saved! Like you think you can hurt the Sandpiper if there around?
He also has the dwarfs on his side after he ran in to help them! Hurt Jaskier? Prepare to have your head bashed in!
Plus the King of Redania who loves him so much he was willing to give everything up! This kingdom with one of the best armies, I wouldn't put it past Radovid to send the whole army after one man if he fucked with Jask!
Like fucking with the bard is like signing your own death certificate. You mess with him you mess with everyone above.
I mean.....he IS a human who keeps the company of 3 supernatural beings in comparison to whom he will look like an adorable raisin in a few decades. We got a slow aging witcher, an age stopping potion drinking witch and a wonder kid who won't even reach the age of 30 by the end of the series. Our darling bard is canonically over 40 years old, going on 50, we headcanoned ourselves too close to the sun with our "immortal Jaskier" theories and now they're making sure they don't forget to make him look a little older with each season.
I believe that that's Joey Batey's real hair, that is not a wig. I don't think it looks bad at all, I just wish they added a little bit more volume when styling it....or idk, make the hair wavy, have Joey sleep in braids overnight or something. Also, the eyeliner looks fine for a TRAVELING bard who doesn't carry a lot of stuff with him. It's probably just a kohl stick wrapped in something that Jaskier takes out of his bag every now and then and just goes ham on his eyelids without a mirror. Remember guys, mirrors were a luxury in the medieval era.
Ok soooo, I've been cruising other fandoms while waiting for the third season of witcher, but from what I've seen so far (from the teaser and leaks on Redanian intelligence), I'm starting to get hyped for this show again. Not only does Jaskier look fucking amazing, but I heard that he is getting a male love interest too?? Hell yes!!!
Good news and bad news dear @padfootprongslet , bad news is that no, sadly there isn't a single fanfic about Jaskier being a child of elder blood and him being the one Ithlinne's prophecy is about....HOWEVER, good news is:
I am currently working on one (very, VERY slowly, a bulletpoint rough draft so far). But, if you want, I can tag you in my announcement post once it's out on Ao3 ♡♡♡
(MEANWHILE, here is the link to my elder blood Jaskier headcanon post, where I explored the idea in great detail)
(Edited post)
I actually had this headcanon for a while now, probably started tossing ideas around in my head a few days after I watched Bl
- One of the rarest rare pairs in the Witcher fandom for sure! And guess what? I LOVE IT!!!
- They chose the perfect actor to play Vesemir in season 2! Kim Bodnia is a charismatic Danish actor with a charming accent, his performance was AMAZING!
- As of season 2, I personally am a bit cross with most characters in the series for the way they treated Jaskier. Geralt used Jaskier for his loyalty and his apology was shit, so Geraskier prompts/ideas don't come to me as quickly as they used to.
- Lauren went and killed off Eskel, so to cook up some Jaskel content it would have to be an AU where he doesn't die and would require a LOT of creativity not only to make it possible for him to be alive, but also mix and match his personality from video clips of his game counterpart on YouTube, since Eskel didn't get enough screen time on Netflix to show the entirety of his character.
- Lambert was an absolute dick to Jaskier, so Lambskier is rocky too, Lambskier's only saving grace is that Lambert and Jaskier didn't have a lot of scenes together, leaving a lot of room for thinking up ways in which those two could bond.
- WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY CURRENT FAVORITE JASKIER SHIPS: Yennskier (I already made a post about) and of course Veskier!
- Veskier, being a ship of a younger pretty man and an older witcher warrior, has mostly gotten attention from the extremely kinky side of the fandom. Daddy kink, BDSM, dom/sub, breeding kink and other kinks galore. Even more often, this ship is mixed with others in a M/M/M/M/M setting, you know, I know you know, we all have seen the witchersexual!Jaskier tag on AO3. And while I do enjoy a little well written smut from time to time, most of the Veskier fanfics out there do not quite suit my taste.
- Vesemir and our beloved, adorable, brilliant walking sunshine trouble maker of a bard, did not interact in season 2 at all, I doubt that they will ever, with both being side characters. HOWEVER, that makes this pairing FREE REAL ESTATE! Who is to say what is likely and what is not? Who is to say they won't work? Who is to say that they couldn't have gotten together at some point off screen?
- It makes me a little sad that people don't realize just how much potential there is with Veskier! Much like Yennskier, the theoretical romantic relationship between these two, at least going off of Netflix canon alone, would be surprisingly healthy and wholesome.
- Every time I imagine them together, I headcanon Jaskier as not entirely human. Either part-fae or of elder blood.
- Veskier is a perfect ship for emotional healing, for fluff, for the kinky side, for the crack, for happiness!
- FLUFF × CRACK × SMUT × HURT/COMFORT
Let me set the scene
- After Voleth Mier, Jaskier realizes that he somehow ended up in a situation where he lost his precious lute, became a wanted man in Oxenfurt (a city he considered his home), got tortured for information about his ex-bff, then said ex-bff came to bail him out of jail because he needed him, not for the sake of making amends, essentially using Jaskier to find Yennefer and then sending him off with Ciri as a glorified nanny. And here he is, at the top of another mountain, in Kaer Morhen, where Geralt is too busy with Ciri to talk while the other witchers are rude to him. He is penniless, injured, has nothing but the bloodied clothes on his back and is suffering from nightmares about Rience.
- Vesemir is a tired old man who has witnessed too much bloodshed in his lifetime. His body may be enhanced and therefore he doesn't feel the physical effects of aging (if at all) as much as he does the mental. All witchers were human at some point, he can actually feel the psychological toll of living much longer than humans are designed to. Still, he has to be strong as the master of the keep, to set an example and to be a dependable source of wisdom and guidance for his pups. He will never admit it out loud, but the things he has to deal with after Voleth Mier overwhelm him. There's Geralt's whole elder blood child surprise thing, constant repairs of a crumbling fortress, honoring and mourning the fallen witchers, processing the fact that new mutated mosters are appearing and they don't have the mutagens to create more of their kind to protect the continent and survive. There is nothing he can do about it except deal with the anxiety of knowing these stone cold facts.
- In this whole mess, two broken souls might just be what the other needs. Where Vesemir could do with a break, with a little joy, Jaskier is more than enough to help with that. And where Jaskier could do with being taken care of after everything he's been through, after everything he lost, Vesemir is a perfect candidate for that job. Their relationship would be yin and yang, balance and harmony personified.
- Honestly, please tell me that you see it too! They have a lot in common, Jaskier is a professor, mastered the seven liberal arts, grammar, logic, rhetoric, arithmetic, geometry, music, astronomy and according to canon, he passed every exam with flying colors!
- Vesemir is wise, he has lived for centuries, he has witnessed history, he was trained as an alchemist, has extensive knowledge about many things. He is a bottomless pit of knowledge.
- They could talk for hours together and never run out of topics to discuss.
- And the sex? OH BROTHER! Jaskier fucked his way across the continent countless times, while Vesemir is so ancient there is no way that he hadn't bedded a considerable amount of people. Yeah, the sex would be mind blowing I should think.
- Jaskier is a hopeless romantic and Vesemir is a traditional gentleman (when he is wooing the damsels, according to game!canon Lambert.) They would probably be very fluffy and affectionate with eachother. Verbose compliments, music, cuddling, kissing.
- LMAO, imagine everyone else's reaction!!!
- Geralt would be mortified seeing his friend making out with his father figure on the kitchen table 🤣🤣🤣
- The other witchers would probably feel uneasy, shocked at first too, until they get used to it. HAHA ONCE THEY DO LAMBERT IS GONNA FUCKING MILK IT
"Morning papa Vesemir, papa Jaskier"
- KAER MORONS!!!
- Also, the theoretical adventures a witty traveling part fae bard and a silverfox witcher could have, make me beyond giddy!
I've been reading witcher!Jaskier fanfics on AO3 lately and I'm one of those people who have a very active imagination so I have no trouble picturing Jaskier fighting with a sword. But I recently came across a TikTok video where someone said that certain people are unable to visualize mental images, it's a condition called aphantasia. So I made the second gif for those who might need a little reference to go off of when reading fanfics. + Even if you don't have aphantasia, it's still a very entertaining concept to feast one's eyes upon!
If you are wondering where I found that clip, it is from a compilation of Joey Batey's scenes in Knightfall on YouTube:
- What makes this whole thing so funny and exciting to me is that Yennefer used to think that Jaskier was just some annoying sing songy twit before. While Jaskier's dramatic arse used to consider Yennefer an enemy until she saved him from Rience XD XD XD
- I adored the everliving FUCK out of their scenes together in season 2! Their dynamic is so fucking good! AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
- Yennskier, the ship we didn't know we needed, but definitely deserved! Their chemistry is so fucking perfect and their dynamic works so well!
- Personally I think that this ship is actually, currently, THE healthiest and most wholesome one of all my Jaskier ships! At least as of season 2! (Even if Geraskier remains as my OTP)
- In Oxenfurt, when Jaskier and Yennefer got to know eachother better without Geralt's presence to distract them both, ever since they saw the real, raw and vulnerable sides of eachother and became friends, I couldn't help but notice how absolutely toothrottingly perfect they are together!
- Legit, and I kid you not! I can't picture Yennefer and Jaskier having anything other than that deep kind of connection where you know that you are loved, appreciated and adored, despite all your flaws. The kind of love where you know you're not alone, that this person is your family and will always have your back no matter what.
- Yennefer, despite being one of the most powerful sorceresses on the entire continent, treats Jaskier as an equal by the time Ciri gets possessed. (Bro, like even Geralt doesn't do that! Jaskier is his friend, sure, but I've never seen Geralt treating him as an equal.)
- Yennefer and Jaskier have a mutual respect for eachother, they trust eachother, they enjoy eachother's company. All of those things are A CRUCIAL part of having a solid foundation to build a honest, sturdy, long-lasting and happy relationship upon.
- From compatibility POV, they work together a lot better than Geralt and Yennefer did. With Jaskier, there are no djinn related consent issues, there wouldn't be any communication issues and he would probably be a positive influence on Yennefer's mental health.
- Whereas her relationship with Geralt was quite frankly chaotic, explosive, sometimes even toxic. It was built upon a shaky foundation of lust, djinn magic and exchanged favors. Like c'mon, their time together as an on-and-off couple mostly consisted of having kinky unicorn sex, trauma dumping, dealing with magical, gorey and insanely dangerous situations, then talking about said situations until they have a fight! Leaving eachother every time in the end because they can't seem to make it work long-term. They're incompatible because in canon, the only thing that finally made them stick together for good, was an orphaned girl in need of protection. It's not right, kind of like parents who are postponing their divorce until their daughter grows up :/
- Jaskier on the other hand, despite his magic-less ordinary humanity has a hilariously witty, optimistic, stupidly brave, highly empathetic, loyal and supportive personality. Yennefer would have an understanding partner who loves her, cherishes her, acceptc her for who she is without judgement nor pity. A partner who would make it his life's mission to help her see the good things this world has to offer, to make her happy because she deserves it!
- Damn it all, they both have been through enough, they both deserve a break. They actually GET eachother. I can already feel a drabble forming in my brain, set a week or so after the whole Voleth Mier shebang, Jaskier is struggling with PTSD and nightmares about Rience, Yennefer is struggling with guilt and shame because she put Ciri in danger. So while Geralt is too busy with Ciri's training to be there for Jaskier and he feels too betrayed to be in Yennefer's company, neither Yen nor Jask have anyone to turn to in Kaer Morhen, except eachother. Three months confined to a witcher keep together? Now that is a LOT of time to spend with someone you can be openly vulnerable around, bond with, heal and share joy with, unexpectedly falling in love....
- Yennefer too is an extremely good match for Jaskier, it's almost uncanny how much she completes him! Jaskier would finally have an understanding and loving partner who truly saw him when others didn't bother. And Yennefer liked what she saw, the familiar face of a simple human bard who offered kindness and compassion to strangers even if it could kill him. She saw courage, honesty, forgiveness and so much good, a collection of rare qualities she had never thought could exist within one single person all at once. After Voleth Mier, all that goodness was given to her so freely, it is still being given to her everyday, so she knows a treasure when it looks her right in the eyes with such easy warmth. She would make it her life's mission to cling onto him with everything she's got, to love and cherish him the way he deserves, to protect the only person she deems worthy of holding her heart!
- They have a lot in common too. From both having a knack for fashion, both being mischievous little shits at heart and both having high standards when it comes to personal hygiene. To also having similar tastes in both alcohol, humor, luxury and entertainment.....if Yennefer's kinky orgy party and Jaskier's reputation as the biggest slut on the continent is anything to go by.
- Speaking of sex, both of them having a high libido and exceptional skills in bed aside, they're fucking GORGEOUS people! Why wouldn't they find eachother attractive?
- Yennefer is basically a Goddess, beauty personified! She is elegant and breathtaking, everyone knows it.
- However, since a majority of the Witcher fandom usually dismisses Jaskier in favor of simping for Geralt, I can, I must and I WILL gush about how pretty Jaskier is! Cuz clearly some of them bitches be blind, Yennefer is one lucky witch!
- Jaskier is like only 1,5 inches shorter than his grouchy snowman friend. Meaning he is tall as all hell and he definitely isn't lacking in the muscle department either, that bard is jacked yo. His voice is soothing and his vocabulary is extensive enough to make the most experienced of whores blush from pillow talk. He has VERY soft looking hair and he has one of the most angelic fucking faces I've ever seen. His eyes are the clearest shade of blue and his expressions + mannerisms are absolutely adorable! Ok, I'm done gushing, onto the next point....
- Unlike Jaskier, I don't think I have a dummy thick enough of a vocabulary to express how much dopamine Yennskier fanfics give me, more specifically when their husband and wife act from Oxenfurt becomes an inside joke for them, leaving the rest of Kaer Morhen's inhabitants confused as fuck.
- Geralt getting a bit jealous? His brothers wondering when that could have happened? Ciri feeling bamboozled as well?
- It's all shits and giggles until somebody giggles and shits. It won't take long until their inside joke is no longer a joke. They already bicker like a married couple anyway XD
- I can not help but also headcanon Jaskier as not fully human. It would be sad if he up and died on his dear immortal wife. I don't necessarily picture him having chaos or other powers in this scenario, but when I do, I think that they would discover them together on accident.
♡ Challenge for Netflix: stop treating Jaskier as comedic relief ♡
(I made this post piggyback riding off of my last one, like a part two if you will.)
Ok, so you know how Jaskier always seems to get into trouble? And either Geralt and as of season 2, now Yennefer as well, always seem be rescuing him? Even Jaskier himself made a joke about it to our beloved witch.
- "You don't get to play damsel in distress. That's my job."
Sadly, it paints a little bit of an unflattering picture of him to the audience, making many of us wonder (well, not on this side of Tumblr, we know he is a badass motherfucker) about how he survives whenever he is not by a strong witcher's/sorceress's side.
Have you considered though....
That the entire series is written and shot from the POV of ridiculously powerful individuals and Geralt in particular, being the main character of both the books, games & the series, has an extreme savior complex, more so bordering on a martyr complex.
In the Netflix Witcher series and unlike the books: Geralt's friendship with Jaskier started off rocky until he begrudgingly accepted that he can not get rid of the bard, eventually becoming a little fond of him, appreciating Jaskier's loyalty above every other quality Jaskier has, which makes Jaskier easy to trust. (However it is still apparent that their friendship is a little, if not a lot, one-sided)
Obviously Geralt doesn't want Jaskier's death or severe injury on his conscience, which is why he jumps in every time he senses danger, to save him before anything bad happens.
We as the audience only see Netflix's or rather Lauren's version of the story about a scorned hero who has a fragile, trouble magnet, human friend he feels responsible for. When in reality, the only few instances Jaskier wouldn't have survived without outside help were a) the Djinn, b) Rience, c) the opening scenes of Blood Origin.
Other than that, Jaskier is actually a VERY competent person! Alas, not much of that competence was shown on screen, we got mere crumbs of it to be honest. Like how despite being a flowery pacifist, he is braver than most + apparently he is a beefcake too. At 18/19 years old, he wasn't scared of approaching a witcher who at the time, was rumored to be a murderer. He always finds a way to stay lighthearted during the most dire of situations, always getting right back up with a smile or a snide comment after every traumatic experience, as if it never happened. (Is he like immune to PTSD or something? Nothing brings him down.) He even managed to start an elf smuggling operation for fuck's sake!
During the finale episode of season 2, many seasoned witchers died in battle at the hands of Voleth Mier, his chances of surviving were beyond slim. Any other normal human being would have dropped that damn jasper and ran for their life, but not Jaskier! No sir! He crawled his way towards Geralt under a wooden table, as monsters and witchers alike dropped to their deaths around him, all to help his friend!
In the books, Dandelion is presented to us as a smooth talker, able to get himself in and out of almost any kind of trouble with words + charisma alone. He is an Oxenfurt professor, has worked for the Redanian intelligence, he has connections all over the continent.
And I really hope that we will get to see all of that in future seasons, I hope that Geralt's attitude towards him changes, I hope that Jaskier gets the respect he deserves! Because after season 2, I am going to keep watching the series only for Jaskier alone. Also Yennefer. I do not much like Geralt and Ciri in the live adaptation at the moment.
Hiya, here is a long ass rant/vent about my Netflix Witcher frustrations with how the show-runners are treating Jaskier's character. Because even though I love the books and games, I couldn't give a rat's ass about the changes Lauren made to the witcher plot. Because if it were to be adapted into a show following the source material word for word, page for page, it wouldn't be worth watching because I already know the damn story. It's refreshing to see these changes, new ideas etc. But ofc, I do still have a bone to pick with them.
The venting part:
Ok, so you know how in my bio it says that this is a Jaskier centric blog and that Jaskier deserves to be loved? Yeah, that's because I'm salty AF, the saltiest motherfucker on Earth right now. Because the way Netflix or...mostly Lauren treat Jaskier as a character on this show is atrocious! A beloved fan favorite they intend to milk but know not how, using him instead as nothing other than comedic relief and the occasional tool to move the plot in a certain direction.
They're stingy with his character development, with his screen time, with complexity. When we see him in pain it is later dismissed, as if it never happened. Where are his bruises and burns from Rience's torture? He was bleeding from his mouth, he had probably taken a few punches to his face. And Rience held his flame to Jaskier's fingers for at least five seconds, the heat of which compares to a lit match, nobody could walk away from something like that without second degree burns that would take many weeks to heal. And in Jaskier's case? Walking around with an exposed wound like that, touching things all the time, crawling across a dirty floor under the table when the witchers were fighting Voleth Mier? He realistically should have had a serious infection by now.
Also, tell me I am not the only one who noticed this, and I ask myself this quite often: Why OH WHY does it seem like the ONLY people who enjoy Jaskier's company, his presence, him in general, are the audiences he performs for and the elves? Everybody else seems to either shit on him the moment they see him or keep him around because he's loyal and amusing.
Idk about you, but I don't take kindly to the fact that the only character to treat Jaskier with respect and dignity in season 2 was Yennefer. Although THANK FUCK for Yennefer, I fucking LOVE her so much! But yeah.....
Like sure thing, Geralt evidently trusts Jaskier a lot, he is obviously fond of him, but to be honest I haven't seen enough of that fondness on screen to get the impression that their friendship is just like their bromance in the books. In season 1 they only show us scenes of Geralt barely putting up with Jaskier, ignoring him, insulting his singing (which is basically Jaskier's core, his life, his everything, it's what he lives and breathes for), barely admitting to their friendship out loud and then blaming Jaskier for everything that went wrong in his life! Like dude, I know Jaskier isn't exactly a pure and innocent cinnamon roll, I'm aware that he is a slutty little trouble magnet who can sometimes talk too much, but he is also a good friend! Even with whatever little screen time he gets, he is every inch the good friend that Dandelion is in the books!
In season 1 it's very clear that he cares, he asked Geralt if he's ok, he said "Talk to me", he tried to help Geralt deal with Borch's fake death, he offered Geralt an opportunity to go on a vacation, because he gives a fucking damn about him. Even in Cintra, when he asked Geralt for a favor, aka guard him, he made a comment about rubbing chamomile on his body, aka most likely massaging Geralt's sore arse muscles after a hunt.
But Geralt? Just the bare fucking minimum, saving Jaskier's life a few times, a few fond smiles here and there, otherwise looking rather uninterested in Jaskier's life. A brick wall that barely says anything nice to him. Or well, looks like talking to him in general is a chore.
And season 2? Whoooo boy! Jaskier still cares! Though he has to pry basic human decency out of Geralt in that jail cell at Oxenfurt:
- "We don't have time, we need to go"
- "Are you sure? Because the last time we saw eachother, you basically told me to fuck off, remember? And you left me on a mountain!"
- "Jaskier.."
- "Don't fucking Jaskier me, I'm talking to you, this is how this works!"
Jaskier still makes do with Geralt's pathetic arse "I need your help" and leaves EVERYTHING in his life behind to be there for Geralt. He left his Sandpiper smuggling business, he didn't even get to pack a bag, trailing after Geralt like a loyal dog, still wearing the shirt he was tortured in, with his dried blood on it, because Geralt needed his friend.
Thankfully Geralt seems to be doing better by Jaskier in the second season, but not nearly enough to be enough! I mean, Geralt came for Jaskier only when he needed something from him, didn't apologize to him until Jaskier hinted at the problem (Via discussing Yennefer's betrayal, she's been pushed into a corner, she's desperate, it's why people do stupid things and SAY stupid things). And Geralt's apology was shit, because he didn't offer it until Jaskier had accidentally guilt tripped him into it. And Jaskier? Yeah, no, he might have forgiven his friend for the Mountain, but he is still human, he's still got feelings and knew he deserved an apology. However, right there and then it clearly wasn't the right time, whatnot with Geralt's apology being too simple and nonchalant, not nearly serious and earnest enough to undo the hurt that had given birth to Burn Butcher Burn. Not to mention the dwarves being within earshot and the dangerous mission ahead. Which is why I understand why Jaskier brushed off Geralt's pathetic attempt at making amends with a joke.
When I was watching the Rare Species episode of season 1, the expression on Jaskier's face after getting shouted at by his best friend honestly broke my fucking heart. So when season 2 aired, I started binging it with high hopes of getting to see Geralt apologizing, them becoming friends again, Geralt being a better friend to Jaskier while also being badass as shit with his child surprise, battling monsters etc. But I did not expect it to fall so flat and I did not expect for LITERALLY EVERYONE to treat Jaskier like absolute dog shit. INCLUDING THE SHOW RUNNERS!
Geralt was basically using Jaskier for his loyalty, the dwarves found Jaskier's presence as the most annoying thing ever, Ciri literally fucking ignored him in all of their scenes together, the show-runners fucking forgot that Jaskier was tortured and filmed every scene with Joey in it as if Rience never happened, then for some dumb reason Lambert fucking had to be more of a prick than necessary, effectively alienating Jaskier with one single word, when that man had done nothing to deserve it!
My first ever anon sent me a link to this video, I want to say thank you for the link and I want to complement @edits_for_fun.haha on TikTok for making this edit! I have no idea where they found those siren/merperson clips, but they're phenomenal and merfolk lore fits Jaskier's vibe so perfectly! I couldn't help myself and checked out their other edits, their content is amazing! I highly recommend you guys to go to their page and see it for yourselves!
Here's the link to the edit:
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYehp2g6/
This AU is set a month after season 2.
(Sorry for my piss poor grammar, I was in a rush)
The pass down from Kaer Morhen is closed off with layers upon layers of thick snow and slippery ice. Not even a witcher can leave the keep safely, Yennefer has her chaos back but it's still a bit fragile, portaling is not an option either.
So, essentially they're all stuck in a crumbling castle, even the courtyard is off limits for training. It doesn't bother the witchers much, they have an armory they can use to keep themselves in top shape. Yennefer and Ciri too aren't bothered by being locked in, the lion cub of Cintra is still shaken from being possessed and is in no condition to travel. Yennefer isn't much better off herself.
The only one who seemed to have a problem with their current situation was Jaskier.
It's not that the bard doesn't like Kaer Morhen, NOT AT ALL, it is Geralt's home for all intents and purposes. Honestly it's a magnificent, tall, strong and breathtaking structure, majestic to this day despite half of it being a ruin. Even if it used to be a prison of torment for orphaned boys at some point in the past, even despite bearing marks of tragedy across every single wall, still, it is known to be a safe haven for witcherkind. A place that welcomes them with open arms, a home for them to come back to, to recuperate, where they can sleep soundly knowing that they'll get a warm meal made with love each day and a break from the hatred of humankind. Jaskier is quite awed by it actually, whenever all his chores are done, he's positively giddy to explore these ancient halls, each corner so deliciously rich with ballad worthy history. In fact, many of his nights were spent hunched over a book in a library so grand, it nearly rivals the one at Oxenfurt Academy.
He should be delighted to be here....
And yet, something about this situation didn't feel right to the bard. At first Jaskier assumed that perhaps it's because of the prickly company, or maybe because of that one drafty window in his room. Those theories were soon disproven when Geralt's brothers eventually warmed up to him and showed him to a nicer room when they noticed his persistent shivers. They were even kind enough to lend him a new set of clothes, it appears that the root of his irrational unease lies somewhere else.
"You reek, bard"
Lambert had said one morning, they were all eating breakfast, nothing special, oatmeal and forest berry jam. As soon as the redhead's snarky remark was made, it took nearly all of Jaskier's measly self control to stop himself from listing Lambert's each and every flaw in a long and unnecessarily wordy joke. Like how that brute chews with his mouth open and how his room smells like a moonshine brewery, or even how his beard has always some kind of food crumb in it at all times.
Alas, Lambert is absolutely right, even Jaskier often turned his head the other way as to not catch a whiff of his own armpit stench, there is only so much a water basin and a rag can do after going so long without a bath. Jaskier gave Lambert a pout and kept eating his breakfast in uncharacteristic silence. That is when it hit him, he's never went this long without a proper soak, his legs have been itching for weeks and he even found a few grey-ish pieces of hard skin on his bed, they looked a bit weird but he assumed that he simply had reached the peak of poor hygiene.
Thankfully, Coën took pity on him and told him that there are hotsprings at the heart of Kaer Morhen's foundation, he warned him that they are extremely hot though and that he should check the temperature before getting into one of those pools.
"Why on earth am I hearing about this just now, Geralt? No, no, do tell me why you've let your best friend in the whole wide world haunt your home smelling like a Nilfgaardian's unwashed foreskin, when I could have been bathing like royalty this entire time?"
Geralt huffed in amusement and gave Jaskier an apologetic smile...
"Sorry Jask, it slipped my mind"
After breakfast, Jaskier practically stormed off as fast as his stride allowed him. First passing through his room to grab a fresh towel and then down the staircase. Ever since Geralt broke him out of jail and mended their friendship, the witcher has been nothing but lovely to him....well, as lovely as a taciturn grouch with a savior complex can get. This however, is quite frankly infuriating! A slight of the highest caliber! Slipped my mind he says, pfff, what a good chum.
Jaskier was getting closer to the springs, if that delightfully steam thick air was anything to go by. He didn't really understand why it made the itching in his legs worse, his skin nearly tingled, almost as if it were compelling him to hasten his steps, do literally anything to ease his discomfort.
So of course, when a dark cave in a not so scary and more soothing way with enough pools to keep an entire army clean, came into view, Jaskier nearly dropped everything to dive right in!
It's a fucking miracle that he remembered Coën's warning, as much as he would love to sprint to the nearest pool and stay in there until dusk, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it fully if he were to boil alive.
After collecting his wits, he calmly walked over to the first row and checked each pool carefully, determined to turn this little and much needed self pampering session into a heavenly experience, something akin to a starving man's first bite from the tree of salvation, heavy with plump fruit in the middle of a desert.
Which is why Jaskier was overjoyed to find out that those appalling three weeks worth of dry flaky thighs, dirt caked arms and clammy skin would soon be over with. In a few hours he will come back for dinner finally feeling like himself again, smelling of sweet chamomile and strutting with the confidence of someone who just had all of his bodily aches healed by the fountain of youth.
Standing in front of a bubbling pit of pure pleasure, he shed his borrowed clothes like madman then and there, practically stumbling face first into the water.
And it was wonderful, truly astonishing how such a simple comfort made him feel like a man reborn, it was exactly what he needed all along. His Gods awful itch went away immediately, not even that one night in Novigrad, with accidentally acquired fisstech and muscly oiled up prostitutes could compare to this feeling. If Jaskier were a religious man, he would have thought that Melitele herself pulled him into her warm embrace and carried him off to paradise.
....
He didn't know that this peaceful sense of serenity and fulfillment wouldn't last very long.
....
Not even ten full minutes went by when Jaskier felt that itch creep up on him again. Hoping that it's not a warning sign of some terrible disease, or one of Yennefer's ill timed magic pranks, he ignore it for a while. Unfortunately for him, it didn't cease, the tingling came back with vengeance and kept nagging him until he was in no state to ignore it. When he opened his eyes to see what was wrong, to perhaps find where it bothered him most and scratch it until his nails got bloody, horror was the only thing going through his mind.
Silvery grey scales sprouted like weeds, ripped through silk smooth flesh, spreading from his hip bones and all the way down to the tips of his toes in patchy increments, taking residence where pale skin and dark tufts of hair should be. Not a single one of Geralt's admittedly bloodcurling monster hunts could rival this sight, Jaskier could barely move, his upper body was a trembling mess, his arms felt like they were weighed down by dozens of bricks. His attention was too occupied by what was happening below the bubbling water to notice that wispy sheets of transparent membrane have started forming in between his fingers.
.....
The screaming began when agonizingly sharp bursts of pain shot through him without so much as a warning, mercilessly stomping at his already oversensitive nerve endings like a ferocious bull. A ripping and pulling kind of sensation, tormenting the tender insides of his thighs, knees and calves. Jaskier has never been this scared before, alone, suffering a torture that made Rience's crackling flames seem like a distant, pleasant memory. Despair and desperation has never claimed Jaskier's thundering heart so completely until now. It had to be a nightmare, for what God or Goddess could let something so terrifying happen to anyone.
Helplessly he kept splashing around the pool in panic, he called for help, he prayed for mercy, he wailed for Geralt with all his might and when his voice turned quiet and raspy from overuse, he whispered instead, urging Yennefer to find him....begging anybody to answer his plea. A fruitless effort on his part, these hotsprings laid deep beneath the foundation of Kaer Morhen, even with enhanced witcher senses, nobody heard him, nobody came.
Eventually the pain became too much for Jaskier to handle, he was too drained to fight it, too tired to hope, briefly wondering if this is how he would die. He didn't like the idea of it, however, he didn't really have a choice in the matter, now did he?
Writhing in agony and struggling for air, his vision clouded and soon everything went black. He sunk to the bottom of the pool like a wrecked ship.
....
8 hours later....
Am I dead? Jaskier asked himself, if so, afterlife isn't exactly what he had expected. Every person to perish by drowning probably felt mocked, including himself. Fated to spend eternity submerged in water. He slowly opened his eyes, didn't dare to look around until now....
....Not dead then
The edge of the pool was right there, he could see it. What happened? He craned his neck up to look around, nothing but pressure, rock and florescent blue crystals surrounded him, he must be at the bottom. He couldn't help the chain of questions trickled in, all along the lines of: How did I get here? Wait, did I black out? How long have I been in here? How am I still alive? Wait, am I breathing?
Jaskier eventually decided that answers could wait, he needed to get up to the surface immediately, unable to feel his legs he grabbed at the walls, practically climbing his way out of the water. Weirdly, his first breath of air felt wrong once he got to the edge, gripping the rough edges so hard his knuckles turned white.
It was all wrong, almost as if the air seemed thicker than the water, too much and not enough at once. His chest felt tight, uncomfortable, why is he heaving? Air is good, why does it feel like shit? Jaskier kept trying to breathe like that for several minutes and it only got more difficult with each gasp. He didn't think that he would ever miss being down there again, but he does miss it, he misses the pressure, he needs it. Even if it probably doesn't sound like a good idea to any sane person, he pushed himself off of the edge and dove back into the pool.
All he saw was red, like someone had spilled a bucket of blood in here, spirals of crimson danced around him as he waited for his lungs to take their fill. And as if breathing underwater wasn't weird enough, he stared like an idiot when he noticed that his legs were missing, a shiny, silvery blue and absolutely giant fish tail swayed before him instead.
.....he stayed alone like that for about twenty more minutes until every single witcher in the keep, a worried sorceress and a curious child nearly broke down the door in their quest to find him. When they did, a small part of Jaskier wished they hadn't found him at all, he was in no state to explain, to answer their questions, to even start processing this in the privacy of his own thoughts.
Perhaps I should have paid more attention during my childhood genealogy lessons....
I actually had this headcanon for a while now, probably started tossing ideas around in my head a few days after I watched Blood Origin. Here is a special thank you to @melinoiaagesander for reminding me about it and inspiring me to do something about it as well. Seeing as I tend to be a very lazy person (executive dysfunction go brrr), I will not be writing a fanfiction unless the mood strikes and if that happens, I shall gladly fall victim to hyperfixation and shit out a 50 000 word masterpiece with very bad grammar. And no, if I do write it, I will not fix the grammar mistakes unless rereading it brings forth the fattest, most scrumptiously painful dose of cringe in my life.
So OK, here we go....
I think it is common knowledge (despite the few times I've seen posts from confused Witcher fans right after the mini series aired), that Ithlinne's prophecy was about Ciri, the Lion Cub of Cintra and the descendent of Elie & Fjall. However, thanks to a brief lapse in judgement on the production team's part, either because of the way it was shot and edited or the because of the way it was written, when Seanchaí recited the prophecy:
"The Lark's seed shall carry forth the first note of a song that ends all time, and one of her blood shall sing the last"
It came across as delightfully misleading to many of us, even if most of us quickly understood to whom Seanchaí was actually referring to. Still, my bleeding Jaskier stan heart has never felt more glee at the prospect of getting another little Netflix "oopsie" to play with! (The other one being that they forgot to age Jaskier in season 1 and then decided to not even bother for season 2)
Which is why I took my ritalin, rubbed my clammy, cold little fingers together like a cartoon villain and dug deep into the lore, to find a way to spin an intricate web of realistic and clever facts that would serve as my personal foundation for this exciting headcanon! Jaskier is another descendent of the Lark and her Witcher, he has elder blood coursing through his veins and is distantly related to Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon!
(If Netflix weren't a bunch of pussies and if a disgusting majority of the Witcher fandom weren't a bunch of gatekeeping, racist and homophobic Plot-Guardians, this could have been the coolest curveball ever! The adorable, frilly and fragile bumbling human of a bard, going from side-character to focal point.)
Let's lay down the groundwork:
(I AM SO GIDDY AAAAAHHH, somebody catch me, I think I'm gonna faint!!)
- While Witchers as we know them are sterile, Fjall is clearly not. Because his mutation process wasn't designed by a group of mages who spent a long time on optimizing the serum to better serve it's purpose. Fjall was an experimental prototype, created from desperation and a few rush-job elixirs, so his precious elf balls weren't tampered with.
- Elie and Fjall made love after Fjall's transformation, bringing the first child of elder blood into existence. Which happened ca 1200 years before the canon era that the main Witcher series is set in, meaning that Ciri has a shit ton of ancestors that predate her entire canonical family tree, all going unaccounted for.
- Jaskier, as we can obviously see, has visually not aged a single day since meeting Geralt in Posada at age 18-19 (don't quote me on this, finding a reliable info source is a nightmare). He traveled with Geralt on and off for approximately 20ish years, making him at least 40 in the Rare Species episode and at least a little bit over 40 in the Family episode of season 2. That alone has inspired hundreds if not thousands of headcanons about Jaskier not being entirely human, one of which is: Jaskier is part elf.
- And OH BOY, isn't that neat?!?!?! I mean, we see a talented young bard, whom everyone assumes to be human, whom Blood Origin's ending accidentally implied to be a descendent of another bard, an elven bard who lived 1200 years ago and had a child with an elven Witcher. That should be enough metaphorical fapping material for my brain, shouldn't it?
Not so fast....
What if instead of imagining that some long fossil type beat long dead ancestor, lost to history, somehow ended up siring a child into a family of Keracki Nobles (Lettenhove doesn't seem to appear on any map of the continent I could find, but several sources claim that it is a small Viscouncy located in Kerack).....I could instead put in some effort and figure out how to make things more interesting, how to make Jaskier's elder blood ancestor actually traceable and as an awesome bonus, make Jaskier's and Ciri's relation a little closer. Not by a lot, obviously, it wouldn't make sense, but just enough for a new dynamic for fanfiction writers to explore. Personally, the idea of it has the potential to heal my poor broken heart, I adore Jaskier so much, but the way the main 3 characters of the series have treated him until Yennefer finally grew a braincell makes me sad.
Geralt's shitty apology aside, Lambert's cranky "No" aside (yk what I'm talking about), Yarpen Zigrin's unfriendliness aside, I DID NOT enjoy the scenes in which Ciri interacted with Jaskier. This headcanon though? Oh man, if I only had enough juice in me to write something for AO3, spin some epic ass Jaskier-centric tale, sprinkle in some geraskier/yennskier/lambskier and tag it with fix-it? I would!
Back to business, this is Ciri's family tree, it has the royal family of Cintra, girlboss Calanthe is there, Ciri's mom Pavetta is there, her sick son of a bitch father too. As you can see, besides the unknown descendents of Elie and Fjall, elder blood has deep roots and it can all be traced back to these folks: Lara Dorren aep Shiadhal & Cregennan of Lod, as well as Cerro of Redania & King Vridank of Redania....however those two are of no importance to this post.
Instead of trying to squeeze Jaskier into the equation by picking some rando as far back in time as possible, I stumbled across a treasure when trying to go from the bottom up. That treasure being another direct descendent of Lara Dorren as well as Elie and Fjall, his name was Crispin!
See him there? He happens to be Queen Calanthe's grandmother's twin brother! Although his name box is blue and not red, unlike King Goidemar of Temeria, the line that leads us to him is dark red, which means he is of elder blood and bears the activator gene as well, just like his sister. Now, if one needs a sex partner with the green latent gene in order to awaken the dormant powers in this blood line (which although watered down, still is incestuous), then I am not sure how Jaskier could inherit the same powers as Ciri. I myself prefer to headcanon that since Lettenhove is in Kerack, the small Viscouncy is located near the borders of Brokilon and therefore the Pankratz family could easily have a few drops of mixed blood with one of the Brokilon nymphs.
I am not much of a biologist (despite getting good grades in it back in high school), but it does make sense to me that being at least a little bit mixed with nymph DNA could theoretically aid in strengthening Jaskier's elder blood & activator genes. Sort of like how dog breeders play God to make a better specimen for many different purposes. In Jaskier's ancestry case, I like to think that one of his forefathers got seduced by a Rusalka, found out that she used him to get pregnant and then stole the child from her and raised the kid alone, in doing so, introducing nymph DNA into the Pankratz lineage.
Back to Crispin
Crispin aep Amavet, turned out to have a rather convenient backstory!
Apparently, his mother, Anna Kameny, was married to Count Roger Kameny and less than a year before her twins were born, she had an affair with Prince Amavet of Temeria (Queen Calanthe's great grandfather and Ciri's 4x great grandfather).
So with Crispin and his twin sister Muriel the Delightful, both being children of Prince Amavet, making them illegitimate to Count Roger Kameny, their mother Anna had to fight in court three times so that her kids could inherit Roger's estate. Muriel was content with that, she didn't care that her real father was a Prince and didn't push to be recognized as Amavet's daughter. Kameny wealth and her beauty combined, she didn't have trouble finding a husband and leading a happy life.
Crispin on the other hand, knowing that he is of royal blood, proud of his elven heritage, wanted that relation validated. So he started wearing the Kameny coat of arms, which he had custom made to hint at who his real father is by adding burgundy to the Temerian lilies. This caused a MAJOR scandal, turns out his little stunt was illegal and he got his ass arrested. He payed a fine and swore to never repeat that mistake, but what did he do instead????
Yeah, he fucking did it again, enraging enemies and his own mother as well, who fought so hard for his "legality" for the Count title. After that, Crispin, as a massive "Fuck you" to everyone, joined a gang of mercenaries and referred to himself as Crispin aep Amavet. Time went by, battles were fought and eventually he just disappeared off of the face of the earth. People assumed that he died and they were glad about it...ain't that convenient?
For the sake of this headcanon, I think Crispin could have easily just gone into hiding, wandering the continent under a fake name and impregnating some Pankratz de Lettenhove lady in the process. Could have just been a one night stand and nobody would know, nobody would know that Jaskier is related to the Cintran crown, to Ciri herself, to Lara Dorren and finally to another bard, so much like himself, Ellie the Lark.
I fucking LOVE this headcanon to bits and pieces! There is so much here that one can play with! Like Jaskier's meeting with Seanchaí somehow triggering the dormant powers within him and what those powers would look like, I don't think the first sign of it would be a deadly scream. I like to think that his newly awakened chaos would somehow tie into his singing, there is so much potential here, so many ideas to explore!
In canon, Ciri is destined to destroy humanity and return the elves back to power, but Jaskier has already beat her to it a little, kick-starting the process by smuggling elves to Xin'trea.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Sorry for editing this post 5 times, I was still working on it while waiting for AVATAR to start at the Cinema and accidentally published it in panic when the lights went out. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope that this post can be of use to you if you decide to write a fanfic about/inspired by it! :3
(Please tag me if you do, I would love to read it! May your writing process be smooth, may your updates be frequent and may AO3 maintenance not impact your creativity!)
So here are my headcanons, because I refuse to believe that our ball of sunshine has an expiration date...
So, I know Lauren said that Jaskier not aging in the show was just a filming mistake, something they simply forgot to do and on a completely logical level I am fully aware that in canon Jaskier is completely human, 100%. And I also know that they're not gonna change it, no matter how much some of us may wish they did (Although why not? They already strayed so far from the books and made so many changes, might as well go the extra mile)
Realistic-ish headcanons:
- Jaskier is part elf, perhaps quarter elf like Yennefer, it is an entirely justifiable headcanon, theoretically, Jaskier's human father could have married a half elf commoner woman (who may or may not have had the pointy tips on her ears cut off with a knife to avoid human prejudice)
- Jaskier has a fae ancestor, somewhere many many generations back in his ancestry, so his entire family is suspiciously long lived but nobody cares because Lettenhove isn't politically important and therefore doesn't catch the attention of the prejudiced Nobles farther up the royal court chain.
- Jaskier unintentionally drinks the same elixir mages/sorcerers drink to prolong their life. I read that chaos wielders don't have naturally long lifespans, they semi-regularly drink an elixir with mandrake roots in it to slow the aging process. According to Witcher Wiki, you can only buy mandrake root in Lindenvale and my headcanon is that Jaskier experiments with many different tea blends to see which one is more effective for soothing his throat after singing. So at the age of 29-30, he wanders into Lindenvale and buys some dried mandrake to make a tea, after one sip he felt more rejuvenated than ever and since that day, mandrake root tea has become his number one go-to, he drinks it as often as he can.
More fanfic centric, less canon possible headcanons:
- Jaskier is a Dryad. (Yayyy trans Jaskier headcanon) Since Lettenhove is so tiny, it isn't even on the Witcher continent map, but a simple Google search says that it is Located somewhere in Kerack. Kerack borders with Brokilon, so it's kind of a nifty little loophole for fanfic writers to use and place Lettenhove somewhere near the forests where Dryads live.
And while most Dryads treat any man that enters their realm as a mere sperm donor, Witcher Wiki does also mention that some Dryads can form emotional relationships and fall in love with humans and/or elves, but in the end, all Dryad born offspring is AFAB. So imagine this, Jaskier's father falls in love with a Dryad, she falls in love with him, they have Jaskier, Jaskier notices early on that he feels like a boy and his rich Viscount father hires a mage to help Jaskier transition early.
- Jaskier is a higher vampire, higher vampires are a HIGHLY secretive society, even in canon, part of the reason why even Witchers have so little information about them is because they prefer to hide in plain sight and are ridiculously good at it. Jaskier doesn't age, has no self-preservation instincts, doesn't buy a horse and yet still keeps up with Geralt on foot for 20 years. Jaskier's personality isn't fake, he doesn't act like someone else, it's all him, but his clumsiness is a little bit of an act, he also purposefully avoids physical fights, it comes across as fear of getting hurt but in reality it's because he's afraid of appearing too strong and exposing himself. Lettenhove doesn't appear on maps, because it doesn't exist legally, it's just a castle hidden in the woods, a safe place for higher vampires, kinda like Kaer Morhen is for Witchers, Jaskier's parents just happen to be the ones who run it.
