Where Hyperfixation Lives

Here to share any and all hyper-fixation and brain rot with the world

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 79 (masterpost here)

*connecting ping*

Jason, over the roar of a motorcycle engine: y'ello. just you tonight?

Dick: heyyy, littlewing! yeah, i'm just keeping an eye on some stuff, it's kinda quiet tonight. whatcha' up to?

Jason: actually i'm on my way back from an out-of-town mission and i'm passing Blud. figured i'd swing by rather than go all the way to Gotham tonight, if you aren't busy.

Dick: sounds good to me. wanna meet up and finish my patrol with me? was gonna get pizza on my way back home.

Jason: i'm down, where should i go?

Dick: uhh, 'bouta come up to Stark Ave, if you wanna cross lines there?

Jason: got it.

Dick: did you hear the latest bullshit going down over at the manor?

Jason, dry: 'latest bullshit' could be anything from some shit Damian did two weeks ago to something Tim did this morning; you gotta be more specific.

Dick: i was over there a few days ago and got the gossip from Alfred. *amused* B's mad at Damian because he thinks Damian's a bully at school.

Jason: oh yeah, i was there when that started. he's still on that?

Dick: you knew and didn't tell me?!

Jason: sorry. it's bullshit anyway, i just figured B would forget before we even got back to the cave. they're still going on about it?

Dick: they were arguing for hours. did Damian even do anything?

Jason, instantly: oh, yeah. he did that shit. 100% guilty.

Dick, in disbelief: what?! are you telling me my baby brother is a bully?! Jason, you were supposed to raise him better than that!

Jason: no- *wheeze* no, you're misunderstanding me. yeah, he's beaten a couple people up and made some kids cry, but he isn't a bully.

*a beat*

Jason: not intentionally, anyway. *engine cuts out* i'm here by the way.

Dick: what the fuck?

Jason, defensive: well- you know how Damian is!

Dick: less and less as the days go by... i'm above you, look up.

Jason: *chuckle* alright, alright that's fair. but you know how like, quick-witted he is? he's got the silver tongue of a fucking snake, it's annoying how good he is at insulting people.

Dick: oh yeah. i've been saying since he showed up in Gotham that we need to get that little guy into a debate team. he'd sweep.

Jason: exactly! but the problem is he also doesn't have any kind of regulation about appropriate levels of harshness in response to other peoples' insults, right? like... if somebody comes at you with a level one insult, then the correct response is a matching level one rebuttal or a level two if you want to shut them down. level three if they're an ass--but you get me, right? there's rules.

Dick, snorting: ok, yeah, i get it. Damian does not play by those rules ever.

Jason: exactly! this fucker's going around like it's a constant free-for-all!

Dick: -one time i told him he looked kind of like a chipmunk when he scrunches his nose and gets all annoyed. he looks me straight in the eyes and without missing a beat tells me, 'and you look like an echo of the man Mary and John Grayson wanted you to be. i bet you fall asleep at night thinking about how disappointed they would be if they could see the mess you've grown up to become.'

Jason: *loud wheeze*

Dick: -aND I WAS LIKE DAMN KID? FRIENDLY FIRE?!

Jason: SO YOU- *cackle* SO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN-?!

Dick: yeah, but i thought it was just a family thing! are you telling me that he's pulling that shit with innocent school children?!

Jason: *still cackling* no you- *choke* you gotta- you gotta give Day a break, man. he- *wheeze* he doesn't mean to,

Dick, starting to laugh incredulously: how is he not meaning to-?!

Jason: well he's- *laugh* he's not the one starting it, you know? like- these kids aren't completely innocent. the issue is, kids try to pick on Damian with their lame-ass level two insults, and- *wheeze* Damian keeps turning around to smack them across the faces with instant level ten shit-,

Dick: *wheezing* Damian no,

Jason: -and then these other kids start crying and snitch on Damian to their teachers, and when the teacher is told what happens it's shit like 'i told Damian he was a rich bitch and he told me i deserved my uncle's cancer diagnosis',

Dick: *losing his shit*

Jason, struggling to keep composure: e- *breathless wheeze* exactly! so obviously, it comes off that Day's a bully when in reality he's just an idiot who doesn't understand the concept of pulling your verbal punches when shutting down people stupider than you.

Dick: *delirious* god, this kid-! you gotta feel bad for the other students, right? those poor guys, having to grow up alongside Damian Al Ghul.

Jason: they'll fuckin'- they'll learn quick, that's for sure. you know it's not just verbal, right? i picked him up from school once and as he came down the steps towards my car some kid tried to trip him up; he turned with the speed of a fucking horror movie villain, grabbed the kid by the head and smashed him against the wall. then kept on to my car like nothing had happened.

Dick: oh my god. what did you do?

Jason: *snort* fuck'm'i suposed to do? i checked the kid was still alive and then bought Damian an ice cream.

Dick: OK- well no fucking wonder he's like this; with you raising him!

Jason, defensive: sue me for wanting the kid to not be afraid to stick up for himself! i don't want my kid being bullied by some twats in a Gotham private school.

Dick: aw, don't want him to go through the hell you did?

Jason, confused: what hell? i wasn't bullied.

Dick: ...wait. you weren't?

Jason: no?! were you?

Dick: WHY WEREN'T YOU BULLIED?

Jason, in awe: holy shit you were bullied weren't you?

Dick: WHAT THE FUCK.

Jason: *loud cackling* oh my god, you got bullied?!

Dick: *sputtering* i- ok well- i- fucking- a little bit, but to be fair i didn't know until years later that it was bullying so it barely counts!

Jason: how the fuck do you not know if you're being bullied or not?

Dick, indignant: well! i was very in my own head when i was in school! i didn't realise they were mocking me. they would just- *slight wheeze* they would just yell shit like 'hey circus boy, do a trick for us!' and my delusional-ass would just be like 'cool! gymnastics at school!' and i'd do one. i didn't really clock that-

Jason: *loud wheeze* that they were just-

Dick: -yeah they basically just made me into their circus pet in an attempt to belittle me, and i just liked doing the circus stuff so much that i didn't realise it was supposed to be belittling.

Jason: *laughing loudly* god- you make me so happy.

Dick, annoyed: i can't believe you weren't bullied. this is such bullshit, you were literally a weird street kid dropped into the most expensive school in the city. nobody gave you a hard time?

Jason: no? i- i mean- i'm sure they would have, had i given them the chance? but i didn't speak to anybody. i don't actually think anybody knew i attended that school. like- nobody from any of my classes went to my public funeral, right?

Dick, pointedly: how would i know? i wasn't there.

Jason: *wheeze*

Dick, snickering: no i- i did check the logs after i came back and found out; come to think of it, i don't think anybody from your school showed up.

Jason: see, exactly. i was in and out of that place like the wind. didn't speak to nobody, sat in the back of every class, did my work perfectly to avoid speaking to my teachers--i used to climb over the fence and eat lunch in that etsy witch's store a couple streets over to avoid social interaction. Stella knew more about me than anyone at Gotham Academy; i was invisible.

Dick, dubious: you used to eat lunch with an etsy witch?

Jason: yeah. paid her one time to cast some kind of spell on me that would make nobody in class want to talk to me. i was dedicated to this shit.

Dick: ok, so what you're saying is you would have been bullied in high school, but you got away without being bullied because you just didn't have any friends.

Jason: yeah. it was less that people weren't interested in making my life hard, and more just... people didn't think i was interesting point blank.

*a beat*

Dick: that does make me feel a lot better about me being bullied.

Jason: *wheeze* shut up, dickhead.

*three seconds of silence*

Jason: 'kids in Tim's school used to call him Young Sheldon.

Dick: ohmygod that's genius-

[bella-baby22]

Tried explaining why I loved Jason Todd to my friend tonight and was just like “you don’t understand I’m OBSESSED with any piece of media I can get my hand on. Well she doubted me so I stared her dead in the eyes and recited the takeover monologue from Under the Red Hood verbatim and she stares at me and proceeds to go, “I have chills pop off”

[ciricearts]

yeehawww

[bella-baby22]

Yall my coworker and I were talking about fan fiction and she told me she had wattpad and I was like nope and got her an invite to Ao3 and I went omg babies first archive visit 😭😭🤣

[bella-baby22]

Cluemaster is out of jail, batfam feels

Gotham's never quiet, not really it just tones down the loud from time to time. Bruce actually quite enjoys that about the city he's never really cared for the quiet, but on slower nights like this he knows its only a matter of time before something/someone ruins the break he's having.

"Oracle to Batman you available?"

He breathes out a chuckle before composing himself into Batman once again, "What is it Oracle?"

"There's an... incident happening over in the Bowery I think you need to step in."

He starts his way over, "Who is it this time Hood? Red Robin?"

"It's actually Spoiler."

That actually makes him pause there isn't usually a reason for him to step in with Stephanie. She may work with the bats but she's always been independent and if anyone needs to help her out would take Batman last on any occasion.

"Oracle what am I walking into here?"

There's a tense pause before the answer comes, "Cluemaster is out of jail."

That has Bruce sprinting even faster to the Bowery where he comes across the young vigilante in a screaming match with the rogue.

"Listen here you shitty Riddler rip off! You don't know shit about me or my choices! You were too busy being in jail to remember?!"

"I know enough to know that I should've convinced your mother to get rid of you one way or another, you such a disappointment Stephanie, or should I say 'Spoiler'? Absolutely pathetic..." He sounded drunk but that didn't seem to matter because it hurt her just as bad as far as he could see.

Stephanie's head was down she was quiet had nothing to say and that wasn't like her she was shaking and probably on the brink of tears.

He'd seen enough and dropped between the two, "You should go Arthur. You're not needed here."

"And what do you know bat? This is between the two of us bet you can't tell me anything about her more than I can!" Cluemaster cackles like hes the worlds best comedian.

"She's impressed with the barest hint of support from me or my team, and surprised when I think she can contribute anything because she thinks she's got nothing to offer anyone."

He hears multiple boots on the roof top behind him, "She looks at us like we've shown her a new element when we tell her we love her." Red Robin speaks as he wraps an arm around her.

Red Hood comes up next to Bruce, "Anytime things are going really well she runs, wonder why she's scared of getting attached?"

Nightwing is the next to speak, "She loves waffles and eggplant purple and remember stuff like that? Being patient? that's how we show her she can trust us and care."

"You let her believe those lies you said for so long its hard to show her they aren't true..."

"Black Bat?" Stephanie whispers.

"Not that it's her fault of course, its yours."

"Robin you don't have to," Spoiler starts.

"Tch, of course I don't but this is because of the man child who loved you before we did."

Her breathe hitches and the youngest of them standing up for her so blatantly. She looks to Batman to see what he was going to say after all of this.

"You tried to break her, but she's smart."

"she's pretty." Black Bat adds.

"And super funny," Red hood chimes up from where he's looming in front Spoiler and Red Robin.

"so it's a real pity that you can't see that Arthur," Bruce continues, "When you sober up and change maybe you should call her."

He turns ready to leave and tell his kids to head home for the night.

"And who do you think you are to tell me all this huh, Batman?!"

"We're the ones who love your daughter."

With that they all disappear into the night and head home.

In the cave

Bruce sits on his chair after his shower and sighs waiting for everyone to be done for post patrol debriefing. when he's hit with a fury of muscle and blonde hair as Stephanie wraps her arms around him.

"You didn't have to stand up for me like that, B."

Bruce gives a small chuckle, "Yeah I did, I'm not your dad Stephanie but you're one of my kids and I'll be damned if someone makes you feel like you're anything but the amazing young women and vigilante you've made yourself into."

She gives a wet laugh before nodding," You're pretty great too, B"

[bella-baby22]

The batfam being bored for one reason or another and a debate sparks about who is the better dancer (excluding Cass because she's amazing). So they have the brilliant idea to each post a video and let the public decide who has the best routine.

Dick recruits Kori and after some debate decide to do a routine to South of the Border, it blows up overnight they move together in a way that seems that they have been dancing together for years and in a way they kind of have.

Jason snags Roy and they decide on Loser baby from helluva boss and do the full reenactment from the show everyone loves it and the internet has a new favorite ship.

Tim and Steph decide to release two different videos because they're cool like that. They do a fun upbeat dance to bar song with both of them laughing with joy through the whole routine. They follow up with a upbeat waltz style dance to Can We Pretend by Pink. The internet loves the duo and they think that they have this in the bag.

Well at least until Damian decides to get in on the action, they should've expected this from the youngest of the family he is well known for his competitive streak.

Damian brings in Jon and together they move the internet to tears with a contemporary piece to Brother by kodaline. The family is stunned by the boys and lets him have the win. Bruce is just happy that they did something relatively harmless with their boredom this time versus starting a gang war or something.

[bella-baby22]

Jason can sing?

I love the idea that the batfam are all musically inclined in some way but no one thinks Jason is because he doesn't sing or play music around the rest of the family but I would love it if they found out because he blew up and was all over the radio one day.

Dick driving up from Blud just listening to the radio when the host comes on with a loud boisterous voice making him jump.

Host: Alrighty everyone! The votes are in and tallied the top 3 songs by rising star Jaybird voted on by all of you lovely people out there in radio land!

Host: And to help us with this announcement I have a special guest, Gotham's superstar song bird, Jaybird himself! Welcome man we're so happy to have you here!

Jason: Thanks for having me I can't wait to see what everyone said about my music. This really just started as way to work through my feelings I never thought anyone would like it this much I'm so grateful for everyone's support.

Host: Talented, cute, and humble to boot. Tell me you're single!

Jason gives a chuckle: Happily taken.

Host: Darn, well we're happy for you. Now lets Get to these results! In third place we have... Little me!

Jason, singing: I'd tell him to speak up, tell him to shout out, and know that right here, right now, you're beautiful wonderful, anything you wanna be... little me

Host: Personally this would have ranked higher for me but I love it; its moving it speaks to becoming the person younger you needed I love this message truly.

Jason: I'm so glad people resonate with it it was a really hard message to portray but I think it turned out well.

Host: Absolutely! So well done! Moving on to Numero dos! We have F****in' Perfect!

Jason, singing: Mistreated, misplace, misunderstood, Mx No-Way-It's-All-Good, it didn't slow me down, Mistaken, always second guessing underestimated, look, i'm still around... Pretty, pretty please, don;t you ever, ever feel... like you're less than fuckin perfect. Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing. You're fucking perfect to me...

Host: This one, I totally get I am sensing a theme here with the empowerment of people and you seem to really enjoy making sure you're music sends a message huh?

Jason: I mean what's the point of letting people listen to music that doesn't mean anything? I wish I had music like this when I was going through it I know that I'm not saying anything new I'm just trying to say it louder, ya know?

Host: I hear ya! Now in the number one spot... drum roll please *drum roll*

Host chuckles: The number one voted song is... Funhouse!

Jason, singing: This used to be a funhouse, But now it's full of evil clowns, It's time to start the countdown,I'm gonna burn it down down down,I'm gonna burn it down. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, fun...

Jason chuckles along with the host: I mean I guess that was to be expected in Gotham

Host: Well you heard it here folks, thank you for tuning in keep listening for details to come about how to score some tickets to Jaybird's next concert!

Dick hysterically to Jason's voicemail: Jason answer your freaking phone when were you going to tell me you were famous?!

[exuberantocean]

Please call this recession the Trump Slump.

We need to put Trump's name on this.

[exuberantocean]

if ever anything I wrote were to ever go viral, let it be this. Let everyone talk about the Trump Slump. I want to hear this term in the news.

[bella-baby22]

10 Things I Hate About You

Jason "Jay" Todd

What if Dick payed Roy to take Jason out and keep him happy enough that he would be more willing to come around to the family. He hacked in and got Roy into Jay's classes at Gotham U and his usual schedule so that they would start running into each other more. What if he told Roy not to mention anything about them ever being friends because that would just piss of Jason more so Roy agrees he needs the money anyway and what could go wrong from taking Dick's brother out for a while really?

So Roy joins Jason's classes, Creative Writing, Literary History, and Comp. Enough that they were together often but not enough that it was odd. He sat next to him in class and started conversations started taking him to coffee for study dates and to get help with some of his work.

He took him out to dinner and to the museum. He took him to the farmers market and went to volunteer at youth shelters to help kids with homework and the like.

When Jason decides to bring Roy to one of the Wayne Charity Galas, Roy is hesitant but agrees with a smile before he kisses Jason goodbye and texts Dick that they need to talk. He wants to end the arrangement. He doesn't know how to tell his friend that he fell for his little brother but he just knows that he can't continue with this relationship if he's getting paid he says he'll give the money back at the Gala.

Fast forward to the night of the gala and Dick pulls Roy into the hall to talk away from the party.

Dick: I don't understand you did what I paid you to do you made Jason happy you brought him home he came to a Gala of his own volition! you earned this

Roy: No listen I can't do it just take the money please I don't want it...

Jason looking for his brother and date stops dead in his tracks: You paid him to date me?...

Roy: Jason wait you don't unders-

Jason: Save it. I'm leaving lose my number.

Roy shoots Dick one last panicked look: Jaybird please I can explain.

Dick watches with pale eyes as Roy chases after Jason who has obviously started crying as he storms out of the gala.

Roy: Jaybird, baby please just listen to me for one second!

Jason turns on him with a snarl: You don't get to call me that anymore! I don't want to listen to a word you fucking say! I should have known! I'm so stupid to think anyone could ever care about me like you did! Just stay away from me.

Roy is left standing like an idiot as Jason drives off and he wonders how he's going to face Jason in class after this...

In class the next week their professor asks if any would would like to share their rendition of the Shakespeare sonnet they were assigned and a few people shift uncomfortably before Jason raises his hand.

Roy watches with red eyes as Jason heads up to the podium with his sonnet.

Jason: I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare; I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.

Roy takes a shaky breath as Jason swallows back his tears to continue.

Jason: I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the fact you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little but, not at all.

Jason's voice cracks on the last line before he grabs his stuff and storms out of the room and Roy stares at the tears on his desk as the door slams behind Jason.

Later when Jason is heading towards his car he opens the door to find a book lying on his seat and picks it up as his heart stops.

A first Edition Pride & Prejudice.

Roy: It's not nearly enough to show how sorry I am but I hope its a good start?

Jason spins around to stare and the man who broke his heart not even a week ago.

Jason: I don't know I think some grovelling would be nice...

Roy: Jaybird I'm so sorry and I will do absolutely everything in my power to be better every day if you could find it in your heart to let me try...

Jason: Fine. But I don't know how you're going to make things up to me if you mess up again.

Roy: There are a few more first additions I can get my hands on if I need to?

Jason huffs a laugh before pulling the man into a firm kiss; he liked the sound of that.

[bella-baby22]

Alfred's funeral

Do I regret this as I thought of it yes but I was already sad when "Mamaw's house" by Thomas Rhett came on and I thought about how the batfam would act at Alfred's funeral so I'm sorry right now🥲

The manor was uncharacteristically quiet for such a sunny day, usually you could hear the kids arguing or running through the halls at this time of day. As Bruce walked through the halls glancing at all the covered paintings and mirrors in the halls on the way to the living room he couldn't help but swallow back a sob.

The room was just as somber as the rest of the house with the group not speaking and most of them having tears running silently down their faces.

Bruce: There is nothing that I or anyone could say that could make this easier but I don't think he would like us to sit around and mope. "Nothing good or productive to come of all that nonsense" *Bruce says in a surprisingly accurate imitation of Alfred's posh accent*

Dick chokes out a laugh and looks towards Bruce with a nod. The others look at him, waiting to follow his lead.

Dick: He always smelled like flour from baking and laundry soap? I would recognize it anywhere.

Tim: I can still hear the car pull up he never did have Bruce's tacky taste in sports cars I loved that little blue car of his.

Bruce gave a jokingly offended huff at the dig and smiled at the kids as they started to share stories about his adopted father.

Jason: He would always ask me if I was hungry...

Steph: Like every 30 seconds! I swear if I didn't know any better I'd say he was trying to fatten us up. *she gives a wet giggle and leans into Cass*

Cass: When he thought we weren't around he'd cuss "bloody hell" "Bollocks" "Oh bugger"

Duke: He'd put me to work chopping vegetables for dinner cuz he didn't trust me in the kitchen yet.

Damian: *softly, like he didn't want to interupt* and cussing and complaining weren't aloud....

Bruce, with a sad smile in their direction; eyes suspiciously wet: Not in Alfred's house.

[anqerr]

SHAKING VIOLENTLY

Edit hey if you like this post consider boosting and possibly donating to Mahmoud, or his brother in law Ahmed, to help them survive genocide.

[bella-baby22]

THIS OMG SOMEONE SAID THE THING

[garpen]

HEYY HEYY HEY I love Twitter au so much I really funny I love to read just wondering if you had any fic recs

Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying 😁

And here are some of my Batfam related fics (all on AO3):

• The The French Mistake by Vamillepudding

(Dimensional travel, Rated T, 27k words)

• The Jason Project by loosingletters

(Angst/Comfort, Rated T, 4k words)

• My Gay Bat Cousin by emmacortana (Misunderstanding, funny, Rated T, 3k words)

• Lessons (Never) Learned by raven_of_hydecastle (Bruce is trying his best, funny, Rated G, 3k words)

• Yesterday's Voices by LemonadeGarden (Amnesia, Rated G, 49k words)

• Take It Back Now Y'all by TimTheToaster (Tim Centric, time travel/fix-it-fic, 150k words, rated M) (Desperately waiting for part 2 in the series)

• The Hearts of Gotham by shchrijverr (Funny, Pretend Cryptid, Rated G, 15k words)

Let me know if ya want more fic recs!

[tundrakatiebean]

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

[ceevee5]

[reading-writing-revolution]

I wouldn't even use 45; use 34 -- the number of felonies.

[sewickedthread]

As in "What cartoonishly evil set up by the Republicans is Mr. 34 Felonies blathering about now? And how unconstitutional is it?"

[honeybee2807]

Was scrolling through AO3 and found this gem

Enemy to parent is a trope we have to popularise lmao

[bella-baby22]

The batfams favorite Epic the musical song

(I take criticism just not well lol)

Bruce: Just a Man from the Troy Saga. He relates to it with his mission and small little emotional availability he has

Dick: Open Arms also the Troy Saga. Likes the message as the families resident optimist and thinks it’s catchy hums it around the house and on patrol.

Cass: We’ll Be Fine the Wisdom Saga. She likes the idea that even the most powerful can learn from mistakes and be better in the end.

Jason: he says it’s Ruthlessness but it’s actually I Can’t Help But Wonder. This is obvious he wants his dad and who he was so long ago to be okay together but is going to stick to his ways as he’s stubborn

Tim: Puppeteer from the Circe saga. Janet Drake taught him the art of pulling all the strings in the game and he loves seeing a powerful woman in a song doing the same.

Steph: Thunder Bringer from the Thunder Saga. No thoughts thinks the song is just a vibe even with the dark ending

Damian: Legendary from the Wisdom Saga. Do I need to explain this one? Just ouch

[chellychuu]