just a little guy @bigmcchickenmood - Tumblr Blog

grown men will throw fits about how they face sooo much rejection and women would never get it meanwhile me and the girls who were even just like average or a lil ugly at like 12 years old were being treated like we were subhuman by peers and adults alike

cringecorp

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

imtired-likerllytired

Tim: I can’t tell dick?? I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or not trustworthy bc I’m doing something reckless??!

Jason who saw Dick make out with a mark to steal something from his pocket when Dick was 17:…

Bruce who saw Dick jump off a moving plane and hum the song “I need a hero” instead of calling for Superman:

Wally who say Dick go fuck it and infiltrate a sex trafficking ring as a stripper bc someone said he was too pretty to work for the mob:

Roy who has smacked dick out of delusions 15 times too many:

Clark who saw dick stay in a radioactive city for vibes:

Diana who has heard Donna’s concerned ramblings since she was like 12:

Damian who saw that Dick turned the bat ears into projectiles that can electrocute you:

Steph who saw the same thing:

Tim who refuses to believe Dick Grayson can do anything that isn’t brilliant, premeditated and completely the best option: I CANT HE’ll be so disappointed:(

c3rvida3

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

raskolnikov-did-nothing-wrong

“This is going to be so fucking efficient” should be the new “hold my beer”

throo

My brother in Tumblr this post is from 2016

kimtty

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

papayafromtv

how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

birdiedoesdc

some really funny things about this panel i haven’t stopped thinking about:

jason wanting to get drinks with everyone

jason specifically offering drinks to tim, the teenager

tim, the teenaged vigilante, turning down jason’s offer of drinks because he’s underage

i know tim’s age is wack, but if we choose to stick with one semi-consistent timeline, then jason is only three years than tim. ie also underage

i have to assume jason knows which gotham bars don’t card because fake ids will only get him so far

dick is also here but he isn’t doing anything about his siblings underage drinking because he’s too busy brooding over the gotham skyline. as one does

they’re all fucking ridiculous

batsandbirdsandothers

Series of “I’m Robin and being Robin gives me magic!”

nyukaart

They make me cry uncontrollably

Ily baby Dami and LOA Jason Todd

amorkuku

oh23

Jason is that one unemployed sibling who texts you weird shit at 3:27 pm on a Tuesday.

Like, Dick, sweating his ass off in his police uniform getting a text from Jason, which btw, extremely rare- and it's just a Twin tomato (two tomatoes grown as one ykwim) and captioned w "ur ass"

or Tim is in the middle of his board meeting and he gets an email from Red Hood and hes like stressing out chcking it only to find a pic of his apartment's kitchen's pantry asking "why dont you have salt?"

and then damian coming back from school to see his phone full of texts from Jason and it's all pics of ugly animals and every pic is captioned with "u" "u again" "wow u"

Bruce getting a morse code going "check phone" and it's a video of Jason flying away on an alien helicopter contraption with Roy yelling after him asking him to get down and jason saying he doesnt know how this shit works.