@sarumans
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Misplaced Lens Cap

gracie abrams
d e v o n
h

Discoholic 🪩
Mike Driver

Love Begins
almost home
YOU ARE THE REASON

bliss lane

shark vs the universe

if i look back, i am lost
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Not today Justin
Show & Tell
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blake kathryn
noise dept.

seen from Germany
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seen from Italy
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@callmeirony
@sarumans
At a particularly low point during the Rose era, Ilya was up until 4am stalking the location of Shane’s cottage and then whoops! he paid a fortune to buy the adjoining plot of land.
Once they’re back together, Ilya has to decide whether to admit to the most insane thing he’s ever done or try to sell property in a country he doesn’t live in without Shane noticing.
shane starts thinking out loud during a trip up there together about whether he should go ahead and try to buy the adjoining lot in case they want to add a guest house one day or just want more privacy and ilya just
#'i wouldn't worry dorogoy it looks like they're not doing anything with it' *kind of. forgot he did that UNTIL THIS EXACT MOMENT*#'yeah but what if they decide to build a house or something?? it's kind of close'#'i REALLY don't think it's going to be a problem'#'yeah but you don't KNOW'#ilya: *sweating*#listen it made sense when he was drunk and in his feelings okay#hangover of all time waking up and realizing that you did indeed just shell out an ungodly amount of money for canadian property#next to your maybe-ex fuckbuddy#rip buddy#also rip to anyone on the team who had to deal with him soon after lmao#and also like. atp. he doesn't want to sell it.#because if someone else bought it#they could indeed maybe see shane's property depending on where they build a house#(that was. a primary. motivation. in ilya buying it.)#so ilya doesn't want someone else to buy it because he likes how private it is#but now shane is puzzling it over and ilya is fucking NERVOUS#because he can only fuck shane so many times to change the subject before shane is going to start catching on#and it did dawn on him that he could lie A LITTLE BIT and say 'oh i bought it so we both have this place together <3'#but he KNOWS shane#shane will want details#AND ILYA CANNOT PROVIDE DETAILS#if shane starts looking at dates on deeds and receipts of sale#it is OVER for ilya#he will face chirping NONE could survive
Monster dating sim with a Sierra adventure game circa 1990 ethos about bad endings where the monsters are genuinely well meaning and there are just an unbelievable number of ways for them to accidentally kill you, and – this is key – there's a fuckass narrator who has a unique stupid pun for every single one.
Ideally it should also have a 90s Sierra adventure game approach to routing, like you can make a seemingly innocuous decision in the first five minutes of play that locks you into an unavoidable bad ending. You neglect to pick up the condoms from the nightstand (which is not even visually flagged as interactable) in the very first scene, and three quarters of a route later you have a bizarre allergic reaction to your partner's bodily fluids that somehow causes your head to pop off of your shoulders and go shooting out the window like a bottle rocket. The narrator responds with a strained wordplay about the semantic distinction between "getting" head and "giving" head.
@gifevents: love, platonically day 4. odd couple
"Looking down upon us all. With love. Forever."
first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.
omg please (only if you want of course) expand on what you said about omegaverse being Wrong about dog sex
well there's a few different things but here's my primary objections, based on my personal experience assisting with dog breeding:
- knotting itself REALLY does not seem fun for most dogs (Glimmer disagrees but she is. an outlier in my experience.) they definitely are compelled to mate, and I think that must be enjoyable, but once the tie happens most dogs are immediately like "goddammit" and just stand around in a state of chagrined regret for twenty minutes. the most extreme version of post nut clarity. some of them REALLY hate it and you have to grab the bitch to prevent her from trying to run off with the dog's dick still in there bc she could potentially really hurt him. so there is a lot of comedy potential there imo. firstly you're stuck together for half an hour and it's deeply inconvenient. what if one of you needs to get up and grab something off the dresser. imagine the stupid little shuffling walk they'd have to do. and then also imagine if there was a very real danger that someone would freak out and try to Escape your dick in a blind panic and you'd have to try to keep them calm so they didn't give you some sort of dick injury? very funny.
- on a more social implications level, I think it is cowardly to not do a left hand of darkness thing where when someone ISN'T in heat, sex simply Does Not Occur. Ever. as in it is physiologically*not possible* to have sex outside of heats, and no one has any interest in it. that would change human society SO much & is a really fascinating world building scenario, imo, and I think it's really weaksauce that ppl aren't exploring it. heat cycles exist because of a very very different model of ovulation cycles that result in pretty extreme physiological and therefore social differences re: sex, and I think that's interesting to think about in terms of human social structures and how much they would be changed if our reproductive cycles worked more like dogs!
anyway. obvious disclaimer that I have not Read Every Omegaverse Fic and I'm sure some people are exploring things thoughtfully because the world is full of a diversity of human experiences. but IN GENERAL, in the most prevalent media depictions, there is a profound intellectual laziness that I simply cannot respect. i understand that it's just about being horny. but please can't ppl try to be horny in a more thoughtful and interesting way. incurious horniness is nothing to me
I was googling pictures of foxes and found this one. It has definitely made a good attempt at ruining sexy fox fics for me. Look at them. They hate their lives. They're making the world's worst small talk. They are both imagining how great it will be to go home to their own bed. They are counting down the seconds.
YOU GET IT!!!!!!
Ariana Grande is wealthier than you in terms of looks and wealth 🤭
im having a delicious piece of cake now
The OP:
Ariana Grande-Butera:
I think we can see who is better 🤭 I think OP knows too, which is why they responded with cake instead of a ✨face card✨
???????????????? u r insane
Am i? How about we let the audience decide then, troll.
Who has a better ✨face card✨
Ariana Grande-Butera
“Anglaised”
i really dont think this is gonna go the way u think it is 😭
it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them
we want to entertain one billion people a day and to achieve that goal we’re going to fire every single game developer we’ve ever hired 😍😍😍
I like the wording of PCGamer
https://www.pcgamer.com/gaming-industry/xboxs-ceo-wants-its-games-to-cater-to-more-than-a-billion-people-each-day-or-24-times-more-than-the-peak-population-of-steam-which-is-delusional/
This is a literal sexual harassment training video we had to complete
i assumed this was porn
i once did throw a birthday party that nobody turned up to except the girl i had a crush on at the time who used it as a chance to tell me she had started dating someone else so it was never gonna happen
I swear to fucking god. I would claw out OneDrive from my computer if I could. I would burn down their servers if I could. I would run down their stocks to the ground if I could. I hope every single one of their workers gets a better offer from a competitor in the next 24 hours. I hope every single one of their light bulbs explodes at the same time. I hope every single carton of milk in their fridge will always be expired.
Stop backing up my fucking files.
Stop asking me to back up my fucking files.
Stop taking my fucking files off my fucking computer.
I don't want a fucking reminder in three fucking days. Let me fucking say no.
Fuckers.
Friend, I have news you're gonna love. Here's a text tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 10.
Here's a text tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 11.
Here's a video tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 10.
Here's a video tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 11.
Go forth. Be free.
Reblog to save a life... and someone's sanity
This might be the funniest reply I’ve ever seen in my life
I AM WHEEZING
PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS OMFG
When old comics age extremely well.
We have an update on the situation.
>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
I went to my union meeting tonight and the retirees' monthly complaint about our healthcare was that for some reason it only lets doctors prescribe six Viagra pills at a time, and they want to fuck more than six times a month. That's verbatim. Think about what you could be missing by not going to your union meetings.
A little bit of the story behind my upcoming solo show at MOAH:CEDAR in Lancaster CA. Co-curated by Thinkspace Projects. Opening August 1st, reception from 4 to 6pm.
the ottawa centaurs are snowed in at a hotel on a road trip. the game is cancelled, all flights are grounded, roads are closed, and tv and phones can only provide so much distraction. what’s a group of athletic 18- to 35-year-old men to do to pass the time?
set up their own olympic games in this edmonton marriott, obviously.
the schedule of events includes:
opening ceremony that’s just everyone doing shots in shane and ilya’s room while ilya plays club can’t handle me by flo rida from his phone speakers
relay race featuring rolls of stick tape as batons. at least one team drops it and it rolls halfway down the hall before they can catch it.
snowboarding (sliding down the stairs on a piece of cardboard they found)
chicken that they inexplicably play in a hotel room instead of the indoor pool
finding and discreetly disposing of all the pieces of the lamp they definitely broke while playing chicken
volleyball using a ball made out of everyone’s socks
triathlon making use of the pool, the spin bikes in the hotel gym, and then instead of using the treadmills for the marathon portion they have to run an incredibly circuitous route of the hotel hallways that involves going up and down multiple flights of stairs. remembering the route is part of the challenge.
greco-roman wrestling, no holds barred. quickly amended to greco-roman wrestling, some holds barred after shane bites ilya. shane’s victory is allowed to stand because ilya says it was his own fault for not being prepared when he knows shane is a biter.
who can carry the most hotel furniture up to the roof in 10 minutes
who can put all the hotel furniture back in its proper place the fastest after getting caught bringing it onto the roof
who can come up with the best apology to the team’s travel coordinator and the hotel staff
medals/closing ceremony that’s just more shots in shane and ilya’s room but this time ilya is playing sorry for party rocking