Always A Slut For Sleep

WE ARE ALL JUST TRYING OUR BEST, but I only really know what I’m doing 48% of the time.

[hydro-homies]

There’s like 12 different kinds of tension in this image.

[chocohybrid]

quick question

why is the one in the middle wearing 5 shirts

[goblinparty]

that’s why she’s being bullied

[marvel-lous-things]

I just want you to know that “The lying bitch who probably isn't even made of iron” is the funniest thing I have ever read and i am forever grateful to you for it

The avengers are FALSE ADVERTISING.

1. Captain America

Apparently America doesn’t even have the position of “captain”??? There’s only President America. Are you the president Steve??? ARE YOU??? Yeah. Didn’t fucking think so. Terrible deception. -2/10

2. Iron Man

You’d THINK he’s made of iron but nooOooOO let’s call a superhero “iron man” and not tell anyone he’s actually made of HUMAN FLESH and ANXIETY I’m fucking PISSED 0/10

3. Black widow

Not a spider (smh). As if that’s not bad enough, she’s actually a white and unmarried woman. Disgusting. -4/10

4. Hulk

Definition: an old ship stripped of fittings and permanently moored, especially for use as storage or (formerly) as a prison. NOT a big angry Shrek. The sheer absurdity of it all. -6/10

5. Hawkeye

has human eyes -900/10

6. Winter soldier

He was a soldier so I’ll give him that. But also can be seen during ALL seasons, NOT JUST WINTER. 5/10 for half truth

7. Spiderman

Ok see this is fair because he’s got spider in his DNA. I’ve only got one criticism and it’s that he’s not a man. He babey. 7/10

8. Ant Man

DISGUSTING. HORRIBLE. REVOLTING. NOT MADE OF ANTS. DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANT IN HIS DNA. JUST BECOMES V SMALL AND V BIG AS PER WILL BECAUSE OF SCIENCE. ANTS D O NO T BECOME V BIG. SHOULD’VE BEEN CALLED ELECTRICAL ENGINEER MAN or ANT IMPOSTOR MAN. -80/10

9. Vision

he can see. 10/10.

10. Scarlet Witch

often seen wearing scarlet things. scarlet magic waves come out of her hands. So that’s nice. Is never seen brewing even one (1) witch potion (paprikash does not count) or casting spells. Does some weird hand wavy thing. Yuck. Not a real witch. 4/10

11. Quicksilver

was v quick. Not made of silver though. Yet another half truth I’m sick of it 5/10

12. Falcon

regular man. Can’t even fly without science wings. Is never even seen swooping down on his prey. Decidedly NOT a falcon. -59/10

13. War Machine

has done like 3 wars at least so that’s good. Unsure whether the “machine” part is referring to the metal onesie or the man inside it. I’m gonna go with the former because James Rhodes is a hero in his own right. 20/10

14. Thor

yeah. 1000/10

[stephrc79]

I respect OP in all aspects accept one and that is, the Winter Soldier is not half right, he’s a quarter right, and for that he should only get 2.5/10.

[mathylibrarian]

@stephrc79 actually Winter Soldier is calculated based on two equally weighted criteria: Soldier, 100% credit; and Winter, 25% credit. 5pts*100% + 5pts*25% = 5 + 1.25 = 6.25/10

[stephrc79]

Mhm. Mhm. Okay, @mathylibrarian, I can respect this interpretation.

The only issue is that the two variables cannot be waited equally because they cannot be weighted separately. In the case of Bucky, he is both a Sergeant and a Soldier, but he is not both a Winter and a Soldier (unless the color wheel says different; at the present moment, I am unaware of his skin tone match). As such, if the ranking cannot be removed from the title, then they cannot be weighted on their own merit.

Because of that, if he’s a Winter Soldier, as opposed to a Spring/Summer/Fall Soldier, and still chooses to operate beyond the scope of his title, then he is operating at a lie 75% of the time. Which means he still only gets 2.5/10, based on OP’s specification that his score is based on his level of truth about who he is.

[thesaltofcarthage]

WAIT WAIT Can Bucky travel to both Northern and Southern Hemispheres? Then he could avoid summer altogether! And if he was really careful he could be only a Winter/Spring or only a Winter/Fall soldier, so he’d get a full 5/10!

[marvel-lous-things]

[brofligate]

I can’t believe this guy mansplained mansplaining.

[veronica-rich]

Correctile dysfunction

[aphony-cree]

According to Merriam-Webster an ultracrepidarian “offers advice on matters they perhaps should leave alone” and that makes this even funnier to me

[honoriaw]

Premature articulation

[cherrydanish]

a picture that’s worth a thousand words

[bob-belcher]

[kkinkshamer]

[mhalachai]

“By the first world war, soldiers swore so much that the word “fucking” came to function as no more than “a warning that a noun is coming”. “

Guardian review of Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing by Melissa Mohr 

[youngmoneymilla-deactivated2019]

canon

[chewedcorn]

Don’t say a word

[catchymemes]

[heyfunniest]

How to grow a man beard.

[girldwarf]

he had to plan this over weeks, he had to spend time taking pics doing this for weeks

[couchnap]

wouldn’t he have just taken these pictures in reverse order?

[scorntrooper-deactivated2024041]

you can’t LIE on the INTERNET

[herelieslill-deactivated2022041]

you go to Liar’s Jail when you lie about something as important as a beard. he looks like a reasonable man

[itsdaniclayton]

Cho: *tells Harry the next Hogsmeade visit in on valentines day*

Harry: hmm?? I wonder?? why she’s telling me this?????

[itsdaniclayton]

[l0vegl0wsinthedark]

I can’t stop laughing

[harperhug]

Harry is exactly the same kind of dumbass we all have been at some point.

[vampirevvekend-deactivated20190]

WHEN BOYS WEAR BUTTON UPS BUT ROLL THE SLEEVES TO THEIR ELBOWS 

[beachdeath]

[emtmercy]

ICONIC

[sarahviahhday]

I was gonna put this in my queue but tbh I think it’s more relevant right now.

[cluegrrl]

Yeah.

[shiningechoes]

For the record: George wasn’t saying “I would’ve purposefully let you die on the operating table.” He was one of the few doctors willing to perform the surgery, but was nowhere close to qualified to do it alone. He was still an intern in the surgical program, and inexperienced in the procedure.

Dr. Bailey was his teacher, and one of the most well trained general surgeons there. She was disgusted with the patient, for his behavior to both the non-white staff, but also the women. When the patients vitals started going south, she pushed George out of the way and completed the surgery, despite the hate.

Without Dr Bailey sacrificing her personal reservations, the patient would’ve died. She is a strong black woman who didn’t hesitate to save this patients life, as she believes in doing no harm, even when the patient doesn’t deserve her assistance.

George is only ensuring that the patient is aware of just how lucky he is that a woman like Miranda Bailey was there, especially when he specified he only wanted a white man to help him.

He’s trying to say “consider yourself lucky she was there, or else you wouldn’t be alive” not “I would’ve killed you and felt no remorse.”

[kirstieblaire]

^^^THANK YOU!! For all the people like “doctor’s take an oath blah blah blah” thats not what he was saying🙄

[thinksquad-deactivated20190405]

[lsdzeppelin-deactivated20180206]

[thatweirdferretlady]

[tredlocity]

Frozen 2: Everyone is in Hell

[tredlocity]

Anna: Why can’t I say “fork”?

[rainswhenyouregone]

The complexity of this joke omg I scrolled past it than scrolled back up to rb it

[hashtagloveloses]

does john mulaney know that he is literally one of the only stand-up comedians to ever transcend traditional media and become a meme and social media icon or does he just live in his 1950s schoolboy bliss

[hashtagloveloses]

HE KNOWS NOW BECAUSE HIS WIFE MAKES FUN OF HIM WITH IT

[the-blorbosphere]

John Mulaney: the English major who never read Shakespeare