The excessive celebration rules come from the 1960s when free love and drug use were rampant. The rules were first suggested when Thaddeus Hopper of the Philadelphia Bells scored a touchdown against the San Antonio Alamos. He celebrated with an on-field party that held up the rest of the game for seven hours, and resulted in no less than 17 drug arrests among players alone.
But it was not until the infamous Touchdown of Orlando in the summer of 1968 that the rules happened. Late in the 7th inning, Chaim Levi of the Orlando Blooms scored a touchdown against his teamās longtime rivals, the Sacramento Mints. The crowd went wild, and at Leviās lead, they stormed the field and participated in what would be called by announcer Harry Caray,Ā āThe largest orgy since the inauguration of Calvin Coolidge.ā Estimated to have had over 3,000 active participants, the touchdown celebration not only established the excessive celebration rules but 197 pregnancies, 104 arrests for indecent acts committed upon astroturf,Ā and somehow, the extinction of the Florida Condor.
At first however, the rules only designated 5 minutes in the penalty box for the responsible player. The rules did not achieve their modern consequences until 1971:
It was a bright summer day when the Omaha Holdems faced the Salt Lake Salt Licks. Omaha was up 6 points in the final period with 12 meters down. Holdem star Doyle Kaplan dribbled the ball 11 meters toward the goal and in a move that football announcer John Steinbeck (no relation) calledĀ āThe pinnacle of this sport we call live-action-foosball,ā Kaplan spiked the ball into the Salt Lake teamās score-orifice and began his illegal celebration.
The actual details of his celebration have been censored and redacted since the event to prevent copycats, but here is what we at FIJMUĀ have been able to ascertain about the excessive jubilation:
Between 37 and 68 people died or lost limbs
The state emergency tequila supply was fully depleted
Both teams were disbanded and both cities were banned from the sport
85Ā Georges MĆ©liĆØs films were lost or destroyed
The ball pit was pathetically small
Pollution and Climate change, unheard of previously, existed ever after
Jimmy Hoffa was never seen again
Christianity is now a distinct religion from Judaism
Bessie, the prized cow of Omaha, was skeletonized by piranhas
Satan, laughing, spread his wings
Billy McFarland (no relation) was charged with fraud
Ronald Reagan was elected president
The ongoing censorship of the actual nature of the celebration has kept the event one of lifeās great mysteries, as the footage was destroyed, the announcer was sworn to secrecy, the players were given gag orders, and the audience was forbidden to even tell anecdotes of the day (no relation).
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