Ur Local Lucifer Simp

They/them autistic fucker

[darthdaddi]

Guys 😩

[cheshireterror]

Omg i love him so much but his fucking pants. Are making him look like he’s standing like a fucking toddler and that’s all I can think about

[spicymochi]

little pumpkin thief

[cosmicemotion420]

He’s getting ready for Halloween, leave him be

[jumpingjaverts]

whats the difference between outlaws and inlaws

[jumpingjaverts]

outlaws are wanted

[jumpingjaverts]

come on reblog this my grandma told me this joke and was convinced she was going to be famous on tumblr for it

[jumpingjaverts]

every time my mom and grandma get into an argument my grandma says “excuse me pamela i am famous on the tumbler”

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

yeah okay ill reblog that!

[a-calico-rabbit]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

@world-heritage-posts

both. Bothisgood.

[a-real-horse]

[strange-aeons]

Tumblr Show & Tell

I, father strange, will be hosting a tumblr show and tell. Please comment or reblog with a picture + explanation of your prized possessions that you would like to share with the class today. I expect to receive so many goblin jars, cursed pieces of Garfield merch, and questionably sourced bones.

Make sure you’re very comfortable with sharing because my favourites will be selected for a video!

[cheshireterror]

It’s not really cursed per say but hear me out: me and my ex gf found this bottle like 5 or 6 years ago buried in the dirt on the edge of the memorial park we have in my city and it’s dated from 1964, the same year my father was born and it’s from a British Columbia winery. So yeah I just have this like 60 year old wine bottle that I have no idea what I’m gonna do with

[just-shower-thoughts]

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

[blogtitletaken]

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

[castiel--for--king]

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

[sonneillonv-deactivated20220218]

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

[nonlinear-nonsubjective]

consider the coconut

[bemusedlybespectacled]

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

[kascaban]

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

[heartgemsona]

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

[baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This post is a journey

[virtuous-thing]

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

[dovewithscales]

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

[eldbitch-horror]

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

[dovewithscales]

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

[hyratel]

I MEAN where’s the lie

[dovewithscales]

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.

[giada-luna]

Reblogging for that last exchange.

[hugintheraven]

@shanastoryteller

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

thinking bout owls

[cuuno-moved]

dream smp as things i've overhead at school.

tommy-'im not gay, im just sexist. wait no-'

tubbo-'i got kicked out of band again for swallowing a bottle cap.'

wilbur-'look, i may be a lowlife drug dealer but also i have made so much bank, so fuck the police.'

dream-'genderfluid people be like "oh yes, michaelangelo".'

george-'im not gay, dude, i swear, i just think he's sexy.'

sapnap-'did i ever tell you about the time i set my middle school bathroom on fire and got away with it.'

fundy-'i got bullied in middle school for being short, but little do they know, my dad's in prison for murder.'

eret-'the chicken nuggets were cold at lunch. can't believe the lunch ladies are homophobic.'

niki-'someone handed me a parrot in science today and i started crying.'

schlatt-'and that's on subtle alchoholism ell-oh-ell. ex-oh-ex.'

quackity-'im like... name a mexican famous person. uh. j lo. i'm like j lo.'

techno-'freshman will be hunted for sport. this is not a joke, i literally shoved one into the street in front of a bus. fuck them kids.'

phil-'shhh. mommy needs his space. i've had a long day.'

bad-'i have never cursed. no, wait, i called someone a cracker one time.'

skeppy- 'pov: i walk in on you changing but i'm a horse.'

ranboo-'soy mayonnaise doesn't ask questions. soy mayonnaise understands.'

jack-'welcome to wendy's, i fucked your mom and i'm high as shit. suck my dick.'

punz-'i got an f in sunday school.'

[cheshireterror]

My little bean 😍 I will never get over how adorable he is

[just-an-artist-that-exists]

heres a flit masterpost

[cheshireterror]

10/10 because he looks like a cryptid

[just-an-artist-that-exists]

meeko masterpost

[just-an-artist-that-exists]

srry for spamming yall with birbs krjsksla

[just-shower-compliments]

This post is a shout out for anyone who has an uncommon or exotic pet. Snakes, spiders, parrots, geckos, etc

Some people might be scared of your babies, (some may hate them sadly) but know that they are also pet babies that deserve to be cooed over. Just as much as a puppy or cat.

Your pet is amazing, adorable! And they deserve all the love, not only cause they’re precious but also because they keep you company. They make you happy

And I’ll love them all for that, for making you smile when nothing else can.

[becausebirds]

Super sus

[skidar]

I’ve started a small series of DnD Birbs!

Here’s the first four:

Artificer Budgie

Barbarian Umbrella Cockatoo

Bard Lovebird

Cleric Cockatiel

Keep an eye out for the rest! 

Also these designs are all up on my redbubble :)

[cheshireterror]

So I forgot the word barbecue so I said “outside stove” when I was talking to my dad

[tuathtreehouse-deactivated20220]

Rules for a goblin

1- If you see a shiny, must pick it up and inspect 2- never steal from another goblin’s stash 3- frogs, snails, and mushrooms are friends, do not hurt them 4- MUST punch donald trump once before dying, not allowed to die until you do that 5- bones are yes 6- no hurting other people intentionally 7- fall inlove with the moon 8- say hello to moss you see on walks 9- be gay 10- do crime 11- collect abstract things