I wanna be infinite

"You have no obligation to your former self. They are dumber than you, and they don't exist" -Hank Green

[possumsinatrenchcoat]

Reblog to give the person you reblogged it from the energy to do one (1) chore or maybe many

[carnelianfoxx]

i hope this email fucks your wife

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[whetstonefires]

i have seen this post on my dash 7 times now and every time i think more loudly, 'this is what Batman villain The Penguin's dialogue sounds like when they let him be fun to watch.'

[soberscientistlife]

Works every time!!

[heroineimages]

Not from the South, but I can confirm that I use options 1, 2, and 4.

[twitblr]

[petkota]

so this happened to me today

[jeegoo]

fucked up some bird tried to steal your car like that

[teashoesandhair]

He’s not stealing, he’s robin

[elodieunderglass]

(Clasping your shoulder gently)

You’re right. And he looks like a real tit doing it too

[lesbianspaceprincess]

My friend explained the spoon theory to our DM and he was like “ohhh so it’s like when you’re out of spell slots and you need to take a long rest to regain them all” and now I keep thinking of myself as being out of spell slots instead of out of spoons

[andisupreme]

It’s perfect actually because taking a shower is like a 2nd level task, whereas making an important phone call is a 5th. If you’re out of 5th level task slots, you can’t do that phone call. However you can expend higher level slots to take that shower if you’ve spent your lower task slots on dishes, eating, and getting dressed.

[digidiskette]

Browsing social media is a cantrip

[dnd-apothecary]

I actually say this all the time!

Also if you don’t finish a long rest (ie sleep well, taking your meds as directed etc) you do not regain spell slots and the next day you’re working with what you had left over from yesterday

[bardicbird]

there are also ritual spells ! where if you’re allowed enough time and a comfortable, quiet environment you might be able to accomplish something without loosing a spell slot ! 😌

[schizophrenicarchivist-remade-d]

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

[comfynb]

here’s a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!

(6 servings)

-2lbs red potatoes

-1 cup butter (2 sticks)

-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)

-Chives (optional)

-Salt & Pepper to taste

1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them

2. boil til soft!

3. Drain

4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix

5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing

I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf

[tastefullyterrible]

So after spending hours combing through the recipes in the comments of this post I have created a cookbook. Feel free to use it. The link should work for everyone, its the only file on the google drive! I have referenced all of the recipes I used, all of which are from this thread. I made it for myself, but figured after all that work I should probably share. Happy spite cooking! 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WjcDfZrPMr0Pw9f5GfEy0aTs2KEx4Pub/view?usp=sharing

[animatedamerican]

there is a SPITE COOKBOOK now :DDD

[1percentcharge]

My favorite pirate joke is “why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c” not because it’s THAT funny but because it’s a relatively simple joke that nobody ive told it to has ever correctly guessed the punchline for because they all think it’s gonna be a joke about arrrr

[1percentcharge]

Another classic is

“Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!”

For more hilarious pirate jokes like these go to google and type pirate jokes into the search bar and click search

[somarysueme]

Sorry for the double reblog I just wanted to let everyone know that I told the first joke to my dad and he hung up on me.

[jadedaceofspades]

US SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE IS CHANGING ITS NUMBER

Taking effect July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will change from 800-273-8255 to the three digit code of 988. Especially with families and communities reeling from back to back tragedies, it is super important to share this information!

Repeat: Starting July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will be 988

[gardenvarietydespair]

Important add-ons, though, as someone who’s done policy work on this: 

It’s July 16, not just the start of July.

988 can not only be used as the suicide hotline, but for any sort of mental health or substance use crisis situation. As opposed to 911, the goal of 988 is that when dispatch is necessary, you’ll be met with a trained crisis response team rather than the police. The police will only be involved if there is an immediate threat to safety, which has almost never occurred in pilot programs - in one of the most well-known, Denver STAR, (which a lot of y’all seem to be familiar with) the police has actually never been called for backup. We’re hoping that this is going to get more individuals directed towards help rather than a prison cell. 

Uhm yeah I’ll add more stuff if I can think of anything.

[jadedaceofspades]

Thank you for the added information. Reblog this version as well, folkz.

[beardedmrbean]

[tylha]

maybe i am too old for tiktok

[sabrinareno]

My son once came back from a record shop visit with his uncle and with wide eyes and excited smile presented me with a cassette tape. “Look what I found!” As though he’d unearthed ancient pottery at a dig sight.

I love it. I love when my kids discover something that I take for granted. I hear songs with new ears because they are in a state of wonder. My son played me “Paint it Black” the other day, I’m like yeah Rolling Stones so what? And then I see his face and that LOOK like he just discovered sunsets and he’s like yeah but listen to this part, listen to the guitar right here - and I hear a song anew. Like watching a puppy see a bird for the first time, and oh oh right yeah birds are fucking amazing, forgot about that.

[geoffreytoday]

#finally a comment that doesn’t have disdain for kids discovering old things #isn’t it cool that someone didn’t know Queen and they got to hear it for the first time? #isn’t it cool to witness that excitement?

I think this is largely why “react” channels on YouTube have become so popular. Watching someone experience something you love for the first time is exciting. Rediscovering that thing through their eyes is also exciting. 

[angelwarm]

i hope that one day i will finally be ok….i’ll make a cherry pie when it is all over

[angelwarm]

today is the day

[joshpeck]

reblog the cherry pie to be ok

[pumpkinylink]

The cherry pie worked for me and here’s to hoping it’ll work for you too

[fanficaddict13125-deactivated20]

Let the cherry pie do it’s magic

[eunnieboo]

another life

[onlyfangz]

the queer stereotype cycle often goes "queer group starts making inside jokes > these jokes are overheard by cishets > cishets now start using these inside jokes against queer people > these inside jokes fall out of favour > because queer people aren't a hivemind some queer people keep making these inside jokes > these queer people are then attacked by other queer people for perpetuating stereotypes > nobody criticises the cishets who made it into a bad thing in the first place" and youse just keep letting that go round and round.

[takashi0]

You really gonna spout this when "Queer" was a slur to start with huh

[onlyfangz]

yes <3

[dead-dyke]

Queer legit follows the line OP uses. It was are word first and than cishets starting calling it us in a derogatory manner (just like they use gay in a derogatory manner), and now queer people get attacked for using an ID that has always been ours and has legit been RE-claimed.

[dovewithscales]

Queer was always our word.

[smolbeerke]

“gay” and “lesbian” are also widely used as slurs but somehow those same people who have an issue with “queer” are completely silent about the other two words. I’m honestly convinced that the “queer is a slur!” campaign is led by radfems and terfs because they hate the fact that some people might refuse to be put into a neat box with sexuality, and kids just fall for it because they don’t know any better.

[chi-likethetown]

I mean it is lgbtQ. Like what do people think the Q stands for?

[supermariomamafucker]

what is that thing

[supermariomamafucker]

what is that thing

[radiofreederry]

[welpnotagain]

[cat-cosplay]

Doomscrolling Checkpoint.

If you need to keep going we understand.

If you need a break here's a cat with Googly eyes.

Everyone take care of yourself as best you know.