I am a big defender of Shane not wanting to come out and one of the biggest reasons that I havenāt seen discussed much is how much worse it is to come out as a Gay Asian Bottom compared to coming out as a bisexual (white) man who is already regarded as a sex machine. Like Asian men are already overly feminized in the west. Shaneās general demeanor is subdued, he doesnāt drink or party often, and he abides by strict rules and a diet that already makes him an outsider. He doesnāt sleep around and has only has one public relationship with a woman under his belt, which ended very quickly. Heās the exact opposite of Ilya in all these ways and it puts him at a disadvantage. He has a āsoftā image he spends his whole life actively opposing. His image is working against him; him being gay contributes to it and worsens it. Ilyaās image is working in his favor; being with a man is an anomaly OR further proof of his sexual prowess. And bc of Ilyaās well known history of sleeping around and generally aggressive attitude, it will be assumed he would be the top. Through a heteronormative lens, which is obviously the norm in hockey, that makes him the āmanā in the relationship. If anything, his ability to ādominateā another man may bolster his image, make him even more of an āalpha maleā. But being a bottom is seen as inherently demeaning and effeminate, thanks to misogyny, homophobia, and rape culture. The less bulky, quiet, shy man with a shocking lack of experience with woman is obviously the bottom (and this is even worse if they have the height and body differences canon to the books). Shane will be seen as weaker (and what could be worse than that in a contact sport like hockey). Heāll be viewed as the āwomanā in the relationship, which is to say he will be viewed as inherently inferior. And draws further attention to the parts of him heās tried to hide (aka autism symptoms) which will now be treated as further evidence of his sensitivity and otherness. Everything he does now is gay. But being with Shane is the only gay thing Ilya does. Without the threat of Russia, Shane has more to lose from coming out imo. And his teamās reaction proves that. He deserves some grace.
During the post-cottage era when Ilya's still playing for Boston, Shane sends Ilya a text one night that's just like "Are you alone?"
And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"
And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? š¤Ø Shane, have you been hacked?'
And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'
And when Ilya follows the link and finds out that it's the app that controls a vibrating butt plug, he nearly blacks out at the table before disappearing for a suspiciously long smoke break.
@zouisalmightie Aaahh no why would you apologise for leaving this masterpiece in the tags. Holy shitttt
Goddd the idea of Ilya being able to hear allll of it but not speaking to him. Just communicating what he wants from Shane through what he does with the plug until Shane gets it. Making Shane work for it in more ways than just making pretty noises for Ilya. Adding something of a puzzle to it. He knows Shane likes a challenge, and a challenge it's possible to win, and he creates one for him. Hottttt.
shane hollander is a jock, a dude, a 200 pounds man, a captain, he's been giving interviews and speeches before he could even walk, he plays in front of thousands and thousands of people and loud af crowds, he's a performer, he's constantly in front of cameras, he's been under scrutiny his whole life, he's an athlete, he breathes-eats-sleeps-shits sport, he swears, he's masculine, his hockey gear is probably putrid, he's a certified mcgymbroā¢, he only wears athletic stuff, he models, he does commercials, his main personality trait is hockey, he's kissed and hugged by his sweaty teammates in the locker room, he's ripped, he's an asshole, he's sarcastic, he's a bitch, he uses "fuck" every three words, he hires a stylish and a designer because his taste is bro. and he is all that while being neurodivergent too. and a bottom.
i think if hollanov decide to have more than one kid at least one of them will be a goalie. and you know that kid is going first in whichever draft they end up in because they practiced on shane fucking hollander and ilya fucking rozanov (because if your dads were casually the two best centres in the nhl and two of the most successful hockey players on the planet, then you defend that net like your life depends on it)
everyone else in that years draft thinks this hollander-rozanov child got picked first out of nepotism (because who the fuck is that desperate to pick a goalie first overall in the draft?) until one day that teamās starting goalie is injured and all of a sudden your scoring chances have gone to hell because youāre trying to get the puck past cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the gates of hell
someone says something about nepotism and in a fit of rage ilya posts a bunch of videos of their kid at the grand age of eight years old defending the net from their father. and itās an unacknowledged fact that The Shane Hollander has never gone easy on the ice at all, and the fact heās playing his still single-digit kid does not change this one iota
and the kid is WINNING. shane is clearly not pulling his punches and a significant number ARE going into the net (because, at the end of the day this is still The Shane Hollander vs a middle-schooler) but the kid is saving enough goals that itās noticeable
and ilya captions the post. āif our child is capable of this level of goaltending at 8 imagine how good heāll be in ten yearsā and then his next post is āoh wait, you donāt need to imagineā and the accompanying video is some of the best saves heās made that year
(their child also has a brutal sense of humour that the world discovers the first time heās micād up. āwhy are they micāing the goalie?ā everyone asks, then the commentary starts and they immediately understand. a petition goes round for him to be micād every game. heās not, but he is micād more frequently than the average goaltender)
The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess is Hollanovās Album
Please, step into my officeā¦
Femininomenon
A song about abandoning heteronormativity for the king of heteronormativity, Shane Hollander.
Alternately, a song for when Rose Landry decides to stop dating gay boys and give gay girls a try.
Red Wine Supernova
Shaneās three moods in Vegas are are (in order): choked up, face down, and burnt out.
I just wanna get to know ya / Guess I didn't quite think it through / Fell in love with the thought of you / Now I'm choked up, face down, burnt out
After Midnight
A bi clubbing anthem for my bi clubbing king Ilya Rozanov.
'Cause after midnight / I'm feeling kinda freaky, maybe it's the club lights / I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind / I love a little drama, let's start a bar fight
Coffee
These clowns cannot keep their hands to themselves long enough to talk about anything. Theyāre also both deluding themselves into thinking they can break this off. Situationship era, this songs for you.
Nowhere else is safe, every place leads back to your place
Casual
I meanā¦ come onā¦
You said, "Baby, no attachment" / But we're / Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out / Is it casual now?
Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl
This oneās actually for Rose and Svetlana. The first verse is just Rose during the club scene and you canāt convince me otherwise.
Uh-huh, I'm through / With all these hyper mega-bummer boys like you / Oh, yeah, I need / A super graphic ultra-modern girl like me
HOT TO GO!
A hot banger for hot people. Ilya tries to seduce Shane with the dance. Much to Shaneās chagrin, it works.
And baby, don't you like this beat? / I made it so you'd sleep with me / It's like a hundred ninety-nine degrees / When you're doing it with me, doing it with me
My Kink is Karma
Fans are making edits to this song of Montreal absolutely eating shit after trading away Hollander while the Cens go on a generational cup run.
Wishing you the best in the worst way / Using your distress as foreplayā¦/ It's hot when you're drinking downtown / And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth
Picture You
A beautiful, horny, pining ballad. Perfect for the situationship era or the long distance era.
Do you picture me like I picture you? / Am I in the frame from your point of view? / Do you feel the same? I'm too scared to say / Half of the things I do when I picture you
Kaleidoscope
Two words: Tuna. Melts.
Here we go again / Everything is fine / I guess we could pretend / We didn't cross a line / But ever since that day / Everything has changed
Pink Pony Club
This song is so fucking Ilya Rozanov coded. He is a Pink Pony Girl! He is disappointing his parent! He is dancing at the club! He misses a family and a homeland that would never accept him!
Every night's another reason why I left it allā¦ / Don't think I've left you all behind / Still love you and Tennessee, you're always on my mind / And Mama, every Saturday / I can hear your southern drawl a thousand miles away, saying /"God, what have you done? / You're a pink pony girl, and you dance at the club," oh, Mama / I'm just having fun / On the stage in my heels, it's where I belongā¦
Naked in Manhattan
Was gonna dedicate this one to Skip or to Roselana (again) but actuallyā¦ this one is for the gym scene <3
Don't touch, I'll never cross the line / So I pushed you down a million times / I'd love if you knew you were on my mind / Constant like cicadas in the summertime
California
Another Ilya Rozanov anthem. This song would be perfect for an AU in which Ilya returns to Russia/the KHL. However, I think it also fits the Sochi Olympics.
Thought I'd be cool in California / I'd make you proud / To think I almost had it going / But I let you down / Too hard to find reasons to stay / Even true love could not persuade
Guilty Pleasure
Some good boys do bad things tooā¦
I want this like a cigarette / Can we drag it out and never quit? / And oh my god, you are heaven sent / With your dirty mind, yeah, you're perverted / You give me guilty, guilty pleasure
Good Luck, Babe
This song isnāt on the album, but it gets an honorable mention for my comphet king Shane Hollander. He really put Ilya (and himself) through the wringer. These lyrics are for Ilya enduring both the situationship from hell and the closetā¦
I don't wanna call it off / But you don't wanna call it love / You only wanna be the one that I call "baby"ā¦/ Think I'm gonna call it off / Even if you call it love / I just wanna love someone who calls me "baby"
Heated Rivalry Open Relationship AU chapters (updated 9 July)
If you want updates when there is a new chapter, click on the three dots in the upper right and select āFollow this postā!
A few weeks ago @perlukafarinn posted "I love an AU where Ilya seduces Shane away from an asshole boyfriend and I really want one where the boyfriend suggests opening the relationship andĀ that'sĀ how Shane and Ilya first start fucking." And lo, the #OpenRelationshipAU was born, and lots of people have been getting very excited about the chapters @perlukafarinn has been posting.
This finding document covers JUST the story. (There are now more than 40 posts in the tag and a lot of it is discussion.) I'm putting in a logline and a quote from each post.
The Idea/Outline Post
Snippet:
Boyfriend is out and Shane is not (for obvious reasons) and while this doesnāt necessarily make for an unhealthy relationship Boyfriend is, as established, an asshole. Heās not shy about reminding Shane of how lucky he is that he puts up with the secrecy and how impossible it would be for Shane to find someone else in his situation.Ā
Theyāve also been together since they were teenagers so Boyfriend is the only guy Shane has ever been with and the only one who knows Shane is gay, which also means that Shane has no one to talk to about any misgivings he might have about the relationship.
The story is the same as in canon from Ilyaās perspective until the CCM commercial when he hits on Shane in the shower and Shane, visibly into Ilya and fighting with himself internally, tells him he canāt because he has a boyfriend. Then he panics about what he just told Ilya but Ilya promises not to tell anyone - they have the same secret, after all. Sure heās disappointed but he can always find other people to fuck (that hollow feeling in his chest feels like a lot more than just disappointment but Ilya ignores that).
After the cut: chapter by chapter, both in posting order and in timeline order. I'll update this as the story continues.
Posting Order
All-Stars 2011
Itās Ilyaās turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. āSo you are still withā¦?āĀ
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilyaās memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shaneās never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shaneās not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.Ā
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
āCheer the fuck up,ā Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. āYou should be used to losing to me by now.ā
āWhich one of us won the Calder, again?ā Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.Ā
Ilyaās grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Svetaās good judgment.Ā
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where theyāre texting almost daily. Itās almost like theyāre friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.Ā
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and itās fun, even though itās not what Ilyaās been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollanderās boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brianās favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. Heās not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that heās trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he canāt remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and heāsĀ finallyĀ going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. Itās the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winnerās high. But heās also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything heās ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
Heās never even admitted it to himself, how badly heās wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didnāt know he could want men who werenāt his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame thatās always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. Itās because heās never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesnāt. Obviously. He doesnātĀ actuallyĀ want to be caught in a lie.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
āOh.ā Hollanderās expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. āNo, he doesnāt. He doesnāt tell me about other people, either. I donāt wanna know.ā
āSound healthy,ā Ilya says dryly.
āFuck you. Donāt you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?ā
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesnāt feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but heās not sure what the rules are. Brian hasnāt told him about anyone heās fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesnāt want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesnāt know about Rozanov, he canāt tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane canāt pretend thatās not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Shane POV)
It's difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1: Ilya POV
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
In-Universe Timeline Order
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shaneās never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shaneās not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.Ā
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. Itās because heās never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesnāt. Obviously. He doesnātĀ actuallyĀ want to be caught in a lie.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
All-Stars 2011
Itās Ilyaās turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. āSo you are still withā¦?āĀ
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilyaās memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
āCheer the fuck up,ā Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. āYou should be used to losing to me by now.ā
āWhich one of us won the Calder, again?ā Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.Ā
Ilyaās grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Svetaās good judgment.Ā
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where theyāre texting almost daily. Itās almost like theyāre friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.Ā
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and itās fun, even though itās not what Ilyaās been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollanderās boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brianās favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. Heās not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that heās trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he canāt remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and heāsĀ finallyĀ going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. Itās the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winnerās high. But heās also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything heās ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
Heās never even admitted it to himself, how badly heās wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didnāt know he could want men who werenāt his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame thatās always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
āOh.ā Hollanderās expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. āNo, he doesnāt. He doesnāt tell me about other people, either. I donāt wanna know.ā
āSound healthy,ā Ilya says dryly.
āFuck you. Donāt you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?ā
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesnāt feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but heās not sure what the rules are. Brian hasnāt told him about anyone heās fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesnāt want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesnāt know about Rozanov, he canāt tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane canāt pretend thatās not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Shane POV)
Itās difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: Continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1 (Ilya POV)
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
I love an AU where Ilya seduces Shane away from an asshole boyfriend and I really want one where the boyfriend suggests opening the relationship and that's how Shane and Ilya first start fucking.
If they are still hockey players then the boyfriend is someone unaffiliated with hockey and Shane has been dating him probably since before he met Ilya.
Boyfriend is out and Shane is not (for obvious reasons) and while this doesn't necessarily make for an unhealthy relationship Boyfriend is, as established, an asshole. He's not shy about reminding Shane of how lucky he is that he puts up with the secrecy and how impossible it would be for Shane to find someone else in his situation.
They've also been together since they were teenagers so Boyfriend is the only guy Shane has ever been with and the only one who knows Shane is gay, which also means that Shane has no one to talk to about any misgivings he might have about the relationship.
The story is the same as in canon from Ilya's perspective until the CCM commercial when he hits on Shane in the shower and Shane, visibly into Ilya and fighting with himself internally, tells him he can't because he has a boyfriend. Then he panics about what he just told Ilya but Ilya promises not to tell anyone - they have the same secret, after all. Sure he's disappointed but he can always find other people to fuck (that hollow feeling in his chest feels like a lot more than just disappointment but Ilya ignores that).
Every time Shane and Ilya catch a moment alone over the next couple of years, Ilya asks Shane if he's still with the boyfriend and the answer is always yes. Around the third time, Shane is feeling vulnerable because they just had a fight the week before and Boyfriend has been ignoring him and he doesn't have anyone to talk to about how awful he feels, and he just kind of. Starts telling Ilya about it.
And Ilya listens and then tells Shane, "He sounds like an asshole."
Shane feels conflicted about this comment because on the one hand, it kind of confirms what he's been thinking, but on the other Ilya doesn't actually know Boyfriend and all he has is information from a very biased source.
"He's not," Shane finally says. "We just got into an argument. Couples fight."
Ilya wants very much to disagree, because Hollander sounds fucking miserable talking about this guy, but he wisely concludes that this would just make Shane dig his heels in further and refrains.
Despite Shane's protests, every time Ilya asks him about his boyfriend after that he looks more tired. This guy also clearly makes him insecure as hell and Ilya hates seeing the effect he has, making Shane fucking Hollander carry himself like he's two inches tall and trying to disappear.
Ilya is itching to tell Shane to dump Boyfriend, to find someone who'll treat him like he deserves. Whenever he indirectly broaches the topic though, Shane gets defensive, and Ilya doesn't want to push it because as much as he'd like to get Shane away from this guy (and into his own bed) he also doesn't want Shane to shut him out and isolate himself even further.
Then comes the day when Shane actually approaches Ilya first. He looks nervous but determined and at first, Ilya thinks this is it. He finally remembered that he's Shane fucking Hollander and kicked that guy to the curb.
What Shane tells him isn't quite that. Ilya still perks up, because he cannot believe that Boyfriend, this absolute piece of shit moron, suggested opening the relationship and delivered Shane to Ilya on a silver platter.
Because Shane's first instinct, upon getting permission to fuck other people, was to seek Ilya out. He looks cautious but hopeful when he asks if Ilya's still interested in hooking up, like the answer isn't obviously yes.
Yes, Ilya's still interested. But not just in hooking up. Not in being the side piece.
He's gonna seduce Shane right from underneath Boyfriend's stupid, ugly nose and treat him with the reverence and care he actually deserves.
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic. mhl awards part four out of four!
MHL Awards, 2015
Ilya is at the hotel bar.
He doesn't really remember getting there, but he figures he must have taken the elevator down from Shane's room.
After he left him there.
Alone, locked in the bathroom, probably having a panic attack because Ilya is a fucking moron who doesn't know when to stop pushing. But he can't go back now. Shane doesn't want him to and Ilya figures he should listen, even though it may be too little too late.
The bar sounds like a good idea, anyway. Ilya doesn't want to be sober right now.
The party is still going strong, the faint sounds of it echoing down the hall. There are no other players at the bar; probably if any of them have left the party and not gone straight to their rooms, they've gone to places more fun than this.
Well, Ilya isn't really looking for fun right now. He just wants to stop thinking about the way Shane couldn't even look at him when he told him to go.
There's a group of men at the other end of the bar but Ilya pays them no attention while he orders his drink. Not until he hears one of them say, "Is that Ilya Rozanov?"
Another responds, loud and unaware in the way drunk people often are, "Holy shit, it is!"
Ilya feels his face go stiff. He leans against the bar, briefly debating whether he should just leave - he usually likes meeting fans, but this is the last thing he needs right now, when his heart feels like it's breaking apart with every beat, bleeding all over the pretty marble floor.
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
Ilya stares. He doesn't even try not to, because every tiny bit of his energy is now being spent on not hauling the asshole in by the collar and punching his lights out.
"Holy shit, dude," the loud guy says. "I told you guys, I fucking knew the MHL awards were being held here." He holds out his hand and Ilya takes it on autopilot. "I'm a huge fan, Mr. Rozanov. I mean obviously fuck the Raiders, but you're a fucking legend!"
Ilya nods politely. His eyes are dragged back to Brian, who looks kind of like he wants to murder his friend.
"We're from Montreal," another guy explains and right, Ilya isn't supposed to know that. "The Raiders are great-"
"Fucking take that back, Todd!"
"-Charlie's just dedicated to the home team."
"Best fucking team in sports," Charlie crows. "And best fucking center - I mean - fuck."
Ilya does smile at that, small but sincere. "Is fine. Hollander is a good player, they don't give MVP to just anyone."
"That's fucking right!"
Charlie would have made a good hockey player, Ilya thinks. He already has the vocabulary for it.
"Shit, man," Todd says. "Never thought I'd hear Ilya Rozanov say anything nice about Shane Hollander."
This is Ilya's cue to say something sarcastic or shitty, to play into the rivalry for the fans. He can't bring himself to do it, can't even find the words that usually come so easily.
"It's true." He shrugs. "I respect Hollander, he's the only one who can keep up with me. We came up together, we are alone at the top. The game would be less fun without him."
There's a lump in his throat as he finishes speaking and Ilya clears his throat, hoping they didn't hear it. Nothing he said was a lie but it's such a small fraction of the truth, it almost hurts to say.
"Fuck," Charlie says, sniffling. "That was beautiful, dude."
"Is he here?" another guy in the group asks, silent until now. His polo is an unfortunate lime green. "Hollander, I mean. I would actually give my first born to shake his hand."
Todd laughs. "I'm sure Heather would love to hear that."
Lime green polo shakes his head. "She'd agree, man. He's her hallpass, I think she'd just ask him to help her make a new one."
"I'm going out for a smoke," Brian announces, sudden and loud.
He sounds drunk, too, and Ilya feels briefly satisfied that he's probably been drowning his sorrows all day while Shane ignores his sad bids for attention.
But Ilya is in the same boat now, isn't he? He's also been rejected by Shane, only he won't be given the thousandth chance he doesn't deserve to come crawling back into his good graces.
The satisfaction evaporates in an instant, leaving a hollow pit in Ilya's stomach. That can't be how this ends, can it?
"Sorry about him," Todd says as soon as Brian is gone. "He's not a hockey fan, you know."
Ilya waves a hand, distracted. "Is okay. I have to go back to the party."
They all grab his hand to shake it before he leaves, but thankfully none of them ask for pictures. Probably they'd be drawn and quartered once they returned to Montreal if they did.
The party is in a banquet hall, a long corridor away from the bar. Ilya has no intention of going back; he's got his eyes on a small exit to the smoking area outside.
Brian is alone there, leaning against the wall and huffing on his cigarette like it owes him money. His head snaps up when he sees Ilya and his shoulders stiffen as he immediately draws himself to his full height.
"Come to gloat?" he scoffs. "Cute stunt you pulled earlier, not that it changes anything."
Ilya considers him coolly. The anger simmering in his veins is overwhelming and it's a conscious effort to keep his arms still at his side. Every time he thinks of Shane up in that penthouse, his incredulous why would you want me?, a fresh wave of anger pours over him, tinting his vision a hazy red.
Ilya isn't a violent man - not off the ice - but he supposes there are exceptions to everything.
The only thing keeping him from starting a fight now is knowing Shane wouldn't want him to.
"If you say so," he says mildly.
Brian glares at him. "I do say so. Shane wants a regular hookup and you're convenient, that doesn't mean shit. You think he'd actually want you for anything more?"
It lands like a blow to the chest and Ilya clenches his jaw, desperate not to let it show. To let Brian know the vulnerable spot he discovered by accident, the raw wound at the center of him.
"You know what I think?" he says. "I think you don't believe that. I think you're talking bullshit because you're scared."
Brian goes pale. He chucks the cigarette away, takes half a step towards Ilya. He seems to catch himself a moment later, maybe realizing that there is no scenario in which he could win a physical fight against Ilya.
"You don't know shit," he bites out, red faced. "You know where I'll be while you're rotting away in fucking Russia? With Shane, at his cottage."
Ilya's heart drops.
It must show, because Brian grins, smug and vicious. "That's right. And you know what else? Next week, I'm meeting his parents."
"You're lying," Ilya says reflexively. A child's response.
"We're getting more serious," Brian continues blithely. "Closing the relationship. Glad you had fun today, because it was the last time you're touching him."
He must be lying, because Shane would have told Ilya. Nothing that happened earlier today or tonight suggested the relationship was headed anywhere except towards total collapse.
But even if it is all a lie, Brian doesn't know what happened between them. He doesn't know Shane threw Ilya out of his room. So maybe he's lying to fake confidence in their relationship but if he knew the full story, would he even feel the need?
Ilya isn't so sure.
"It would ruin him," he tells Brian, because that much he is sure of. "You know this, yes? Staying with you, it would kill his heart."
For a moment, doubt flickers across Brian's face. It's replaced almost immediately by hot fury and then he's reeling back, swinging for Ilya's face.
Ilya dodges easily. Raises his fist, punches back.
(It's self-defense, Hollander. No judging.)
It's not even a particularly hard punch but there is blood on Brian's lips and he clutches his cheek, staring at Ilya wide-eyed and pale.
"Have a nice night," Ilya says.
Brian says nothing in response, still looking shocked.
Ilya leaves. As he's headed for the elevator, he checks his phone.
okay. iām once again rotating magic cup babies in my brain and have thoughts about the immediate aftermath of this diabolical ask. weāre about to go on a whole fuckin journey together below the cut but if you wanna read me waxing poetic about pregnant david hollander meeting and falling in love with yuna before he gives birth to shane the magic (and unregistered) cup baby, take my hand and proceed below the cut.
Brandon finally leaves. David is alone. He needs to clean himself up before the cup handlers come get the trophy and take it back. He stands under the water and washes away the evidence and cries quietly in the shower. His knee hurts. His knee always fucking hurts. Heās sore in other places, too, sweet, deep placed that he went think about right now, but the ache wonāt last the way his blown out knee will. Like everything else about his incredibly short-lived professional hockey career, it will fade away.
Once heās clean, heās alone with Lord Stanleyās Cup for just a few more minutes. His fingers trace over his teamās names on the sterling silver face. He closes his eyes and wishes so badly that he could keep them with him, because theyāre going to go on and win more cups and play more games, and heās going to fade into the background. Heās going to be alone. He wonāt get to see their captainās grin or their goalieās freckles or Brandonās gorgeous brown eyes every day anymore. Theyāre leaving him behind, and he just wants a piece of them to stay.
The handlers from the league come and get the Cup. David curls up in bed and stays there until the next morning.
When he wakes up, something is different.
And it shouldnāt be possible, because David wasnāt the captain. He didnāt even have the A. It was his rookie season. But he was captain of his college team. Maybe thatās the loophole that has replaced his cock with a soft, plush pussy, as well as the quiet, inherent knowledge that he is no longer alone in his body. Something is taking root within him and beginning to grow.
And he should probably tell someone, but then the horrible thought of whatever comes from this miracle being taken away from him because heās no longer in the league follows and he shuts that idea down. He will tell no one. He has nine months to work on a story. He can do this. No one is going to take this from him.
And besides, as the summer draws out and burns away into autumn, he doesnāt have much to hide. Heās always been on the āhuskyā side of built. He doesnāt show much at all, really, save for some extra pounds here and there. Easily explained away by the fact that heās no longer on a performance diet and exercise regimen. By the time he needs to hide anything, heāll be able to take cover in bulky sweaters and coats. Itāll be fine.
But then, one day in October when heās visiting an old friend from college in Montreal, he meets a woman.
Very few people have ever recognized David off the ice, even when he was still playing, but she knows him at once. She marches right over and shakes his hand and introduces herself. Her name is Yuna. Sheās gorgeous. Sheās witty. She knows absolutely everything about hockey, especially where the Metros are concerned. They talk for hours. They exchange numbers. David is smitten with her at once.
They talk on the phone. They swap back and forth between Ottawa and Montreal for dates. It becomes clear within a few weeks that Yuna wants more, wants to be intimate, but God, Davidās terrified of letting her see him naked. Heās going to have to explain everything, and how the hell is he supposed to do that?
He goes out on a limb one evening at her place and asks if she thinks she wants children. And she sighs and looks sad and says yes, she does, but her doctor already told her itās not possible for her. She canāt carry a child.
And David canāt help it. He just blurts it out. āThatās okay,ā he says, squeezing her hand. āI can. I - I am. Carrying. Pregnant.ā
And Yuna is obviously confused, and David tries to explain, but ultimately the easiest way to explain is to just show her. So he slowly strips down in her bedroom and lets her see the proof, and when she cautiously rests her hand against the slight swell of his belly, the baby kicks for the very first time.
āDid you feel that?!ā she gasps, delighted and stunned and bewildered all at the same time.
David laughs, feeing so relieved, so happy, so in love. āYeah,ā he chuckles. āHe likes you, too.ā
She looks up at him, and he looks back at her, and she steps closer, her flat stomach pressed to his rounded one. David swallows past the butterflies in his stomach and finally asks her what he wanted to ask her from the day he first met her.
āWould you like to be a parent with me?ā
Yes, Yuna says. She would like that very, very much.
And when heās born in the spring, he has the captainās smile and the goalieās freckles and Brandon Wiebeās lovely brown eyes.
That ask yesterday that was like āfandom misses a lot about Shane and Ilya because fandom canāt understand confidenceā is true but itās only half of it. Because itās not just confidence itās pride.
Both Shane and Ilya are prideful people, and theyāre in an environment that both encourages that and also magnifies any and all slights to their pride as something that requires an immediate (violent) answer. They are deeply embedded in an environment that runs on a hierarchical, masculinist logic.
Thereās been a lot said about how Shane experiences sexual desire as humiliating but itās specific. Itās gay sexual desire, and even more specifically the desire to be fucked that Shane finds so humiliating. Shane would give his left arm to experience sexual desire towards a woman.
But he doesnāt, and to make it all EVEN WORSE, his desire is mostly pointed at the guy heās supposed to be in the most direct competition with.
In the logic of the world he lives in, that IS humiliating. Absurdly humiliating. Like so much so that itās incredible Shane pursues Ilya at all. (I actually think Shane has an extraordinarily healthy relationship to his sex life considering the situation heās in.)
Anyway I do think this plays into Shaneās understanding of Ilya. Shane has a long hangover from this mindset where Ilya is holding all the cards, all the power in the relationship. That was never as true as Shane thought it was, but by TLG their power dynamic has tilted decisively in factor of Shane.
Let me settle this. Neither Svetlana nor Ilya are the sensible friend. Neither one is doing well. They are losing things in the club. Debit card: gone. Passport: wet. They are putting tablets in each otherās mouths. They are winking at each other as they lead various pretty people to the bathroom. They are screaming āthis is my song!!!!ā Whenever some generic 2010s anthem comes on. The only thing Iāll concede is that sometimes one of them is slightly less drunk when theyāre getting home and helping the other one and when itās Ilya who is slightly less drunk his inner monologue is āthis is how I prove myself as a man. I am the pinnacle of integrity. Is anyone watching me comport myself with respect and dignity as I assist this wild womanā but crucially heās throwing up in a storm drain while Svetlana is screaming into her phone in Russian because Ilya was too busy puking to keep her from calling her ex.
Svetlana still lets him fuck her that night. No kissing tho.
Thinking about a scenario where Marleau goes to all stars instead of Ilya because Ilya is injured and he ends up hanging out with Shane all weekend and they actually hit it off? Shane is nervous because he knows Marly is Ilya's bro and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of him. Marleau is sticking with Shane because he's a bit in awe of playing on the same team as The Shane Hollander. Eventually Shane starts letting out his bitchy one liners under his breath and Marleau is eating it up. By the end of the weekend they are a chirping machine. Marleau is teeing Shane up and Shane is landing the most devastating insults.
Marleau comes back to Boston and is like man Roz you would love Hollander if you could get past the rivalry and Ilya is just staring wide eyed at him. Marly is going off about how funny Shane is and talking up his hockey iq. Ilya is just like ha ha. Yes. If only I didn't hate his guts... meanwhile he's furiously texting "Jane" "Marleau is my friend. You can't have him"
in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.
when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"
but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.
i love love loooove 'better than the fucking yankees' because shane's not just some hockey-obsessed jock, he's a straight up jock across the board. he's an all-rounder!!! he's a hockey player, and hockey players literally spend like 80-90% of their time talking about all the other sports they're watching. he watches sportscenter like it's the nightly news, has the baseball on in the background all summer. he's showing up at the olympics for sports simply because he knows the athletes, and as a top canadian athlete with his level of marketing and sponsorship, he's met and knows A Lot of athletes. he's getting invited to grand slam tournaments. he's reading all those high performing athlete biographies. he has an opinion on who's going to win the super bowl, who looks good in the nba, which teams will do best in the world cup, who's in form for the masters. in tlg he's participating in the great canadian pastime of putting on some late night australian rugby/aussie rules just for the sake of having some live sports running in the background. he and ilya put the tennis on later in the book for the same reason. that boy is a fucking jock!!!
Ilya being born 30 years before Shane, defecting from the USSR to get away from his father and going to Montreal. He's alone and depressed and maybe he isn't as careful as he should be. Maybe it was an accident, maybe it wasn't but now he's haunting his mansion, well actually he's haunting his mother's necklace which is tucked behind a drawer in the master bath.
People don't like living in Ilyaās mansion, they can feel him there. Then along comes young and hungry rising mlh star Shane Hollander, who after billeting his first year jumps at the chance to buy the Ilya Rosanov's old house. The last great player on the Voyageurs, the one whose death led them to a 20 year losing streak that Shane is there to fix.
Shane likes living there, its not creepy no matter what Hayden says. He likes the heavy feeling of eyes on him at all times, it makes it impossible for him to feel like he's disappearing. He likes the feeling of hands brushing against his skin, of phantom lips and teeth, of a big body right behind him at all times, its less lonely. Every night he dreams that Ilya Rozanov forces him to take his cock. Shane just really likes the place, it's got good bones.
shane is such a terrifying captain & i feel like nobody talks abt this. ive seen maybe 2 fics that did this well tops.
he's not bro-ey & brotherly the way roz is. he's a child prodigy, runs a tight ship, efficient as fuck, Hockey Jesus AND plays in montreal (habs lore) so the city does in fact think he can turn water to wine they have sanctified him, & only social enough to keep the respect of his team, so mostly the vets anyway. he dishes advice bluntly & matter of fact, not rude but it's like that's it end of convo. what i say goes bc it DOES. above all this man does not want to be fucking embarrassed, esp not by teammates playing like it's amateur hr. his rooks prob stutter out half sentences around him, get nervous when he approaches them, he is INTIMIDATING but not on purpose!!!1!1!!
Shane is the type of team captain that rookies burst into flustered tears when heās talking to them, and he will just stand there blankly until they get their shit together and then keep going like he was never interrupted. Your Tears Mean Nothing To Me. Soul destroying
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