Welp. @clarelrose - Tumblr Blog

Clare. Older than 30 😂 Librarian. Cats. Collector. A bit crafty, a lot silly. Bi. I wish I wasn’t dependent on ao3 but here we are and I love it.

Posting for myself, thank you very much, I’m terrible and don’t tag even tho that’s exactly how tumblr works. Eternal sorry not sorry I’m lazy babes.

But like because I’m a people pleaser and I will ultimately fuck up, IM SORRY

HEATED RIVALRY HAS CONSUMED ME BODY AND SOUL.

Current Read: Fangirl Down by Tessa Bailey

darlingofdots

let's think of some Bits in the Hollander-Rozanov household because every good relationship needs incomprehensible and insufferable Bits:

the random Russian nouns as pet names, obviously

turning to Anya to arbitrate who won the race/loads the dishwasher correctly/scored a sexier goal etc

Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilyushenka. Ilyushenkechka.

and who won Rookie of the Year????

"I have never said this in my life"

threatening to tell Yuna

"pass me the remote?" — "come and get it" — [wrestling]

butt slapping. at every opportunity.

"we will have to shoot you like lame horse" when one of them gets so much as a papercut

idioms translated literally into the wrong language

"this is not hall of fame behaviour"

"who should I bring as my plus one" and listing random people while the other pouts

sirens-scales

We don’t talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.

We know Ilya isn’t a fan of Shane’s restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.

Shane is “frantic” in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesn’t take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shane’s fuckass diet that Ilya doesn’t even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shane’s needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.

Of course he’s gonna tease him about it a little bit later because that’s what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shane’s had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.

To be loved is to be known indeed.

rainbow-femme

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

softshane

ilya is in one of his depressive episodes and shane tries to cheer him up by telling him about all the things shane loves about him. ilya is quiet for a moment and then mumbles, mainly to himself, "noo don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy aha" before bursting into laughter and shane has no idea what’s going on but it’s the first time he‘s seen ilya even so much as smile in days, so he‘ll take it

gaygoatshane

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

lavenderprose

Sometimes when Ilya is having a not so great day he sends Shane a dick pic because he knows it will give him a boost of serotonin to see those three dots bounce for an obnoxious amount of time only to get some fuckass response like "Ok" or "You can't send me that without warning" and then Ilya will say "You like?" and Shane will say "Yeah." WITHOUT FAIL. It's their little fucked up version of a kiss on the cheek.

yearnalisms

glintofchain

showing off how limber he is in front of the kids

lucylehane

'sex scenes are gratuitous' mmhm please enjoy these complete character/narrative arcs composed exclusively of sex scenes

lucylehane

Jacob with some spot-on Ilya character analysis (and general thoughts on sex-as-self)

It's Open With Ilana Glazer

rottencauliflowers

looking disrespectfully

byjove

your life is too easy. you need to go to the nearest animal shelter and adopt the first tortoiseshell cat you see

byjove

Stop fighting.

Give in.

gloryhollanovjah

Man I know Shane ruined Ilya's sleepover plans but he really made up for it in spades. I'm sorry I couldn't spend the night; please come to my house for two weeks. You bought me ginger ale; let me buy you Cokes and Doritos and water shoes. You made me a tuna melt; let me make you more burgers than we can eat. You asked me questions I didn't know how to answer; let me make sure you know I'm going to be as honest as I can. I'm sorry I got scared and ran away when you asked for more; let me stay up all night planning the rest of our lives.