Closet Suggestions

She/Her/Hers. Queer. This blog is for all of us living in a closet.

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #5

A tip about deadlines.

I made a deadline to come out. At first, it was National Coming Out Day 2017, then Pride 2018, then NCOD 2018, and it’s currently Pride 2019.

Here are a few tips about deadlines for the lovely closeted people reading my blog.

- Do not pressure yourself to come out on your deadline, or force yourself to do it if you don’t feel it’s the right thing to do.

- On your deadline, come out to someone. It doesn’t have to be your family or a big announcement. Even if it’s just telling an internet friend or whispering in an acquaintance's ear, you’ll be making progress.

- Deadlines can be a really healthy thing if you don’t treat them like they’re set in stone. Be fluid about when you come out, and if you need a guideline for that, this strategy may work for you. Don’t beat yourself up if you choose not to come out.

As always, best of luck to everyone! It will get better, I promise.

Love, Laurel. (@laurel-lake)

[huntydraws]

For whatever reason you’re in the closet, you deserve to enjoy pride! 

[dresdoodles]

CAPTION: I get lots of messages asking for advice on * COMING OUT * But honestly… I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to give reckless advice that could possibly endanger someone, like (”Always follow your heart!”). There are so many factors to consider, like: Will coming out make me a target at school? Will coming out put me in danger at home? Will my family/friends understand? Will I be welcomed in my own community? Will I stay in the closet forever? Is it worth it? I can’t answer that for you. 

It’s also important to know that coming out is an unending process. Strangers, distant family, new friends, coworkers, crushes… every decision to share or not to share becomes a calculated gamble. Please know there is no shame in choosing not to come out. Your safety and well-being comes first. Your identity is still true whether anybody knows about it or not. I wish I could keep you all safe.

[closetsuggestions]

This blog is about staying in the closet BUT for Pride Month here’s a post about coming out.

[facts-about-bisexuality]

Fact: It’s okay to be in the closet. You aren’t letting down the community or the people you aren’t out to. Your number one priority should be your own safety, followed by your own comfort. It’s your identity and your decision who you share that with.

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #4

Without further ado, here is my favorite tip! I’ve been doing a lot of dire situation-type tips here, and I thought I’d share a more light-hearted tip today. This is it.

Wear the colors of your flag!

That’s all! It won’t be obvious to everyone else., but you’ll know your colors in your heart. It may seem short, but wearing the colors of your flag can remind you that there is a whole community behind you. On days you feel alone, wear those colors to remind yourself of that support.

Bi people - those blues, purples, and pinks are complimentary, and they sure look great on you! My lovely lesbians. Your flag is so ~ aesthetic ~ - flaunt it. Gay folks out there - red socks, orange undies, a butter yellow tee, army green boots, blue jeans, and a purple hair band around your wrist. What can I say? There are millions of combos. My trans followers - such a pretty flag you have there - and easy pastel colors to find in your own (non hypothetical) closet! To all the folks I haven’t mentioned, check out your flag and then your dresser drawer, and you will find a little bit of comfort.

As always, best of luck to everyone! It will get better, I promise. (Also, if you are able to come out safely, please do! This blog is not intended to pressure you into staying closeted).

Love, Laurel. (@laurel-lake)

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DM me or send an ask if you need anything at all.

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #3

“Closet-proof” your phone! If a parent or another person you are closeted to looks at your phone, they may stumble upon some “incriminating” evidence.

- Make a really good password. Make sure nobody will be able to guess it.

- A life-saver for me - Go to Settings >> Messages and make it so you can’t see message previews while your phone is locked.

- Make sure you type slowly and copy and paste correctly so you don’t send something.

- Make sure nobody has access to your social media, or don’t post anything having to do with your sexuality - relatives may also see your posts, and these things can circulate easily. 

- A no-brainer - delete messages that could get you in trouble!!

As always, best of luck to everyone! It will get better, I promise. (Also, if you are able to come out safely, please do! This blog is not intended to pressure you into staying closeted).

Love, Laurel.

[tiredstudyying]

- change your password frequently

- there’s a hide option in the iOS photos app. I personally don’t use it but some people do

- if you’re hiding social medias don’t put your full name in your bio, or ideally anywhere. That makes it super easy to find, especially on Instagram

- don’t give out lots of identifying details. If someone else finds your account you want to be able to deny it.

- for iOS: put apps you don’t want people to see in a folder called “extra” or something on the second slide so it’s not visible from your home screen and people won’t see it by accident

- this sounds dramatic but you’ll probably want a secret email address for online accounts/mailing lists/etc

- even if you’re not closeted your Instagram should probably be private

- incognito mode/clear your history frequently

- I don’t do this anymore but I used to only visit tumblr in my browser; I didn’t have the app downloaded

- if someone wants to see your phone and you can delete incriminating apps first DO IT. Even if you don’t remember your password and have to jump through a bunch of hoops to log back in it’s better than the alternative

- or just log out and be all, oh, I downloaded that app but never signed up for an account, or something

- apparently there are apps that will literally hide things but I’ve never used them

- in case of the worst: familiarize yourself with OP’s lying tips

[closetsuggestions]

Great additions!

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #3

“Closet-proof” your phone! If a parent or another person you are closeted to looks at your phone, they may stumble upon some “incriminating” evidence.

- Make a really good password. Make sure nobody will be able to guess it.

- A life-saver for me - Go to Settings >> Messages and make it so you can’t see message previews while your phone is locked.

- Make sure you type slowly and copy and paste correctly so you don’t send something.

- Make sure nobody has access to your social media, or don’t post anything having to do with your sexuality - relatives may also see your posts, and these things can circulate easily. 

- A no-brainer - delete messages that could get you in trouble!!

As always, best of luck to everyone! It will get better, I promise. (Also, if you are able to come out safely, please do! This blog is not intended to pressure you into staying closeted).

Love, Laurel.

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #2

If you’re closeted at home, find even just one irl person or an online community to tell! Coming out to someone other than yourself is so healthy for you mentally. Make sure who you tell is someone you trust completely. As always, if this is unsafe for you, don’t do it!

Love, Laurel

[closetsuggestions]

Tip #1

- If you need to stay closeted at all costs, learn to lie well. I have mastered this, only for use in the direst of situations.

- When lying, add something that makes you look bad. Admit guilt, even if it’s admitting to what you were accused of. If you are a trans girl caught with feminine clothing in your closet, you can say that you have a girlfriend (ask a female friend for permission to use her name) or that it’s a new fashion.

- When lying, offer those who you are lying to a secret, whether false or real. Let’s say your parents find your pride flag. Just say “This is a secret but **acquaintance who is fine with this and who you aren’t outing** is gay.” It works like a charm. I have done this before.

- Just in case you have to lie later on, pretend you’re a terrible liar. Lie about who farted and giggle, lie about eating the last cookie while the wrapper hangs out of your pocket. People will believe you on the big stuff.

- If you have time, think about your lie beforehand and look at it from the other person’s perspective. The more you’ve thought about it, the better it will be.

- Include some truth in your lie. This is pretty straightforward (hahaha straight) and is a key component. 

- Maintain eye contact while lying. Control your body and motions.

- Memorize your lie so the details line up. Otherwise, you will be caught.

As always, best of luck to everyone! It will get better, I promise.

Love, Laurel.

[closetsuggestions]

About This Blog

I am a closeted queer/labelless teen girl. I have some tips and tricks for those who are closeted members of the LGBTQIA+ community. It can be sad and dark and lonely, but I promise you are not alone. No matter what the reason is for you staying in the closet, you are valid and this blog is for you.

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Disclaimer - I am not telling you to stay in the closet. If you are safe and comfortable coming out, please do! Good luck.

DNI - I am not a discourse blog but radfem, TERF, SWERF, ace/are exclusionists, Nazis, sexists, homophobes, racists, MAPs, anti-Semitics (I am Jewish), and Trump supporters, please do not interact.

I reclaim the word “queer” and use it on my blog. If you are uncomfortable with that, that’s valid, but you might not want to follow.

My header is a prettier gay/LGBT+ flag of my own design.

Any suggestions? Need help? Please send an ask.

I follow on my main blog, @laurel-lake

Best of luck!

Love, Laurel