♪ And their hope grew with a hunger to live unlike before ♪

titsay
we're not kids anymore.
taylor price
ojovivo

if i look back, i am lost

No title available
No title available
hello vonnie

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$LAYYYTER

Andulka
Mike Driver
Three Goblin Art
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

shark vs the universe
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
Stranger Things
Sade Olutola
seen from Pakistan
seen from Canada

seen from United States

seen from Switzerland
seen from T1

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Philippines

seen from Malaysia
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Moldova
@cns-jailbreaker
♪ And their hope grew with a hunger to live unlike before ♪
Minyoung Kim - Mirrored Shadow, 2022
For years I would look at posts and questionnaires about neurodivergence that takes about being so focused on something that you forgot to eat and be like, "Couldn't be me. Being hungry is so uncomfortable! Your stomach is growling and cramping? How do you ignore that?"
Then someone informed me that neurotypical people have a whole bunch of "hungry" sensations before they get to that point.....
They what
Yeah, I don't get it either, but apparently this is a Whole Thing.... Like they somehow detect blood sugar dropping and go, "Ooh, time for lil snack!"
See also: there is a feeling of "oh, I need to pee" that happens before "fidgeting around in my seat to finish this thing before running to the bathroom"
I read this and was like, "this can't be real" and then I looked for sources and like--
Adapting Intuitive Eating for Neurodivergent People
"This can be very harmful for neurodivergent people, as many neurodivergent people struggle to feel internal cues and bodily sensations, including hunger and fullness. An emphasis on “only eating when hungry” can result in neurodivergent people delaying eating until they are so hungry that they are shaky, highly irritable, or even on the verge of passing out. A focus on “stopping when full” may cause neurodivergent people to overthink every bite they take and scrutinize whether they are truly hungry or truly full. To modify Intuitive Eating for neurodivergent people, it may be important to focus on eating enough and eating consistently throughout the day, rather than eating according to one’s hunger and fullness cues. Neurodivergent people may need more of a structured meal and snack schedule than neurotypical folks in recovery, as well as some guidelines around a minimum amount of food. This does not make their eating less intuitive or their recovery less real - it is an important way of honouring their body’s needs and unique ways of functioning."
WHAT??????
what the fuck
... stomach cramping isn't the first sign of hunger? Is this why so many people eat more than one meal per day?
One thing about researching world around you is that it becomes a bit friendlier once you know it better. If you see a random spider- you get scared. You see plants and consider them just weeds. You look at night sky and see a bunch of stars.
And then, you learn names.
Now, it is an orbweaver, and you consider them a friend. The greenery around is a laurel, or an alium, or osmanthus, and you know which of them to keep away from, and which of them are great herbs for tea. Now, you look up and see a whole parade of Venus, Ursa Major, or Orion. You now know their names, and, if you respect them- they become allies of yours.
I've been chronically tired since high school And chronically hungry since three in the morning The phone light on my eyes Is giving me a headache And now it's morning I get up Oh, I've been up I've been walking 'round enough To say that my mornings are no longer mornings My midday is lost and the evening is when I wake up I'll teach you every move I know 'Though I don't know how to name them all Even when I'm dancing when I'm alone I feel invisible eyeballs But I want someone to hold my hand And show me all the moves they know So that whеn we're dancing, the camеra's spinning Their eyes are the only ones I know Oh I've been on a losing streak I've been eating badly for years But I want dancing I want hunger I want everything you know Oh I've been wanting to feel free But I've been touching stuff again and again And if my disorders could chill I'm sure I would know everything I don't I've been chronically bad at small talk And chronically low on serotonin Did you hear they've been doing research The cause of depression may not be as simple as that I wanna get up Like I used to And search my eyes enough To work out the feelings inside of my bones That make me feel like they will just crack and break up I'll show you every move i know Though they won't all shake it off Even when I'm dancing in the dark Sometimes I cannot move enough But I'll be someone to understand And show you places that I go So that when we're dancing, the camera's spinning The pain is the first thing that's to go Oh I'm afraid of losing me I've been getting stripped bare for years But I'm just hungry, I'm just dancing I'm just sick of the food and the show I am on the precipice of something Underneath my skin it's bubbling A push off a cliff, a reason to kiss Oh I am something, I am something I'm not alone! I'm not alone with you! I'm not alone! I'm not alone with you And when I push past this seminal cliff note This permanence, this thunderstorm I'll come out trying to dance 'Cause I'll be using the tools that I know...
i want dancing i want hunger by Blue Foster, 2020
yep.
So much of the "advice" given to people with ADHD is just like
Step One: Become neurotypical
Habit formation part of the brain broken, advice ineffective
It took me until my twenties to build an actual tooth brushing habit. Years and years of parents hounding me to brush after breakfast & dinner, painful years having to also brush after lunch at school because braces (and mostly not doing it), years & years of 6 weeks managing each night then a long stretch of not brushing at all, years & years of frequent cavities...I had a years-long stretch of good brushing broken by one night being too exhausted to brush & just didn't brush at all for the longest while ever...
I could not tell you what exactly helped me transition, but I can tell you various pieces
I switched from trying to form a habit (which I feel stressed about doing and guilty if I don't do it or don't do it well) to trying a routine
Habit vs Routine: EG breakfast as a habit: make exact same meal each morning at same time regardless of hunger/activity/interest, feel bad about changing things up VS breakfast as a set of routines: cereal routine, get bowl, milk, cereal, spoon, pour, eat, take care of dishes; eggs routine: fry/scramble/whatever, eat, dishes; in a rush routine: grab 2 granola bars & a fruit & rush out
I bundled "habit" tootbrushing into the "going to bed" routine; routine is more flexible than habit & leaves room (and acceptance and no guilt) for adaptation
So like, standard I'm not exhausted just ordinary going to bed routine: go to bathroom, use toilet, wash hands, take out contacts, floss & brush teeth (thoroughly), put in retainer, then go to bed, lotion dry hands, turn out lights, sleep
Routine for when I'm dying of exhaustion: toilet, eyes/contacts, cursory brush, sleep
It took a long time, but eventually I wasn't having to remember to brush my teeth separately--I'd be tired and telling myself I'd let myself skip tooth brushing and initiate Goint To Bed and find myself brushing anyway because hey I'm in the bathroom there's the brush oh I'm just Going to Bed and brushing is a step of that
Call it a routine, call it task bundling, call it operative conditioning, whatever
I still don't *wash* dishes as a part of my Eat Meal routine which irks my housemates/parents but whatevs, 1 battle at a time
I want to close on a certain note, which is a How to ADHD book by a psych professional living with ADHD, and which I actually found helpful, but I am having trouble finding the title even searching back through all my reading history on 2 apps so....bear with me and I will either edit this post or reblog again. It was a book I heard about from @thebibliosphere first so I dunno maybe I'll chance the tumblr search function
Possibly KC Davis, How To Keep House While Drowning?
I really wanna add on another, more anecdotal than professional, method for those who still find it difficult to get into a routine or even worse, like myself, get stuck in BAD routines; break the social rules.
There is no rule that you HAVE to brush your teeth in the bathroom. Find yourself hanging out more often than not in the kitchen? Keep your tooth brush there. In fact, why not get a cheap set from a dollar store and keep a brush in every room (if you're able)?
And if you're anything like me, then more than likely you've got a room full of water bottles. So why not use those for your water? That lukewarm water ain't going anywhere anytime soon and you're SURE as shit not gonna drink it (I mean I'm def not a fan), why not just use it to brush ur teeth? Fuck social norms brush teeth in bed.
Eventually I realized half the shit that was preventing me from succeeding or doing any kinda self care in anything was like, just pointless etiquette rules. You don't NEED to get things done a certain way, but you do deserve to get things done.
"Oh so we should just eat anything we want??"
Well actually YES but also:
Restricting food Does Stuff To Your Brain. "Restricting" doesn't mean stopping when you're full. I feel like this is what gets misunderstood a lot. It means placing rules and limits on food that supercede what your body is signalling that it wants. Let's use cookies as an example. Restricting would be:
- I can only have cookies when I deserve them.
- I can only have cookies when I'm alone.
- I can only have two cookies.
- I can only have low-calorie cookies.
- I can only have cookies on set days, or so-called cheat days.
- I can't have cookies.
- I can't have cookies in the house.
- I'm bad when I eat cookies.
- Cookies are a bad food and I must compensate for having eaten them.
Whether or not you stick to the restrictions you set, your brain is learning to be an anxious mess around cookies. It might want to avoid anywhere that has cookies. It might feel shame for wanting or eating cookies. It might get exhausted from suppressing the craving and decide to binge. It might go into binge mode every time you eat cookies because you've taught your body that This Will Not Be Available Whenever. It might feel ridiculously important to eat all the cookies while you can.
I know we're all so used to constantly talking about food, diets, weight and bodies, and it's completely normalised to look at absolutely everything you eat and assign it the level of guilt you're gonna feel for eating it, and to brag about not eating this and that, and to announce that you know it's a Naughty Indulgence when you eat anything sweet.
But oh my god, it's such a huge weight off your shoulders to just let yourself eat cookies because you wanted cookies and stop when you feel satiated and know that the cookies will be available next time you want cookies because you don't need to earn them in any way. Because a brain that knows it can have cookies whenever it wants cookies, doesn't crave cookies all the time. Nor does it feel any self-loathing when it does crave cookies.
And I just wish everyone a very chill brain and some cookies
@corvus--caurinus
Yup! Per my neurologist, before the mid/late 00s the medical community was sort of, uh, unconcerned about so-called "minor" concussions, because the symptoms didn't seem to last longer than a few seconds and thus it was treated as a non-issue. Most parents didn't take their kids to the doctor for them and the few who did were told to let the kid rest for a day and then get back to life as normal.
Then a breakthrough study happened and revealed there is no such thing as a "mild" concussion. All concussions are concussions and all concussions are brain injuries. And all concussions run an exponentially higher risk of increasingly dangerous and life-affecting symptoms as you knock your brain around more and more. And with each subsequent concussion, you run the serious risk of these symptoms becoming permenant brain damage. Turns out, your brain does not actually like to be jumbled around in there, who knew.
The white flash is usually caused by one of two things: a jarring motion in your retinas (not a concussion) or the impact of your brain banging against the fluids and other matter inside of your skull (that's a concussion). Same if you "see stars"- the "stars" are the damaged nerves that just banged into something firing off electrical impulses trying to figure out how to cope with what just happened. And of course if you hit your head or are shaken to the point of losing consciousness, that's your brain's equivilant of the computer that, when smacked, turns itself off. All of these are concussions, and while it may seem like knocking yourself out should result in a worse concussion than just seeing stars, brains don't always follow that rule. All of these concussions will eventually stack on top of each other and will cause a major TBI once you hit your head a little too hard or perhaps even just one too many times.
So when he said "okay so you were never *treated* for a concussion but have you ever had this happen after hitting your head?" well... yes, actually. I was hit in the head by a thrown baseball bat (accidentally) in gym class and promptly took a nap. I was awake and otherwise fine in a few minutes so besides being sent home that day and having a large bruise/egg nothing really happened. I was doing flips on the gymnastic bars and lost my grip and whacked my head against the ground and, you guessed it, was unconscious. By the time my friends got the recess teacher over I was already awake and just a little dazed- again they sent me home but that's it. I fell through one of those dome monkey bars at a playground with my mom and hit the ground head/neck first. This was before the age of cell phones so Mom told me she was trying to figure out what to do about her very unresponsive child in the middle of the park (it's dangerous to move someone who may have broken their back/neck but she also can't just leave me laying on the ground to knock on someone's door to call 911) when I woke up and outside of a stiff neck seemed "quiet but fine".
In fairness according to my neuro there's not really much a doctor *could* have done medically as I bounced back without any problems except maybe have me take it easy for a couple weeks (I'd've died of boredom with no stimulation) but it still should have been noted that each of those were concussions. Then the amount of times that I've been dazed or saw lights... too many to count. I work with high energy dogs in an impact sport, they headbutt me or punch me or knock me to the ground all the time. I was an active kid and an athlete prior to my heart acting up, so sport-related injuries just sort of come with the package and that includes knocks on the head.
But sitting in his office and hearing him say that, and then recovering from the TBI and examining what it's done to my life... it made me realize how much people take for granted. It just takes one too many knocks on the head. He said the major thing he regrets as an older neurologist is that for a very long time, most of his practicing career and certainly a significant portion of my own life, no one really cared about concussions. But the line between concussion and TBI is very blurred, because in truth a concussion *is* a brain injury, and at some point you will concuss yourself much much worse than you were expecting due to the buildup of damage from not taking hitting your head seriously.
The best way to think of it is breaking your ankle. A broken ankle is a broken ankle, there's no such thing as a "mild" broken ankle. But there are grades of severity- a hairline fracture on a single bone is a broken ankle, but recovery time and process are relatively straightforward in most cases. Completely shattering multiple bones on the other hand significantly lengthens recovery time and the process is significantly more involved with a risk of further complications. If you keep doing whatever it is that gave you a hairline fracture, one day you won't be so lucky, and you will completely shatter the whole joint assembley.
That's how concussions are. Those cute little knocks that cause a white flash and nothing else? That's a warning to stop doing that and be more careful. You get to hobble around in a boot for a while to think about your choices leading up to this point. Knocking yourself out? Well you've snapped a bone. You get a cast and some crutches. Full blown TBI? Congrats, the whole ankle is fucked and you need major surgery now.
It's funny you should mention American Football because that's actually the reason neurologists and neurosurgeons etc changed their minds about whether concussions were worth worrying about. American Football is just Brain Injury Factory and the repeated concussions have lifelong consequences for the players even after they stop playing. Research into this is what led to the discover of oops we've been saying concussions aren't worth worrying about and uh maybe being tackled to the ground by 3 or 4 big dudes is solidly Not Safe Ever regardless of how much padding and equipment you wear.
Especially doing it over and over and over again because one day you will be knocked down and you will never be the same again. Probably won't happen the first time you do it. Maybe not even the second. The average length of NFL careers is only about 3.5 years, with many players citing injuries (most commonly brain injuries and concussions!!!) being a major factor for why their bodies wore out so quickly playing this sport. Not every player plays every game, sure, but if you play even 5 games per season over 3 years, that's at minimum 15 opportunities to have the almost guaranteed concussion per game if someone runs into you. And you don't need to hit the ground to be concussed- the impact of just someone running full force into you is enough to jostle the brain too hard.
How many times have we seen a player get slammed, stay on his feet, shake his head and blink rapidly, before getting back to the game? That's a concussion baybee!!! He saw a flash and was dazed, he needed a moment to get his head on straight, that means an impact inside of his skull happened. And since he didn't get knocked down and he didn't get knocked out, it also doesn't get addressed by medical staff onsite either. So he gets back to the game and gets slammed again. And again. And again. Until one day after the game ends he just seems different. Off. Something's not right. Congrats, he has brain damage now.
We wouldn't have all this research on concussions and brain injuries without these football players. It amazes me that we still teach young children that that's a good sport to try to break into.
This is why I get meal kits. Do I need them? No. Can I easily make them myself? For way cheaper? Yes. WILL I??? No.
Other tips: if you are going to buy things that aren’t pre-taxed, you need to make a habit of always doing the prep AS SOON AS YOU GET HOME. it will NEVER HAPPEN if you don’t.
Get the bulk pack of steaks! But you are never gonna eat them before they go bad. If you freeze them in individual ziplocks as soon as you unpack you probably will?
Get the celery, but you need to cut it ALL UP and store it in the fridge in water or it will rot.
And don’t do all tgese at once, get like, one or two prep things a trip. You aren’t gonna get it started if it’s a huge task.
Don’t pass by these tips because you don’t have ADHD!
These are valid points for the busy parent, the overstressed college student, and the person working the “wrong” shift.
Real story - I have thrown away SO MUCH meat and produce in my time. Frozen veggies can even be better than fresh, since they are picked when ripe and frozen rather than picked early and expected to ripen in shipping. My local grocer will sometimes pre-chop less-than-desirable veggies and sell them in the discount cooler - a chopped onion is more useful than a whole one! Meat in bulk packs is WAY cheaper, but you have to make breaking up that huge pack part of putting away the groceries. Also, having a place to put the groceries away helps make the process easier. It’s taken me more than one decade of life to figure these things out.
It’s not lazy if it is efficient. Professionals call it “time management.”
So why do you hate the advertising industry?
Hokay so.
Let me preface this with some personal history. It's not relevant to the sins of the advertising industry perse but it illustrates how I started to grow to hate it.
I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up, but to be a vet you basically have to be good enough to get into medical school. I do not have the math chops or discipline to make it in medical school. I went into art instead, and in a desperate attempt to find some commercial viability that didn't involve moving to California, I went into graphic design.
I've been a graphic designer for about seven or eight years now and I've worn a lot of hats. One of them was working in a print shop. Now, the print shop had a lot of corporate customers who had various ad campaigns. One of them was Gate City Bank, which had a bigass stack of postcards ordered every couple months to mail to their customers.
Now, paper comes from Dakota Paper, and they make their paper the usual way. Somewhere far, far from our treeless plain there is a forest of tall trees. These trees are cut down and put on big fossil fuel burning trucks and hauled to a paper mill that turns them into pulp while spewing the most fowl odors imaginable over the neighboring town and loads the pulp up with bleach to give it a nice white color.
Then the paper is put on yet another big truck and hauled off to the local paper depot, then put on another big truck and delivered to my print shop, where I turned the paper into postcards telling people to go even deeper into debt to buy a boat because it's almost summer. The inks used are a type of nasty heat sensitive plastic that is melted to the surface of the paper with heat. Then the postcards are put on yet ANOTHER truck and sent to the bank, which puts them on ANOTHER truck and finally into the hands of their customers, who open their mail and take one look at the post card and immediately discard it.
Heaps and heaps and literal hundreds of pounds of literal garbage created at the whim of the marketing team several times a year. And thats just one bank in one city.
I came to realize very quickly that graphic design was the delicate art of turning trees into junk mail.
And wouldn't you know it there are a TON of companies that basically only do junk mail. Many of them operate under the guise of a "charity," sending you pictures of suffering children or animals and begging for handouts and when they get those handouts the executives take a nice fat cut, give some small token amount to whatever cause they pay lip service to, and then put the rest of the cash right back into making more mailers. "Direct mail marketing" they call it.
Oh but maybe it's not so bad, you can advertise online after all. Now that there's decent ad blocker out there and better anti-virus ads usually don't destroy your computer anymore just by existing.
Except now when I search for the exact business I want on Google it's buried under three or four different "promoted search items" tricking me into clicking on them only to shoot themselves in the foot because I searched for the specific result I wanted for a reason and couldn't use those other websites even if I felt like it.
And now we have advertising on YouTube and on every streaming service, forcing more and more eyes onto the ad for the brand new Buick Envision that parks itself because you're too stupid to do it on your own.
Oh thats ok maybe I'll get Spotify premium and go ad free and listen to some podcasts- SIKE we have the hosts of your show doing the song and dance now. Are you depressed and paranoid from listening to my true crime podcast about murdered and mutilated teenagers? That's ok, my sponsor Better Help can keep you sane enough to stay alive and spend more money.
It's gotten so terrible that now you have content farms, huge hubs of shell companies that crank out video after video to get more and more precious clicks. Which if the videos were innocuous maybe that wouldn't be so awful except now you have cooking hacks that can actually burn your house down and craft hacks that can electrocute you being flung into your eyes at the speed of mach fuck so some slimy internet clickbait jockey doesn't need to get a real job.
It of course goes without saying that animals are also relentlessly exploited by clickbait companies that will put them in compromising situations on purpose to create a fake fishing hack video or even just straight up killing them for sport by feeding small animals to a pufferfish that rips them apart for the camera.
And all of this, ALL of this doesn't even touch how adveritising is the death of art in general. Queer topics, any kind of interesting art, any kind of sex or substance use topics are scrubbed clean and hidden at the behest of advertisers.
Sex education, a nude statue, topics such as racism or sexism or bigotry in general have tags purged or hidden from search, even life saving information about SDTs or drug use, because if someone saw that and complained then Verizon might sell fewer tablets and we can't fucking have that.
Conservative talking heads often bitch and moan that they're being censored on social media. The stupid part is, they're right! They are being censored! But it's not by a woke mob, it's by ATT and Coca Cola not wanting their adspace sharing screen time with their stupid fucking opinions.
However, they won't ever figure that out, because the talking heads they get their marching orders from like Tucker and Jones ALSO rely on the sweet milk flowing from the sponsorship teat and they aren't about to turn on their meal ticket so they have to come up with even stupider shit to say for the train to continue rolling.
I managed to rant this far without even getting into the ads I see for the beauty industry. The other day a botox ad described wrinkles as "moderate to severe crows feet" as if wrinkles are a symptom of a fucking serious disease! Like having a flaw in your skin is a medical problem that you need thousands of dollars of literal botulism toxin to fix! I was incandescent with anger.
Advertising is a polluting, censoring, anti educational and anti art industry at it's very core. It destroys human connections, suppresses human thought and makes us hate our own bodies. It ads no value, actively detracts from value, and serves no real purpose and I believe it should be almost if not entirely banned.
To add on to this with something a little more abstract, it’s also worthwhile to think about what advertising keeps us from, simply by existing.
Advertising relies on being the loudest voice in the room, in not competing for anything else. Billboards are put up in traffic junctions and alongside highways, places where you have nowhere else to look, spotify ads interrupt the songs you’re after, and creator promotions hijack the voices of podcasters and youtubers and whoever.
Any time you see an ad, that’s space that could have been given over to art. Not even, they could have put something artistic there instead of the ad - if a company make one wall of their waiting room into a billboard ad or a video screen to run ads on, that means they’re never going to also have art hanging around it, or play music, or do anything that might provide a pleasant distraction. Because that would mean you were being less effectively marketed to.
The presence of advertisements is a statement that it is important to make people’s lives emptier and less fulfilling, because the alternative would be less profitable.
Did you know that the standard US ratio of television airtime is 22 minutes of feature to 8 minutes of advertisement, and that ads are often more expensive than shows? People often talk about how much good billionaires could do with their money if it were put to the public good. Imagine how much good even a portion of the world’s advertising budgets could achieve, if they were redirected. This is ‘end world hunger’ money. Instead, it’s spent on hiring artists to make junk mail encouraging people to buy things they neither need nor want.
For a deeper dive, consider reading 'Against Advertising' over on Offprint.
spiritually nourished by listening in to the admin meeting and hearing that work is having trouble recruiting staff for their understaffed, very part-time afterschool positions. the peace that passeth understanding, etc.
their first two suggestions for improving staff morale and mental health were "have everyone attend a mandatory mental health seminar" and "ask the staff how things are going" bro at least have a pizza party...
bro I have been in therapy for years, if you make me sit thru a PowerPoint about journaling and taking time for myself when my top two stressors are 1) you and 2) also you but in a different way, I will shit my pants during the seminar, god bless <3
just remembered my all-time-fave tweet:
Could I have another little treat? Do you think you could deliver it without breaking my legs this time?
"is god cruel? is god evil?" god is pushing me into a puddle of cranberry juice saying "here's a little treat uwu" and accidentally breaking one of my legs in the process
I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly
I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:
Books I personally recommend:
- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.
- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”
- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.
- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.
- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.
- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.
Books I can kind of recommend:
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”
- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.
- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.
Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but they’re all important parts of my library and I’ve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.
A good website imo is bad girl's Bible
The Bad Girls Bible is your guide to intense sex, more orgasms & a deeply passionate relationship. Learn how to give a great blow job inside
There's a slew of information that goes in depth about the topics, the words, and redflags/abuse and what to look out for.
I read this when I was getting into stuff myself and I enjoyed learning about it all.
Good to be able to understand exactly how far you've come and have it be around the core of the Earth while you're swimming to shore with plans on how to handle climbing.