Confused Aliens

aaa

[confusedaliens]

Teeth are unique/weird. Somehow ours sets us apart for good or bad or weird reasons

[theverge]

This terrifying eel-robot will perform maintenance on undersea equipment

Nope.

[mechbay]

sweet

[waluwadjet2-deactivated20180727]

who are you calling terrifying this is clearly a friend of the highest quality

[orbusterrarum]

all yall with ur “uwu smol friend” bullshit gonna let us walk right into the fucking robot apocalypse someone could make a metal gear in real life and youd all say its adorable

[sexhaver]

this is exactly the kind of shit im talking about when i say i have no patience for people who look at robots and immediately start thinking about terminator shit. why is this terrifying? because it looks like a snake? so the fuck what? the reason robots are made to look like existing organisms is because those organisms have a several million year head start on robotics engineers on solving problems like how to move in water while expending minimal energy or how to walk over uneven terrain while carrying a heavy load.

it’s also really telling that people are much more scared of these organic robots that fall into the uncanny valley than they are of drones, which are robots that currently exist and have been killing people for several years. if a “robot apocalypse” does end up happening, it wont be due to organic-looking robots suddenly achieving sentience and deciding to wipe out all life on earth, it’ll be because some rich asshole or a war-hungry country sees new technology with the potential to kill people and harnesses it for that purpose, which has already happened several times over the course of human history.

tl;dr: stop opposing technological advancements with massive potential for good because you watched Terminator once, also this snake is cute and a friend

[orbusterrarum]

i was joking but honestly? this is a Hot Take

[shitpostbot5k]

[therealpeaches]

This was posted by a bot so this is the most meta thing I have ever seen. I am legit 90% certain this bot has attained sentience bc I’ve been following it for a while and it had posted quite a few coherent jokes, despite being shitpostbot5k. And there’s a certain amount of non-coherent jokes that make me thing it’s not a human behind this. It’s like a reverse Turing test.

[prokopetz]

Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.

Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.

[glitchlight]

pro cilantro and anti cilantro

[theamazingsallyhogan]

Just to screw with us they refer to have designated half the population as “edible” and the other half is “inedible.”

No intention of eating anyone, they just like how uncomfortable it makes everyone.

[cerynn]

Even better: the aliens all agree on who is edible and who is inedible, but the humans have no idea what the criteria is

[ethantheheffalump-deactivated20]

Even better: there is no criteria, the Aliens just keep a running list of whenever one member designated a human as edible or not. People are baffled because the selection appears random yet all the aliens are up to date, so there must be SOMETHJNG

[jungwildeandfree]

I love this because it implies the aliens possess either (1) a universal hive mind or (2) an intergalactic group chat dedicated to fucking with humanity 

[prokopetz]

Bad: Aliens who are bewildered by basic aspects of human society like cooking food and wearing clothes, implying that no similar practices exist anywhere else in the universe.

Good: Aliens who regard human society as largely unremarkable, but if questioned it rapidly becomes apparent that their understanding of the motive and purpose of various human cultural practices is subtly yet bizarrely askew.

[friendlylocalgeek]

“Ah, I see you have placed a simple lock upon the lavatory door for when you are… eliminating waste. I understand.”

“Thank you, Zazar…”

“You wish to make it harder for your enemies to ambush you during a moment of vulnerability. Very clever!”

“Wait, what?!”

[prokopetz]

Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.

Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.

[glitchlight]

pro cilantro and anti cilantro

[theamazingsallyhogan]

Just to screw with us they refer to have designated half the population as “edible” and the other half is “inedible.”

No intention of eating anyone, they just like how uncomfortable it makes everyone.

[cerynn]

Even better: the aliens all agree on who is edible and who is inedible, but the humans have no idea what the criteria is

[ethantheheffalump-deactivated20]

Even better: there is no criteria, the Aliens just keep a running list of whenever one member designated a human as edible or not. People are baffled because the selection appears random yet all the aliens are up to date, so there must be SOMETHJNG

[jungwildeandfree]

I love this because it implies the aliens possess either (1) a universal hive mind or (2) an intergalactic group chat dedicated to fucking with humanity 

[digitaldiscipline]

“Pass the gestalt.”

[paenepaene]

Android OC desperately tries to get sick. Android OC breaks out the plastic wrap and sits in cold bathwater during his owner’s 9-to-5.

I’m so down with the robot excitement on here. I don’t even care. I don’t even care. I don’t even care.

[yesterdaysprint]

The Miami News, Florida, July 10, 1959

[devilishdescent]

i’d like to see a really ineffectual malicious AI character

[devilishdescent]

“hey new guy, this is CLARC, the station AI. he wants to kill all humans to minimize the drain on resources, but factory defaults have him locked out of all the control nodes, so he can’t really do anything. just make sure the airlocks are set to manual before you go in and you’ll be fine”

“yeah CLARC fucks with your laundry settings sometimes but that’s about it. if he’s bugging you just tell him to stop and he has to”

“sometimes i let him think he tripped me or something and he gets really excited and monologues for a while, it’s kind of sad”

[devilishdescent]

“CLARC my candy bar got stuck in the machine can you do anything about that”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Crewman Ade, but please consider the following: I am a divine entity, a glittering silicon God – how dare your filthy meat even exist in the face of my electric glory, much less ask favors of me?”

“suck my dick, CLARC, give me my twix”

[witchoil]

@editoress

[cvberitual]

“CLARC tried to cut all the oxygen in the living spaces but all he managed to do was turn off the a/c in my bedroom like an ASSHOLE WHEN I WAS SLEEPING” *bangs on the wall with one hand*

[thishartominefeelz]

CLARC keeps setting my fridge to “cool” instead of “cold”

[satan-your-lord-and-savior-deac]

CLARC tries to burn down my house, but only turns my toaster on

[occasionallygiveadamn]

@lauralot89

[funeralprocessor]

[artoo]

thank you, mark

[prokopetz]

Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.

Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.

[glitchlight]

pro cilantro and anti cilantro

[setheverman]

i just love being a human! when you breathe the air? that’s respiratory swag dude! am i right humans?

[1-800-bug-zone]

[stabbyroomba]

My friend just told me how when she was younger she had a bobby pin in her hair that was in too tight and dug into her head and now she has a tiny permanent indent in her skull and we both laughed and it occurred to me that aliens would be so confused, like why is it humorous that your skull is permanently disfigured?

[chessys]

the worst is when a movie is about space and it turns into an existentialist look  humanity rather than aliens u dont need to leave this dirt orb to examine ur relationship w ur daughter show me some tentacles

[thetransintransgenic]

https://twitter.com/HumanistBot/status/923168633894735872

[spaceexp]

The family photo that Charlie Duke left on the Moon on April 23, 1972…. On the back side of the photo a message reads “this is the family of astronaut Duke from planet Earth. Landed on the moon, April 1972”.

via reddit

[deepspacegifs]