inside my head

She/her, 40something, way too old for celebrity crushes, but hey, free serotonin is free serotonin. Autumn, Halloween. Fandom. Hiddleston, other rather decorative men. other random stuff that gets my attention.

[pookieshane]

favorite hollanov kisses 30/??

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

bitches needed to hear this huh ♥ (you're bitches)

[imjustexistingtbh]

let’s bonk with mama

[gaynehollander]

I firmly believe that Ilya and Shane reveal their timeline to the Centaurs entirely by accident. Someone makes a comment in the locker room about how fucking horned up they are for each other. It's difficult not to notice the daily addition of new bruises and scratches and hickeys on both of their bodies and it's a well known fact that whoever ends up rooming next to them on the road will require industrial grade noise cancelling headphones. They've been living together for several years now and it doesn't seem to be slowing down at all. It's bordering on an intervention, the guys saying things like "honestly, it's worrying," and "how can two people have that much sex??"

Shane's actually the one to accidentally reveal the timeline, when he says "I mean, if you average it out by the seven years where we only saw each other a few times a year and the four years we were long-distance, we're probably still behind most couples."

The locker room falls silent for a few seconds before the whole team entirely loses their shit. "ELEVEN YEARS," "what the fuck, no, what the fuck," "since rookie season???" and the cat's out of the bag so Shane corrects them, "summer before." Meanwhile Ilya's just grinning maniacally in the corner, so pleased that Shane was the one to spill the beans because they were both sure Ilya would be the one to do it.

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge

[hollanderwillyoudisappointthem]

Ilya holding him still in this position and relentlessly pounding into him while shane just moans and trembles and takes it because he can’t do anything else

[penandinkprincess]

among the reasons i love shane goes to boston as an idea is that cliff marlowe is a fucking GIANT of a man, and i have the very funny idea in my head that being ilya's boyfriend means shane gets auto-included into the Bro Manhandling that i KNOW that man gives out to his friends.

and like. LISTEN. shane is a tough, strong dude, okay? he has played a heavy contact sport since he was an itty bitty. he is no shrinking violet. he can take a hit and get back up and keep going. he's no stranger to like. grabbing shoulders and a little playful jostling. but i also feel like his vibe on the team with the metros made him a little untouchable (first with respect that still made him "other" and then with. well.) beyond things like shoulder punches from jj and helmet taps with hayden.

and now he's gotten tossed into this locker room where he is accepted and welcomed but ALSO maybe getting fucking whiplash on the reg from cliff's affection. like hey! thank you for including me! but also you just fucking RAGDOLLED me the SECOND i walked in here today and i am a little turned on and ALARMED about it. just a little.

like hits on the ice? yeah. shane understands those. gets 'em and deals 'em all the time. no big. a little bro shoulder tapping/shaking? yeah sure.

but cliff just fucking. 🗣️HOLL-ZY! MY GUUUY! 🗣️ and that is shane's ONLY warning that he's about to get borderline shaken adult syndrome. everyone else in the locker room including ilya knows to brace or dodge by this point, but shane is still adjusting.

and like!! it's nice!! thank you for including me!! but also jesus fuck!!! i have a new empathy for anya's favorite toy when she death shakes it!! oh my god!!!

[huliajelena]

how‘s the water?

you‘re in it

yeah, but i want to know how you like it

[vieneinpace]

William Etty's Male Nude, with Arms Up-Stretched (1828) revamped by Astra Zero

[whydoistillexist-klar]

"A Guide to the NHL/MLH: Everything But the Hockey"

by facingthenorthwind (spacegandalf) and SiladhielLithvirax

INCREDIBLY useful hockey guide for if you write Heated Rivalry fanfiction! The authors are literal godsends?!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79171006/chapters/207715401

(some of) the authors:

@nothingburnslikecold @facingthenorthwind

[tessville]

Doing god's work

[lexicanons]

Early in Shane’s first year with Ottawa, he takes a bad hit on the ice and is knocked unconscious. When he wakes, he discovers he can hear everyone’s thoughts. His excitement is quickly dashed when he discovers that Ilya thinks primarily in Russian so even though he can hear his husband’s thoughts, he can’t understand most of them. Shane doubles his efforts in studying Russian. He hires a tutor and basically any free time he has, he’s studying Russian. He even asks Ilya to speak Russian to him when they’re at home so he can learn faster. Ilya is happy to oblige and by the end of the season, Shane can understand most of Ilya’s thoughts.

They’re warming up on the ice when Shane zeroes in on Ilya’s thoughts. They’re in Russian but he can pretty much understand everything: ‘God, my husband is so hot doing his little stretch. Everything he does is so fucking hot. I’m so fucking lucky. I need to focus, but I really want to kiss him. Would he get mad if I kissed him right now? Maybe just on the cheek? Or-oh shit, he’s looking at me! Why am I so nervous? Oh, he’s coming over here! Maybe to talk about the game? AH! He kissed me on the cheek! The way he’s looking at me, my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Yes, my love, I will calm down…wait, how does he know I’m flustered? Oh, Shane says my smile is goofy. For a second, I thought he could read my thoughts. That would be crazy…unless…Shane if you can hear my thoughts, kiss me on the lips. AH! HE KISSED ME ON THE LIPS! SHANE, MY LOVE YOU CAN HEAR ME, YES? I LOVE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME, I LOVE YOU! COME BACK HERE! DON’T SKATE AWAY FROM ME!’

[rosieandthemoon]

Wistman's Wood located at Dartmoor National Park in Devon, England. Photo by Neil Burnell

[bitstitchbitch]

my family is lucky enough to own a 26 acre mountain property, log cabin and all. Most people would go up there and think that it is fairly pristine nature. There’s the cabin, and a few dirt roads for 4-wheelers, but the surrounding woods look untouched.

But we actually carefully maintain that nature. We cut down the deadfall. We pull invasive plants. We trim the elderberry bushes. We get more animals than almost anywhere else on the mountain because we put up salt licks and water troughs.

some of these same things are true of national parks. A lot of places that you think of as “untouched wilderness” are influenced heavily by human care and maintenance. And this isn’t a bad thing. We are animals too. In many ways, our ecosystems depend on us to keep them healthy. Many “wild” plants that are useful for food or building materials are actually semi-domesticated because indigenous groups cared for them and encouraged their growth so they do better with human care.

we have a place in nature. We just need to be conscious of our actions.

EDIT: since this post took off, I thought I should add some sources

'Forest gardens’ show how Native land stewardship can outdo nature

Patches of forest cleared and tended by Indigenous communities but lost to time still show more food bounty for humans and animals than surr

Indigenous Fire Practices Shape our Land - Fire (U.S. National Park Service)

For many millenia, fire was integral to many Indigenous peoples’ way of life. This page describes ways Indigenous people used fire in the pa

Untouched nature was almost as rare 12,000 years ago as it is now

Most land on Earth has been shaped by humans for at least 12,000 years, suggesting low intensity land use is compatible with preserving biod

Also a disclaimer that I am not indigenous or an ecologist. I am putting time and effort into learning, but I am not an expert.

[rainbow-femme]

I love the idea of Shane being not just good at hockey but good at all sports, to the point where it fascinates and infuriates the other Centaurs

Because what do you mean they went to the batting cages for some silly fun to watch everyone flail at an unfamiliar sport, only for Shane to need three practice swings before figuring out the force and timing needed to start hitting every single pitch? What do you mean he sets the course record at the mini golf place they have the Pike twins birthday at? What do you mean he learned how to play cricket over a long weekend in the UK? What do you MEAN your Canadian ass that grew up on a calm, tiny lake went to visit Rose in LA and just learned to surf from “some guy” one of the days she was busy??

Shane doesn’t get why they all think it’s so crazy. He’s a professional athlete, he’s good at full body and mind control as well as adaptability and hand-eye coordination, and he’s so used to being the best in the world at hockey that he views being mundanely good at anything else as barely noticeable. He argues with Troy over whether he counts as being good at basketball just because he killed them all at the basketball shooting game at a Dave and Buster’s

They all start making bets to see who can find a sport Hollander isn’t good at. Harris is convinced he’ll win with figure skating because Shane’s muscle memory will want to work against him with a technique that’s so similar but also so different, only for Shane to come out of an afternoon learning from his old friend who was at the Olympics with the ability to do simple jumps and spins and is insisting the whole team learn so they can incorporate it into plays. Harris is not allowed to make suggestions after that

Ilya just sits back and lustily watches his husband destroy their friends at volley ball, wrestling, tennis, broom ball, and ultimate frisbee. Shane participates in an all pro athlete Ninja Warrior event to raise money for charity and Ilya can’t watch the clips of Shane flying through the course like a bat out of hell unless he is able to fuck Shane immediately after it ends

[homunculus-argument]

"Problematic height gap" was a concept made up by people who have never seen the kind of short people who go out to interact with the public. Those fucking gnomes fear nothing. If they're at the exact right height to bite you in the nuts, they will.

And insanely tall people come in two categories: If they're merely tall, and not large, they're just skittish fragile giraffes. The most dangerous thing they can do to you is stand up too fast, faint because their blood pressure dropped, and hit you on the way down like a felled tree.

The tall people who are also large are mostly chill in my experience. Sure some of them must be assholes just out of statistical inevitability, but it takes some edge out of life knowing that someone could try to hit you with a tank and all they're going to find out is whether or not a Leopard 2A7 has a crumple zone. And most importantly they are never tactically prepared for getting bit in the nuts.

[jimmysownworld]

yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.

yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.

[zolltraak]

[wrenchinator-central]