dantheman_egg

dan | 24 | trans guy | 🇺🇸

[spyderverse]

[marlinspirkhall]

A Vulcan named Stork works at the Terran adoption agency. Parents always request that he be the one to deliver their child to them.

[taken-aurally]

It’s years before anyone explains it to him.

[thetimetostrikeislater]

People keep gifting him robes with long white birds on them.

[thetimetostrikeislater]

[whetstonefires]

The fun thing is he would understand why people were getting him outfits with storks on them. That’s a word, it’s his name, straightforward. All the humans get him the same gag gift, but like, they’re putting effort in at least. This is a genuinely nice outfit. Stork will be a walking zero-effort pun sometimes, rather than waste a perfectly fine robe.

It’s fine. This is a readily comprehensible human illogic. Exactly the kind of thing he expected from moving to Earth.

Six years in he finds out about the stork bringing babies.

[thesaltofcarthage]

Stork has a good long meditation session about this myth, his name, his job, the outfits, the whole shebang (or whatever Vulcan concept is the equivalent).

And he decides he’s honored by it, in a humanly illogical way.

The humans are asking him to do what is after all his job, and specifically requesting him for the joy his name brings them on top of an already agreeable and satisfying task. He has no objection to engendering positive emotions in others. Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so happiness must logically slow it down. 

Plus, Vulcans of his generation love puns. There were two decades of punning competitions in colleges across the planet. So when he realizes that he is a walking zero-effort pun, and that the humans also love the pun, he is all for it. He is the Joe Cool of the entire Vulcan population in his city. 

And via this pun, the humans are including him in a cherished and traditional myth, by casting him as the literal bringer of life and the expander of families. 

There’s no downside. Stork wears his robes, pins, keychains, and other bird-related tchotchkes with genuine pride. 

[shinobicyrus]

YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH AT LAST

For real though working together with some human social workers, a Vulcan would be an excellent caretaker for children in an adoption center.

Child has a meltdown? Imagine Stork, perfectly calm and unbothered, approaching the kid and saying “You appear quite upset, Eliza. If you would please allow me to relocate you to the ‘bean-bag-chair,’ we can discuss the source of your distress.”

A Vulcan educated in medicine and child psychology would be endlessly patient with a kid with behavioral issues. Stork wouldn’t get or upset or frustrated. After all, these are children with medical and psychological conditions. It would be illogical to blame the child or to not treat them with the appropriate care.

Even if the a little one was having a bad day or was just overtired, Stork wouldn’t get angry. He might even be a calming presence. Any new kids acting out would learn real quick that they’d have better luck trying to arm-wrestle a Klingon than get a rise out of Stork.

Not only that, Vulcans live much longer than humans. Imagine Stork looking virtually unchanged as decades pass. Kids he’d helped years ago would turn up fully grown, maybe there to adopt their own kids, and run into Stork, looking almost exactly as they remember him.

And he’d probably remember them too. “Welcome back, Eliza.”

[departmentq]

“…Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so logically happiness must slow it down…”

Will reblog every time it crosses my dash 🖖🏾

[willgrahamscock]

The funniest thing I ever did on tumblr dot com is send myself an anon ask apologizing for a previous anonymous ask that was being transphobic. I then publicly answered to say, thank you for doing the right thing and then I turned off anonymous asks. That was 7 years ago, and I just found this sitting in my inbox:

[willgrahamscock]

They sent me several asks once my anon asks were back on but only for a few days, I'm guessing they gave up because I wasn't answering. Anyway congrats on coming out whoever you are.

[astrotheyge]

do the kids today know about common people the animated series edit

[campterodactyl]

[realness-remade]

[nosebleedclub]

What do you believe in now?

[moldpuppy]

self preservation through love

[sleepdopesmoker]

chupacapra

[guillotinedream]

Chupacabra as well

[ulan-bator]

Visit Original Link

[absoluteconceptofbeauty]

[indirectly]

I CLAIM

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

I CLAIM

[areyoudonebro]

I CLAIM

[hotvampireadjacent]

[bananaquilava]

[wingdingle]

attention to all dashcon attendees

someone urinated into the ballpit while it was empty and posted it in the tag

stay out of the ballpit

[wingdingle]

there are people who think this is a joke

this is not a joke

please stay out of the ballpit for the safety of your health

[defunctblog1]

Ancient scribes detailing horrible events

[thetyrannosaur]

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

“likes are worthless” likes are a tender kiss on the cheek

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

2 types of people in the notes

[memewhore]

[hiveswap]

...In case yall havent seen how they sold edibles in amsterdam when i was there

[redcurlzbychoice]

Don’t even need to buy any. Just strolling in De Wallen (red light district in central Amsterdam) and breathing will provide you with a beautiful bouquet of gratuitous weedy fragrances to provide for a very relaxed day

[hiveswap]

"Relaxed day" is a fun codeword for getting so high i don't fully recognise my classmates and almost lose them and then space out on the train and start thinking a series i watched doesn't exist and i invented it in my head because one of the actors lives in the netherlands

[lumpytouch]

I made a fake mobile game ad!

[memewhore]

[thefallingdream]

[gglilyallin-deactivated20250618]

he’s called joe bidet because he squirts water at my asshole

[gglilyallin-deactivated20250618]