DazedAndObikinFused

Hey, I’m Nick. Star Wars side blog for NickelAndDamned I reblog SW content and hopefully make it, too. Blog contains 18+ material.

[virgoos]

when qui-gon at the end of owk is like I was always here you just weren’t ready to see me or whatever I feel like maybe he just got distracted for like ten years doing some boring force shit and completely forgot he told yoda he’d go help obi-wan. so then when he remembers he has to gaslight obi-wan into thinking it’s his fault really quick

[tennessoui]

thinking this fine morning (afternoon) about a rebellion au where anakin never joins the Jedi Order and remains a slave & is sold off of Tatooine before his mother is freed by Cliegg. Sometime during the Clone Wars when he's like 22, a Jedi frees him and the handful of fellow slaves in the area by killing their master during a fire fight with Separatist forces - after the fight, the Jedi tosses Anakin the chip controller he'd found amongst the master's belongings while looking for information on Separatist movements. He says something, witty and kind, Anakin thinks, but Anakin can't remember it - couldn't hear it over the pounding of his heart at the prospect of his own freedom

so a year later, when the Jedi Order falls and the Empire rises up, Anakin just cannot believe that the Jedi were evil. He's not and never will be a Jedi fanatic or anything, but he remembers his Jedi, the one who freed him. He remembers his smile, his kindness, the swoop of hair falling over his sweaty forehead. The way he'd winked at Anakin as he left--the way he'd cut through the master's money safe with his lightsaber to reveal hoards of physical credits, up for the taking and enough for each slave to start a new life. no, his Jedi isn't evil and so Anakin is pretty sure that the Jedi Order was never evil either.

he's only had his freedom for a year or so. it's not been much of life up until then, and it feels like an easy decision to join the Rebellion. he wants something to fight for. he wants to do something meaningful with his life now that it's finally his.

fast forward ten years and he's fairly far up in the ranks of the Rebellion, considering how good of a pilot and mechanic he is. he's got a brain for strategy and he's got a massive amount of luck on his side. It's no wonder that when the Rebel leaders decide that they need the legendary General Obi-Wan Kenobi on their side and back in the game, they tap Anakin to go retrieve him.

Anakin goes. he's never met a Jedi before, apart from his Jedi, and even though this Kenobi guy sounds like a worn-out, retired, old-man Jedi, Anakin thinks it'll be a cool experience. also, orders are orders.

imagine his surprise when the coordinates he's given to find Obi-Wan Kenobi lead him to his home planet. imagine his surprise when he knocks on Obi-Wan Kenobi's door and the very familiar face of his Jedi opens it.

[tennessoui]

like this:

Anakin blinks and then stares.

Under the grime of the planet, under the lines carved into skin by age and agony, the unmistakable face of his Jedi looks back at him. 

“Tagwa, haku?” His Jedi says when all Anakin manages to do is open and close his mouth once.

A dusty, unused part of his brain translates the words automatically. Yes, what? Huttese. Of course the Jedi has learned Huttese. He probably picked it up purposefully, to blend in among the locals, as if the Jedi could ever be mistaken for being native to here. Not with his pale skin, the splash of freckles across the expanse of his face, the auburn gold of his hair. Even his Huttese still carries that crisp Coruscanti lilt that Anakin remembers. He remembers.

And so, because he remembers, he says, unthinkingly, “Jedi.”

It is perhaps not the cleverest thing to say to anyone these days, when the Jedi Order has burnt to ashes and its surviving Jedi are still hunted down like dogs to be killed by the Empire even ten years later. Last time Anakin checked, the reward for information leading to a captured Jedi sat at about five thousand credits.

And for a Jedi like Obi-Wan Kenobi, the bounty is probably more like fifty thousand credits. And this is, apparently, Obi-Wan Kenobi. His Jedi. The one who killed his slave master twelve years ago, tossed him the chip controller from the master’s corpse and gave him—gave them enough credits for passage anywhere the troop of slaves wanted to go. Apparently that Jedi, who Anakin has always thought of as his Jedi despite never seeing him again and never catching his true name, is the famous war general Kenobi. The famous Negotiator. The man the rebel alliance has been desperate to have rejoin the fight. The man Anakin has been assigned to retrieve by the two topmost rebel leaders.

It’s not going too well, Anakin can admit to that. 

It wasn’t going well the moment Anakin had stepped onto the sand of his home planet, for the first time since he’d been sold off twenty years ago, and had to take several moments to just breathe through the crushing panic that’d filled up his chest and head.

It wasn’t going well when he’d seen his old master, who’d been all too thrilled to tell him of his mother’s own freedom and then her passing a few years later. Information Anakin had known, of course, but not information he’d ever wanted to hear from Watto’s mouth. 

It wasn’t going well, being here, on this planet full of dust and memory, particulates of sand worming their way through the layers of his clothes until he could feel it coating his body like a second layer of skin and making him gnash his teeth in anger as he navigated away from the town—his old town—and towards the settlement Obi-Wan Kenobi resided in.

So. The mission isn’t going well, Anakin can admit that. 

But it takes a definitive turn for the worst when Obi-Wan Kenobi opens the door, says, Yes, what? in accented Huttese, and Anakin says: “Jedi.” And by turn for the worst, Anakin means that between one blink and the next, he has a blaster pointed at his chest.

He hadn’t even seen Kenobi move.

“Whoa,” Anakin says, raising his hands to chest-level. Kenobi’s eyes flash grey like steel, and now, yeah. Now Anakin can see the war general hunkering down in the beaten down form of the old man.

“Who are you with?” Kenobi barks, and his eyes jump from Anakin’s face to his surroundings and then back again. “Who sent you?” “The alliance,” Anakin says quickly, keeping his face as open as he knows how. It doesn’t come easy to him, not after a lifetime as a slave and then a decade as a rebel spy. “Organa sent me. Amidala too.”

Kenobi’s eyebrows flex downward, his jaw hardening and then releasing underneath the cover of his beard as he considers Anakin’s words. “Quiet,” he finally snaps. “There are always ears listening out here.”

Anakin swallows down his first instinct which is to petulantly point out that Kenobi had asked. Instead he inclines his head to the homestead behind Kenobi’s back. “Maybe you should invite me in then?”

Still, Kenobi hesitates.

“I’m pateesa,” Anakin tries, half-disgusted to find that the Huttese word rolls off his tongue as if it belongs there, even after all this time. Friend.

Kenobi’s hand flexes on the blaster; a moment passes, then another. And then he lowers the weapon and steps aside with a nod of acquiesce.

His expression, though, is brimming with distrust.

Anakin, for his part, has to remind himself to breathe deeply and not hold it against Kenobi that apparently the other man—his Jedi, Anakin’s Jedi—does not remember him. He’s had a lot on his plate lately, after all. What with the war and then the Jedi massacre, then the Empire. 

But still.

Anakin never forgot. 

[dimosar]

Sheev's Plan:

get elected to senate for naboo

start new sith order

work republic and separatists against each other. recruit evil guy to lead separatists.

(this jedi kid is wicked strong!)

get jedi in deep with clone army. (save some clone jars for later? just in case...)

PIVOT: Make the jedi kid evil. dont need separatist guy anymore. got a new evil guy.

make my evil guy kill his jedi pals when they come to arrest me. ill finish em off with my lightning attack

(fucking guy used his sword to bounce my lightning back at me! honestly my fault. takes a minute for the lightning to wind down and he got my ass on the bounce. fair play. now i look like a leather couch but its fine. can blame jedi for THAT too)

Use the clones to kill the jedi, have my evil guy kill the seperatists, keep the army, spin into empire

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

chill as emperor for a while. humiliate Vader for a laugh. make death star.

Endgame achieved.

(Vader's kid blows up my death star)

PIVOT: get new young apprentice by turning him evil once he kills his dad, or maybe make Vader cooler by making him kill his gay son. either way its a win-win for me.

(thrown down hole and killed.)

PIVOT: good thing i kept those clone jars!! make new clone body to inhabit. takes time to get right. need something to do until then

build enormous fleet of big spaceships, each with their own super death star laser. keep em on the down low... why use em? they lose half the value as soon as you fly them off the lot

(clone son runs away but its no biggie. its fine. have loads of clones at this point. whats one clone son?)

create a DECOY fascist empire. put one of my weirder clones in charge. Not giving them any of my ships though. can build his own shit. dont look at me. get a bank loan

let failed clone recruit vaders grandson (will explain why later)

LET those guys take over the galaxy with a different super death star. assume they built this one themselves. very cute!

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL (only via proxy tho. not done yet)

let(??) vaders grandson ("ben"?? ok) usurp failed clone and rule galaxy. wants to “kill the past” but whatever. can still make this work. NEED to keep this kid in the mix (will make sense when we get there)

drop the big news. Im not dead! Fortnite. awesome moment.

lead kylo ren to my base using complex scavenger hunt. puzzle knife.

tell him he’s always actually worked for me. big reveal. big moment. He's my lackey now. a little traitorous and unreliable, but this will pay off later trust me

use death star ships to take over galaxy even more

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL (awesome... but not enough. something missing)

let kylo ren lead clone granddaughter to home base using complex scavenger hunt (?)

taunt her into killing me so i can possess her un-janked body.

Endgame achieved. (??)

(kylo ren betrays me)

PIVOT: Possession stupid plan anyway. Instead, use ben and reys Horny Essence to make my nasty old body normal again…might as well pimp my robes out a bit while im at it...i deserve a treat

throw ben in hole (grandson purpose revealed)

destroy resistance with lightning powers. shooting spaceships down with magic lightning basically a solved problem at this point.

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

kill the granddaughter actually. dont need her anymore. lightning powers classic for a reason. ive got this thing in the bag as long as she doesn't bounce the lightning back at me off her fucking laser sword

Endgame achieved.

[moofahdrome]

Visit Original Link

[cheesenames]

if we can set aside attachment discourse for a moment (please) i think the jedi marriage prohibition makes sense in a “please don’t enter a complex legal, financial, social, and in some cases religious contract, the specifics of which vary wildly depending on planet and culture” way. the single jedi with a law degree does not have time to draft everyone’s prenups to prevent the whole order from getting sued

[the-fallen-blue]

#we could create so many interesting new problems if we ignore romance and make it about contracts generally#jedi prohibition on getting a loan. jedi prohibition on signing a waiver before bungee jumping. etc

"Qui-Gon didn't try to buy Anakin or the engine because there wasn't anyone in town who offered a credit exchange service" wrong. Qui-Gon gambled for Anakin under the table because after dealing with the Cyrkon Delinquency of 24850, Master Olobi, Esq, has personally promised to hang by the the toes from the highest tower of the Temple for one week any Jedi who generates any trackable legal transaction or obligation between the Order and the Hutts.

[adragonsfriend]

Hot tip: if your Jedi character says “I have a bad feeling about this” something bad needs to happen.

When anakin says this in the arena in AOTC, like 200 Jedi get killed in the next ten minutes, and a war begins. If the situation looks bad, but is going to resolve itself just fine, your Jedi will have a good feeling about it. You the author, presumably know what is going to happen, and your Jedi’s vague premonitions should act accordingly

[wolverina2002]

Nothing is funnier than writing from a non-Jedi perspective, have the Jedi say "I have a good feeling about this" and seconds later all alarms are blaring and the ship is falling apart.

[archivewriter1ont]

AU when Obi-Wan is just so done after Jar Jar, Tattooine, the Council conversation, etc, that when Maul attacks, he just glares at him through the ray shield and... reaches out with the Force and breaks his lightsaber. In half. Then throws him into the reactor pit. Just ends the whole thing right there.

The ray shield drops and Obi-Wan marches out, then blinks at a surprised Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon: Uh, impressive, Padawan.

Obi-Wan: If you don't shut up and get me to somewhere with HOT TEA and CLEAN CLOTHES in the next thirty minutes, I'M repudiating YOU.

Obi-Wan saving the galaxy with the power of justified irritation.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I realize disney's been tending to stick with the jedi exclusively adopting children with parental permission, if parents are alive, and I appreciate that aspect, but I have thought about the concept (which I am told crops up in legends) of them having some sort of legal right to force sensitive children in the republic, just because it is interesting- especially thinking about cases of child abuse.

Something that disney, legends, and fanon, all generally agree on is the idea that force sensitive children are often in danger because of their force sensitivity. Some take it further with an analogy for neurodivergent kids, since them being weird kids is a recurring theme.

And well. Realistically, over the course of about a thousand years there must have been a few jedi who found a force sensitive child who was in a deeply unsafe situation but their family or guardians had no intention of giving them up for whatever reason. How firm is the parental permission rule in that situation? What if that child is gonna die there?

Laws and systems and rights are finicky things, with often odd histories. I guess, out of all the options available, I can imagine that there was legal framework giving jedi a kind of social service role for force sensitive children and only force sensitive children*, the probably mediocre result of some bit of regulatory legislation that happened at some point, ostensibly there to protect these vulnerable children, that makes it so that technically, if a child passes this standardized test, the jedi can take them away, and that's written in republic law somewhere. Does that law also specify the jedi have to prove unfitness of the guardian? Maybe, maybe not (the republic doesn't seem to have a lot of attention to detail). Does that mean it's actually jedi custom to just go ahead and forcibly take children as a normal thing? Every line of canon dialogue says no. It could be a legal right they have but aren't 100% comfortable with, and are aware it would be unwise to abuse.

.*this is where I plug my headcanon that the blood test is bureaucratic box ticking first and foremost. it's not that i hate midicholorians, but it's a well established thing that jedi can sense force sensitive children absolutely fine without doing a blood test. For their own internal purposes, it's maybe a scientific curiosity to get a count. but for the paperwork? That is a piece of paper that officially categorizes a child as force sensitive in a way that regular people can quantify. so there.

[star-walking]

[onceiwashere]

mace windu: anakin we believe your friend sheev palpatine is in fact a sith lord. we are going to go on a special jedi trip to kill him and place him under arrest

anakin, shocked: my palpy sheevus?

[theplotsaidso]

Thinking about Luke!!! And heir to the empire obviously

[forcearama]

In which Palpatine gets a taste of what Rex and Cody’s lives have been like for years

[intermundia]

there is nothing funnier than the beginning of RotS for Palpatine and/or Dooku watching Anakin and Obi-Wan’s unique… style… of problem solving and thinking look at these clowns. These absolute buffoons. And then they get the job done anyway 😂

[gmwtsw]

Palpatine knows they get the job done, but doesn’t realize HOW until ROTS

[gffa]

Every time I see this post I get so distracted by the sheer CHAOS of Obi-Wan and Anakin and their “plans” that it takes me a few seconds to remember to look at Palpatine’s face.

This is the face of WHAT THE FUCK DID I SIGN UP FOR™

[obaewankenope]

That moment when even a Sith Lord has Regrets™

[assiraphales]

if qui gon had been anakin’s master, anakin prob wouldn’t have gone to the dark side. not necessarily bc he’d been a better master, but bc obi wan would be the cool older bro he’d sneak out w and confide in instead of the fake father figure he felt the constant need to rebel against. ‘palpatine has been asking me to spend time with him…’ ‘NEVER trust a politician. wait, hold. why the kriff is a decrepit thing like him trying to hang out w a 12 year old’ ‘I’m in love w padme. I want to get married!’ ‘u still have a rat tail’

[rainyquayz]

I can’t find that one picture of obi wan sitting like a diva. Help

[mistycatt]

The only question is which one 😭

[obiwancreampie]

or possibly one of these...

[mistycatt]

im crying THESE ARE FANTASTIC

divawan our savior 🥹🥹🩷

[kickfliptano]

this is based on a text post I saw a few months ago that i caN’T FIND NOW (edit: HERE IT IS. thank you anon)

anyway i thrive on domestic headcanons so.

[dazedandobikinfused]

2026 update since the link isn't working for some people. I think I found the post in question. I also saved it to Wayback Machine in case this link breaks too. If you don't want to follow the link, here's a screenshot (but if you like it, please do go reblog @dumblesbianjockenergy and the others!)

[mistycatt]

MY FAVORITE BABYGIRL

I have free will

[ratuszarsenal]

[jabbadeeznutts]

watching obi-wan in the original trilogy and then watching obi-wan in the prequel trilogy

[soulren]

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

[the-clones-deserve-the-best]

"Ghosts aren't real yet"

- Qui Gon Jinn before inventing force ghosts.