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[donothingtaker]

Holiday Spirits <—-pun intended

I have so many different things to write about, I do not know where to begin. One of the topics, I am not ready to delve into, so for now I will stick to the one I know best: dealing with alcoholi…

Thanksgiving is SUCH a trigger 

[donothingtaker]

New name, same me

New name, same me

Hi all- the reason I started this blog four years ago was to have a place to openly, anonymously be able to write about my life, my childhood, my feelings, etc.  Recently, someone I am very close to “found out” the name and has access to it, which makes me feel like I have to censure everything I write.  The only option I could think of was to change the name and URL, which I hope keeps my…

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[donothingtaker]

The doctor will see you now...

The doctor will see you now…

I am a high school teacher and adjunct college professor and have worked over the summer for my entire 17 year career.  This is the first summer that I have had entirely off.  It wasn’t my choice…coincidentally all the classes I normally teach did not run.  I was nervous at first, not so much about the money anymore, but more about all the idle time. The saving grace is that my sister and my…

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[donothingtaker]

#aunt

My sister had her baby in the middle of May and I. am. in. love!  My niece is only 6 weeks old and I think I have taken like 800 pictures and videos of her.  I am clearly biased, but she is the sweetest, most beautiful baby ever.  Luckily, my sister only lives 2 miles from me, so I have seen her almost every day since she was born. My boyfriend has been very stressed out lately with work and has…

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[donothingtaker]

Small victories With my anxiety in high gear, it is easy to let my agoraphobia get out of control, too.

[donothingtaker]

Much Obliged

When I started this, I made a deal with myself that I would write at least one blog entry a month.  Here it is, 9 pm on the 31st and the only reason I am doing this is because I feel obligated due solely to my desire to not miss a month (which I have never done).  I notice when I am feeling more anxious, which I am right now, I do not feel like writing, I do not want to talk to my mom on the…

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[donothingtaker]

Oh Baby!

My sister is pregnant and is due in about a month.  It is really exciting, but also sort of hard to believe that in a few weeks, there will be a little baby girl in our family.  I am so happy to become an aunt and I can’t wait to meet my niece, but it has been a difficult pregnancy for her.  She has been very sick throughout almost all of it and it has been hard to see her suffer so much.  She…

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[donothingtaker]

The anticipation is killing me...

The anticipation is killing me…

My problem with anxiety has always been the lead up to the event, not the actual event itself.  My therapist has always referred to it as “anticipatory anxiety”.  The weeks and days before an event cause me such distress and the majority of the time all of my worry and stress is for nothing.  But, I cannot seem to control it. For example, every year my mother, sister and I go to the Philadelphia…

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[donothingtaker]

Call in case of emergency

Call in case of emergency

Twice in the past couple of months, my father has been in the hospital.  The first time, he was unable to breathe and was rushed in an ambulance and the second time, my mother drove him.  Both times, he was admitted and stayed for several nights.  Each time, it seems they find more things wrong with him, yet there has not been an “official diagnosis”.  During these two visits, doctors found…

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[donothingtaker]

It’s so hard to say goodbye… My supervisor is retiring at the end of this school year.  I have known him since the beginning of my career, which is about 17 years now.  

[donothingtaker]

New year…same me Everyone seems to be in a happy, positive, festive mood today, but I am kind of blah and cranky and a little depressed/anxious.  

[donothingtaker]

Nature v. Nurture

During my therapy appointment on Monday, we discussed the concept of nature versus nurture.  I was curious about where she stood professionally on the topic.  She believes that it is a 60/40 split (60% nature/40% nurture), although she emphasized that an individual’s personality is a makeup of multiple factors.  I agree with this, but I think I have been affected more by “nurture” in my life,…

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[donothingtaker]

You can lead a horse to water...

You can lead a horse to water…

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would write once a month, no matter what, and I have kept that promise.  That really doesn’t seem like a huge commitment, yet there are times (like now), where I feel very reluctant to write.  I kind of almost feel like a kid rebelling against something I don’t want to do.Sometimes it is that I don’t have a topic easily on hand or sometimes I am…

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[donothingtaker]

This is going to sound incredibly weird and very morose and a little disturbing, but I created this blog to be completely honest with myself and with anyone who happens to read it.  Sometimes when I am in bed at night and I am having trouble falling asleep, I imagine writing and delivering my father’s eulogy.  My father is still alive, yet I have been doing this for years.  I just realized that I…

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[donothingtaker]

Uncomfortable much?

One topic I hate to address is how inappropriate my father can be when it comes to issues related to sex.  In his emails, he will bring up how he and my mother are not intimate.  This is hardly a surprise considering he is drunk almost every day and he and my mom have had separate bedrooms for years.  My sister and I will sometimes tease my mom about this and she gets visibly grossed out.  As a…

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[donothingtaker]

Should she stay or should she go...

Should she stay or should she go…

One of the most difficult questions that I have been asked in my life is “why does your mom stay with your father?”.  I wish I knew (and I wish I had $1 for every time someone has asked me!)  I will never minimize how hard it is to leave a marriage…I am divorced myself and it was the most difficult experience I have ever had to go through.  I also did not have children, which can theoretically be…

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[donothingtaker]

The *Dad* Who Cried Wolf

The *Dad* Who Cried Wolf

On Wednesday night, my mother called my cell. “I just called 911! An ambulance is coming to get your father.  He said he can’t breathe.  I think he’s having a heart attack!” Luckily, my sister was already at my house for dinner.  It wasn’t even a second thought…we left our uneaten food on the table and jumped in my car.  Even though it took us nearly an hour to get there, we actually got to the…

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