Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear

»»————-✦ Ru ✦————-«« AUS//♋//melancholic One day I’ll shuffle off this mortal coil.

[just-sans-things]

my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too

[just-sans-things]

someone contact my fucking lawyers

[punished-venom-solitair-e]

everyone post your biggest hear me outs my friend just showed me two conventionally attractive white men in a row i need to teach him what a real hear me out is

[gardenofeden5457]

.world's largest excavator- nay, world's largest vehicle- the bagger 288

.also, scale reference! just the wheel is 70 feet in diameter

[ceruinus]

'here's a real hear me out' >>posts world's most conventionally attractive piece of machinery

[girljeremystrong]

[bigtimetommy]

me after ants find me asleep at the picnic

[kosmogrl]

[graceofgosh]

🌱 EXTREMELY ROBUST SCALLIONS 🌱

do NOT scroll past the scallions. these are extremely robust. i did not seek them out, they were placed before me.

the produce misters had just run. the bundles were tight. the whites were WHITE. good fortunes await.

🧅 repost within 24 hours: robust scallions

🧅 repost within 1 hour: robust scallions + minor windfall

🧅 do not repost: limp scallions. flaccid stalk. the celery will look at you and it will know.

a man in Fresno scrolled past. his scallions went to seed the same evening. his dog stopped making eye contact.

a woman reposted immediately. she found $40 in a coat. her scallions have not wilted since March.

I AM NOT SAYING IT’S THE SCALLIONS. I’m saying look at them. good fortunes await. 🌱

[hateusandseeifwemind]

[pinene]

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

[tadeadshihamurder]

someone on reddit explained 😭

[no-one-offical]

‎

[desmolbean404]

That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

[prokopetz]

The two "created in a lab" fantasies:

Yes, everything about me is fucked up, but what if that was secretly awesome?

Yes, everything about me is fucked up, but what if there was someone to blame?

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment

[inthefallofasparrow]

[rosepaya]

[inthefallofasparrow]

Why is Vegeboop so unique?

[torchwood-99]

"I love you but you're doing wrong in a way I cannot condone" and "I hate you but you're being wronged in a way I cannot stomach" are top tier and I need more of them.

[modelsof-color]

Chol Mabior at Robert Wun Couture FW 2026

[queenburd]

this is the stupidest goddamn thing i've had to lay my eyes on today.

[evilscientist3]

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

[ttechniic]

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

[evilscientist3]

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

[ttechniic]

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

[evilscientist3]

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

[ttechniic]

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

[siderealglimmer]

[nbarpf]

One of my all-time favorites

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

“but shrouded black figures are scary!” not when ur muslim. its the funniest fucking thing. this is labeled on pinterest under shit like “classic horror” “scary phone wallpaper”

but that LITERALLY just looks like a niqabi or someone in a jilbab. Like Look at this pic of me (from a self photoshoot, now w/o the dramatic lighting and dark background)

or this pic of me

or this pic of me

like its so funny i can’t be scared of shrouded figures it just looks like me.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

if i saw this i would just be like “Assalam alaikum sister, dope sword you got there”

[ultmateragnarok]

I mean I think a part of the ‘scary background’ bit is the thing where the individual in question is staring directly at the viewer from a foggy pond in a dense forest. And also the literal burning halo

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

sounds like a normal Friday night. if a sister wants to go on a walk in the evening who am i to stop her. if she has a burning halo that’s the will of god.

[pmpkn]

Gameboy peripheral PediSedate was designed for dentists and dosed kids with nitrous oxide as they played games.

[defective-replicant-deactivated]

Time to enter the ＧＡＭＥＲ ＺＯＮＥ

[theindefinitejames]

Camera, printer, sewing machine, now a fucking anaesthetic adminstrator…was there anything the Game Boy didn’t have an accessory for?

[fakegeekguy]

Do you know about the fish finding sonar?

[britnxyspears]

gameboy sprinted so smart phones could lag and be ugly