why is this world always about love. why is that??
i found a new friend (it's been over a year now) and i love them. as a friend. we're texting every day. we're sending each other silly pictures and talk a lot about our interests. we started calling on weekends. like, every weekend since october... and we're having a lot of fun! just watching youtube together and talking.
we live in different time zones and it's so annoying but we're managing. we make it work. i might call then my platonic soulmate or something.
and obviously my irl realized that i'm talking to this person non stop. like every day. and then i was asked if there is more between us than friendship. cause the way i talk about them or text them "can't be friendship".
bro. why does everyone think that just because you talk a lot to a person means you have to be in love with each other. no we're not. we're platonically saying ily and calling each other stupid silly nicknames but it's all platonic.
but i guess some of those straight cis persons just don't get friendship like a aroace person can maybe... i don't know.
every christmas or easter or birthday or whenever i see my grandpa he drops some sentences like
"your future kids.."
" when you have a boyfriend.."
"later, when you have your own family.."
i mean thanks that you have this dream for me but no.
maybe one day i'll fine my platonic love person and be happy and everything but i'm aroace and i don't want what you want, man.
i never told him i'm aroace and i'm not planing to do it cause it's not worth it. i don't want kids or marriage. but i don't tell him.
i know he's not going to get it and will talk shit. so i dont do it. he should keep this little dream about me having kids and a husband or whatever. i don't think he has to know about my sexuality or gender or romantic preferences or what ever.
it's my thing and i don't want to tell him.
it's easier for him and for me this way. i don't have to explain anything and he can chill his life with his dream of haven grandchildren from me.
it's been exactly 8 years since she texted me "i'm bored, wanna talk?" and i answered "i'm bored too, what's your name?" and we texted the whole night. we texted for like a year and a half. we sent each other letters and pictures and cute little paintings. we sent birthday wishes and packages. we were on facetime every single day. talked for hours.
then she started flirting with my "crush" on insta and we had a fight and never talked again. i wrote a letter, ready to send it to her but i never did.
Now sometimes she sends me random insta reels but when i answer she leaves me on read. after 5 years of not talking she send me a long text. she told me that she had a crush on me back then and didn't realized until a few months ago.
i miss her. she was my best friend for a while but now we only follow each other on insta and never talk.
One evening, Barty finally spoke. He had been discussing the possibilities in his head for ages.
"Evan," he began, his voice hesitant. Evan glanced at him, arching a brow. "You're being dramatic again. Spit it out."
"I think I love you," Barty said, the words hanging in the air between them. Evan was silent for a long moment, his gaze fixed on the stars above. When he finally spoke, his tone was measured but kind.
"I know," Evan said simply.
Barty's heart clenched. "And?"
Evan went silent again. He tapped his fingers against his own thighs, contemplating the word that had started to take root in his mind a while ago: asexual. It fit, like a key turning in a lock. But saying it aloud? That was something else entirely. He knew he could trust Barty, but to come out with the truth right now? Evan exhaled sharply, his chest tight with a feeling he couldn’t quite name, though he’d tried. For years, he’d thought himself incapable of romantic love. He didn’t feel the pull others described, the longing for touch or intimacy that seemed to drive them. Yet here he was.
It wasn’t desire, Evan realized a while ago, but something deeper. He loved Barty, not in the way most people meant when they spoke of love, but in a way that was no less real. He loved the way Barty made him feel alive, the way their arguments felt like a game only they understood, the way Barty trusted him without question.
And it terrified him. Because what did he have to offer? He could give Barty loyalty, protection, a bond that would never break. But he couldn’t give him what the world expected love to be. Evan leaned back, his gaze steady.
"And... i can't give you what you want, Barty," he finally said, turning to face him. "Not because I don't love you, I do. More than anyone else in this damn world. But i don't feel the same way about you."
"Not the same way? You just said you love me..." Barty said confused. Evan smiled sadly, "yeah..."
"I don't understand," he said.
"Barty..." Evan said quietly, cutting through the stream of complaints.
“What?”
Evan took a slow breath, his hands shaking. He had rehearsed this moment a dozen times, but now, with Barty next to him, his sharp eyes filled with that rare flicker of concern, the words caught in his throat. Only moments ago Barty told him he loved him.
“I need to tell you something,” Evan began, his voice steady but low. “Something about me.”
Barty tilted his head slightly, the tension in his posture softening. “Alright. Go on.”
Evan hesitated, then pushed forward. “I’ve never... felt the way other people do. About romance. About... desire.” He glanced away, his gaze fixed on the distant. “I don’t want those things. Not with anyone.”
For a moment, there was only silence. Then Barty moved closer, his expression unreadable. “But you just told me...”
"I know, but it's not the same. I'm asexual, barty. My feelings are... different than yours," Evan cut in.
"So... that’s it?” Barty asked, his tone calm but thoughtful. Evan’s chest tightened. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Barty said, gesturing slightly, “that’s your big revelation? You’re asexual. You don’t feel that way about people.” He shrugged. “Alright.” Evan blinked, his composure slipping into confusion. “That’s it?”
Barty leaned forward again, his eyes locking onto Evan’s with an intensity that could have melted stone. “Evan, I love you. Not because I expect anything from you, not because I’m waiting for something to change. I love you. The way you think, the way you carry yourself, the way you make me feel like I’m not completely alone in this mess of a world. That’s enough for me.”
Evan opened his mouth to speak, but Barty cut him off.
“Listen to me,” Barty said firmly, his voice steady. “I love you, and you told me you love me too, right? We’ll make it work. However we need to, whatever that looks like. I don’t care about what other people think love is supposed to be. What I care about is you, and the fact that I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
Evan stared at him, the weight of Barty’s words sinking in. He had always assumed his truth would be a burden, a barrier. But here was Barty, looking at him with nothing but certainty in his eyes. “You mean that,” Evan said quietly, more a statement than a question.
“Of course I mean it,” Barty replied, his lips curling into a rare, soft smile. “When have you ever known me to lie to you?” A rare warmth spread through Evan’s chest, and for the first time in a long while, he felt something close to peace. For the first time, he felt a weight lift, like he could finally breathe. “Thank you,” he said, his voice steady.
“Don’t thank me. Just... stick around, alright? That’s all I need.”
Evan gave him a small, genuine smile. “I think I can do that.” Evan hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I’m not comfortable with... anything physical beyond a certain point. Kissing is fine, but beyond that, I just don’t feel it. I don’t want to feel pressured into something I can’t give.”
Barty listened intently, his sharp eyes softening. “Okay,” he said simply. Evan blinked. “Okay?”
“Yes, okay,” Barty repeated, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “You think I’m going to argue with you about that? I told you, Evan, I love you. Not because of what we can or can’t do, but because you’re you. That’s all that matters to me.” Evan felt a warmth spread through his chest, a rare but welcome feeling.
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple,” Barty said, leaning forward. “I’ll follow your lead. If kissing’s on the table, great. If you change your mind about anything, we’ll talk. And if you don’t, that’s fine too. We’ll figure it out as we go.”
Evan gave him a small, grateful smile. “You’re surprisingly reasonable about this.” Barty chuckled, leaning back again.
“Don’t get used to it. You’re the only one who gets this version of me.”
They sat in silence for a moment before Barty glanced at him again, a mischievous glint in his eye. “So, about this kissing thing...” Evan rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the faint smirk that crossed his lips. “Don’t push your luck, Crouch.” Barty laughed, the sound filling the room like a spark of light in the shadows.
And as they sat together, the unspoken understanding between them grew stronger. Proof that love didn’t have to follow anyone else’s rules to be real. He had proven that love didn’t have to fit into neat little boxes to be real. It was strange, this feeling of being seen, wholly and without compromise. Barty didn’t just tolerate his asexuality, he accepted it as part of who Evan was, without question. It was freeing, almost disarming, to have someone who cared so deeply and expected nothing Evan couldn’t give.
what if i tell you that sirius black is the love of my life and what if i tell you that it's weird cause i say that since i'm 13 years old or something?? one day it wouldn't be weird anymore cause i grow older and he stays the same age cause he's dead so one day we'll be the same age.
one day evan and barty would randomly drop: "hey, we're married" and everyone would be shocked except for regulus cause obviously he knows even though they didn't tell him.
(i want to write a oneshot about it)
(i think i read it in a fanfic once but i can't remember which one)
plottwist this whole time i was waiting for her (4 fucking hours) she was doing snowmen with her bf and did a snowball fight or whatever it's called in english and she told me she just have to eat something and then we could meet up. but she didn't eat, she went out to do something with her bf and forgot about me or just didn't care that i was waiting for her. i hate it so much. i feel so replaced. for me she kind of was my platonic love person but now she has this guy and i'm just not important anymore to her but she's still my fav person in this stupid world but i'm so annoyed by her.
back in 2022 i outed myself as an asexual to my whole family while being completely drunk. and to be honest i don't know how many of them remember this outing or even realized what i was talking cause everyone was drunk.
but sometimes i realize that at least my parents and my brother realised what i was talking about. cause a few days later my dad said something like "even if you won't get children yourself you can still adopt one".
And yesterday my brother and i were talking about his girlfriend and some other relationship stuff and at some point he said "this is for people who wants to have sex and a romantic relationship, not you" and it was kinda funny. but it felt good that he knows what being aroace means for me.
my roommates asked me why i cried the night/day i found out liam died and i know they don't get how it feels like. they're just not into being a fan or something and don't get the feeling of losing a part of your teenage years.
one of them said "i don't judge you for this" and in the next sentence she said "it's literally so weird to cry for a person you didn't know".
why would you ask me if u just want to talk shit about my feelings you don't even understand?
