Condemned For Feeling A Certain Type Of Way🤠

Months free from church: I lost count whoo

[exmo-in-progress]

2020-2023

[exmo-in-progress]

I think I never believed in it at all. I prided myself on being the most faithful one in the room, the only kid taking church seriously. But every time I got called on to share, my face would burn so hot, and not a word would come out. Around outsiders, I was never preaching; I knew I'd embarrass myself. I loved reading as a child, but reading scripture was like pulling teeth, and if you asked me about the plot of BOM, I could not tell you much. As expected, these thoughts would be stomped out as soon as they formed. Even after I left, I always believed that the church finally broke someone so faithful, and maybe took some pride in that. Now, I'm confident enough to be okay with not being a believer at all.

[hulk-janitor]

My contribution to the My Favorite Ship Dynamic trend.

[exmo-in-progress]

TBMs not understanding how their religion is not fit for everyone is like someone saying “But I’m everyone’s type!”

[exmo-in-progress]

One way I judge my mental state is based on how hard the religious trauma playlist hits

[exmo-in-progress]

I don’t know what boundaries to set with my family. We’ll get along fine if we don’t talk about politics or religion or their MLM business. But that’s pretty much all they end up talking about to some extent. Traveling with them is hard. That’s when everyone is present but it gives me less freedom to leave an uncomfortable situation (like family/parents’ friends asking about boyfriends and not being able to come out). Sometimes I want to keep my distance forever, other times I want us to be a tight knit family and grieve that it’s not possible.

[ingridverse]

"God never gives you more than you can handle" is survivorship bias. People who got more than they could handle are dead.

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Oh, dear. I can't reblog that fast enough.

[exmo-in-progress]

Only good thing that happened to me in church was the Star Wars marathon they did in the cultural hall. They never did anything like that again…

Also the Halloween trunk or treats were amazing when I was a kid. There were events and booths indoors, a haunted house you crawled through made with long tables. Nightmare before Christmas was projected on the side of the building outside.

I swear it’s not just me growing up and that people just put less passion into non Sunday activities.

[lizardho]

thoughts on queer mormons who stay because they find value in the church?

As long as it has value to them I’m not one to judge. If it ever starts to hurt or cause fear over calm though I always like to extend that offer made by my BYU professor: You don’t have to stay forever for it to be good for you. You don’t have to play 100% by their rules. It’s not supposed to hurt. And if it hurts it’s OK to take a break and go back when it stops hurting. Or to accommodate your needs even if it’s “cheating” (i.e., going to a different ward for a while, only going for sacrament meeting and leaving, only going to Sunday school and leaving, staying in the hallways and not going to any of the classes, etc.) It’s a tool meant to help you, not the other way around, so using it in a different way to keep it helpful is always allowed and ok.

[comedownstairsandsayhello]

Did you guys know there's nothing inherently wrong with selfish thoughts and desires and there's no such thing as thought crimes or thought sins and a balanced amount of selfishness is healthy and adaptive for living things to have and it's fine to act selfishly as long as you don't harm others

[comedownstairsandsayhello]

Let's parse the word "harm" here: asking for things is not harm. mildly inconveniencing others on occasion is not harm. wanting things is not harm. talking a lot is not harm. ordering in a restaurant is not harm. disliking someone is not harm. sexual attraction is not harm. rejecting an unwanted advance is not harm. letting others see unlikable sides of yourself is not harm. you would not believe how many things your parents disapproved of when you were little you've construed as harm are not, in fact, harm

[comedownstairsandsayhello]

I think maybe our entire societal problem is what I'll call an "abstinence-only" approach to selfishness. We treat all selfishness as if it's inherently bad and harmful and always to be shunned. It's defined as an interior trait; acting selfishly "reveals" who you "are" and so who you "are" must be disciplined. So then some people self-efface themselves into oblivion in an effort to be good, while others resent being controlled and rebel by acting like entitled assholes. Nobody learns how to be selfish safely and ethically and skillfully. Please, send me back in time so I can kill Paul the Apostle with hammers unlearn the idea that goodness is achieved by self-negation

[exmo-in-progress]

I left because there is no place for me in the church. Anyone who tries to convince me that that’s not true does not know what they are talking about. They literally don’t. They couldn’t possibly understand how hard church is if they will never experience it themselves.

I simply do not believe in a god that would have such a strict set of limitations on how to live my life. Because it’s simply the truth that being queer is not immoral. It’s just something that happens. They go on about his infinite love but there are so many conditions that he has that imply that he would love you less if you didn’t sacrifice something. That you don’t love him enough if you want to drink some coffee or tea sometimes. You can’t enter his holy house if you don’t pay money to his disciples. I don’t believe that a god that created me to love a woman would tell me not to for character development. I don’t believe that god would make a super sacred rule for certain people to not get to have romantic companionship, I don’t think it’s predestined for certain people to be lonely. I know this religion isn’t for me because I felt a burden was lifted the moment I realized the church’s interpretation of god isn't a one I believe in. It was so relieving once I stopped being afraid of what god thought of me for being so rebellious to even entertain the idea he might not be what I was told he was supposed to be.

So no, you will continue to not see me at church on Sundays, not see me at Friday night activities, or participating in devotionals. 

[exmo-in-progress]

[exmo-in-progress]

[2pen2wildfire]

I think what hurts the most about having Mormon family is that they do what they do because they love you, but they'll never love you more then they love their god

[pokeybananas]

Also learned today the reason I have such a hard time trusting myself is because I always had to refer to someone higher up the line for answers!

[exmo-in-progress]

Why I Left

[aight-griffin]

Shoutout to all the queer kids who still believe in the church, who’re desperately trying to reconcile that undeniable piece of themselves with the narrative they’ve been given for their entire life.

I did that for a year or two, I think we all did for at least a while, and it sucks. It sucks to know that you’ll never quite fit in to the mold that you’ve been told, for your entire existence, is literal salvation.

Hell, I’m cis, bi, and white, I could’ve been totally fine staying in the church, and it still sucked! No matter what the circumstances, policing yourself just to fit into a group is kind of the worst.

Cheers to you guys, hope being queer is enough to convince you to look at a different perspective and stop drinking the (all too metaphorically accurate) koolaid.