cherry valley forever
if i look back, i am lost
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
shark vs the universe
taylor price
pixel skylines
titsay
Andulka
Stranger Things
tumblr dot com
we're not kids anymore.
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★
styofa doing anything
Origami Around
Sade Olutola
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Jules of Nature
noise dept.
Xuebing Du
seen from Poland
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@funnytextpostss
its tuesday, ive had a glass of wine, and honestly Aurora Knew what the fuck she was doin when she pricked her finger on that spindle man. she was TIRED. she was fully done dude. She was 16 YEARS OLD!!!! if i had the chance to sleep for a hundred years when i was 16 you know id take my chances
i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”
me two hours after i should have gone to bed: time to solve the jonbenet ramsey case
do u ever wonder what a celebrities doing at this exact moment like rihanna could be taking a shit for all we know
everyday i think about how frank sinatra tried using his mafia ties to kill woody allen and i wanna know who the fuck stopped him.
there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”
I heard a story once about two microbiologists at a conference who took it out into the parking lot to have a literal fistfight over taxonomy.
have i told this story yet? idk but it’s good. The Orangutan Story:
my american lit professor went to this poe conference. like to be clear this is a man who has a doctorate in being a book nerd. he reads moby dick to his four-year-old son. and poe is one of the cornerstones of american literature, right, so this should be right up his alley?
wrong. apparently poe scholars are like, advanced. there is a branch of edgar allen poe scholarship that specifically looks for coded messages based on the number of words per line and letters per word poe uses. my professor, who has a phd in american literature, realizes he is totally out of his depth. but he already committed his day to this so he thinks fuck it! and goes to a panel on racism in poe’s works, because that’s relevant to his interests.
background info: edgar allen poe was a broke white alcoholic from virginia who wrote horror in the first half of the 19th century. rule 1 of Horror Academia is that horror reflects the cultural anxieties of its time (see: my other professor’s sermon abt how zombie stories are popular when people are scared of immigrants, or that purge movie that was literally abt the election). since poe’s shit is a product of 1800s white southern culture, you can safely assume it’s at least a little about race. but the racial subtext is very open to interpretation, and scholars believe all kinds of different things about what poe says about race (if he says anything), and the poe stans get extremely tense about it.
so my professor sits down to watch this panel and within like five minutes a bunch of crusty academics get super heated about poe’s theoretical racism. because it’s academia, though, this is limited to poorly concealed passive aggression and forceful tones of inside voice. one professor is like “this isn’t even about race!” and another professor is like “this proves he’s a racist!” people are interrupting each other. tensions are rising. a panelist starts saying that poe is like writing a critique of how racist society was, and the racist stuff is there to prove that racism is stupid, and that on a metaphorical level the racist philosophy always loses—
then my professor, perhaps in a bid to prove that he too is a smart literature person, loudly calls: “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGUTAN?”
some more background: in poe’s well-known short story “the murder in the rue morgue,” two single ladies—a lovely old woman and her lovely daughter who takes care of her, aka super vulnerable and respectable people—are violently killed. the murderer turns out to be not a person, but an orangutan brought back by a sailor who went to like burma or something. and it’s pretty goddamn racially coded, like they reeeeally focus on all this stuff about coarse hairs and big hands and superhuman strength and chattering that sounds like people talking but isn’t actually. if that’s intentional, then he’s literally written an analogy about how black people are a threat to vulnerable white women, which is classic white supremacist shit. BUT if he really only meant for it to be an orangutan, then it’s a whole other metaphor about how colonialism pillages other countries and brings their wealth back to europe and that’s REALLY gonna bite them in the ass one day. klansman or komrade? it all hangs on this.
so the place goes dead fucking silent as every giant ass poe stan in the room is immediately thrust into a series of war flashbacks: the orangutan argument, violently carried out over seminar tables, in literary journals, at graduate student house parties, the spittle flying, the wine and coffee spilled, the friendships torn—the red faces and bulging veins—curses thrown and teaching posts abandoned—panels just like this one fallen into chaos—distant sirens, skies falling, the dog-eared norton critical editions slicing through the air like sabres—the textual support! o, the quotes! they gaze at this madman in numb disbelief, but he could not have known. nay, he was a literary theorist, a 17th-century man, only a visitor to their haunted land. he had never heard the whistle of the mortars overhead. he had never felt the cold earth under his cheek as he prayed for god’s deliverance. and yet he would have broken their fragile peace and brought them all back into the trenches.
much later, when my professor told this story to a poe nerd friend, the guy said the orangutan thing was a one of the biggest landmines in their field. he said it was a reliable discussion ruiner that had started so many shouting matches that some conferences had an actual ban on bringing it up.
so my professor sits there for a second, still totally clueless. then out of the dead silence, the panel moderator stands up in his tweed jacket and yells, with the raw panic of a once-broken man:
WE! DO NOT! TALK ABOUT! THE ORANGUTAN!
@posturingsimpleton
OMG
Ok that one wins
Put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe.
the amount of garlic the recipe asks for: 1 clove
the amount of garlic I think the recipe deserves: at least 4 cloves
My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it.
Here are some of my favorites:
-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake. -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”
I can’t say the word croissant, ive never pronounced it correctly in my entire life. my worst nightmare is bein on a first date w/ someone and having to say the word croissant for some reason. Id just go home
anyone else read a paragraph of academic prose and then stare at it blankly with no idea what you just read because it’s so clogged with jargon
Sometimes I want to find the author, throw the textbook at them and scream ‘this entire page could be condensed into a single sentence, amd would make more sense that way, you waffling tosspot!’
“waffling tosspot” is the best non-cursing insult I’ve heard this century.
What do you do when you desperately need cheap clothes? Good Will Hunting.
You call yourself a farmer and you don’t have a piece of wheat sticking out of your mouth? disgusting
i’m all for ghosts who are nervous about their first haunting but i’m also all for ghosts on their millionth haunting who are just showing up for the paycheck at this point
“you’re on big house in the woods duty again charlie” “ugh. let me guess. suburban white family. the dad’s all “this move is good for us”.“ “yep” “listen i’m just gonna slam all the doors really fucking loudly and shout boo”
i’m intrigued by this post. by saying the ghosts r “just showing up for the paycheck” are u implying that ghosts are paid for hauntings? do ghosts have to work for a living? are u implying the existence of ghost capitalism? because honestly if i get to the afterlife and there’s ghost capitalism i’m gonna be so fuckin mad
mosquitoes had the nerve…the audacity…the unmitigated gall…to come into my home…where i pay the bills…and suck the blood out of my veins…veins i’ve had for 22 years…
remember twilight and how edward and bella couldn’t do it bc edward was afraid he’d fuck her to death?
i remember bella willing to die for the dick
why my hand shaky
your skeleton is ready to hatch
this is so fucking ominous thank you
