Magical girl transformation where I look exactly the same by the end except my posture and speech are different and I have to be reminded of several details on the conversation we just had
Based on my extensive research, I believe DID can develop between the ages of 6-12. This is wide range is due to a multitude of factors, including neurodivergence, I've found. Autism and other such things cause someone to have a low stress tolerance and/or get stuck FEELING a certain age subjectively/mentally due to the stress in their life and/or the Autism. This would explain why the physical age range is so wide.
(personal trauma mention; non-extensive talk)
I know this is true due to the fact that we are Autistic and have gone through several bouts of stunted mental age, AND it causes a very low stress tolerance. Our most major traumas didn't happen UNTIL we were bodily 10-16. We had some other "smaller" traumas before that, and we were essentially emotionally neglected by both parents for the entire duration of childhood and beyond. For someone with a low stress tolerance, though, this is enough to prevent a full personality from developing. Especially considering we weren't even really being taught how to have a personality (see "emotional neglect" and "Autism" haha).
Everything stated here is based on extensive research and personal experience. We're not professionals (but we certainly could be considered such at this point).
contacted my govenor's office. bc why the hell not.
i need 1300$ by mar 28th. really more bc bills.
but. i guess we'll see what happens. otherwise i'll be outside by the 15th of April
in other news: still trying to get a job. despite breaking out into hives, having chest pains, head aches and other fun symptoms
just.. trying to do that necessary stuff i need to do.
and i am very grateful for what people have given me.
but i can't keep doing things that i know is going to cause more damage in the short AND long run.
i cannot express enough how much i've demanded of my body, mind, and soul.
ignoring all sorts of pain, cold, heat, dehydration, hunger, and the like. not to mention the massive amounts of psychic damage i've endured which. apparently is. hm. abnormal (that's literally what my therapist said and i only told him a handful of things)
so i have no doubt in my mind that what's currently happening is the result of accumulated damage. of living the life I had
i managed to become a capable and compassionate person despite everything
but i am equally pathetic and mean spirited. how could i not be?
i've seen hell. and i wish that was an exaggeration.
i'd like to heal properly.
i'd like to not get worse.
that's all.
i am what i am. so that healing looks differently than it does for others.
you cannot offer me the same remedies as others. i have seen time and again how they hurt me.
so if this is how it is going to be
all i can do is pray
and hope that what effort i've put in thusfar will see me through it.
This is a blended system based on a host that gave up, with the things she came to admire the most taking root in her.
Her life collapsed. She is still, to this day, exhausted.
She has not slept. She has had no idea who she is. Since 2018. 2020 sometime is when she checked out for good.
1) This is K. 18-20 y/o. I am nervous, always feel like something bad is going to happen, and perhaps I feel hopeless to do anything about it. So I let bad things happen. I feel like things are my fault, either because I let another part of me push away, or I just let go and gave up, which causes me to be depressed, and keep letting go and giving up.
I am the caretaker. I have always spoken for my family.
1.5) The other half of me is me, but smaller. I shall call her "Lil-Killah". 6-10 y/o
I got that nickname from working at Sonic because I would say things that were apparently savage! I was super cute at the time and loved putting small stuffed animals on my roller skates :) (and getting the attention of the older men!!)
I am an artist but I mostly am a day dreamer, constantly thinking of how my life could have been better from the beginning, but escaping so I don't have to see the pain I would come to experience.
2)I have an imaginary friend named Kreamy! (Age?????) With her, their? Help! We managed to make the rest of us possible! My friends used to pretend to be my stuffed animals and would make me run back into my room to go get them and bring them outside to play! I thought it was spooky that they were able to see through me like that, but I think they were just making fun of me! Boo!!! Jokes on them :)
2.5) (Kreamy works with Gimmy (perpetually 5 or 15) who is the more silly, goofy, and lighthearted half with a silly voice. Kreamy is youthful, but they are a control freak and are very intimidating. There's something...... Ominous about them.... Very foreboding, but I can't tell if that's them or just K! Who doesn't really want to admit the imaginary friend is still here! )
3) When K gave up, I took over as Adelaide.
I was the queer awakening. I played through a MapleStory character that was canonically female, but I chose male for the first time ever. And I got cutscenes!! Wow being gay had never felt so applicable. But don't get it twisted, I am 25, or 2500, an elven knight, and pansexual. I am prisoner to linear time. I was kept in purgatory, much like in my story, until I was awakened to do more day to day tasks, like blend in.
Nobody needs to know I am a knight. I keep my business private. I prefer to meditate, try my best to communicate with everyone, and attempt to control the gate. Quite frequently, K is so checked out but still controlling of the body, nobody wants to be around that darkness (Kreamy), so frequently, nobody is "at the front." I try to remote operate what I can. But we can't quite shake her control, even though she doesn't want to be here, and we don't necessarily either, but are open to the potential of doing more visibly. We just want to help.
4) Who came before me, someone I love admire and respect, and want to bone something terrible, is the wise, Elven Queen Mercedes.
It's no secret that trauma in the womb creates children of the fey. K has within her, eons of worldly wisdom, but also eons of pain. This is hard to contend with when the body thinks it is so young. Souls are hard to cope with, but that's the point. I am an introject. Her favorite character to play on MapleStory, but my story was never finished. So she tried to do it for me.
My people were frozen by the Black Mage, and I joined the heros to free my people. Much like the early years of our multiplicity, the other parts were there, just frozen in time until somebody awoken them. Adelaide was in purgatory though, not just frozen, and was not called upon until later. But when he did, oh he showed up. And in a big way! He's so dreamy, I am obsessed with him from the background. It causes a very strange self love and admiration, but K (and Kreamy) are filled with such hate and darkness, it can be very discombobulating.
I, as a queen, am the Mother archetype we wish we received. Our real mother is a piece of work. Someone irresponsible and not in control of her own emotions, much like K. Very dependent on her daughter and everyone else to take control of situations and make decisions, be the savior.
I embody the quiet care, the gentleness, the softness, but the harsh wisdom of a mother that we wished for. The queen who would do anything to save her people. I am very family motivated, a protector of sorts. K loves me for that.
Someone she does not get along with, and someone I don't necessarily love but don't hate because we need him, is someone who came a little bit later, in college, when Adel got into their first serious long term relationship.
5) Ransom. The father figure. A lone cowboy, and stark bisexual.
I don't give a fuck about anything but me. I protect ourselves from danger, particularly those who are threats to themselves, that shit triggers the fuck out of K. I might not like her but I'm here to keep her down and safe. I am the pusher. I am the violent one who gets us angry and riled up. I focus on keeping her as isolated as possible because that's what she wants. She wants bad things to stop happening, so I make sure bad things don't happen.
Things aren't my fault. That's for Mercedes to acknowledge. That's for my sister Rebel to acknowledge. I don't need to do that, and I don't care to. Because I genuinely don't think things are my fault. I am the reaction. I am the response. I am not the trigger, but the thing that gets triggered.
Fuck everyone who gets in my way. We need to make money, because Mercedes and Adelaide are right about one thing: and that's taking care of our family. Our siblings got a shitty father. He hit our brothers. He hit us. He hurt our mother. He was mean spirited because he resented where he was. Filled with empty promises and a liar who was beaten down by the world.
I'm a liar too, but I also I guess do it in good faith.
Unfortunately I am not as separated from our father as Mercedes is from our mother. I am more of a 1:1.
5.5) Between us, and a frequent vessel for this triggered neutrality is Little Boy.
That's for everyone else to cope with. I do what I have to. And have become a bigger part of His life. The more time Adel spends triggered, the happier I am because the closer I am to the front. Easier to blow shit up and keep us isolated.
Sometimes, I go by Chandler. In another life, I am a blonde bombshell managing Dairy Queen. Analyze that how you want, psychic book boy.
Little boy is a ghost. You can't see him. He doesn't speak. He simply keeps our mind going in circles, making sure we all feel terrible and stay scared. Little Boy has been around for ages, since we were like, 4 or 5. K met a ghost one day, and she was never the same. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. (He's seen what Kreamy can do )
6) the twin sister to Ransom, REBEL. She is what she says she is,
Working in tandom with 6.5) Missi. missi was a bigger part of our lives during teenage years, but is morphed into Rebel now, who can use more defining. Missi was an IRL friend, one who bullied us, a real bitch.
Rebel is the mischievous part of Adelaide. She hates our father, but knows she is his sister. She works more on Mercedes side to bridge the gap between her queenly calmness and his unabashed anger.
She cries for K. She is the anarchist. She wishes we were more politically active, and more into vandalism, B&E, and assault. She does share her brother's violence, after all. It seems she speaks through Adel or Mercedes most of the time, or her BFFL.
7) Quinci! (With two little hearts over the i's <3 !)
Quinci comes and goes as a co-host, but is more of a "guest staring!" Type. He's the mystic, the Fortune Teller. Into love and philosophy, psychology and astronomy, Quinci made original contact with 8) SPACE KING ZENITH. Maybe they came here together, who knows.
I, Quinci, love loving! I am a hopeless romantic and I am GAY beyond belief! Adel has been with a woman for the past while, so I believe that's why I have been around less. :( he was with a lady before that too :(( I'm open to the idea of being Poly but I am sad because I just want a boyfriend :))
Alas, I am the main poet. How I yearn to be the host, just, not quite yet. I quietly ponder the universe and our place in it. I am THE Pisces ♓ 🐟. I am close to the core, as I am one of the soul tethers (we don't know who the rest are! Maybe K, maybe Kreamy, ! Who knows!)
I am the femboy, I love and adore Rebel's punk style, and even though he's a little tough, I bet Ransom is salty on his skin too! Oooh I love a rugged cowboy. Yeehaw 🤠 🤭 🥵. I love the feminity that comes with Adelaide, he is just so poised and refined! That's why I am comfortable letting him speak for me most days, him and I are blurred together.
I am our bright light. I am our hope for the future. I am positive things will turn out alright. I've been here before. We all have.
As for 8) the space King! Who knows! Who is this guy! He doesn't know! He doesn't want us to know he's around, and honestly, has never been very good at taking over, except when we act out our dreams, be it alone, or on a stage. These are the only times he is triggered 🤭🤭.
We tend to fall into two main archetypes: The sun and Moon. The entire body follows Artemis and Apollo to help represent this duality.
Together, we are the entire cycle.
Together, we are the Garden variety system, or , Gardener.
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