Just a copy of an imitation

Emily / 28 / Aus Always on mobile Complete and utter Destiel trash

[fictionadventurer]

The Phantom of the Opera: I was born with facial deformities that are so horrific that even my own mother couldn't bear to look at me.

Me: So that's why you have to live as an outcast in the basements of the opera house?

The Phantom, who has been an admired performer, palace architect, royal executioner, and chief contractor of the opera house who is able to go out in public with no alteration to his face except a false nose and mustache: No, that's a separate choice that I've made.

[3liza]

quora is one of the most terrifying social networks on earth which i think is why all the most powerful posters can be found there

[3liza]

bless this woman Bonnie Wingate. this little piece of short nonfiction brings tears to my eyes every time i stop to read it through

[tiktoksformyfriends]

[ooppo]

"He has a 12 inch cock" well my pussy ain't a fucking magicians hat bitch where is all that supposed to go

[ooppo]

[viejito-at-heart]

everyone tells me that ADHD isn't an excuse for being lazy and that there are people with ADHD who have overcome their symptoms and are successful but every day I drag around an invisible dopplegänger of myself who is horrible and listless and always complains. and he is so heavy. I'm ambitious and I'm passionate but he isn't and the problem is that to get anywhere in life I have to grab him by the leg and pull him along the whole way, kicking and screaming, and sometimes it gets exhausting. sometimes he pulls me down with him. and it gets a bit difficult to explain to people why I'm lying down on the floor in pain when they can't see him.

[justaratinacagexx]

I've never heard ADHD explained this way....but it's such a good depiction of it.

[muppetshow2026]

not to give green day credit but it is immensely funny how often Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation will be like hi green day play my event. and green day is like ok Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation but you know we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians and we are going to play our song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians .and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like ok green day thats cool. and then green day plays their song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like wtf green day you cant do that you cant play your song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and this has been happening in a cycle for 30 years.

[theabigailthorn]

reminds me of the time Rage Against the Machine were vying for Christmas Number 1 (british public was doing a little trolling) so the BBC had to let them come on and play 'Killing In the Name Of' live on the breakfast show, and they asked them not to swear and they swore

[emberry-pie]

me when I tell the guy who sings "fuck you, I won't do what you tell me" not to do that

[effemimaniac]

do you think either of them realised how insanely hot this situation is

[junglejim4322]

My hypothesis for this image has always been that taking into consideration the use of yahoo answers and the fact that they were both able to mutually think the other was a girl is that the chance they were both mid 2000s mall scene kids is insanely high

[quietwingsinthesky]

did i tell you guys i failed at being sexually harassed at work today?

[quietwingsinthesky]

okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where he’s going to be a sex pest, namely: “Do you know where the term ‘blow job’ comes from?”

and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!

his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Man’s Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.

So I Answered It.

and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you can’t just say “oh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940s” without first explaining that ‘blow’ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain it’s fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-

i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. i’m sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didn’t realize he wasn’t looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.

anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe don’t start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.

[fictionadventurer]

The very best thing about The Phantom of the Opera is that it shows us a possibly supernatural occurrence, then gives us a natural explanation that is infinitely crazier than the supernatural one would have been.

What if there was a ghost in the opera house that was killing people?

Requires you to accept the existence of ghosts, but otherwise is a straightforward story.

What if the chief contractor who built the opera house was a deformed circus freak who used his experience building palaces and torture chambers for sultans to keep building secret passageways and torture chambers in the basement when construction halted during the Franco-Prussian War, and then kept living down there working on an opera and killing and blackmailing people who crossed him and also training a pretty opera singer that he wants to marry?

There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me to expect even half of that.

[cat-dragoness]

@o-lei-o-lai-o-lord you are so right about this

[musicalhell]

Honestly, this explains so much about Christine's perspective too when you think about it.

My father sent me a guardian angel from Heaven to guide and comfort me in his absence: "Okay, not something that happens every day, but that is what guardian angels are supposed to do and Dad did indicate something like this would happen."

A hideously disfigured renaissance man, having all the natural skills and education to build himself a secret villain lair in a public building, extort enormous amounts of money from its management, and convince everyone he's a ghost, has developed a massive crush on me and has decided to express that through manipulation, kidnapping, and murder: "I cannot even begin to tell you how much this was not on my Bingo card."

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Well then.

[mockva]

[lurker-lenore]

I am deeply uncomfortable with this man's corner

[entities-of-posts]

The Spiral

[mildlybizarrecorvid]

Home decor hacks for if you hate yourself and want to die

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[seat-safety-switch]

Whenever someone comes back from vacations abroad, they want a bidet. It's easy to see why: most countries that aren't ours offer them. In an era where even our cars drive themselves, absolutely nobody is arguing for the tactile pleasure of wiping their own butts. Why not let a robot do it?

Well, it's the same reason why nothing else ever gets fixed in our country: it costs about a thousand bucks. The actual bidet seat thing is not that expensive, but boy howdy is it ever complicated to get an electrical outlet installed. Electricians are afraid of two things: water, and cabinets. A bathroom has both. The only solution is to build a bidet that doesn't need an electrical outlet. That's where we come in.

Sure, a lot of our competitors in the space have talked about using surplus Tesla batteries, or solar energy, or a bicycle pedal you spin to make the electricity required for the robot to spray your bum. Talked about. Nobody's done it, because everyone else is in the pocket of Big Electricity. Why risk getting a lawsuit because someone peed on a lithium-ion battery pack while drunk? Let Consolidated Monopoly worry about the liability.

We're different. For one thing, we are completely uninsurable. Hell, we will shut the company down and start it up as a different anonymous numbered corporation in 24 hours or less at the whiff of any legal action. Most of our board of directors aren't even on the planet. You can't serve a court summons to someone on the international space station.

It is this unique legal position that enables us to be great innovators. Our bad-ass new bidet toilet is powered entirely by radioisotope thermal generators (RTGs if you're savvy.) Yeah. The same shit they put on space probes. If it can keep those suckers warm and powered as they hurtle through the freezing void of space, they can warm up your butt and put a little bit of water up there too. NASA let us have their leftover supply of Plutonium-238 models for real cheap. Just the price of "dressing up like trash disposal people and putting all their shit in a U-Haul truck before they noticed it was gone." That's innovation, too.

So the next time you're pooping, and you think it is taking way too much effort on your part, think of us. We'll get you cleaned up and back on the road in a jiffy, although we do recommend lining your toilet bowl with lead before you install the seat.

[bnq]

small muppet rescued by St. Petersburg nerpa rescue

(x)

[totalspiffage]

[raylangivins]

my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called “daylight savings time” youll be zonked out of your gourd

Me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

1 hour and 5 minutes later: dude I swear it’s only been 5 minutes

my friend the oven, pacing: the smart devices are lying to us

[shiny-rhydon]

yeah sure i'll reblog that

[penandinkprincess]

girl it's a load-bearing 8 seconds

[silentauroriamthereal]

[the-real-seebs]

the average rap battle has nothing on people who are still deeply in love after twenty years

[transbb]

when i was in therapy i once expressed to my therapist that i really struggle with having pretty much zero idea of who i am as a person + she whipped out a piece of paper and suggested that we write down different aspects of myself. and i had no idea what to say bc ‘myself’ is a concept i’m not very familiar with so she started saying about my interests and how that’s part of me + i was like okay!! that makes sense!! so she clicked her pen and was like “you said you like video games before” and i was like sure bud :) and watched her write down, in capital letters ‘GAMER’ and i’ve never had so much terror struck into my h

[ratparkprince]