Don't look a Gift Warden in the mouth.

[mrsterlingeverything]

You never recover from being weird in middle school

[andnowrotfront]

"connect your contacts so you can find people you know in our app" what if i flayed myself in front of you

[shalmonsdraws]

i say hello old chap

[horreurscopes]

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

[spookykobold]

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

[yoursoftmachine]

my d.b. cooper theory is that the rapture happened while he was falling and he was the only christian worthy of heaven

[divorce-enjoyer]

well im fucking the cursed amulet. so mind your business

[divorce-enjoyer]

"isnt that an unhealthy power dynamic" no its a sex thing "arent you and the amulet growing codependent" no its a sex thing "isnt the amulet sucking your life force" no its a sex thing. god forbid people have kinks.

[an-eccentric-devil]

[your-werewolf-boyfriend]

I think my dash is trying real hard to manifest this one

This is the 20th one I've scrolled through, various people

[junglejim4322]

You should be able to say “don’t touch me” to anyone ever in any context and not have it be considered in the realm of surprising or insulting imho if we ever needed to normalize something it’s this

[bitronic]

anders like "i need ingredients for a . potion. that will split me and justice from each other. even though i said it was impossible before without me dying. forget about that i lied. will you help me find the ingredients. ok thanks the first one i need is nitroglycerin"

[khytal]

other drivers will see your safe distance from the vehicle in front of you and go "is for me? 🥺" and then proceed to not use their turn signal before swerving into your lane

[briscal]

[weirdgirljulia]

The Game Brothers

[blackbackedjackal]

We failed as a society when everyone stopped wearing headphones.

[blackbackedjackal]

At my parents place with 2 children watching YT on tablets and 2 adults watching tiktoks and reels on their phones and trying not to summon a comically sized Loony Toons hammer out of my back pocket to smash them all.

[gigilefache]

I'm rebloging this twice im tired of people not wearing headphones when watching videos in public. It's basic etiquette to wear headphones in public when you listen to things.

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

being a lesbian is so dumb. this girl once sent me a photo of a rat she found in a dumpster and i imagined kissing her in a botanical garden

[ones233]

kitty needs some sunshine

[milf-adjacent]

[greelin]

can you come collect your freak of a man please. He’s doing things

[keldabe-kriff]

[deskgirl]

[toherrys]

Party mean girls shit talking everyone in elvish