This is a side fandom blog. My main is super political. So, I can't like, but I can reblog! I try to keep things tagged, but I'm really bad at it, sometimes. Sorry. You can submit an ask if you have a trigger that I should be tagging.
imagine watching Star Wars in theaters in 1977 and pointing at Darth Vader boarding a ship with Stormtroopers and then choking some guy, and exclaiming THAT'S CLEARLY JESUS CHRIST, THAT'S WHY I'M INTO THIS
remember when satan took jesus out into the desert for 40 days to tempt him and satan was like "hey murder these younglings" and then jesus murdered them and then john the baptist cut off his arms and legs
I started watching Sakamoto Days and I have a little headcanon.
Sakamoto is somehow related to Yor and Loid.
Spy x Family is supposed to happen in an era similar to the 1960s - 1970s, according to the creator.
Yor is 27 and Loid's age is unknown I think.
So I guess that would make Sakamoto their grandson? Sakamoto is 27 and the year is about 2022ish in Sakamoto Days, which makes him born in 1995ish. (Honesty thought he was older, but alright.)
Dealer's choice if Anya is Sakamoto's mom or aunt. We really only need Yor and Loid to teach Sakamoto and/or give him his innate abilities. (But if Anya is related to him, that would explain how he managed to block Shin. idk I haven't read the Sakamoto Days comic.)
BUT NOT ONLY THAT.
Sakamoto's other grandparents are:
I lowkey ship these two, pending on how their character arcs are managed.
Throwing in Nightfall and Franky is mostly based on appearance and some personality. White hair and stoic exterior + glasses.
Anyway, I've been amusing myself with this little headcanon and I wanted to share with others.
Summary: An awkward fresh-out-of-a-relationship woman and an orc that owns a sex store enter an adult theater together. She, intent on pushing her own boundaries. He, just looking to give her some sense of safety. Well, that and he wouldn’t complain about having a bit of fun himself.
After they inevitably get interrupted, Jek deals with the problem while Heidi flees. Resigned, he believes he’ll never see her again.
Thus begins Jek and Heidi’s sporadic interactions until, eventually, they find themselves fumbling around each other daily at the very place it started: Strictly Pleasure.
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Part 1 - Master List - Previous
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“This is more like an apartment,” Di gasped as she did a full spin, unintentionally dislodging her hand from Jek’s grasp. To the left of the front door, there was a kitchen with shiny steel everything and a four-chair dining table. To her right – where Jek and Heidi now sat, watching – was what she would have called a living room, furnished with a couch, a chair, and coffee table. Hanging on the wall adjacent to the couch was a fancy flat screen television, below which sat a large stereo system. Further into the room, directly across from the front door, a large window took up the whole wall.
Wandering closer to the panes of glass, she realized it led to a balcony and her heart fluttered as Laniwell City sprawled below her.
“Come with me.” The words escaped Jek so quickly, even he was surprised. Ignoring his own shock, he took a couple steps toward Di. “You want to see the world, then come with me. I’ll cover all the expenses and everything!”
“Like as a groupie or a roadie?” She wrinkled her nose, turning away from the cityscape view to look at him.
Wincing at the mirrored route of conversation, Jek carefully kept his eyes turned to his younger self. Almost afraid of Heidi’s answer, he asked softly, “Is it that bad? Being pulled into my orbit?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted, giving an awkward little smile as she hazarded a glance to Jek. An ache twanged through her chest, seeing his gaze averted from her, closely watching his younger self.
Jek rubbed the back of his neck, the awkwardness increasing in his body language. “No, like a friend or girlfriend or whatever you want to call it… us.”
He ended with a wince and a smile, knowing he sounded juvenile but unable to voice himself in another way. It was done, his request was out in the open. The knot in his throat bobbed as Di stared at him, wordlessly.
Girlfriend. He’d said girlfriend. What would he want to do with her, though? Heidi supposed partners were like tissue paper to celebrities. It wasn’t as much of a commitment. But at that thought, her eyebrows furrowed. “What about Ruby?”
At that, Jek frowned and shook his head. “We’ve broken up.”
“How long will that last, though?” Heidi smiled at him, knowing full well celebrities broke up and got back together with ease. Even Jek himself had admitted he and Ruby were those on-again off-again sorts just earlier that night. But the longer she and Jek locked eyes, the more her smile faltered.
The look in his eyes was too intense to be joking. It was certain. More certain that Heidi thought she’d seen anyone in her life and her heart thrummed a little at the sight.
“Forever, if you’ll have me.” Jek took another step forward, the distance between himself and Di diminishing to a foot.
Jek’s own stomach lurched at his younger self’s proclamation, knowing how everything would eventually pan out. He resisted the urge to look at Heidi, to gauge her reaction. Whatever he saw there, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it.
If her reaction was good, he’d be too tempted to follow his past self’s lead.
If her reaction was bad… Pain shot through his chest at the very thought.
“You barely know me!” Her exclamation threaded with a laugh. As he took another step closer, she was tempted to step back, but something kept her feet rooted in spot. Heidi swallowed as Jek raised his hand, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Leaning forward, Jek’s voice inadvertently slid to a low and soft whisper, as if what he had to say was reserved for Di and Di only, “And what little I do know of you has ensnared me.”
Everything in Heidi’s brain sputtered, her breath catching in her chest as her cheeks warmed with a blush. Faintly, she watched the corners of Jek’s lips quirk up in a smile. Then he closed the remaining distance, their lips meeting in a soft kiss that soon grew more heated.
“It’s not bad to be in your orbit, but it is daunting and scary,” Heidi finally said, once their past counterparts returned to kissing. She turned toward Jek, partially to keep from watching yet another make-out session. “The men I’ve been with in the past, I thought I… I thought they cared about me and look how that turned out.”
Jek remained silent, watching the woman beside him carefully. Though he couldn’t dream of doing anything that hurt her, he could imagine how she felt. Thirteen years ago and now, he was older than her, established in the world, wealthy, beloved by fans. He’d seen enough drama from his famous peers to know how the public often supported beloved celebrities over lesser-known partners.
If they broke up, what repercussions would Heidi face? That’s what she was thinking. Though Jek was beyond certain they’d never part. Not if he could do anything to keep her with him. It was funny that Heidi thought she was being dragged into his orbit when he was the one so eager to remain in her space.
His mind raced with answers, ways to assuage her concerns, when Heidi broke the ongoing silence with an awkward laugh. “Oh gods, this is worse than watching porn at Strictly Pleasure.”
Blinking, Jek focused back in on the present. Or, more precisely, the past. Their younger selves had moved on from making out and were actively stripping, steaming up the windowpane.
“This is some of my best work!” Hiding his deeper thoughts from seconds earlier, Jek laughed and motioned toward the youngsters. Looking to his counterpart, his grin grew as he found her flushed and looking away. Dramatically, he pressed his hands to his chest, over his heart, even as naughty sounds began to sound from the past. “You just keep wounding me today.”
Casting him a dubious look, Heidi couldn’t help her hesitant smile at his theatrics. “Do I really?”
“Nothing I don’t deserve.” Seeing that smile cross her lips eased something tight in his chest. The room around them shifted, displaying a montage of their night – and the following day – together. Light bled into darkness as the past debauched nearly every surface, every space in the room.
As time seemed to fast-forward, Heidi wondered if it was due to their memories or something else. Oh, she recalled how being with him made her feel, but could she remember every detail from every round? Not really. It was an endless stream of touching and kissing, interspersed with moments of just talking or enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, they ended up in his bedroom, tangled in the sheets, curled up on his bed more often than anywhere else in the suite.
Nervous energy mounted through him and Jek pushed off the couch. A queasy sensation rocked through his stomach, tension coiling into his shoulders. “The worst is yet to come.”
Heidi’s eyebrows furrowed as a chill clenched through her middle, looking at him with concern as she too stood. “What?”
Not only had they spent the night together, but all of the next day and following night. He sweet-talked her through the tour destinations, the hidden gems along the route, and the other places he could take her. Party locales, historical sites, artsy places, museums, restaurants.
Heidi remembered the excitement he stirred in her. The ache of wanting to travel, wanting to see and experience the world, pulsed through her as she watched snippets of the past flitter by. Jek made it seem possible.
A sharp ring cleaved through the air before he could reply.
Pushing herself up, Heidi snatched up her phone and squinted at the screen. Dread flipped through her stomach as she swallowed down a groan and picked up. “Hey, mom. What’s up?”
On the other end of the line, a battering of angry words flew.
“It’s fine! I’m fine!” Unsuccessfully, Heidi had tried to stem the onslaught of her mother’s rage and concern.
“Where are you then? You apparently haven’t been back to the hotel room all day yesterday! Artuk has been calling, worried and concerned!” Already fueled by her emotions and pace, her mother didn’t stop. “Who are you with?”
Feeling caught doing something wrong – it was a bit of a grey area, wasn’t it? – Heidi flushed and glanced at Jek’s turned back. “I’m not with anyone.”
“You’ve been gone a whole day according to your boyfriend! You have to be with someone!”
Standing at the foot of the bed, Heidi glanced from her younger self to present-day Jek. His expression had become increasingly strained. He had been asleep, she thought. Why did he look so pained?
Her eyes slid to the sleeping Jek and dread swam through her. Oh no. Unable to stave off curiosity, she wandered to his side of the bed, kneeling down to catch sight of his face. She found his eyes were cracked open, gaze angled to the floor.
Jek waited for Di to correct her mother, to say Artuk was her ex-boyfriend, but the words never came.
“Did he tell you I found him cheating on me?” Di hissed into the phone as she carefully slid out of bed, making her way to the bathroom.
On the other side of the phone, her mother snapped back, “He said it was a misunderstanding!”
“Misunderstanding, my ass,” Di muttered darkly.
“Language!” Jek heard her mother warn before Di shut the bathroom door behind her, leaving Jek to listen to muffled arguing.
Still kneeling down, she a look at her older counterpart, her voice soft, “I didn’t realize you were awake.”
“Yeah, I was.” He shifted from foot to foot, hands jammed into his pockets. He couldn’t meet her gaze, too embarrassed at the confession. An uncomfortably prickly sensation crawled beneath his skin.
Getting to her feet, Heidi skirted around the bed back to Jek’s side. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Jek opened his mouth before his eyebrows furrowed and his lips snapped shut. He really didn’t know why he hadn’t said anything. Sliding his gaze to Heidi, he found her staring up at him quietly with a pinched expression on her face. Licking his lips, he worked his answer out slowly as he spoke, “I guess I wanted to see what you’d say to her. If you’d talk about me and how you’d talk about me.”
The longer she stared up at him, the wider her eyes grew. He wanted to know what she’d say about him and that meant it mattered to him. Even when they first met.
He cringed under her attention as his shoulders hunched closer to his ears.
The sounds of the argument behind the door increased. Di’s voice pitched higher and strained, either close to tears or screaming. Perhaps both.
Heidi’s gaze drew slowly to the bathroom door, knowing full well where the next moments were heading.
Summary: In the future, humans are nearly universal surrogates and Earth has taken to profiting off the ability. However, while humans can intermix with aliens, it doesn’t mean it’s without complications.
When Taliyra signed up to be a Companion to an alien, she had expectations. Mainly a lot of sex in an attempt to conceive an alien baby. What she didn’t expect was her counterpart to be so distant and - for lack of a better term - relatively hands off. For all intents and purposes, Khravel seems completely disinterested in her and will not hold a discussion to explain why.
After four months of this behavior, she’s had enough. Confronting Khravel, she gives him an ultimatum: either he sits down and talks with her about what the problem is or she’s going back to Proxypanion and requesting a transfer.
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First | Previous
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Khravel’s own wrist tech pinged in response, receiving the data she had sent. However, he didn’t even look at it. He just steadily stared at her, his jaw tight. Bruised ego and guilt threaded through his thoughts, but his words took on a harsher edge as he asked, “Do you believe barging into my office, during my workday, to accuse me of being bad at sex was your best option?”
Frustration flared through Taliyra, annoyed that that was what he took away from her confrontation. Poor sex wasn’t the only issue here and she had a job to do, dammit! She slammed her hands on his desk as she leaned forward, a frown etching further across her lips. She met his eyes head-on, her gaze not wavering from his face. “I wouldn’t have to corner you in your office if you’d talk to me during out nighttime meetings.”
Still, Khravel did not move. Something snapped through the air between them and it was not anger. At least, on his part. He was fairly certain Taliyra was pissed and, from the slight glassiness in her eyes, hurt by his actions. That part, her potential pain, made guilt double through him.
Shoving away from his desk, Khravel rose to his feet to tower over Taliyra. “I don’t have time for this. I have a meeting to prepare for.”
He gathered up the tablets on his desk, straightening them and making sure they were securely locked before stowing all but one in his desk. The remaining tablet, his own personal one, he brought with him as he made his way to the door.
Watching Khravel as he cleaned up his desk, Taliyra remained undeterred when he moved to leave. “I’ll attend with you.”
“Excuse me?” Once more, his eyes widened and he pinned the human with a look. She had skirted up to his side, completely confident in her decision, without him even weighing in.
“Tivikonians have low population numbers, partially due to the after-effects of various plagues that have affected libido and fertility, among other things.” Taliyra fell into step beside Khravel, considering he did not even slow. “Your society is a little laxer about explicit acts in public versus Terran cultures, creating strictly adult-only sections of restaurants, malls, public transit, and more to… encourage copulation as soon as the moment hits. Isn’t that right?”
“What does that have to do with us?” He already knew her point, but that didn’t help his mood.
“It’s common practice for Companions to accompany their counterparts everywhere,” she stated, shooting him a look. A sly, if smug, smile twisted at her lips when Khravel finally paused, staring down at her. A small part of her worried he regretted having her as a Companion, but the angry part – the part bristling at his treatment of her – sallied forth. She shot him a sharp smile, pitching her voice a little lower so E’verra would not hear. “Perhaps your poor performance is simply due to environmental issues or an afflicted libido. In which case, having me follow you everywhere will help us assess how and when to better the chances of conception.”
Heat slid down Khravel’s back, her words making his spine straighten. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Don’t feel pressured, we have two months to– Hey!“
He heard her heels clicking insistently behind him as he veered down the hall. Heat – angry, flustered, agitated – razed up his back as pride barely kept him from sprinting down the corridor. Khravel caught E’verra watching from their desk as Taliyra dogged at his heels, their slight smirk making the back of his neck burn.
Trans Zuko is so funny to me. I’m not saying this to try and make fun of people who headcanon him as trans - trans headcanons are great and I support them. It’s just wild because it implies Ozai was out here like:
[Image description: a white woman with blonde hair is saying:
‘I can excuse burning a kid’s face, but I draw the line at misgendering’.
The words ‘burning a kid’s face’ and ‘misgendering’ have been edited in.
Possible explanations I just pulled out of my arse:
Being trans is very normalised in the Fire Nation and misgendering is considered dishonourable and makes you Look Really Bad.
Zuko’s transition was convenient because Ozai wanted a male heir.
Zuko went to the Mother of Faces or whatever the spirit was called to get a new (male) face and body and part of the magic was that his family would only remember the new him.
Ursa allowed Zuko to transition when he was very young and Ozai just straight up forgot that he used to be a ‘girl’ because he pays no attention to his family.
Ozai over here frowning as Ursa calmly presents him with Zuko and Azula one day all like “I thought I had two daughters but I don’t know enough about my children to dispute it.”
And then we can move on and discuss more important things.
Okay?
Here goes...
Nicolas Cage is an incredible actor who is very bad with money so he has to act in terrible movies because otherwise they will repossess his dinosaur skull collection.
But even when he is in terrible movies with terrible writing he refuses to phone in his performances. And sometimes when you are acting your ass off while saying some of the dumbest dialogue ever conceived it can give the appearance the acting is the issue rather than the writing and story.
Hayden Christensen knows that feeling all too well.
So next time you see Nic Cage in a B movie acting a fool, just know he probably bought some new shrunken heads and forgot to pay the mortgage on his volcano island.
janainaart
dededos
blakekathryn
snowghoul
annaxmalina
kianamaiart
titsay
baratheonpilled
areudirty
