I just got around to reading the fanfic and it's a really small thing, but I have to say I adore the casual portrayal of how both Makoto and Ami expect mutual respect from each other during a conversation. Ami scolding Makoto for interrupting her is a beautiful little character moment because of how surprisingly aggressive it comes across. It's so unlike Ami to do that, and it's not just about the interruption itself; it's about that mutual respect. The "you know I will not tolerate that behavior" line implies this has likely happened before but isn't a regular thing, just a heat-of-the-moment reaction given how emotionally reactive Makoto can be.
This is mirrored in their last conversation where Ami is the one interrupting Makoto, but Makoto doesn't say anything; she just scowls until Ami catches herself and apologizes. Makoto knows she doesn't need to speak up because she understands Ami's psyche so well. Ami also apologizes like she would in a formal setting. This goes beyond just their relationship for her, as she demands respect because she respects others. Interrupting Makoto wasn't intentionally rude, but she's so ashamed and embarrassed by it.
Anyways, I really loved the fic. Thank you so much for writing it! ^^ If I had one critique, I'd say I wish we got to see a little bit more of what Makoto was going through after their fight. I understand it's intentionally very Ami-centric at first to make the reader sympathize with her through the fallout of her mistake, and Makoto's subsequent absence, but I would have loved a paragraph purely dedicated to Makoto's POV. Poor thing, I can't imagine how much that hurt her.
Aww that's super sweet, ty ty, I'm so happy you liked it!
Yeah, that tiny scene of Ami yelling at Makoto was pretty important for me.
Due to Ami's upbringings (and also a bit from her neurodivergence) she can get easily lost if the conversation starts getting too "out of line". If Ami feels lost, Ami starts to panic, making her reactions unpredictable. An easy way for her to keep things streamlined is to maintain a certain level of formality even during heated conversations, not like cold or unfeeling, but having that mutual agreement of "ok, I let you finish your statement and then I will respond with mine even if we’re angry and emotional".
It’s also something that was very deeply distilled in her through the education system, given how that is the one environment where she developed most of her social skills in, it’s her comfort! She’s used to holding conversations/debates with people whom she automatically respects and who automatically respect her, like teachers/educators/other students in a strict formal environment.
Putting that “mask” in front of her allows her to compartmentalize her thoughts, work through the appropriate response, understand her feelings better and most importantly to avoid becoming overwhelmed. She’s aware it can come across as very impersonal and even rude at times, but Makoto understands why she needs to do this and she’s supportive.. the vast majority of the time.
Like you said, Mako is VERY emotionally driven, there’s a lot of feelings and reactions she struggles to control. We even see it often in canon, not only with her anger but also feelings of love and care. Like how she doesn’t hesitate for a second to put herself in front of Usagi against Nehellenia driven by her instinct to protect, when she slaps (? Idk if it was a slap or a push, I think a push) Rei out of anger when she thinks Rei is letting Usagi get hurt on purpose or even the whole episode 55 of the anime where’s so strongly and consistently driven by her personal sense of ‘what it means to be in love’.
She indeed had pushed that boundary in the past with Ami. I don’t imagine it was anything even close to how heated this argument got, but it was a moment where Makoto allowed her anger to override the care and respect she feels for Ami. And Ami set her foot down. She made it very clear that THIS was not something she was going to tolerate in the future.
I think these boundaries are very important in relationships, even with Makoami where you’d think “aww Mako and Ami are super loving, super supporting, super wholesome and respectful partners and they love each other so much” and I’m not saying that’s not true, but they aren’t perfect fits. There’s no such a thing as a perfect fit. You ARE going to have to make compromises and sacrifices when you’re with someone.
As Makoto says later in the story, she believed from her past relationships that sacrificing comfort was a necessary price for love, but she has grown to know better. And she knows how painful it is to feel like your partner is taking advantage of your real lack of boundaries, taking away your comfort, safety and agency in a relationship. Ami saying that to her is like snap, like it DOES not matter how angry Mako is at the moment, she is overstepping that boundary and so she quickly backs off.
BUT, she’s angry. She’s not only angry because of the initial reasons that caused the fight to start in the first place, but Ami snapping like that at her caused a bit of a chain reaction of feeling like, almost insulted. As if Mako was the only one responsible for failing to keep her feelings in check and being mindful of the other person, Ami failed too! But it’s not as easy to point to as Makoto’s blatant action of disrespect.
Mako backing off, just to say “you win” sarcastically is like her feeling:
“Oh, so YOU can be disrespectful and uncaring of my feelings and boundaries, but when I do it, it’s THE LINE. Like you can just disregard all the work I put into making you feel comfortable and respected all the time and you still won’t allow yourself to be open with me. Like your line is pushed farther and farther into your own comfort zone in great part due to my own efforts in this house and the second I start testing your trust in me and in this relationship, I’m pushing the line.”
A few lines later in the conversation being actually a little bit cruel and using Ami’s “overly formal wording” against her, like “I know you’re hiding again, I will not let you”. It’s cruel of Mako to do but she’s feeling extremely hurt at the moment.
Mako is not terribly wrong for feeling like this. It’s not a conscious thought but she would like to and honestly deserves to feel rewarded for the work she puts into caring for Ami. The least Ami can do is trust her to open up a bit with her.
And again, Ami is not doing it because she doesn’t trust Mako, it’s just because she’s not used to being this emotionally vulnerable with anyone. It brings back painful feelings of rejection and self blame along with self-fueling anxiety. It’s difficult to admit that you are not strong enough, especially for Ami since she tries so hard to never make herself feel like there’s something wrong with her. But it’s not wrong, it’s human! Just, nobody ever told her that.
Also Thank you for the feedback!! I actually wanted to include a small section of Makoto talking with Rei, Minako and Usagi about the fight and them helping her walk through rationalizing her anger but still creating a plan of action with Ami. But I cut it out because I thought it broke the pace too much. I should have found a better way to incorporate it tbh, instead of taking it out.
Thank you so much again for the ask!! I could talk about the dynamics of makoami’s relationship forever, I’m sure u can tell XD
