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izzy's playlists!
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Product Placement
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if i look back, i am lost
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
The Stonewall Inn
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@helloagonyaunt-blog
Hello everyone! As you've probably noticed, this account (and all affiliated accounts) hasn't been active for some time. We have experienced some difficulties in recent months that have made operating this service difficult, but those are well on their way to being solved. Until then, hang tight. We will be back before you know it! -Al
Just a friendly reminder that the brain of those who have suffered trauma is physically different than a ânormal brainâ. Trauma and abuse has a severe, long-term psychological and neurological effect. This is why you have difficulty concentrating, why you have trouble sleeping, why you canât seem to stay focused, why you cry at the drop of the hat, why youâre not satisfied with yourself, why you think everything is your fault, why you think youâre toxic, why youâre full of regret and you donât know why.
And get this. When you experienced this trauma, no matter how long it happened or how many times, your brain instantaneously made judgments about the world, your sense of self, and others. This is why youâre paranoid. Why you trust no one. Why you perceive things to exist that arenât true in reality. Itâs why people say youâre crazy, over-dramatic, or too emotional.
You may not heal in a day, but know this: it is not your fault. Your brain is responding to trauma.
this is also why you may have memory problems - undergoing severe trauma or prolonged periods of stress can cause the amygdalae in your brain to change shape, thus causing damage to long-term memory and troubles with making and maintaining short-term.
thank you
Very interesting- and something worth remembering. Trauma changes us, but it doesnât need to control us <3 Youâve got this, no matter where you are in your journey.Â
Happy Friday!! I love this quote. I hope it's been an amazing week and that you got done what you wanted to!! Love, Al . . . . . . . . #friday #coffee #caffeine #willpower #humor #inappropriatehumor #fridaymood #friyay #weekend #quote #nonprofit #notforprofit #charity #quote #quoteoftheday #quotes #daily #gorgeous #happy #progress #makeprogress
Its nearly the weekend! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far! -Al . . . . . . . . #thursday #dog #dogsofinstagram #dancing #dancinganimals #quote #quoteoftheday #pink #cute #cuteanimals #weekend #tada #surprise #nearlytheweekend #today #doit #doyourthing #doyourbest #progress
Have a wonderful Wednesday all! Love, Al . . . . . . . . . . . . #wednesday #motivation #wednesdaywisdom #middleoftheweek #coffee #wonderful #perfect #awesome #quote #loved #love #perfect #needed #humpdayđ« #middle #latte
Happy Tuesday!!! I hope today brings positivity and all the forward motion you need. đ -Al . . . . . . . #motivation #motivationalquotes #agonyaunt #helloagonyaunt #tuesday #loved #love #joy #positivevibes #positivity #perfect #loveyourself #forward #movingforward #positivemovement #mentalhealth #best #bestfootforward #quote #quoteoftheday
I know it's a bit late but happy monday- y'all have got this!! I know I've been absent/barely here recently but this marks the start of something great! Lets do this people đ -So . . . . . . #motivation #mondaymotivation #monday #motivation #stateofmind #positivevibes #positivementalattitude #positivity #positivepants #pants #letsgo #letgo #doanything #dontgiveup #back #wereback
You're all beautiful đ
Al
jane the virgin: portraying a bisexual man in a healthy relationship and slaying biphobes since 2017
Itâs really interesting what she says âI canât give you what a man can.â A lot of gay men avoid relationships with bi men because they worry that they canât provide what a woman can. People, gay or straight, think that for a bi person the grass is always greener on the other side.
Straight men and lesbians have said the same. Itâs insecurity rooted in the notion that bi people have all the options constantly at their fingertips AND are insatiable. We donât choose a team, we choose a person. A failure to understand this mostly boils down to people not believing bisexuality is real.
A wonderful case of positive representation in the right way đ
if youâre a baby gay and this is your first pride, watch your drinks! men are trash across all sexualities
I know boys donât get these talks so let me clarify:
This doesnât just mean alcohol
Donât accept any open drinks
After you get your unopened drink, you keep it in your site
You have to go to the bathroom so you leave your drink on a table? That drink is now dead to you.
Youâve been holding your drink way low out of your eyesight and people are crowding? That drink is now suspect.
Stay safe, babies
Also: Rohypnol (a date rape drug) tastes VERY SALTY. If your drink is suddenly salty, STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY.Â
Buddy system, y'all. If your friend is acting *way* drunker than they should, take them to an Urgent Care or ER. Date rape drugs can kill you.
always rb
rb for the advice
donât rely on taste, ppl could dissolve all kinds of drugs into ur drink so donât accept drinks from anyone unless u see it made by the bartender in front of u and keep ur drink in your sight, if u have to leave it then gulp it down or throw it away
Pride season is coming up so please stay safe!!
Some good advice! Stay safe- it isn't just men who will take advantage too.
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Happy Monday!!! Time to set some new goals and get pumped for the new week! What are some of your goals and plans this week? đđđ . . . . . #questions #agonyaunt #monday #mondaymotivation #quote #quoteoftheday #answers #needanswers #lovelife #newweek #goals #personalgoals #newgoals #loved #special #cherished #needed
Although #MentalHealthAwareness week in Canada is in September, in some places may is mental health awareness month, so I'll be here posting a lot this week/month! Take care of yourselves đđđ Love, Agony Aunt . . . . . . #agonyaunt #love #aesthetic #lollipop #sweet #pink #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #health #takecare #loveyourself #moreconfident #đ #care #selfcare #takecare
Happy Monday everyone! You are amazing and can indeed handle anything! Have a wonderful day/week! Love, Agony Aunt . . . . . . . . #agonyaunt #quote #mondaymotivation #monday #amazing #doanything #positivequotes #positivementalattitude #positivity #loveyourself #lovequotes #perfect #workhard
Mothers day
Hello everyone! I made a thread this morning on my personal Twitter, and I thought it was something worth sharing on here with you all!
Happy mothers day everyone. I hope that if today has always been difficult or complicated for you that you get through it easily and painlessly this year.
And- to those of you who have amazing mothers, are mothers yourself, or know a wonderful mother- take the time today to celebrate them in some way.
For me, I've decided to make this day about celebrating the mothers who often don't get the appreciation they deserve- single moms, disabled moms, and moms who no longer have children to celebrate them today. You're doing amazing and I hope you have a fantastic day.
As well, I'd like to celebrate those mothers who aren't mothers by choice- rape victims, victims of abuse, relatives of struggling mothers, and all mothers in difficult situations- I hope you have a good day and I'm so proud of you. Keep going, you've got this.
Finally, I'd like to make mention of those women who would like to be mothers but have not been given that chance- due to fertility issues, adoption issues, being trans, and so many more- i see you and am sending you so much positive energy. I know days like today can seem like a slap in the face. Youve got this though, you're strong and regardless if it happens for you or not, you will still live a wonderful and fulfilling life.
Happy mother's day everyone- my inbox is always open if anyone ever needs or wants to talk đđđ
Things they don't tell you about being a first time wheelchair user in highschool
Literally everyone will ask if you broke your leg(s). Everyone. Even people you donât know. Theyll ask a lot and think youâre extremely fragile.
bruises show up within the first day of rolling around, and they can really suck
people will try to grab your chair if they think youâre struggling and it can be hard not to snap at them for it
static electricity is a huge issue. You will probably either continuously shock your leg when youâre rolling around or do what I did today and zap someone so hard as you pass that both of you nearly keel over
people will call you out as a faker if you do anything even remotely fun ever on your wheelchair. Wheelies? Obviously your legs are fine lol not like you have to go down fucking curbs /s
puddles are the worst and if thereâs a curb with a puddle all around and you have some ability to walk its a better idea to just stand up and navigate the chair than to fall backwards into said puddle
weird looks from people are inevitable, especially from people who donât like you
bus drivers will often push your chair and give you advise you donât want to hear, even if you tell them nicely you can push yourself. Its really hard not to get mad at them for it
no wheelies in school. Though if you do it in the elevator when no one else is with you you canât really get caught.
speaking of wheelies, always be ready to throw at least one arm behind you in case you fall. They say tuck your chin in but its easier and more reliable to throw your hands back and keep your neck up so you donât hit the floor. Sore arms are way easier to put up with than head injuries
donât even bother to try and roll back up curbs. You will either be there for an hour or fall backwards. I managed to do both.
90% of classrooms that arenât special ed are not very wheelchair accessible.
people will automatically assume youâre faking something if youâre not considered dumb enough in their standards to fit in with disabled students (aka high class ableism at its finest)
people are going to give you weird looks if you donât suddenly start sitting with the other disabled kids
standard backpacks usually dangle way too much to keep on you easily, so try to pack light
built in storage on wheelchairs cannot sufficiently carry books
donât try to hold an umbrella. Period. Especially not with your teeth. It doesnât work.
donât try to give the bus driver your ticket while youâre stuck on the ramp. And speaking of, its easy to start falling down the bus ramp so be careful, and when in doubt throw on the breaks
and finally if youâre like me pray to god you donât go nonverbal when someone is trying to push you and you donât want them to because it is hard to get them to stop if you canât speak
able-bodied people can and should 1000% reblog this, some of these things Iâve seen on tips about using a wheelchair but a lot of these werenât things Iâve seen
Seriously, never, ever touch someoneâs mobility aid without their permission.
A very helpful guide, both for first-time wheelchair users and those around them!
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Iâm not ace myself, so Iâm coming at the whole acephobia thing from an outsiderâs perspective, and as such, itâs not my place to speak to the experience of those on the receiving end of it.
However, as a bisexual dude, I can observe that many of the arguments that are employed to establish that ace folks have no place in the queer community are strikingly similar - indeed, at times practically word-for-word identical - to the arguments that were for many years (and in some circles still are) employed to establish that bisexual folks have no place in the queer community.
Itâs enough to make a guy suspicious on general principle, you know?
Iâve gotten a few messages asking for (well, in some cases more âdemandingâ) elaboration, so: here are a few of the primary areas in which Iâve observed that arguments against bi inclusion and arguments against ace inclusion tend to exhibit significant overlap. There may well be others - these are simply the ones Iâve run into most frequently.
The Passing Argument
It has been argued that bisexual folks donât have any grounds to complain about discrimination and violence suffered in relation to their orientation, because a bisexual person is able to pass as straight simply by choosing partners of the appropriate gender. Therefore, any discrimination and violence that a bisexual person does experience must be construed as voluntarily undertaken, since they could have passed, and freely chose not to.
This argument is similarly applied to ace folks via the assertion that being ace poses no particular barrier to seeking a partner of a socially acceptable gender, so any failure to do so must likewise be construed as voluntary.
The Performativity Argument
It has been argued that bisexual folks ought to be excluded from queer communities because sexual orientation is purely performative; i.e., being gay is defined in terms of currently having a sexual partner of the same gender. A bisexual person who has a partner of a different gender is functionally indistinguishable from a straight person, and must therefore be regarded as straight. Conversely, a bisexual person whose current partner is of the same gender must nonetheless be regarded with suspicion, because they could âturn straightâ at any time simply by leaving that partner.
This argument is similarly applied to ace folks via the assertion that their orientation has no discernible performative component; an ace person is functionally indistinguishable from a straight person who simply isnât involved in a sexual relationship at that particular moment, so ace folks must therefore be regarded as straight by default.
(An astute reader may notice that the passing argument dovetails neatly into the performativity argument: those who choose not to seek partners of a socially acceptable gender may be dismissed because any violence and discrimination they experience is a consequence of their voluntary failure to pass, while those who do seek such partners are performatively straight and therefore to be shunned. Itâs a neat little system.)
The Mistaken Identity Argument
It has been argued that, while bisexual folks may suffer discrimination and physical and sexual violence, theyâre not targeted by such acts because theyâre bisexual. Any discrimination and violence a bisexual person suffers in relation to their orientation is suffered because they were mistaken for a gay person. Any effort on their part to discuss such experiences is therefore to be regarded as appropriative, in spite of the fact that they personally experienced it. In short, a bisexual personâs own experience of violence and discrimination doesnât truly âbelongâ to them: it âbelongsâ to the purely hypothetical gay person their persecutors allegedly mistook them for.
This argument is applied to ace folks practically verbatim - no particular adaptation is necessary.
Iâll add The Contribution Argument, which involves one of these gatekeeping behaviors:
1) rewriting history to erase bisexual and asexual contributions to political LGBTQ rights movements, and then claiming that bisexuals and asexuals have never done anything for the community at large
2) arguing that modernday bisexuals and asexuals should be excluded from current political movements because our goals are distinct from, or even contradictory to the goals of the LGBTQ rights movement at large
3) interpreting any attempt on the part of bi/asexuals to make safe spaces for ourselves within the community as an attack on LG safe spaces, generally by reframing bi/ace pride as homo/lesbophobia, or by dismissing accusations of bi/acephobia as inherently homo/lesbophobic
In other words, arguing that bisexuals and asexuals, rather than being contributing members of the community, are parasites on the community, leeching from, and undermining the community and its goals.
The Contribution Argument is an interesting one because it goes way beyond popular biphobia.
Itâs often been asserted that bisexual folks ought to be excluded from the LG community because that community is specifically for folks who experience homophobia, and bisexual folks donât experience homophobia, save by misidentification. (See the Mistaken Identity Argument, above.)
However, anybody whoâs over the age of 30 can tell you that the positioning of the experience of homophobia as the communityâs great unifier is, itself, a relatively novel development.
Up until quite recently (and by ârecentlyâ I mean as recently as the mid 1980s), even lesbians were routinely characterised by the leaders of mainstream gay rights activism as unwelcome parasites, riding on the movementâs coattails and contributing nothing in return.
Not only is identifying the experience of homophobia - defined narrowly as discrimination against those who are actively involved in sexual relationships with persons of the same gender - as the sole qualifier for inclusion a totally arbitrary place to draw the line, itâs baldly ahistorical.
Historically, a great many folks who do experience this type of homophobia have routinely been left out in the cold by mainstream activism for gender and sexual minorities - and the Contribution Argument, as youâve outlined it here, is one of the primary tools thatâs been used to justify that exclusion.
this post is literally just âwhy wonât those big meanie gays let asexuals in their club??? :(â written in the form of a jargon-filled essay for a philosophy class
I love your wording; because thatâs precisely it. Its the âgay club.â As in, its the same fuckers who wanted us bi people to be excluded. Itâs the same people who argued that we should drop the âTâ to focus on the âgay movement.â
Newsflash: no one wants an invitation to that party. No one is âinvading.â No one wants to be included in your âgay club.â
What we want is shits like you to quit perpetuating intra community bigotry and hatred in the LGBT+; because the only ones treating it like a âclubâ are those of you that check the âqueer credentialsâ of everyone looking for a safe space and stamp their hands with âgay enough I guessâ to let us pass through the gates. (Not that we get the same treatment as the ~VIP cis gays~ anyway.)
Anyway, nice to know that you people are still ignoring when bi ppl speak and repurpose that biphobia as ace hatred in the same breath :)))))) kinda :))))))) reinforces the points above :))))))))))
Also the idea that you have to have the consistent ability to perform your sexual orientation on a daily basis in order to be oppressed enough to be welcomed into the exclusive âgay clubâ is pretty shitty. The point of having inclusive spaces is to allow people a specific space where they feel they can comfortably perform and express their orientation/identity/etc, but if you gatekeep, what youâre telling people (bi and ace people in the case of this discussion) is that they must subject themselves to a constant barrage of discrimination in order to be worthy enough to access a space where they do not feel discriminated against, which just defeats the purpose of said âinclusiveâ space, doesnât it?
Why should anyone demand that certain members of the LGBTQ community must run a trial by fire first in order to have enough oppression points to pay for a spot in The Gay Club? And then on top of that, tell them that even AFTER they subject themselves to said discrimination, theyâre only accessing the same discrimination ârealâ gay people face and are therefore somehow insincere in their experiences because they arenât âgay enoughâ every day of their life to constitute a real place in the community.
This is more of a personal note, but nothing hurts more than your family/peers calling you broken and sick, then going to an LGBT+ âsafe placeâ and being told that your family/peers were right.
Nothing hurts more than your family/peers calling you broken and sick, then going to an LGBT+ âsafe placeâ and being told that your family/peers were right.
Iâm still a little high on codeine so I apologize if this isnât as coherent as I want, but Iâd like to add my own two bits to the conversation-
It has always been (and always will be) my own personal opinion on the LGBTQIA+ community that it is a community of people who experience some form of social outcast surrounding their identity, whether it be gender identity, sexual identity, romantic identity, etc. It is, at its core, a community for the outcasts. At its most basic thatâs how it started, and thatâs how it still exists now (to a different extent due to the slightly more accepting shift in worldviews recently).Â
Trying to gatekeep a community in any sense and in any context is (to me) a bit ridiculous but especially in this context when it is absolutely impossible to tell if someone belongs just by looking at them. We all know that gender, sexuality, and romantic identity are incredibly complex, fluid, and intricate aspects of our own identities, so why would we exclude other people if their identity is just as complicated or different as our own?
If you are in any way considered other by society due to your sexual or romantic orientation, your gender expression or identity, or anything related to those areas (ie intersex, questioning etc) then you are welcome within the community in my opinion, and if you find yourself excluded from any sort of safe space elsewhere within the community, then you are ALWAYS more than welcome in my community and within my friendship circle. (I actually run a not-for-profit all-inclusive community HERE if you need someplace to belong, but Iâd also love to be your friend on this account too!)Â
A couple other things to keep in mind:Â
- if someone doesnât want to be a part of the community then they donât have to be (Iâve had conversations and seen posts from mainly intersex people who donât want to be included within the LGBTQIA+ acronym and community), regardless of what others who share part of their identity believe and want. Itâs an individual thing, and it usually has more to do with their own identity than anything against the community so donât take offence. - Like with most other large communities, we can have communities within the larger group. It doesnât have to be as cut and dry as the âqueer community vs the worldâ narrative that I see so often on this website specifically- you can have crossover with other groups, and communities within communities within communities, etc. - How someone else identifies doesnât have any bearing on how you identify, which is one of the most amazing and beautiful things about identity that Iâve found. Someoneâs experience of being gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans/ace/pan/queer/intersex/literally any other identity could be completely different than yours and that doesnât mean that theyâre lying or have to ID differently. We are all different people, and so we all experience life differently. You donât know whatâs going on inside someone elseâs head. - Just because their identity isnât visible or doesnât fit your definition doesnât mean someone is lying to you. Like I said before, everyone experiences identity differently and I know from personal experience that the fear that someone wonât believe you is a big one in any identity journey, so being sceptical could impact someone way more than you think. Plus, even if they were lying to you, why would calling it out be the best option? Similarly to my stance on mental health issues, if someone is in a position where they feel the need to lie or fake an identity (or mental illness, or anything for that matter) then there is obviously something else going on behind the scenes that we might not know about. I feel like we should be accepting and treating those people with love and acceptance in order to work through the real issue in a productive and loving way, rather than cast them out further and most likely add to the problem behind it all. Personally, I donât care what your identity is, or if the way you identify turns out to be different than what you or I thought, everyone is deserving of love, regardless. - On a similar note, an âinvisibleâ identity or one that has the potential for someone to pass as het/cis/etc doesnât mean they donât experience the same level of prejudice as you, or are somehow exempt from discrimination. Prejudice isnât a contest, and the level of discrimination someone experiences shouldnât determine their level of acceptance into a community. Furthermore, the âsilent identitiesâ (ie- ace/pan/bi/etc people who can pass as het/cis/etc in some situations) often experience more prejudice from both sides as a result of their âabilityâ to appear ânormal.â (I use normal in this context for lack of a better word, but I personally really disagree with the word when applied to people and identities). - Iâve posted my opinion on this issue before on this blog, but I think it deserves saying again: just because someoneâs identity can allow for them to be perceived as het/cis/etc does not mean that itâs a choice. (Bi/pan/other non-monosexual IDâs, ace/other âgreyâ IDâs, etc.) You canât choose who you will fall in love with and when, and although it may allow for some non-monosexual people to stay in the closet longer or âblend inâ for longer, it doesnât mean that their other attractions donât exist. Nothing about love is a choice, and that also applies to bi/pan/etc people in apparently âstraightâ relationships. - While Iâm at it, in response to an argument that has been used against the LGBTQIA+ community for AGES (that there is no difference between people with âalternativeâ sexual/gender/romantic identities and paedophiles/ bestiality/ etc) I am of the opinion that those people need help. They are in no way, shape, or form a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, which is a sentiment that many people believe to be in direct conflict with what I was saying earlier (that everyone is welcome in this community, etc). LGBTQIA+ identities are different ways of having consensual and human relationships with people who feel the same way. Paedophilic/bestiality ârelationshipsâ never can involve consent and are ALWAYS one-sided and unhealthy. THAT BEING SAID- these people are sick, and it is up to us to try and help them to get help. Anger and vitriolic attitudes only serve to make the issue worse. (Obviously, this is my opinion as someone who has no personal experience in this specific area, so my opinion doesnât hold the same weight as that of someone with experience.)Â
IN CONCLUSION:Â
The LGBTQIA+ community was built to be an inclusive community for those who didnât have one. Sexualities/identities/genders/everything have been expanding, with more terms and IDâs being discovered and named all the time, and so naturally the community has had to expand and adapt as well.Â
I havenât been able to speak to absolutely everything I wanted to on this post, but I figured it was long enough for the time being. Iâd love to talk more about it and have actual conversations about it if anyone feels the need to message me :)Â
End of rant.Â
I went on a bit of a rant on my personal account and thought it was important enough to share on here! Long post, but definitely worth a read through.
Love,
Agony Aunt
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