I hate when straight people talk about how we “should never assume anyone is gay!!” based on appearance/mannerism/behaviour/anything
But they never talk about how assuming everyone is straight is harming people!!!
Not letting us talk about gay aesthetics and traditions and culture is just another way to silence and isolate us :)
It’s so disingenuous, too. Like…I know I look gay, okay? I get called out and harassed by strangers all the time over my appearance. And I do most of it on purpose! This isn’t some high school movie ugly duckling narrative; lesbians aren’t awkward wallflowers wishing desperately that they could look like straight girls, if only they’d ever learned how. As if we could escape being taught! I’m a grown adult and I choose to look this way.
If you really don’t think there’s anything wrong with being gay, why do you think it’s the polite thing to pretend you don’t see it, especially since it’s how I wish to be seen?
This is such a good post, my god. Sometimes I feel so guilty for recognizing other queer folks by picking up the signals - aka, “assuming based on stereotypes” - but the reality is that most of us who do have those signs and signals are intentionally coding to find each other and be ourselves visibly and loudly.
TODAY MY STUDENT WORKER ASSUMED I WAS STRAIGHT AND I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED
I DID NOT SHAVE TWO-THIRDS OF MY HEAD AND COME TO WORK IN A MEN’S SWEATER TO BE MISTAKEN FOR HETEROSEXUAL
i remember a bunch of straight girls at work lamenting the fact that the new guy was gay and one of them was all “well, no one could have known until he said something!” and i was just like “yeah no. i knew the first time i interacted with him.” and they got so angry! how dare i make such assumptions! stereotyping is wrong! and just…look. i was the only out, loud, and proud queer person in the entire department when he arrived. we 100% exaggerate whatever personal characteristics match the stereotypes, especially when we’re entering new spaces, in order to send up a flare and draw the attention of our own kind. i saw that flare and sailed toward it ok? jeez. people aren’t just straight until proven gay, susan.
i’m so glad someone put this into words. like, i hate the term gaydar now because it’s now synonymous to me with straights applying harmful stereotypes to non-straights. we don’t have gaydar in that sense. what we actually do is turn up our volume so other non-straights can hear and see us. queer-coding, in a sense. i mean, i can’t speak for everyone but that’s how it feels to me
It’s honestly bad when I was waiting on this post to turn into something about how we shouldn’t think or do this and I was shocked when it didn’t.
I walk around looking pretty butch, with a hate that says equality on it with rainbow and an engagement ring from my girl and people still think I’m straight at times. Also I have an undercut for when I’m not wearing the hat, which is a snapback.
Queer-coding +1 send up that flare girl
