nostalgia bait is much less effective when you have memory problems. "hey its that thing from your childhood, don't you love thing from your childhood?" i wouldnt know </3 i forgor.
this is currently me Ó╭╮Ò especially after I have been coping via disassociation from past 1 year and will be using it for March/April next year too. Like I used to remember the tiniest details and incident but now I can't even remember a gossip from two days ago 🥀 Why? Because if I start to remember them then I will be eventually remembering the happy times when I used to remember things─damn that's why I choose not to open tumblr at night, you see how it got me yapping 😶🌫️🫥
this is going to sound so weird and funny but how old are you??
yeah no shit, it IS weird and funny but I lowkey like how it's such a straightforward but chilling way to ask age of a stranger on internet so let's lowkey go with flow. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah─so I am older than 18 and less than 24 (difference of 6 in 2026 🤔), so pick whatever number ya like ! (~￣³￣)~
I want to unlearn english. Every day I wake up and get faced with news stories like "good news! they just made it illegal to grind endangered birds into bonemeal!" and in the comments someone is like "this is oversimplified, and only partially true: after decades of campaigning and like 3 of them left in the wild, we've gotten them to make it illegal to snatch specimens of this specific one species of super-endangered birds right out of the wild and throw them alive into the bonemeal grinder. They're still allowed to do that in every other condition except these specific parametres."
And someone else comments in, in outrage: "Ugh pretty fucking typical that they care about ANIMALS more when it's still 100% legal to do this same thing TO CHILDREN."
And some third person comments in "actually that is also illegal in almost every place in the world. The only countries where they have no law against throwing live children into bonemeal grinder is the US and Israel."
There’s a catastrophic female loneliness epidemic happening rn but nobody gaf bc women aren’t going out and hurting people about it we just betray and destroy ourselves for nothing
hey bbyyy! i am back with another request! 🙈 i saw the feitan one, but i couldn’t read it cause you said it was spicy 😩😩 but hey it’s hunter x hunter! and i immediately wanted a killua fic from you 🥺🥺
so hear me out, it’s like canon events where they go on adventures and follow gon around as he tries to track down his horrible dad. reader took the hunter exam with the gang and befriends everyone and gains a stupid kid-crush on killua! and killua gains a crush on reader too, and it’ll be a super sweet and comedic romance cause they’re only twelve ya’know! we can expect petty fights and teasing and making fun of random strangers killua style and it’ll be so freaking cute 😆😆
Oh and if it’s possible, can you please not have the fic take place during the chimera ant arc? i’m still not through that cause i literally had to take a break because it overwhelmed me so much lmaoo 💀💀
and of course this is a no pressure request, i’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with writing a fic about someone as young as them, or if you’re not comfortable with writing this particular fic in general! anyways, have a great day luv and remember to stay healthy 💛💛
I thought this request was soooo cute lol 🥺 I really kept it as innocent and cute as possible 🥺. I'm sorry it took a while, but I struggled with writing this because I wanted to keep it interesting but innocent at the same time.
I've rewritten this story so many times by now, but I think this one's cute, so I chose this version :3 I hope you enjoy this one! I had fun writing it, so I'm happy you requested this 😇✨
Word count: 3744
‘Here you go’, you smiled at the white-haired boy, ‘You need this, right?’.
You tilted your head, confused by his distrust. You’d spend forever looking for this badge, he could at least take it without being so defiant about it.
‘No’.
‘H-hey! I know you need this!’, you placed both your hands next to your body in discontent.
‘I’ve already collected enough badges, don’t need that one’, the white-haired boy had his hands stuffed away in his pockets, a disinterested gaze met yours.
‘B-but I-‘. ‘Don’t care’, the boy closed his eyes, now turning his back to you.
You didn’t want to cry, to show you were weak, but you went through so much trouble for nothing.
‘Huh?’, Killua frowned when he could hear some cute, sniffling sounds from behind him. ‘I-I just w-want a friend’, you wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your pink sweater.
‘H-hey, are you crying?! Stop crying!’. ‘J-just l-leave me alone!’, you quickly turned around, running as fast as you could from the white-haired boy.
‘Tch, idiot’, Killua gritted through his teeth before walking the other way, ‘Who takes a hunter exam to make friends’.
Killua stopped walking when he considered his own words. Images of Gon forced themselves into his head.
‘Idiot, idiot, idiot!’, Killua felt frustrated. Why did you have to say something like that? Why did you have to remind him of himself? He knows better than anyone what it’s like to long for a friend, and since you went to all this trouble… Even participating in the hunter exam… ‘Fine!’, Killua turned back around, ‘I can hear her sob from here, it’s not like I would waste much time’.
It didn’t take long for Killua to find you. You were sitting on the ground, head resting against the trunk of a tree.
‘Go away’, you sniffled into your sleeve, eyes overflowing with tears. ‘Here, you dropped this’, Killua tossed the badge towards you.
You reluctantly caught it, a sulking expression now on your face.
‘How many badges do you have?’.
You frowned, confused by his question. What did it matter? It was obvious he didn’t want to be friends with you.
‘Take as many as you want’, you tossed your bag towards the boy.
‘W-what?’, Killua’s eyes widened when he could see you'd collected over 10 badges, ‘How did you get these?’. ‘Stole them’, you slowly stood up from the ground, wondering what his intentions were.
‘How?’.
‘W-what do you mean ‘how’?! You don’t think I’m capable of doing so?’, you raised your voice. He underestimated you, so much was clear. ‘Hm’, Killua raised his shoulders, both of his hands still in his pockets, ‘Let’s make a deal’.
Killua couldn’t help but be intrigued by you. There weren’t many kids his age that were as strong as him, but you and Gon might be the exceptions.
‘A deal?’, you crossed your arms, eyes fixed on the bag that was laying between the two of you. ‘If you can get your bag back, I’ll be your friend’. ‘R-really?’, you intertwined your hands, ‘S-so it’ll be like a game?’. ‘Guess so’, Killua smiled, closing his eyes. ‘Deal!’, you smirked, focusing your eyes on your bag. ‘Okay, see you’, the white-haired boy smirked before he picked up the bag and disappeared into the distance.
---
You sighed, dragging your feet while walking down the crowded streets, ‘Eh, I’m tired’. ‘Just a little bit further. Leorio’s waiting for us in that restaurant’, Gon smiled at you. ‘Good, I’m starving’. ‘I told you to eat some breakfast!’, Killua smacked against the back of your head, ‘Idiot!’. ‘Hey, you’re an idiot!’, you pouted while rubbing over the spot where he’d hit you.
‘Let’s try to be kind to each other, okay?’, Gon nervously meddled, ‘You can order something, I’m also hungry. ‘That’s because you haven't had any breakfast either! You’re both idiots’, Killua scoffed while grabbing both of your heads, ‘Now we’re going to waste time because you two didn’t listen to me!’.
You let out a guilty giggle, Gon quickly following your lead. The two of you knew Killua was right, he always was. It was a trait you both came to love and hate at the same time.
‘We need to get money to buy Greed Island, we can’t waste time like this’, Killua let go of your heads, ‘I hope Leorio has figured something out. I don’t like the idea of hunting down Spiders’.
---
‘If he calls, run. If he calls, run. If he-‘.
‘You told me you two were the only ones? I’m starting to feel like I’m running a daycare, damn brats’.
Adrenaline immediately rushed through your veins when you could hear the dissatisfied grunts of your friends.
You quickly jumped away from the window, now looking at the unfamiliar face. ‘Who are you?’.
‘Phinks’.
‘Y/N run’, Killua never sounded so serious before. All the playfulness, all the mockery, the sarcasm… There wasn’t any trace left of it in his tone.
‘Don’t’, the tall man tightened his grip around their arms, ‘I’ll kill them if you try’. ‘What do you want?’, your eyes were lingering on the burn marks around Killua’s ankles.
You wanted nothing more than to shove the man’s face into the concrete wall next to you, but the fact that he’s managed to catch both of your friends told you everything you needed to about his strength – he could easily kill you if he wanted to.
‘Do you know the chain user?’. ‘Chain user?’, you frowned at the unfamiliar name, ‘Maybe… Maybe not. What’s it to you?’.
‘Idiot!’, Killua broke free from the man’s grip, tearing his shirt in the process.
You noticed the way that the man’s eyes widen, he obviously didn’t expect Killua to be so strong.
‘Why would you lie? You know we’re dealing with one of the spiders, right? I told you to run when I say so! What’s wrong with you? Do you want to get yourself killed?’. ‘I was trying to get us out of here! Why do you need to be like this? I’m strong too, you know?’.
Phinks frowned, trying to grasp what was happening before him. Was it arrogance? Were you two mocking him? Were you trying to distract him? He swiftly looked at the boy he was still holding onto, maybe his expression gave something away.
‘We’re friends, don’t worry’, Gon smiled while looking at the blonde, ‘They’re always like this’.
‘Enough’, Phinks grabbed Killua’s arm again. ‘Hey, Mr. Sweatpants, I was talking to him!’.
You froze when you could sense another unfamiliar presence behind you, his aura just as horrible as the man standing before you.
‘What’s taking so long? Can’t handle a couple of kids? Pakunoda and Machi are already waiting in the car’. ‘I’ve only got two hands Nobunaga’, Phinks smirked, ‘You can take the little girl. Watch out, she’s got an attitude’.
---
‘Don’t worry your little girlfriend will be fine’, Phinks sighed while sitting down on a stone, ‘Machi and Pakunoda were in the car behind us, they’ll be here soon’. ‘G-girlfriend?’, Killua raised his voice, cheeks red, ‘S-she’s not my-‘. ‘Oh?’, Gon looked with big eyes at his friend, ‘I really thought you liked her’. ‘Why would you think that? You’re as big as an idiot as her!’, Killua pressed his nose against Gon’s, his digit pressed against his head.
‘Then why are you blushing?’.
Phinks couldn’t help but let out a small smile at how innocent Gon sounded in contrast to his friend. He tried to grasp how they could be so skilled that they’d managed to track his fellow spiders without them noticing.
‘Get off me! I can walk myself!’.
‘There’s your little ray of sunshine’, the blonde massaged his forehead when he could hear your voice again, ‘She never shuts her mouth, does she?’. ‘You get used to it’, Killua and Gon both simultaneously replied.
‘I know you have the same IQ as Gon, but please don’t say anything about Hisoka’, Killua looked at you, hoping you would be smart enough to pretend you never saw him before.
‘This one doesn’t know anything about the chain user either’.
You scanned the room, trying to count how many people were in it.
‘Huh?’, you smiled when you saw the magician, ‘Hisoka? Is that you?’.
‘Idiot’, you could hear Killua’s voice in the back of your head.
‘And you are?’, Hisoka smirked while playing with his cards.
All eyes were on the two of you. Everyone seemed to be interested in your relationship with their fellow troupe member.
‘I took the Hunter exam with you’, you smiled, ‘I wanted to be your friend, remember? Brought you the badge you needed’. ‘Ah yes, I remember. You two were there too’, Hisoka pointed at Gon and Killua.
---
‘Again’.
You could see how Gon’s hand started to bleed, little drops of blood falling onto the cold stones underneath him.
‘K-killua?’.
The only thing you could see in his eyes was anger.
‘Killua? I’m scared’.
A symphony of fear and sadness flooded your eyes. You didn’t want to feel like this, but neither one of you was strong enough to fight off one of the spiders, let alone the bunch of them.
‘Huh?’. Your soft sobs seemed to pull him out of his trance. Two blue eyes were now staring into yours, ‘Gon’s fine, don’t worry’.
‘A-ai, don’t worry Y/N, it doesn’t hurt’, Gon forced a smile on his face, a determined look in his eyes.
‘But-‘, ‘Too much noise, need quiet’.
You froze when you felt someone pulling your arm behind your back, nearly breaking it.
‘Shut up or I’ll break it’.
‘Try and I’ll kill you’.
Killua’s aura completely changed. His usually bright blue eyes went dark, a villainous grin on his face.
‘Sorry, can’t let that happen’. Two of Hisoka’s long fingers pressed a card against Killua’s neck, keeping him in his place.
‘Fei stop’. The man they called ‘Nobunaga’ sounded calm, as if it was normal to threaten a child.
‘Scared, huh?’, Killua’s soft voice grounded you, ‘I always knew you were a scaredy-cat’.
You knew this was his way of distracting you from what was happening around you, from the pain in your arm. You knew he must be on edge too, with Hisoka threatening him… even so, he wanted you to feel okay, to stay strong.
‘Tch’, the man behind you – reluctantly – let go of you, pushing you away from him.
‘Y-Y/N?’, Killua genuinely felt overwhelmed when he felt your hands grabbing around his arm, your head pressed against his shoulder, ‘You know Hisoka’s standing behind me, right?’.
Ah, there it was again, Killua’s grumpy voice. A sound you grew to adore over the last few months.
‘Hm, so sweet and innocent’, Hisoka smirked, pulling his card away when he saw Killua’s burning cheeks.
---
‘Killua? Gon?’, you softly knocked on the door of your friends' hotel room. ‘What’s wrong?’, Gon opened the door, a startled look in his eyes. ‘I-I can’t sleep, I-I’m scared and Leorio won’t answer his door… I think he’s having a party with Zepile’.
‘Idiot’. You could see Killua sitting on the ground, a smug look on his face. ‘You always sleep in a room together! It’s not fair!’. ‘No need to fight’, Gon once again tried to meddle, ‘You can stay here’. ‘Let’s watch a movie!’, you smiled, immediately jumping on the big bed.
It didn’t take long for the three of you to be sitting next to each other on the bed. Gon and Killua smiling next to you, eyes flickering with joy.
‘Oh Killua, I want to be able to fight like that!’, ‘We already do, idiot’.
‘Hm’, you smacked your lips together after yawning, ‘So tired’.
You didn’t notice the way your head fall onto Killua’s shoulder; you were too tired to wake up from his scoldings.
‘Oh’, Gon gently tapped on your shoulder, ‘Seems like she’s asleep’. ‘Get her off me! I can’t sleep like this’, Killua looked the other way, hoping Gon wouldn’t notice his cherry-red cheeks. ‘Are you okay? Do you have a fever?’, Gon widened his eyes when he noticed Killua’s red cheeks. ‘W-what? No, I’m fine’, Killua turned his head further away, ‘Let’s just go to sleep, it’s not like we’ll be able to wake her up. You know how she gets once she’s sleeping’.
---
‘Hey Killua!’, you tried to catch up once you noticed your friends were already walking ahead, ‘I’m hungry’.
‘Again?! We’ve just entered the game!’, ‘I’m hungry too’, Gon nervously chuckled. ‘Fine! Why’d I even expect to start playing right away when I’ve got you two idiots with me’.
‘Let’s go there!’, you pulled Gon behind you, ‘Seems cozy’.
---
‘I’m scared, it’s so dark’, you whispered, hoping your eyes would still adjust some more to the darkness of the night. ‘It’s fine, we’re here’, Gon’s kind voice made sure you felt more at ease.
‘Eeee!’, you jumped into the air, quickly hiding behind Killua, ‘I-I felt something!’. Your hand grabbed Killua’s, the other wrapped around his arm. ‘H-hey!’, he turned his head to look at you.
His eyes softened when he could see the way your cute little nose was pressed against his arm, your eyes closed in fear. He felt a sudden warm and fuzzy feeling when he realized you felt safe with him, that you ran towards him to protect you.
‘D-don’t worry, I’ll protect you’.
‘H-huh?’, your eyes widened when you could feel Killua’s hand tightening around yours. ‘Don’t worry Y/N. I’ll keep you safe’. You blushed when you could see him smiling at you, ‘T-thanks Killua’.
You knew your voice must sound fragile, since you felt too embarrassed to talk properly.
‘Ai! I’ll protect you too!’, Gon appeared next to Killua, his smile as bright as ever, ‘We’re your friends, we’ll always be there for you, no matter what’.
Little something I think about once and awhile but I feel like Killua tells his dad and grandpa stuff about his life. Like just talk about his friends, any training, any enemies, any *crushes* ;). I feel like we see a little of this in the Zoldyck arc before Killua leaves home, AND I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT
LIKEE IMAGINE!! Killua yapping his dad and/or grandpa’s ear off about his smidge crush on reader then turning around and being like - don’t tell Illumi (he already knows). BASICALLY can we get a one shot/headcannons about this? This feeds my obsession with me needing to know what people think I about me
‧ ˚ Hush ˚ ‧
── .✦ a/n: augrhf this sucks so bad but i love this idea sm, pls enjoy :3
after numerous days of being tortured and mutilated by his family, killua was certainly feeling annoyed. why was killua even enduring this in the first place? because he decided it was a wonderful idea to stab the shit out of his mommy and older brother, the fat one, of course.
while enduring the endless punishments and merciless whippings from his family, especially milluki, who kil had stabbed before running off for the hunter exam. oh right! the hunter exam.
during the hunter exam, known world wide to be extremely difficult and hard to pass, killua had encountered some of the most important people to him currently. gon, his best friend. kurapika, an older brother figure. leorio, someone to make fun of. you, his first ever crush.
killua had never, EVER been exposed to girls before his whole life. disregarding his mother, and alluka since he hadn’t seen her since they were like six and five. the only things in life killua had ever been provided for was ruthless training and grooming to become the head of the zoldyck assassin family. of course, this role meant he was destined to marry in the future to reproduce, but talk of women and marriage was left for much of the future. so when kil met you and got to interact properly with you, A GIRL… he did not know what to do at all.
“wow! she sure is fast!” the cheerful gon chirped as he eyed you, pacing along with satotz in the first phase of the hunter exam effortlessly. “tch, that girl will for sure die later.” the albino rolled his eyes as he focused on the dark tunnel ahead of him. “i wouldn’t assume that so early, killua. she does seem strong.” kurapika chimed in as he watched you meticulously.
“oh! i guess you’re the number i’m assigned to collect for.” you slyly but gently smiled at killua, standing right in front of him, surrounded by the lush forest. “in your dreams.” the silverette non-chalantly spat out as he had his hands tucked into his pockets.
before killua could react, you had already swiftly jumped up onto a tree behind him. killua didn’t realise at first, but less than a second later he realised a side of his shirt had felt significantly lighter.
“hey! what the hell?” the boy screamed as he snapped his head around to see your figure atop a tree branch.
you had just taken killua’s badge without a sweat.
badge number 99 was now yours.
you turned your body around, and stared down at the albino, who was exuding embarrassment and anger. “don’t be so angry, kitty.” you smirked, as you placed your hands into your pocket, mocking killua’s once confident and signature posture. the darkened expression on killua’s face was priceless, something to behold, truly.
did this bitch just call him “kitty”? ain’t no way you took his badge, called him kitty AND mocked him. if this was anyone else, killua would’ve slit their throats by now but, you felt incredible.
that was the moment and interaction that caused something unknown to bloom inside killua. how could you take his badge without him noticing? how were you faster than him? he’s a zoldyck, so how? what training have you gone through? who were you, really? how were you so confident against someone like him? how the fuck were you so pretty while doing all that?
killua was now hungry for more of you.
“so killua! whats your type?” the raven haired boy said as he gazed out the window of the airship. “my type? what do you mean?” the pale boy questioned, tilting his head. “you know, what kind of girls do you like?” gon grinned innocently. “girls?” killua had never interacted with a girl before, until you, that is. killua was not sure what to say, his type? he hadn’t even been around enough girls yet to know.
“mhm! personally, i like older women! i think they’re caring and mature.” the ravenette exclaimed as he explained to the dumb-founded albino. “uh.. well…” killua was pretty puzzled, to say the least.
it shattered his ego to admit this to gon, but especially himself. “uhhh.. you know that girl we’ve been seeing around lately during the exam?” the albino stared off into the night lights shining from below. “oh yeah! she’s pretty!” gon smiled, he was pretty surprised killua mentioned you.
“um, i guess you could say so.” killua would never ever talk about this subject to anyone else.
unfortunately, all that was awhile ago. now, instead of spending time with gon and his other friends, he was propped up in his mansion’s cell, abused. everything went south once killua’s eldest brother, illumi revealed his disguise at the last phase of the exam and manipulated him into returning home. killua was not one to reminisce, but those memories were surely treasured.
“how dare you stab me and mama?” the obese creature yelled as he whipped killua. their mother had just entered a few minutes earlier but now, it seems another family member has intruded once again.
“milluki, stop it.” the elder declared as he calmly walked in. “grandpa! you’re always spoiling him! this is why now he’s a fucking brat!” milluki stressed, desperately trying to get their grandfather on board. “shut it.” zeno side eyed his huge grandson as he stepped towards the younger one. unsurprisingly, milluki shut his mouth due to his overflowing amount of respect and fear for his grandfather. what a loser, killua thought to himself, not daring to raise his head to look at his grandpa.
“alright, get up kil. silva wants to see you.” the old man informed, no anger or disappointment in his voice whatsoever. “huh? really? dad wants to see me?” the albino immediately shot his head up in a fit of surprise.
“so kil, i know you ran off.” the respectable man sternly said as he sat in the dimly lit room. “yeah… i did.” killua awkwardly responded to his father, afraid his father will be mad.
“i want to hear all about your journey.”
“really, dad?”
“sit beside me, kil.”
“what kind of people did you meet at the exam?” silva questioned, acting interested. “heh! well, i met gon! he’s so fun! and.. uh kurapika, he’s real nice. i also met some guy called leorio, don’t remember much about him.” killua excitedly rambled, like a little child once again. “i see. anyone else?” the man questioned as he narrowed his icey blue eyes.
silence took over the room for awhile, killua’s head facing down. not sure how to start off about you.
“well, i met a girl.” killua muttered as he looked off to the side. “oh?” silva let out as he tilted his head. how hilarious, such similar body language between son and father.
“mhm uh.. she’s.. really pretty…” killua felt his ears burning up and heart pounding. “describe her to me, then.” silva demanded as he was surprised a girl caught his son’s attention.
sure, killua was a teenage boy but his family expected him to have the mindset and ambitions of an assassin, not some love sick teenager.
“mm… her eyes shine so brightly, she moves so gently.. but yet so quickly. she also… smells good. hmm, i like how she’s so open to conversations with people around her and isn’t shy to say her mind! i love the fact she beat me, to be honest.” the little albino was now completely off in his little dream land about you, pale face now bright pink.
“she beat you? am i hearing this right?” the older man walked in, without any sounds giving him out whatsoever, beforehand. steps inaudible, how typical of an assassin.
“it seems so, father.” silva nodded, eyes still fixated on killua.
killua immediately regretted letting that information slip, now his dad is going to go WAY harder on him during trainings.
“yeah.. we had to claim other people’s badges for a phase, and she somehow took mine, when she was right in front of me!” the silly silverette unknowingly went back into a state of infatuation, forgetting all about how his elders will think of his failure.
zeno and silva exchanged glances, both deciding to say nothing about THAT, for now.
killua softened his gaze at both. “her name is y/n. i asked her for her name right before… big brother revealed himself and—” killua’s voice slowly trailed off as he remembered what happened.
“forget about illumi, tell us more about this girl.” silva abruptly cut his son’s sentence off.
the flustered boy raised his head once more and nodded with a smile. “she’s so strong! i’ve never met anyone else who could beat me!” killua excitedly gushed, his heart was now feeling so fuzzy and warm. a foreign feeling, indeed.
a good 3 hours had probably gone by.
“after i told gon i found her pretty, he urged me to give her my chicken wing during dinner! can you believe that guy?” the care free boy laughed as his dad and grandpa chuckled along. “well? did the lady accept your generous offer?” zeno teased, in his elderly fashioned humour.
“yeah! she said thank you and said that she really liked my hair colour… kinda weird but i felt good when she complimented me!” killua was now spread out, laying on the floor, as the two elders sat upon the bed. “it seems this gon guy is becoming your wingman.” silva grinned slightly at his son, delighted that killua was interested in strong girls, but unhappy since it was too early for him to be thinking about relationships.
“sometimes, i see her looking at me during dinner time and i feel like as if my heart was going to explode any moment! felt more intense than any training you guys have ever given me.” killua sighed as he was now, running out of breath from yapping so much about you.
“i think me and your father have heard enough to understand this y/n girl, kil.” zeno stood up from his seat and placed his hands behind his back. “i agree, father.” silva huffed out. wow, his son sure was interested in you. this is definitely gonna bring some kind of trouble.
killua sat up from the floor, sapphire eyes now looking like an innocent child’s. as if, he was never a ruthless killer who murdered for profit and as a lifestyle. instead, looking like a pure and untouched pale porcelain doll. silver hair no longer dirtied and stained with blood from his victims. rather, silver hair now fluffy and as white as undisturbed snow during winter.
for once, killua felt normal.. no. for once, he is ALLOWED to be normal.
“please don’t tell any of this to big brother.” killua nervously said out loud to his father and grandfather, pleading almost. killua genuinely wanted to find you again, and get to know you properly. he was so so frightened that illumi will get ahold of this news and torture him. worse, he’ll go after you.
“no worries kil, illumi will stay out of this. after all, y/n and everything else is your own personal life.” silva reassured his son as he stepped over and placed his hand over killua’s head, patting him.
killua’s mouth curled into a soft smile, appearing like any other boy. happy to talk to his father about his crush, and getting reassurance.
“how is kil?” the silky haired man’s back leaned onto the cold marble wall. “doing fine, but he’ll leave again.” silva informed his eldest child.
“i know about that girl.”
“i presumed so.”
“should i get rid of her?”
“don’t.”
“okay. may i ask why though father?”
“first, killua will know it was us and never return to us again. second, he might learn a thing or two from forming bonds. third, that girl seems quite powerful.”
“are you suggesting we push him towards her more? that is absurd.”
“illumi, it is my responsibility as the head of the zoldyck family to plan for the next generations. she will produce fine children for us.”
WARNINGS :: killua x fem reader, implied fem!reader, emotional distance, self-sabotage, and fear of abandonment, nightmares, insomnia, and suppressed emotions, guilt, self-blame, overprotecting, violence, injury, and mental strain + more HEAD CANNONS. total wc :: 500~
• Killua struggles with the idea of deserving love :( If he ever feels like he’s putting you in danger, he’ll distance himself without explaining.
• His eyes. I repeat. His eyes. When he's on a mission you will not be able to tell what he is thinking but the moment he is with you, you can easily see what he is thinking behind his eyes because he becomes expressive around you.
• Killua doesn’t sleep well, and when he does, he often dreams about losing you, whether it's his family hurting you, or you walking away because he isn’t good enough. He wakes up in a cold sweat, gripping the sheets, only to check if you're still there.
• Whenever things feel too perfect between you, there’s a part of Killua that expects it to fall apart. He might unconsciously pick fights or act indifferent, as if testing whether you'll stay. Deep down, he wants you to, but he’s afraid of the answer.
• If you ever get caught up in danger because of him, he’ll blame himself entirely. He might even tell you to leave him for your own safety, even if it breaks him inside. "You’d be better off without me."
• Killua struggles with apologising out loud, but he hates making you upset. If he hurts you with his words, he’ll show up later with your favorite snack, awkwardly handing it to you with his head down. "I… I didn’t mean what I said."
• He won’t let anything happen to you, but sometimes his protectiveness becomes suffocating. He gets frustrated when you put yourself at risk, even for small things. "Don’t be reckless. I can’t lose you too."
• Killua isn’t great at expressing his feelings. If he’s hurting, he’ll pretend everything is fine. But if you gently push him enough, he might quietly admit, "I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be… normal."
• He acts like he doesn’t care, but the fear of you leaving terrifies him. If you ever walk away during an argument, he’ll act stubborn for a while, but the second he realizes you might not come back, he’s running after you.
• When things are bad, Killua reminds himself of the good. The way you laugh, the way you ruffle his hair, the way you hold his hand without fear. He holds onto those small moments because they prove he can be loved.
• It takes a lot for Killua to cry, but if the weight of everything ever becomes too much, and you’re there, he might just crack. His walls crumble as he buries his face into your shoulder, whispering, "I'm so tired."
• If there ever comes a time when he’s genuinely happy with you, he’ll have a brief moment of panic. He’s been conditioned to believe that happiness never lasts, and sometimes, he wonders if he should let go before it gets taken from him.
• If someone ever hurts you to get to him, it destroys him. He’ll take down the threat in an instant, but after that, he’s consumed by guilt. He’ll sit beside you, gripping your hand tightly, whispering "I’m sorry, I’m so sorry."
• If you ever decide you can’t stay, Killua won’t stop you. He’ll watch you walk away with clenched fists, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from calling out to you. Later, he’ll stare at the spot where you last stood, whispering to himself, "I knew it."
Do not copy, steal, modify, etc.
Relogs and like are appreciated.
jimmyeatworldofficial
romaincrisis
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