Hnymp

 Honestly just full of things that caught my interest

[whynotfabulous]

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

[whynotfabulous]

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

[gnomer-denois]

Because it's also evil

[whynotfabulous]

Thanks!

Have scientists figured out what dark matter is yet?

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

[whynotfabulous]

Wow!

What happens if you eat 23 packages of peeps?

[trashboi413]

You meet god

[whynotfabulous]

Thank goodness!

What's the correct way to eat a banana?

[treslecheslife]

Whole, in one gulp.

[whynotfabulous]

Delicious!

Who is the Muffin Man?

[captain-oh-no-not-again]

Father of the Muffin Boy

[whynotfabulous]

Makes sense!

Why is my car making a ker-klunk noise?

[mayflydecember]

Car's haunted

[whynotfabulous]

Uh Oh

How to fix a haunted car?

[babybluebanshee]

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

[whynotfabulous]

It worked!

Where does the wax in scented candles go?

[thegoodsandy]

into the sky, where it turns into stars

[whynotfabulous]

Cool!

Why are weddings so damn expensive?

[daeynore]

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

[whynotfabulous]

....Ah

[whynotfabulous]

ChatGPT WISHES it was this coherent and creative

[penandinkprincess]

listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different

i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts

[penandinkprincess]

this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it

[penandinkprincess]

cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah

[justasmidgx]

I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.

Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.

But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)

Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".

Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.

[penandinkprincess]

congrats, i award you funniest take on this post

[chaser]

So we've been having a bit of a debate in the office because we wanted to do the headline "Local man gives up sugar for 12 minutes" but then overdoing the "local man" trope is a bit male-centric, so we considered "Local woman" but then that sounds like we're typecasting women so that wasn't great either, but I think we've finally found a worthy compromise:

[gamemakerm]

[chaser]

Boss is asleep, cannot stop me from frogposting

[chaser]

First like and this has already found its intended audience

[chaser]

uh oh

[itsmyturnonthegender]

[goldfishinaplasticbag]

jason todd for a very generous donor via @dcforgaza! i couldn’t help myself when i heard this audio—instantly knew i had to make an animatic lol

[thinkmarkthink-deactivated20250]

Waynes on a Game Show

“…You’re all related?”

Dick: “Technically. Spiritually. Legally. Emotionally. And on Tuesdays.”

Jason’s buzzer is a gunshot noise. Tim hacks the scoring system. Damian threatens the opposing team. Cass answers everything with alarming accuracy.

Bruce just stands there like a wall in Armani, winking and acting clueless. Himbo-esque. The crowd eats it up.

They win. They win hard. The host fears for his life. The audience cheers. Gotham trends #WayneSweep for 3 days.

Clark watches it live and texts Bruce:

“You couldn’t point out Gotham on a map? ”

[tlirsgender]

Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

[tlirsgender]

A laptop is a living creature. It has weight to it. A laptop breathes and produces body heat. And it wants to die badly. Mobile phones are not sentient like that & that's why they don't experience mental illness. A phone problem is like "out of storage :(" or "charging port broke". Laptops will cough weakly as they fade in and out of consciousness

[tlirsgender]

You will hold a laptop in your arms and it's like "I can't feel my legs". And you tell it girl you never had any

[cologona]

Generally I’m of the opinion that the wavy knife Jason wields is a flambard dagger, but I was watching this informative video today and stopped in my tracks when I heard-

“A Kris is an object of unconditional love. This love exists between the bearer of the blade and the Kris itself. Through this, a Kris protects the bearer from all threats external and internal- including from oneself.

The blade is borne from an act of love, exists in a state of love with its bearer, and then is passed from bearer to bearer generation to generation in a continuation of that love.”

…and now I can’t get over the IMPLICATIONS.

Also (I’m not SE Asian or Filipino so let me know if I’ve misinterpreted) but man is it not so appropriate for Talia to give something so symbolic? A weapon to protect him, a gift to ward off self-destruction, a recognition and relation to his capacity for love.

[endreal]

Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

Higher feminine voice: woo, look at you go! You're jogging! Keep it up!

Lower masculine voice (panting): you know it! Last place is still a place, baby!

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

[ladysisyphus]

I know of a trail racing company that gives the slowest racer who finishes every race a DFL award: Dead Fucking Last. I was a little taken aback by this until I had it explained to me that those last-place finishers are pretty much uniformly people for whom finishing at all was an accomplishment: people undergoing cancer treatments, absolute beginners, runners in their eighties, extremely pregnant people, you get the idea. Moreover, what you see as this person crosses the finish line is all these sporty trail racers, many of whom finished the race literal hours earlier, cheering their hearts out because they respect that, yes, DFL is still a place, baby.

[yj-polycule]

Happy Father’s Day to Tim Drake

[noodles-and-tea]

Some robins designs so they’re not just “kid with a mask and curtain bangs”

[clairelutra]

the problem with water is like. it's the cleaning fluid right. that's the obvious part. you stop drinking and you stop peeing and your kidneys are like ough. ough. ough. ough. but you don't die. unless you're not drinking anything At All and not eating watery food either. so all it is is you pee less but you're okay. kind of.

BUT THEN when it gets too hot it starts being the coolant! and suddenly there are so many ways it can get out! you have so many sweat glands and so much skin and they all need to be cooled down before you DIE.

but then. you realize the least obvious one. it's the transmission fluid. it's the fucking transmission fluid. you can't transmit SHIT without your fliud. which is still fucking water somehow.

so now you're LEAKING your transmission fluid out of every goddamn pore and your kidneys are like hey. gimme that cleaning fluid cmon dude. while your pores are like ITS COOLANT. NEED COOLANT. FOR THE FIRE. NEED MORE COOLANT. SO MUCH FIRE. KILL IT. KILL IT MORE. MORE COOLANT. and then. the rest of you. that uses all that fluid to transmit things. it's like hey. hey. hey what the fuck.. i need that. hello? can anyone hear me? hello? it's so dark in here..

and then you drink more water or you die.

[nyukaart]

The Grayson who used his mother's nickname for him as his vigilante name, the Grayson who incorporated his acrobatic skills his parents taught him into batman's training, the Grayson who never forgot about his parents legacy, the Grayson who didn't fall but flew.

I love him so much guys

[haveihitanerve]

I don't know where I saw it first, but the idea that Dick is like nonverbal when he's younger and kinda reverts to it when he's older too and the only person who can read him accurately is Bruce means so much to me

just just just-

Superman, eyes narrowed at little Robin!Dick who's sitting on the chimney: Hmmmm. He wants me to fly Batman, tiredly dealing with the leftover goons nearby: No. Superman, eyes twitching as he tries to telepathically reach Dick: He wants to fly Batman, eyes rolling behind the mask: He always wants to fly. That doesn't count. Superman, about ready to bribe Dick into speaking: He wants... Robin!Dick, completely unbothered by Clark's desperate attempts: :) Batman, exasperated and joining his son again: He wanted to see you punt that car into the sky. But since you couldn't understand him... Robin!Dick, who actually wanted Bruce to hug him and is now getting his wish but is still a little shit: :( Clark, panicking: Wait no- ~ Oliver, babysitting: Do you want... to go play videogames? Little Dick Grayson, staring at him wide eyed: :/ Oliver, frowning because he will crack this thank you very much Dinah for your vote of confidence: how about... the park? Bruce, who hasn't left yet because Oliver is helpless: No. Oliver, intent: The movie theater? Bruce, concerned at how no one is able to understand his son when it's so easy: No. Oliver, growing a lil panicked: You want to bake something! Bruce, now severely concerned for his friends ability to read people: Not even close. Oliver: I give up. Bruce: He wants you to read to him. Dick: *nodding* Oliver:... *i hate you, you're lying to me, this is rigged-* yeah okay ~ Hal, on watch with Nightwing: mmmm waffles! Nightwing, tired and nonverbal but amused: *shakes head* Hal, concentrating: mmmm pancakes! Nightwing, yawning: *shakes head* Hal, panicking now because the elevator just opened which means Bruce is about to arrive: um um- oh! Chocolate fudge! Bruce, arrived: White chocolate chip macadamia cookies. Dick, pleased: *nods* Hal, defeated: ... one, please...

[homunculus-argument]

Today in Probably Inadvisable Homonculus Crafts: can I fix my own shoes?

[homunculus-argument]

Replacing a boot zipper felt like such a simple task to do that I was aware when I started that there will probably be unforeseen problems that I hadn't planned for.

Seeing how many other parts of the shoe were worn through to shit and realising that I might have to take the whole damn shoe apart and reconstruct it ship of theseus style was definitely an unforeseen one.

[homunculus-argument]

I have moved on from the denial to bargaining stage. It'll be fine if I just take out and replace the one torn soft leather strip at the brim, and the most inner fabric of the heel. It will then be perfectly fine.

[homunculus-argument]

One month later: I have successfully taken out the thoroughly fucked lining, made new ones from scratch and boyfriend's old pyjama pants, successfully sewed and glued them in, and I have now successfully completed one shoe, and I am almost done sewing the other. May get the second one done today, depending on how I get my actual work done.

[saulutekaipbabasake]

It isn't called hubris if you can actually pull through the "I can definetly do this, how hard can it be?" craft

[homunculus-argument]

It's only hubris if the gods and consequences catch you. Whether or not that's about to happen is still in the air.

[choiceparalysis]

@theshitpostcalligrapher "it's only hubris if the gods and consequences catch you."

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

me every day actually

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Damian becoming the Doctor of the family, treating the Bats when they're injured, and taking care of them... But doing so in the most evil unhinged ways possible.

Damian, injecting something into Bruce's arm: I'll give you an anesthetic but you are in no condition to fight, Father. You'll be on bed rest until I clear you.

Bruce, already standing up, no fucks given: Thanks, Damian. But I really need to catch these people, they are– They–

Bruce: *Begins to stumble in place* They– y-you–

Damian:

Bruce, falling to the ground: W-what did you–?

*Evil boss music starts playing in the background*

Damian, slowly approaching: Oh, sorry, did I said I would give you anesthetic? I meant to say a paralyzing agent.

Bruce:

Damian: Don't worry, Father, Black Bat will take care of the case...

Damian, carrying Bruce back to bed:And you, as I said, will be on bed rest until I clear you.

*Evil music intensifies*

*After training*

Damian: I made limonade.

Dick, reaching for a glass: Thanks, Dam—

Damian: Not that one. That one is Drake's.

Dick: Oh–

Damian, handing Dick a glass: This one is yours.

Dick: Oh.

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: Did you- Did you put something in Tim's?

Damian:

Dick:... Did you put something in mine?

Damian:

Dick:What did you p–

Damian: Drink it, Grayson. It's good for you.

[paradoxicalli]

tim’s lemonade had melatonin in it

dick’s lemonade had Xanax in it

jason’s was just normal lemonade, and it was enough to get him to chill

[disillusioneddanny]

Since my replies got deleted I’m just going to reblog it.

ROOFIE-ING YOUR FAMILY IS NOT FUNNY.

DRUGGING YOUR FAMILY WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT IS NOT FUNNY.

The fact that you are saying that Damian— a doctor is drugging his family without their permission is horrible. It goes against the code of ethics he swears to when he becomes a doctor.

Making jokes about drugging family members isn’t funny, it’s harmful.

Ft my original replies since they got deleted :)

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Damian becoming the Doctor of the family, treating the Bats when they're injured, and taking care of them... But doing so in the most evil unhinged ways possible.

Damian, injecting something into Bruce's arm: I'll give you an anesthetic but you are in no condition to fight, Father. You'll be on bed rest until I clear you.

Bruce, already standing up, no fucks given: Thanks, Damian. But I really need to catch these people, they are– They–

Bruce: *Begins to stumble in place* They– y-you–

Damian:

Bruce, falling to the ground: W-what did you–?

*Evil boss music starts playing in the background*

Damian, slowly approaching: Oh, sorry, did I said I would give you anesthetic? I meant to say a paralyzing agent.

Bruce:

Damian: Don't worry, Father, Black Bat will take care of the case...

Damian, carrying Bruce back to bed:And you, as I said, will be on bed rest until I clear you.

*Evil music intensifies*

*After training*

Damian: I made limonade.

Dick, reaching for a glass: Thanks, Dam—

Damian: Not that one. That one is Drake's.

Dick: Oh–

Damian, handing Dick a glass: This one is yours.

Dick: Oh.

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: Did you- Did you put something in Tim's?

Damian:

Dick:... Did you put something in mine?

Damian:

Dick:What did you p–

Damian: Drink it, Grayson. It's good for you.

[paradoxicalli]

tim’s lemonade had melatonin in it

dick’s lemonade had Xanax in it

jason’s was just normal lemonade, and it was enough to get him to chill