unmute for the love of god please it's amazing
to think I would have just swiped past on mute, therefore not hearing pure unadulterated joy
Cosmic Funnies
styofa doing anything

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TVSTRANGERTHINGS

@theartofmadeline
One Nice Bug Per Day
🪼
AnasAbdin
todays bird

Kiana Khansmith

if i look back, i am lost

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

tannertan36
occasionally subtle
Peter Solarz

Love Begins
Misplaced Lens Cap
tumblr dot com
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@hooliganstsar
unmute for the love of god please it's amazing
to think I would have just swiped past on mute, therefore not hearing pure unadulterated joy
The people who police your gender will police your gender even if you're cis.
Eat them.
"OH those body builder women with pancake breasts arent-" eat them.
"This woman has a beard, thats not-" eat them.
"That man has a baby face, that's not" - eat them with barbecue sauce.
Eat them. You will never be gender enough for their definition of gender. Eat them.
screaming
A coworker of mine shared a story that she interviewed for a place, they asked her if she could become and animal, what would she be. She said dog, because they are loyal, friendly, and protect their family. The interviewer said that's wrong, because dogs are lazy. The correct answer was giraffe, because they reach high for leaves and that's a sign of ambition...
????????
did icebreakers with new team yesterday and the question was if you were a fruit what fruit would you be (lazy icebreaker tbh) and i was like fig bc they can be pollinated by wasps and they die in there and i like to always have something at the center of why im doing something and everyone else was like i eat a lot of bananas
More Fatson Todd for y’all
the fallen angel of boy wonders
Bruce insulting Batman in interviews is an amazing concept because he will not insult his kids. Like he is saying that Batman is dumb and not even a real Bat but if those little boys want to be birds they should live their dreams and they are the greatest thing to come out of Gotham in centuries. It gets so bad that interviewers ask the former Robins why Bruce hates Batman but loves Robin and all the kids develope telepathy for just a moment and declare its because Bruce lost custody of them in his divorce from Batman.
When I finish this whale shark lamp all 4 of you are gonna be So I'm pressed
She glows now, just so you know, and she's full of string deliciöusee string
Are you gonna show us the lamp? 👀
Good news! Whäle shark lämp 🥰
My DC vigilante oc, Hazchem ^~^
His dad was the owner of Ace Chemicals, which had an explosion while he was visiting, which gave him powers and created several super powered rogues that he now feels responsible for
And also I love him very much <3
Ploop ploop ploop
i know this is a predator. like a hardened killing machine. tempered by hundreds of years of evolutionary prowess to fine tune him into a living weapon. but ohhhh the little BABYYY look at the Little Bouncing Baby he is going Boing Boing Boing oh my gooddddd
Prompt! What about a thief being caught mid heist?
The sound of the mission impossible music suddenly blaring through the room:
a) startled the absolute crap out of them
b) did nothing to mask the sound of a dozen guns suddenly being pointed at them from every direction.
The thief froze, hovering spread-eagled in the air just above the diamond case, watching the flicker of red-sniper dots dancing over their body in the reflection of the glass.
Their mind immediately began to race through their options. The music continued to play, excruciatingly to the very end of the track. No good options came to mind. So much as twitching felt like an invitation to be shot.
"Jolly good show! Bravo." The sound of clapping filled the new silence. The posh voice came from behind them. "Well. Awkward, getting caught, I suppose. But you can't really be blamed for that, can you?"
More of the guards edged closer in their circle of imminent death, faceless in armored masks. Not museum staff. Even the most high security museum staff didn't look like that.
The thief said nothing. Their heart pounded.
A man, beaming, rounded the diamond case to stop in front of them.
"Hi," he waved. "So nice to finally meet you. I'm sure you've guessed by now that this was a cunning trap!"
The thief said nothing. Their jaw clenched.
The man chuckled and snapped his fingers. The spotlights for the diamond case flicked on, pointing unerringly at the thief. Behind their mask, the thief's eyes flinched shut against the glaring brightness.
Someone immediately took the opportunity to step forward and yanked the mask off their face.
"Do you know who I am?" the man asked. "Obviously everyone here already knows all about you, so it seems only fair to even the playing field. Gosh, you're prettier in person beneath that mask, aren't you?" He reached out and, despite the wires and the guns and the whole dangling from the ceiling situation, the thief recoiled.
"Don't touch me."
The man's grin widened, jackal-like, as if that was the exact reaction he was hoping for. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small recorder, and hit a button.
Don't touch me.
The thief's voice played back perfectly. Their stomach lurched.
Not police. Definitely not police, or museum staff. The thief wished, suddenly, for Interpol. The detective they'd been avoiding for years. The detective wouldn't have done this.
"Oh," the man said. "That's going to make a wonderful little detail for your exhibition piece. Thank you. Don't touch me! So ironic. So relevant! You wouldn't believe the amount the industry pays because tourists can't keep their hands off the art. It's just disrespectful, you know?"
He turned to his many guards, switching languages to rattle off a myriad quick-fire instructions. Some left. Too many guards stayed.
"Anyway," the man said. "Where were we? Ah! Introductions." He held out a hand again, to shake. "I'm the curator. You're the magpie. Gosh this really is just splendid! Just look at you. Gorgeous. Wow. I'm such a fan. Guilty pleasure, I know. I shouldn't encourage you." He widened his eyes like they were in on some joke together. Buddies. "But the work you did with the Girl in Red triptych? Flawless. You're really very good."
The thief blinked. They considered taking the hand, yanking, quickly dropping to the ground and using the man as body armour. It would have been more effective if the guns were only pointing from one direction. In the end, they held still, and continued to say nothing. They focused on controlling their breathing. They tried to think of something beyond the numbing, bewildered panic.
"No?" the man pouted. "Ah well. Time for us to get to know each other still, I guess."
The man patted their cheek, in lieu of a handshake. The thief flinched.
"Exhibition piece?" they ventured, finally, warily, dropping their voice lower than normal. As if their identify wasn't already screwed.
"Mm." The man gave an excited nod and gestured through the air as if laying out the scene. "You. The eternal diamond. Forever. An exclusive show, of course. I wouldn't show you off to just anybody. Just opens you up to thieves, doesn't it? You know what I'm talking about."
The panic rose.
"You have to take me to prison. Turn me over to the authorities."
"I love that you think that," the man said. "So cute. God, I should have recorded that too. It's fine. I have time to get some more stuff about you to go on the displays. Anyway."
The guards returned, from wherever they'd left, and someone fired at the thief's equipment.
They fell as the cord snapped, breath knocked out of them as they hit the diamond case hard. Both them, and the jewel, went tumbling. The man stopped the diamond rolling with his foot.
The thief scrambled up in a heartbeat, not pausing before they slammed their elbow into the nearest guards, exits and entrances blueprinted on their skull.
"Shoot them," the curator said, almost lazily. "I don't want them damaging themselves."
Everything went dark.
jan smit looking at jan smit looking at rocks
the entire situation with the cat that keeps showing up is kind of funny because my mother will say to me "hey. i know the cat is cute but we cant keep it. please dont feed it so it goes away okay ?" and then like an hour later my dad will knock on my door to say
"i give kitty entire rotisserie chicken and let her sleep on sofa. dont tell your mother. kitty live here now."
left to go to the supermarket with my mom and he immediately sent this image
The soft eyes! The forward facing ears! The question mark tail! Not to mention the poise and control! This little dude is having a blast and is SO good at it!!
"Your blood is so, so special," the vampire murmured. They stroked their fingers, oh so gently, along the trembling curve of the human's jaw, nudging their limp head up so that the two of them could look at each other. "Do you think that makes you special?"
The human squeezed their eyes shut. Their fragile breath fluttered out of them. They were smart enough not to jerk away again, swaying on their knees in the vampire's grip.
"Hm?" the vampire pressed. "I asked you a question, my dove."
"No."
"No?"
"Not about me. Just the blood. I'm a sack of meat. I'm nothing."
The vampire smiled at that. Their thumb caressed up and down again, just above the bloody bite marks on the human's neck. "Look at me."
The human shook their head.
"Look. At. Me."
The human's jaw clenched, but they opened their eyes once more. The vampire's smile grew a little more as it hazed in and out of the human's vision.
"My darling," the vampire said. Their other hand rose, until they were cradling the human's head proper. "My dearest." They leaned in, pressing a claiming kiss to the human's lips, drawing blood. "That's exactly right!"
Then, just as quickly, the vampire was on their feet by the door.
The human crumpled without the support, hitting the ground with a thud. Panting.
The vampire sucked the blood off their fingers with a wet pop. The smile fled their face. The light left their eyes.
"You don't ever pretend you have power over me in public again."
Then, they were gone.
This isn't very hard when you know some of the most genius strategies in human history were incredibly stupid, circumstantial events that led to victory by sheer luck of that strategy working.
Case in point: Tsun Zu's rival defended a city with 10 men against Tsun's army of hundreds by disarming his own soldiers, dressing them in plain clothes, INVITING Tsun's army to come in, and it only worked because Tsun knew the guy was an ambush master and thought "if we attack the city he's inviting us into, we will die." and left without even trying ON THE BASIS OF HIS RIVAL'S REPUTATION AND NOTHING MORE
Another example: Tsun Zu, on being told his soliders were out of arrows during a battle against a city across a river from them, had his men craft scarecrows, put them on a boat, send it out on a line, leave it there for half an hour, then pull it back in and used the arrows the enemy had fired at the boat to restock their own ammunition. It only worked because it was foggy and the enemy couldn't tell the difference between the scarecrows and actual soldiers.
Stupid things like that work INCREDIBLY WELL if the circumstances favor them, so you really don't need to come up with some multi-layered, Shikamaru-esque strategy. You just need to come up with a strategy you like for the characters involved, then write the circumstances (weather, environment, individuals involved) to favor it enough that it works.
he is in preschool do you love him
whats he studying?
toys and playtime
oh i’m sure he is a pleasure to have in class!
this is among one of the funniest ask i have ever seen someone get sorry
On a serious note, this is why I hate vague or unexplained medical advice. "Take this before bed" Is it because you think I go to sleep at night? Does the medication causes sun sensitivity? Is it because you think it will make me sleepy and you don't want me driving on it? Is it because I'm supposed to not eat anything for several hours after taking it? Let me know. My lifestyle may not be what you think it is. "Take this with food" Is it because it's slightly better absorbed that way? If I don't, will it give me mild nausea or put a hole in my stomach lining? Be clear. "Take this the same time every day" Very strictly or is it okay in the 20-26 hour range? Trust me, this matters.