taylor swift - midnights prologue // emily dickinson - in a letter to elizabeth holland written c. 20 january 1856
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taylor swift - midnights prologue // emily dickinson - in a letter to elizabeth holland written c. 20 january 1856
Best Lead Performer, Drama Series is....Hudson Williams!
Taylor Swift: "I can show you lies. I'm a liar. I bent the truth too far tonight I was dancing around it. I fiercely protect my private life. I'm having his baby ... no I'm not, no I'm not. Here's the truth from my red lips (wearing nude lipstick.) What If I told you none of it was accidental. I want to show my fans performance art. (Speaking about herself) You think you know someone but the truth is you only know what they choose to show you. I'm so good at not being seen when I don't want to. I never Easter egg my private life (while talking about how she easter egged her current bf.) I LIED!"
Swifties:
So maybe Cliff Marleau calls in sick that game against Montreal. Or maybe Shane looks where he's going and doesn't get hit. Or maybe the hit just isn't even that bad. And Shane goes home that night and waits for Ilya in his apartment and when Ilya shows up, he's been psyching himself up for the last two hours to end this thing but then he just...can't. Shane is so softly pleased that Ilya is back, open in a way that he's never been before their phone conversations while Ilya was in Moscow, and the hit of having him again after all of that is like nothing Ilya has ever experienced. So they let it ride. And Shane does ask WillYouComeToMyCottage but crucially he is two orgasms deep and Ilya is still inside him and it has about the same effect as the morphine would have. So Ilya hits that "Maybe. Maybe." and Shane hmm's and reaches back to palm Ilya's hip, press him in closer, and they let it ride.
So it becomes real but not at the same time. So they call each other in the evenings, a few times a week, not too much. Ilya sends texts that say You looked good in Buffalo tonight, great game and Does your hole feel empty without me and, worst of all, he texts things like Did your sink ever get fixed I know the dripping was driving you crazy. And he forces himself not to think about what any of it means. And he doesn't stop. Doesn't even really think about stopping, anymore.
He lets his teammates think that things are getting serious with Montreal Girl, because it's a good excuse for why he's not pulling and the guys have formed a narrative that makes sense. Of course Rozanov is settling down now. He just buried his father. Those kinds of things put life into perspective. Time to get serious, time to be a man. He's gonna get a wife and have a couple of kids and slap the Rozanov name on all of them and make dearly departed Papa so very very proud.
Some of it is not untrue, if one considers that Shane IS Montreal Girl, and things are getting serious. Serious in a hot, messy way that neither of them completely knows what to do with. As a younger man, as the kid he really no longer is, Ilya always assumed that this kind of thing would feel like a fucking prison--and it does, but in almost the exact opposite way of what he'd supposed. The bars aren't to keep him in, but to keep Shane out, and it's feeling more and more like Shane is bending the bars, pushing them out of the way and sneaking into the cell with him, and fuck if it's the only thing Ilya wants, to live in this prison with Shane. And maybe they can leave it together someday. But he never says any of it.
The Metros make the playoffs, number three seed against the Admirals' number two. And the first major upset of the playoff season occurs when the Metros knock the Admirals out in game seven of the series after some particularly nasty hockey is played on both sides. Scott Hunter was playing like he had something to prove and Shane Hollander was playing like a man who had nothing to lose--because a two-time Stanley Cup winning captain going for his third actually, really does have nothing to lose.
The Metros go home in the Conference finals. Boston sends them home. They do not even make it to the fucking couch that night. Ilya fucks Shane on the goddamn floor in the entryway of his house, in front of the windows, presses bruises on top of bruises. Shane is feral, biting and snarling and only submitting when Ilya puts a hand against the back of his neck and says, “Who do you fucking belong to?” and Shane says, “You, fuck, it’s always been you,” like it’s being drawn from him with a knife.
Ilya Rozanov wins his second Stanley Cup on a June night in Nashville. He still hasn't slept when his back hits the sheets of a hotel suite he doesn't remember walking into, six o'clock in the morning with dawn behind the curtains. Shane is up for his morning jog. He says he's taking it along the lake. He says he watched the game with his parents the night before. He goes quiet on the other end of the line and Ilya drunkenly hums a tune he heard at some point during the night.
Shane says, "I'm so fucking proud of you, baby," and that, too, sounds like it's being ripped from his unwilling body. There is so much love and jealousy and affection and spite wrapped up in it that Ilya can only laugh. It has never felt more strange, that they are the only two people in the entire world who know about this. This beautiful, awful, insane thing they do. The fact that they cannot talk about it, even to each other.
Ilya goes to Russia.
Ostensibly, he is tying up loose ends. He is visiting his mother's grave. He is giving his niece presents while she stares at him like she doesn't remember him putting her on his shoulders when she was little. Because she probably doesn't. And God knows what her father has said about him, now that she is old enough to understand. It's supposed to be a one-month trip. When the summer spits them out onto training camps, Ilya has only been back in the States for 72 hours.
He has spent the entire summer calling Shane as the moon rises in Moscow, to the point where Shane had eventually confessed to him that his dick had started having a Pavlovian reaction to the clock in his living room announcing that it's gone two o'clock.
Ilya has gone so long without having any thought about fucking someone who isn't Shane, in fact, that he doesn't even think to vocalize any of it. It's just a part of his being now. This brain that sometimes thinks awful things, and these hands that were built to play hockey and throw punches and touch freckles. This dick that only gets hard for Shane Hollander. Ruined for everyone else.
(One time, over the summer in Russia, a girl approached with that familiar look on her face and he'd leaned over and shook his head and said, "I'm married," just to feel the words in his mouth. It hadn't felt like a lie.)
So too much has been said. Or not enough. Or the right things, but to the wrong people. Sveta knows about Jane. She probably has her suspicions on who he is. Ilya is sure that Shane has not said fucking word to anyone, save perhaps Rose Landry. There have been a few implications. But nothing has been said.
So he opens the door to Shane after the first Boston-Montreal matchup of the season and it's perhaps only the third or fourth time they've been together since Tampa. And so much is left unsaid. And so much has been said. And Ilya's body craves Shane's like a fucking addict. It's not his fault that they, again, don't make it to the bed. The couch is close enough.
Shane thinks it's funny--he's in fine form, body moving atop Ilya's with only the absolutely necessary clothes removed. Joggers, underwear. The socks and the crewneck sweatshirt (Metros logo, tiny 24 over the breast almost like a kid with his name sewn into the collar) and the fucking baseball cap he'd worn for anonymity in the cab all stay on. He's panting by the end, overheated in his layers, laughing and running his fingers over Ilya's jaw and telling him that the beard burn on his thighs from playoffs took an entire week to heal. Ilya tells him You loved it and Shane blushes and arches and says, "Yeah, I did," and he's glorious.
Then Ilya lifts him off and slaps his ass and sends him marching into the bathroom with a command to make himself decent again, which Shane scoffs at even as he walks away, awkward swing to his step, wet trail down the back of his thigh.
He is not so glorious when he returns.
He wears a pair of Ilya's sweatpants and he smells like Ilya's soap but he's frowning and he puts himself a whole cushion away from Ilya. When Ilya scooches to him, showing off his shoulders just a bit, Shane watches him come but pulls his face away when Ilya tries to kiss him.
"Baby," Ilya pouts against his shoulder. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Shane mutters. And the thing is, Ilya knows that Shane is lying. He also knows that if something spooked him this bad a year ago, he would have been ten minutes gone already. Ilya knows that he is trying.
"What scared you?" Ilya murmurs. "Hm? I bet if you tell me, I can explain."
Shane twists his head to the side again, but this time it's more like he doesn't want to be seen. Ilya sees his jaw tense, untense.
"I just don't think it's very fair," Shane says after moment.
"What is not fair, lyubimyy?"
"You..." Shane scoffs, draws a hand through his hair. "You'll fuck her in your bed, but when I show up you--fuck me on the couch or the floor--"
"Shane," Ilya says. "What did you see?"
"Her fucking--" Shane sighs, and says the word bra under his breath like some people say fucking, but Shane Hollander does everything backwards, it sometimes seems, "is on top of your laundry bag, and your bed's a mess. How recently was she here?"
"Shane," Ilya says.
"I get it, you know. I--maybe I don't love it, honestly, but I do get it. We don't see each other much, and even if we did, it's--" Shane sighs, squeezes his eyes shut. "It's not like I can expect anything. I get that. But could you just...I don't know, is it too much to ask that you change your sheets after you've been with her? Before I get here?"
"Hollander."
"Is that too much to ask?" Shane sounds like he's genuinely asking. Like he actually thinks he's toeing over some invisible line between them.
"The bed is a mess because I am bad sleeper," Ilya tells him, not ungently. He doesn't say, You would know this if you had ever once stayed. Doesn't say it because they've beat that particular horse dead. They've both made their apologies. Several months of cross-continental Skype calls leaves a lot of time to talk things out, once the jerking off is over.
Shane scoffs. "Whatever."
"No, is true." Ilya smacks a kiss onto his shoulder, and then onto his neck. "I kick like donkey. And I took a nap before you came, because I wanted to stay up all night and fuck you very nicely right until you have to leave in the morning."
Shane shudders and gapes and says, "We'd have to sleep at some point."
"You could. I wouldn't mind."
Ilya sees the shudder that runs through him, and the dilation of his pupils, and the very deliberate way that he visibly shelves that train of thought to take back down later.
"The bra?" Shane mumbles.
"Has probably been here for years. When I find it, I send it to laundry with everything else. I do not know where it always hides."
"That's..." Shane screws up his face. "Sort of too stupid not to be true."
"Is truth. Would you like to hear another truth?" Ilya waits patiently for Shane to give his little furrow-browed nod. "You are only person I have ever fucked on the floor. Only person who ever wanted it that bad. Only person slutty enough to let me."
Shane's inhale is deep, shuddery. His whole chest expands with it and he swings his face away from Ilya like his breath on his face is too overwhelming. Ilya grins.
"Ask me," Ilya whispers. "Ask me how many people I've fucked this year."
Shane clears his throat. "How many?"
"One."
Another gasp.
"Now ask me the other thing," Ilya whispers. "Ask me for what you want, Hollander."
Shane's lips part to admit his tongue between them, pink and wet. Ilya watches his lips curl over his teeth, his eyes dilate, and he knows that he is absolutely fucked.
"Fuck me," Shane whispers. "Just me. Please. Make me yours. Be mine."
Ilya stands up, pulls Shane along with him. In a move that's becoming quite practiced, he gets his hands under Shane's thighs and lifts him, and all 200 pounds, six feet of hockey player are in his arms easily.
"Where are we going?" Shane asks, though he clearly knows the answer.
"Bed," Ilya says. "I'm taking you to bed."
Ilya prescribing Shane kisses- he sees him stressed or grumpy or sad or over thinking or simple it’s been two hours since they’ve kissed and the Ilya is walking over grabbing Shane’s face in his hands and being like in a low quiet serious voice ok this is very bad you need at least- hmmm (he squints at him) like twenty kisses right now and kisses all over his face like mwah mwah mwah mwah until Shane gives in and smiles or kisses him proper
@isisisak beautiful tags “so many to go ugh I also hate this” perfect perfect perfect
@elliethefroggy ur tags are making me 🥺🥺
Brokeback Mountain (2005) | Heated Rivalry (2025-)
So you’re telling me she’s engaged to the guy who plays for KANSAS CITY that she met after her girliepop Independence Day during the tour that she ended in THE EMERALD CITY (which is under a fucking RAINBOW) and now she’s prancing around cosplaying an alternate universe Dorothy??? IN PRISON STRIPES!?
sos she’s really gay guys
somehow it comes up that troy had a crush on shane and was going to ask for his number. and after troy gets ribbed by his teammates and ilya makes a big scene, shane is like, “well i never would’ve gone out with you lol.”
and troy smiles, “right, because you were with roz the whole time.”
“i mean, yes, but also because you and dallas kent spent years calling me and jj ‘rush hour’ and asking hayden if his wife was his beard to cover up his big gay relationship with me.”
the rest of the centaurs blink. harris puts his head in his hands and groans.
and troy’s like, “oh. right. sorry about that :/“
some amazing additions from the tags
Cliff Marlow x Luca Haas Getting Together Thoughts
1. Centaurs and Bears go out after games and eventually end up at a Caribbean nightclub. Cue to Cliff and Ilya being waist warriors (yes absolutely inspired by jewel's tictok ). Luca doesn't know what happened but suddenly Marlow is multiple drinks deep and is wining against Luca.
2. Luca might blush easy but he isn't embarrassed. He always reciprocates Cliff's strange flirty behavior because he thinks the older man is super hot. Luca absolutely would, if Cliff offered but Cliff just fucks off into the sunset after each successful "flirty" interaction.
3. Cliff is bisexual in theory but the theory is barely fleshed out and has very little supporting evidence since the ladies ate Cliff up at every club or bar he stepped into. Cliff is bisexual in the same way Hayden is - a sus vibe that has Roz giving him a side eye from time to time.
4. Cliff flirts the way that he does with Luca because he is actually very much out of his depth on how to proposition the guy (or any guy really). Cliff just hopes Luca will take the step himself or tell him to fuck off. Neither of those things happen and so Cliff is just happy to keep indulging (and holy shit was indulging fun...especially in that Caribbean club).
5. Luca decides to throw caution to the wind after getting his personal record of points during a road trip. If Cliff freaks out, Roz will have his back somewhat. (Luca knows that Roz knows that Cliff gets a bit weird because of multiple cryptic consent conversations that have been brought up on the bus. Roz knows Luca is fine but it might just be a way for Roz to give Luca a chance to air out his grievances if he had any) So...Luca corners Cliff at the bar and point blank asks the guy if he wanted to take Luca home.
6. Cliff is too nonchalant to have any sort of sexuality crisis the morning after - he has made peace with himself a long time ago. "It is what it is" type shit. What he does have trouble with is Ilya calling his cell and telling him that the team flight got pushed to later so Cliff has plenty of time to show Luca the benefits of an in-home sauna. (Ilya has been on a mission of in-home sauna propaganda since he joined the Raiders...it worked on Cliff and now it seems Luca is the next target).
7. Luca gave Cliff his number for the next time Cliff is in Ottawa. It's a clear roster situation...except that Cliff asks Luca out to Dinner after the game (yes they are tired but lets pretend). They have dinner. Cliff stares at Luca the whole time with sparkles in his eyes and asks him about his home and his hobbies and his favorite things.
8. Luca thinks Marlow likes him and he is pretty sure Cliff has been taking him on dates. Twitter thinks they have been going on dates (based on all of the fan photos that leaked). Drama youtube thinks they have been going on dates. Luca's mom is convinced he is hiding a boyfriend. Roz thinks its hilarious and declines to comment. Luca is too scared to ask because he is enjoying the thing that's between them. Its low stakes where he isn't worried about his schedule getting in the way of a relationship...but it is also just involved enough that it makes him feel warm on the inside.
9. Marlow meanwhile spirals because he is waiting for Luca to draw the boundary...even if that is the last thing Cliff wants.
10. Cliff is the one to take the leap. He is 34 and at this point he feels like things with Luca can work out long term. If Luca and him are not one the same page then it is nothing to get upset over - its life and Cliff can just kick himself for being an idiot for a few months and move on...maybe. Cliff calls Luca and asks him if he wants to come with him to his family Thanksgiving...as his boyfriend. Luca immediately starts to ask logistics questions and making plans...before he hangs up he says "and also yes I will absolutely be your boyfriend Cliff."
i believe that shane probably has a lot of internalized homophobia but as you know i also believe that if ilya had firmly taken the emotional reins after first time anal and been like 'we like each other now and it's not a big deal,' shane would've been like ok! yay :) instead ilya said AAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA and threw the reins away like they were live snakes thus spooking the horses who started bucking and rearing and then ran straight off the edge of a cliff taking the whole carriage down with them
Yes yes exactly! You put it very eloquently! And funny as hell
Shane was also ready for some level of emotional intimacy from the start, you can see it in the first MLH Awards, you can see it in Sochi, you can see it at the Vegas Awards.
I saw someone describe him as "once burned twice shy", but he's not. He put himself out there emotionally in his small ways a lot, and only truly shut himself out after Vegas.
That's why we have the montage after Vegas, because they are having fun but there's no significant emotional push and pull to show us, it's a time-skip.
Shane hasn't really checked out, he can't, but he stopped trying to reach Ilya I think. And when the tuna melt fiasco happens... Well, of course he freaks out. Now? When he is on his two cups groove and everything is alright and he stopped wanting nono he still wants attempting to understand Ilya?
The horses were already running amok
Guysss you KNOW baby Shane had a favourite soft toy like a lovely little bear- he literally named it ‘little bear’ that is so nice and soft he rubbed its little paw for comfort to sleep every night and it went EVERYwhere with him from when he was old enough to reach for it, tiny little toddler Shane running around the house dragging little bear behind him took it with him to kindergarten and on holidays and school camps and always his comfort, even going in to high school little bear was shoved under his pillow.
Then he thought he was too old for that kind of thing anymore and he got packed away and anyway one night Shane and Ilya are at Yuna and David’s for dinner and they are like oh Shane we got out some of your old stuff cause we moved some stuff to the storage locker etc etc and go through this book and see what you want to keep. And Ilya is doing his important job of being Shane’s chair while Shane goes through the boxes and Ilya reaches around Shane to pick up little bear who is squished in the box and he is like “who is this” and Shane is like oh just a toy and David is like ?????? Just a TOY! That’s little bear! And he’s telling Ilya how Shane wouldn’t EVER part with the soft toy for like the first six years of his life and the one time he had drive back two hours on a road trip to the hotel they’d left because someone little bear got left behind and when Shane woke up from his nap and realised it was like FUCK all hands on DECK we gotta go find this guy.
AnWAYYY Ilya is like omg ! This is a very important guy !!!!! How do I not know about him and like maybe he’s gonna cry a little because he’s thinking about tiny baby Shane and oh god. And then he tucks little bear under his arm and it’s ridiculous and he’s carrying him around the rest of the evening and teasing Shane a bit abt it and Shane just scoffs and deflects and then when they get home Shane realises Ilyas bought the toy home with him and he’s like Ilya 😠🙄 drop it and Ilya is like I was not kidding he seems very important to you I do not think he should be in david and Yuna’s storage locker !
Anywayyy Shane comes out of the shower and Ilyas laying in bed and little bear is next to Shane’s pillow and Shane is like 😠😠😠 Ilya. And all rolling his eyes and huffy puffy abt it and Ilya is like Shane. And grabs him and pulls him into bed and he is like why are you being so bitchy to your old friend and Shane gets all kinda quiet and chewing at the inside of his cheek and he’s like well. Isn’t it kinda lame and embarrassing. Like you don’t think I’m like lame for having him all that time like Ilya I was 14 before he got packed away! And Ilya is like big pretty eyes at Shane with that frown he gets when he is not happy how Shane is talking about himself. And Ilya is like Shane no I would never be like this- I think it is sweet and I feel sad that you had to give him up. I like anything that makes you happy and i am also serious I like this guy he is very cute and was best friends with cute baby Shane so I am big fan of his work. And Shane is all shuuudduppp and huffy and pushes at Ilya’s chest but he leaves little bear in the bed, tucked somewhere near their heads and that becomes little bears new home, between all of Shane’s nice interior designer pillows, and he goes with Ilya when he and Shane have to be apart and Shane catches Ilya on a bad day, napping with the stupid thing smushed to his chest and it kills Shane and then Ilya tucks it into Shane’s neck sometimes when he’s upset and overwhelmed and Shane’s heart is just 💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫 because he can just be fully him wit Ilya’s and there only ever love no judgement just love love love
Like and that’s him that weird lil guy
let's get physical(ly intimate with our hot coworker bestie soulmate)
@yearningendlessly your tags are so good i'm using them as a jumping off point for my editor's commentary
#is it possible to draw a line between what’s fake and what’s real or in reality is it a large grey area where things are fuzzy#how much of the character you play is rooted in yourself and how much of yourself do you inject into the character? #and when you’re done. how much of the character do you walk away with?
these questions get explored in the @bedlund fame is a gun edit (i got a taste of the glamorous life) and the @magneticghouls buzzcut season edit (make believe it's hyper real / i live in a hologram with you), which were major influences on mine. i've written before about the huddy and connie inside of Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie (actor public persona) inside of shane and ilya inside of Hollander and Rozanov (athlete public persona). and the gay audio erotica hollanov fairy AU in there too.
i've also been thinking about this quote from terence hawkes, "telmah," in shakespeare and the question of theory (1985)
When does the play close? When its "action" stops? But does not that include, at least to some degree, the curtain call (which, of course, the actors rehearse)? For at this point the actors appear before us only partly as their "real" selves. They remain partly, and significantly, still "in character," retaining mannerisms, perhaps, of the characters they have been playing. Who are they, then, at this point? Hamlet is not the prince (for he is dead), but he is certainly not the actor who played the prince either. He does not laugh or caper about as a man might who has scored (in the soccer fashion) a success. He may smile, wanly, as befits one recently slain; he may take (ruefully?) the hands of his no less "dead" opponent Claudius; he may even embrace the long-dead Ophelia. Is not this still acting? (The actor "playing" himself-as-actor.) Is not this part of the action? [...] It is the point, in short, at which we see the "edge" of the play before it disappears entirely.
or, as @twinkwolf more succinctly put in the prev et al. tags: "#this is an rpf thesis #the curtain call of the press junket." and then looking beyond retained affect, i'm interested in the somatic aggregate of it all, which is what this edit is about (baby keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice, let's get physical, the embodiment of acting/sex/athletics, the commodification of the body), or as you ask in your tags:
#you’re faking intimacy and chemistry btwn these two characters but they’re still you so you also experience the intimacy and chemistry #it’s choreographed but it’s still your body and your muscles and the little flourishes will always be you#so it’s fake but it’s not and it’s so real it’s tangible
which is SOOOO juicy. like that's the crux of what makes hudcon so compelling to me. you make a deliberate effort to put yourself into a specific headspace to play a role, and you imbue that role with your physicality while your body keeps the score creates habits neural pathways muscle memory intricate rituals. your director describes the erotic sensations he wants you to convey and you create a shared language of touch with your costar. (there's a sequence in this edit of thigh touches and penetration directly inspired by that quote.)
some of my favorite hudcon fics are the ones that have them slipping in and out of character, toeing the line between public and private, giving their intimacy coordinator a stroke with their unsanctioned rehearsals. because they're so devoted to their craft, of course.
I don’t think in TLG Shane is made to look bad, especially after his and Ilya’s big fight.
Like, just after the fight we have Ilya meet with his therapist, Galina, who literally tells him that he fucked up in this situation.
That he backed Shane into a corner with that question about Bood’s party. The whole scene is Ilya realising that he should have told Shane first how he wished to publicly come out and reveal their relationship to the rest of the world.
Like, idk why people are attacking Rachel or saying that Shane is the villain when he objectively doesn’t do anything wrong. Not to say Ilya did something wrong, but the fight started because of his lack of communication. And he even apologised for it to Shane later. Shane is such a sweetheart that even after their fight he endeavours to understand Ilya’s point of view and tries to fix things because he genuinely loves Ilya more than anything. Yes, even hockey.
This! All this! Ilya literally asked Shane to a party that was only players and significant others. Ilya used the excuse to Shane they are friends, so it won’t be a big deal. But he even thought later that he wanted to introduce his boyfriend to his friends.
I do think Shane was a bit harsh with the outright dismissal, but he didn’t realize how bad Ilya was feeling because Ilya didn’t tell him. He even asked Ilya about his feelings earlier in the book and Ilya sought out help because of Shane’s insistence.
Like you said - not saying Ilya or Shane are wrong. It’s miscommunication. And I do believe a lot of the criticism Rachel gets is because people don’t realize this is a romance novel. So many people want the book to be in a different genre.
Connor said Let! Hudson! Have! This! Moment!!
dash is dead im teleporting to the past
https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard?max_post_id=606474489540042752
2016 dash here
2014 dash
2012 dash
2010 dash
BEFORE YOU CLICK A LINK!
Reblog this post :) Especially if you’re on mobile, you’ll lose the post if you click the link without thinking. Take a note from your elders before you
Interesting note: It definitely uses whoever you're following now, not at that date. Even the 2020 one includes a lot of people I was absolutely not following yet in Feb 2020, which is actually kind of cool, I can see what they were reblogging from this fandom before I got into it.
Fandom insistence on a sweet shy nerdy and virginal Shane Hollander is never not going to be funny when the canon is like. Shane is sitting around totally shamelessly watching rugby in his five minutes of free time because the men are hot. He's so jock-brained masc for masc it's not even funny
Honestly guys sometimes I genuinely wonder if I'm reading a different book than this website because like book!Shane is not really a goody two shoes nor is he a virgin. He is highstrung I'll give you that.
But like book!Shane had experience with girls, was already suspecting he liked men, and then has a very successful experience with Ilya and is like "yep!" and sits around debating how to fuck men regularly. He settles on Ilya because he's got as much to lose as Shane and because their chemistry is chart topping.
I would not call book!Shane a goody two shoes. He's paranoid and controlling, and he's a perfectionist, but he's also very purposeful about getting things he wants. He wants to fuck men and he finds a way to do it---by lying and sneaking around. He wants to be an NHL superstar and not have his sexuality derail that and he makes it happen by shutting down half his brain for years. He's kinda terrifying. If Rose hadn't put an end to things he would have barreled straight into a lavender marriage and then eventually started sneaking around on her too, with some cursed justification, I can't even begin to imagine.
I really feel like people just see "wasian guy in glasses" and like, backfill Shane's characterization.