[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

how the human brain works:

electricity tickles the meat so that different slimes come out. sometimes the slime feels good sometimes bad. some people make more bad slime than good slime. that’s called clinical depression.

[reverbpotato]

my biology textbook said it was more like a sauce

[lonelymountainson]

What is a sauce but slime with a purpose?

[just-shower-thoughts]

People without glasses are really out here seeing for free

[maplesugacookie]

Oh my god I really do have to pay to see what the fuck

[fizzydog-deactivated20240325]

i DEMAND that each and every one of you see this cat

[cartawo]

Boss…

[eternalgaylord]

the real allies

[eternalgaylord]

I think about this every day

[baegod-deactivated20181025]

[inactiveaccount12345678]

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

[systlin]

Humans will pack bond with anything. 

[apostatively]

I had a teenage girl come into my tea shop with her mother the other night. She purposely grabbed a teamaker in the most crunched-up looking box on the shelf (got banged around in shipment) and carried it protectively over to the counter. “If something’s in a damaged box I have to get it because I’m afraid no one else will love it,” she laughed nervously.

Not only will humans pack bond with anything, the empathy level of adolescent girls in particular likely has puppy-saving, world hunger-solving, war-ending powers.

[randomingoftherandomness]

I pack bonded with the paper shredder in my office. My last day here is in a week and I know I will be crying because I will be saying goodbye to it.

[hiilikedragons]

I hate telling this story because it’s humiliating but one time as a kid I basically imprinted on a tater tot from my lunch. My mom was so annoyed, and kept trying to make me either eat it or throw it away. I snuck it to my room, named it, and made it a bed out of toothpicks and tissues. It slept on my dresser for a couple of weeks until we abruptly and inexplicably developed an ant problem.

As an adult, I named the two laminating machines at work, because they had two distinct personalities. My coworkers eventually picked up on it as well. We called them Beevis and Butthead when customers weren’t around, or Minnie and Mickey if there was somebody in the store. This was totally par for the course for me, didn’t even feel weird about it. Until the day a repairman came to fix a tension issue. He asked me which one was experiencing a problem, and me not paying attention because I was checking out a customer, simply replied, “Mickey. He does this on purpose.”

[caviria]

[striders]

catch me in target lusting after kitchenware like a 45 year old mother of three

[kaijuno]

In 300 years someone’s gonna make a Hamilton-esque musical with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders and teenagers on the internet are gonna stan Donald Trump like “uwu my trash son Donald being a drama queen as usual” and I’m gonna have to do it. I’m gonna have to come back from the dead and destroy the planet.

[unpretty]

i bought an echo and a wifi lightbulb just so i could say “computer, turn off the light” instead of getting out from under the covers to flip the switch

[unpretty]

problem found: my husband keeps yelling for the echo to play certain songs before he enters the bedroom so he can have entrance music appropriate to his mood

[vaspider]

this sounds like the opposite of a problem

[slouchingtowardsbedlam-deactiva]

I love when like 23 year olds who never developed any life skills or significant social life outside of this website move in together bc it always inevitably ends with a flurry of callout posts and someone saying they were gaslighted for being told to do their dishes

[slimetony]

Since Christian isn’t on tumblr anymore can i just screenshot his tweets for notes without repercussions 

[slimetony]

[vixibombae]

best moments in gaming journalism

journalist gets real yakuza members to play yakuza 3 and asks for their opinions on its authenticity

that’s it

[vixibombae]

highlights:

“What’s with all the fucking gaijin in this area?” “Dude, don’t say that, use gaikokujin, it’s nicer.” “Oh, shit, right. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in this area?”

“The breaded pork cutlet bento box is like mega power. More than ramen. That’s accurate.”

all of them start dragging kiryu for his shitty cheap shirt for five minutes

“Shooting people sends a message.” “So does shooting anything.”

(after being told that massage parlors, mahjong, and hostess clubs were cut from the US version) “I feel sorry for the people who bought the American version. SEGA USA sucks.”

[tramampoline]

S: I don’t know any ex-yakuza running orphanages. K: There was one a few years ago. A good guy. M: You sure it wasn’t just a tax shelter? K: Sure it was a tax shelter but he ran it like a legitimate thing. You know.

[rhubabby]

-_- and :/ are irreplaceable emoticons that emojis will never be able to touch

[redactedbiboy-deactivated201812]

literally 😑 & 😕

[sweetmlnt-archive]

if you think 😕 has the same power as :/ you are a blind fool

[neopoints]

me n the girls walkin into target headed straight to the clearance bread rack

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

its wild to me that there are people out there who can actually complain about getting bad service. like, did you know if your package is late on amazon prime and you contact customer service they’ll give you a free month of Prime and a five dollar credit? ANY time that one of your packages is late? because I sure as fuck didn’t! I never thought to complain! an amazon employee could come in my house and beat me with a hammer and i’d just sit there and be like “its ok, it’s like this sometimes, i understand. the holidays can be stressful. i get it.” 

[schmergo]

I once answered honestly on a survey that was sent to me about my experience visiting the Georgia aquarium that asked if there was anything that could improve our experience and said something like, “We had an amazing time here, but we almost left without seeing anything because my friend cut his hand open on a stray piece of metal that got stuck in his shoe and there was nobody in the first aid room, so after waiting around for ages and having people at the front desk looking around for first aid room attendants, they just let us go in and patch up his hand ourselves. Having the first aid room staffed at all times would be the only thing I’d change, because this is a huge tourist attraction and he could have had a much worse medical emergency.” And they, like, personally called me the next day and apologized and said they had a staff meeting and gave me free tickets for my next visit to the aquarium (which, not sure if I’ll use them because I live in Virginia). It was crazy because I normally never complain about things or give bad reviews, just answered a survey honestly and didn’t think anyone would see it. It made me feel like a ‘can I speak to the manager’ mom

[porterr-robinson]