my heart has a good ass

mordent on AO3. he/him, 24. follows back from wishboneradio. west coast insomniac (north america)

[gayhockeyshow]

Not that we need my official take but I do think they should have cast a fat actor to play harris. A fat Black actor even

[kieranculkn]

this is the funniest thing ive seen inmy entire life

[kaijuerotica]

writing hollanov like "shane was fucking ripped. it didn't matter. it didn't change anything. but he was fucking huge"

[nebulastars]

storm ⛈ for @hollanovbingo

Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart / David Jones, Love As The Stars Went Out / David Levithan, Every Day / Wenyi Xue, Gnaw at the heartbeat / Margaret Atwood, More and More / Silas Denver Melvin, Grit / Michaelpoetryy, Confessions to the Moon / Haneen Kashaf / Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore / Rachel Reid, The Long Game + inspo post for a lot of these quotes

[snowsmoked]

Even after they come out, Shane is a private person. So is Ilya. And, look, Shane is very happy that the centaurs are so accepting. He really, really has to remind himself how relieved and happy he is about it. He also remembers that this is how locker rooms are. As captain of the metros, the amount of times he had to tell off a player for showing pictures of their girlfriend's breasts or ass to other players was uncomfortably high.

So he really should have expected the question, "so who is, you know, the man?"

"Excuse me?"

"Dude, you can't ask that," a very progressive Young advised. "You gotta ask who's the top. Not the man."

Shane exhaled slowly. He loves his team he loves his team he loves his team.

"That is private," Shane said firmly. "And inappropriate in the workplace."

He was, of course, largely ignored. And while neither him nor Ilya really enjoyed their team, their friends, the internet, and homophobic players guessing their bedroom arraignments, Shane was surprised that nearly everyone got it wrong.

The general consensus what that Shane was the man. His going out outfit was usually jeans and a t-shirt, Ilya's was tight leather pants and a leopard print with four buttons undone. When they drank, Shane got a beer and Ilya either got shots or the sweetest cocktail they had. Ilya was more flamboyant, Shane was more reserved. Ilya liked to bake, Shane liked to grill.

And yes, Shane was aware why all these seemingly innocuous personality traits accumulated to make Shane the man and Ilya the girl. Still, it didn't stop it being generally annoying, offensive, and uncomfortable. Nonetheless, Shane liked finding the silver lining in that this was something just for them to know.

Ilya finds it more amusing then Shane. And, like most things, tries to use it to his advantage.

"Shaaaane, carry my bag," Ilya held out his hockey bag.

"No."

"I can't believe you treat your girlfriend like this."

~*~

"Is it a happy bouquet or an 'i'm sorry' one?" Holmsberg asked as he and the rookies peered over Young's phone. "Get the all roses one."

"That's the most expensive one!"

"Dude."

"Shane," Ilya whined, calling their attention to him. "Why don't you ever buy me flowers?"

"That's messed up, dude," LaPointe shook his head.

"I'll buy you roses, Roz." Wyatt grinned.

"You will not," Shane grumbled.

~*~

"Ah," Ilya winced as he lowered himself on the bench.

"You okay?" Shane asked him. He had taken a hard check into the boards early in the game and, despite reassuring Shane he was fine, he knew his hip was killing him.

"Fine," Ilya said predictability. "Just sore. Will be fine in a minute."

"Hey," Zane nudged Shane's shoulder. "Go easy on him on game days, okay? We need him."

"Go easy?" Shane's eyebrows drew together. "What do you - Oh! No, that isn't - he - I didn't -"

"It's fine, man. Whatever you two-"

"No!" Shane interrupted. "He's still sore off of Richard's check - Not - Ilya, stop laughing!"

~*~

"Doesn't it bother you?" Shane asks Ilya one day.

"What?"

"That everyone assumes you're, you know," Shane gestured, a cute little blush on his cheeks. "The girl."

"There is no girl," Ilya raises his eyebrows and palms Shane through his pants. "I would know."

"Asshole," Shane scoffs. "You know what I mean."

"I know," Ilya smiled. "But no. It does not bother me."

"Why not?"

"Because it's hot," Ilya lifted his hands, over Shane's chest and up to his face. "That people can't even imagine you like this."

Ilya dips to kiss his neck and Shane's eyes flutter shut.

"Makes no sense," Ilya continued, hands roaming down to Shane's ass. "To me, I know this immediately."

"F-fuck off, you did not."

"Oh, I did," Ilya gripped his chin, forcing Shane to look at him. "I see you... those beautiful freckles and I know how desperate you are for it. So obvious. Thought everyone was looking at this boy thinking how good he would look getting fucked. How well he would take it."

"Ilya..."

"Shh," Ilya patted his face. "But I think is better this way. That only I get to even imagine you like this. Only I get to have it."

"Only you," Shane agreed readily, hands flying to the zipper on Ilya's jeans.

"Only for me," Ilya agreed, letting Shane take down his pants and boxers. He pressed down on Shane's shoulders, the slightest pressure getting him to sink down, eyes already heavy. Ilya ran his hand through Shane's soft hair, watching the gold of his wedding ring catch the room's low light. "Only for me. Forever."

[lavenderprose]

“You can come out to your parents without giving them a list of all the guys you’re fucking,” says Ilya Rozanov, way too confidently for a man who has never actually met Yuna Hollander, who will Definitely Ask,

[goodsongnever]

oh, shane, you are dating someone!! this is great!! can we meet him? (no) can you tell us his name or what he does for a living? (no) can you tell us what city or even country he lives in? (no) can we see a picture? (no) does he have social media? (no) so.... shane, honey, it kind of sounds like you don't have a boyfriend (yes I do, he lives in… some other part of canada, you don't know him) and maybe you're just saying that because you're not ready to date, but honey, you should date! I have a list of men here, I have a plan to get you a boyfriend, I have the NDA forms right here, we'll get you a raya account… (no!!! mom, I do have someone already, I just can't tell you anything about him, ever)

yuna: ah I see, hmm, one moment please, let me bring up an alphabetical list of all 700+ current MLH players. is it aaron a. aaronson???

shane: of course not!! mom!!!

yuna: you know what, of course not, I'm sorry and it was ridiculous of me to even think so. aaron a. aaronson is a second-rate player on a third-rate team, let me re-sort this list so that the stat leaders are at the top and start again from there, haha, here's a funny one to cross off the list right away, I guess: is it ilya rozanov???

[lavenderprose]

hello, would you mind expanding on your shane thrives in grroups of large men tag bc i would like to hear more if you're willing.

Okay so I'm gonna try to put this into words but I also need you to bear with me because it's gonna sound a bit wild at first.

Shane Hollander is a pick me.

STOP THROWING TOMATOES HEAR ME OUT. Yes I know pick me is a loaded term. I've known a couple of pick mes and they were actually really lovely girls who had been so conditioned to behave only in the most male-attention-oriented ways that it literally broke them. Yes I know this is not the universal experience but honestly I think it's more common than anybody realizes. We live in a society etc. etc.

So enter Shane Hollander who grew up in locker rooms. He has spent most of his life courting and thriving on male attention purely by necessity. If you want to do well at sport you need to perform at a level that catches the attention of your (male) coaches and your (male) teammates and your (male) rivals on the opposing team. As a gay man, this almost definitely crossed some wires for him. He wants every man in that room to want to be him. He wants every man in that room to want him, sickly and carnally. And some of this is latent and internalized to hell while some of it he is painfully aware of, most notably when he is jerking off and allows himself to think about kneeling in a room full of men who are all fighting over who gets to fuck him first--

I mean, you get the POINT.

So yeah Shane thrives in groups of men. He's their guy, he's their good hockey boy. The inherent assumed heterosexuality of the spaces he orbits in allow him to flirt kind of WILDLY with some of these guys and nobody is any the wiser because these highly masculine spaces are also, paradoxically, highly homoerotic to the point where male bonding is valued highest above almost any other relationship one can have. And Shane, who is Actually Gay and genuinely does WANT that attention, even latently, is very good at male bonding (read: flirting.) You'll look great in silver, Vaughny. See You In October [wink].

Crucially, Shane doesn't really realize that he's doing any of this.

It's probably part of how Ilya clocks his shit. The way Shane behaved around him at the CCM shoot is probably not all that different from how Shane approached other men in his social sphere who he wanted to impress or to be impressed by him. But Ilya, who is enlightened to those tactics by being actually queer, sees it for what it is.

The other major key factor in Shane's ability to thrive in rooms full of men is that he very early on becomes an object of envy for these guys. He's hockey Jesus. He's a generational talent. Honestly, some of these guys probably WOULD like to fuck Shane Hollander if they had it in writing that it didn't make them gay, no way, doesn't count if it's Shane Hollander, that's basically the same as putting your dick in hockey itself,

And yeah maybe that's also something that Shane has fantasies about.

Then again, the pick me analogy isn't perfect because Shane actually IS in a position to be coveted by the people whose attention he craves, just not in any way that is actually accessible to him. And not in any way that he would actually admit to himself he wants.

Again, this is part of the reason why his relationship with Ilya goes down the way it does. Part of Shane KNOWS that he is Ilya Rozanov's perfect little slut and that Ilya Does Not Know How To Quit Him. At some point years down the line Shane will actually be able to admit this to himself and it WILL make him a slightly worse version of himself, but only in ways that make Ilya that much more insane about him.

[virginshane]

what if svetlana had at least some level of feelings for ilya. how could she not, her best friend who she’s been having sex with for years. ”i know you love me, just not like jane.” what if she was allowed to actually be at least a little bit bitter and not this self-sacricifing ever understanding holy being.

what if rose was at least a little bit resentful of shane. she was interested in him, found him attractive, had a crush on him, was intimate with him, wanted a relationship with him, at least at first. she wanted shane! how dare you as a gay man use me, a woman, as a tool to figure your own shit out. what if she was allowed to be angry, at least for some of it.

what if the women had teeth.

[notahungrywish]

Saw a comment joking about Shane saying “walk it off champ” to Ilya and !!! Shane being aggro captain Shane Hollander about Ilya’s minor sex injuries is so fun. He’s here to get fucked baby, they only get so many shots a year, eyes on the prize.

Ilya pulls a muscle or gets dizzy from fluid loss and blood flow or smacks his balls way too hard again Shane while they’re fucking and Shane is simply not here for these excuses and his toxic jock bro attitude about playing through minor hurts instantly pops out.

“Did you come to whine or did you come to win?”

“Walk it off champ”

“That’s pussy talk”

“Get the fuck back to it or get the fuck out”

“Winners don’t quit”

“You have a job to do captain”

Personally I think Ilya would love this and try to get him to keep that shit up while he’s inside. Like “Fuuuuck Shane, you feel too good, I can’t stop, I’m going to cum” and Shane’s very sternly like “Don’t give in to weakness, we don’t bitch out when it gets tough” and it really does something for him.

Maybe after round one sometimes he gets hit with a smack on the shoulder and “hydrate up and back in five, then we run it again. And Rozanov? I don’t want to see any of that weak shit this time, you hear me?”

He’s not even trying he just forgets that’s not the way to approach all of life sometimes.

[shanepervert]

[arthurfoxy]

Prev how dare you leave this in the tags

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Shane is going through his usual workout in their home gym when he spots Ilya leaning against the doorjamb in the reflection of the floor length mirrors they had installed. And if Shane firms up his form a little, shows off just a tad, in response to having Ilya's eyes on him then well that's his business.

After Ilya watches Shane appreciatively in silence for a while, he then teasingly starts throwing out challenges. And of course Shane snaps up that bait immediately because all the incentive Shane needs to do something is Ilya saying "Bet you can't,,," in that specific lilting tone. It eventually escalates until Shane pushes himself to failure and he's breathing hard as fuck and absolutely drenched in sweat, still glowing with victory, preening at the impressed noises Ilya made when he actually finished that last rep.

And then before Shane can go shower, Ilya is intercepting him in their bedroom and tackling Shane to the bed. And Shane's laughing and grinning because he thinks they're still messing around, but then Ilya is tilting his head and saying very very softly "What's so funny, Shanya?" and a prickling chill races down Shane's spine as Ilya looms over him and it suddenly occurs to Shane all at once that Ilya is,,, actually holding him down. Obviously, Ilya is always holding him down, but Shane is always strong enough to buck him off if he really put some effort into it.

But right now Shane's arms are literally still quaking from the burn of over use, he's quite literally weak as a kitten. He couldn't get Ilya off of him if he tried. He's actually pinned.

And Ilya's grin is slow and deeply pleased as he watches this realisation spread across Shane's face, his dark eyes widening to show the whites. He bends down and deliberately scrapes the blunt edges of his teeth over Shane's rabbiting pulse point, making Shane breathe in sharply, a gasp. Shane's not laughing now.

"Moya lyubov, you're trembling," Ilya purrs.

And then Ilya gets to work.

[averyterrible]

TRIP REPORT. Dosage: .25L hot chocolate, 15g marshmallows. t-5m: began heating water, feeling anticipation. t2m: extremely cozy throughout whole body.

[martelldoran]

shane knew ilya would make fun of him for the stylist thing. that was an olive branch. shane knew ilya wouldn't be able to resist such a perfect set up and he's right! this is coming off the back of ilya's very loaded "maybe it will give us a chance to get to know each other." and it just reads to me as shane going, "but we do! here is this dumb thing i've done and i'm giving you leave to make fun of me because i've missed you. i'm being boring! make fun of me, please"

[snowsmoked]

Shane is spoiled. He knows that, his parents know that, his teachers, teammates, coaches, etc. He’s not blind to it. He would try in highschool but he couldn’t bring himself to care about algebra when his backhand needed work and he was preparing for international championships. Since he was first scouted for top youth teams at 10 and he started his first development camp, he knew he was headed to the NHL. His teachers had no problem passing papers that shouldn’t have passed, or folding to the weight of his mother’s emails when she demanded his homework be excused. Ms. Hammerson used to say, just remember little old us when you’re famous, dear and stamp an A on his lackluster book report. He’s an only child, an athletic prodigy, and the only grandchild on both sides of his family. Since he was 18, he’s been rich. Even before that, his family was comfortably middle class. He’s had twice weekly house cleaners, private nutritionists, prep chefs, personal trainors, agents, personal shoppers, stylists, wealth managers, accountants, his mother acting as conductor to everything, and so many more advantages. He’s used to hearing whatever you need, Shane. Don’t worry about it, Shane. Focus on the game, Shane, don’t worry about this. So yes, Shane is very spoiled. No is not a word he hears very often. 

“No.” 

They were sitting on his parent’s couch towards the end of their first summer in the cottage. Yuna and David were cooking and Shane was in the middle of watching a hockey game before Ilya, after a sideways glance, plucked up the remote and switched channels. 

Shane blinks. “Give me the remote, Ilya.” 

“Hm,” Ilya said, who is just as spoiled, but did grow up with an older brother. “Nope.” 

“I was watching that game.”

“Is old recording,” Ilya said, flipping through channels without looking over. “It is my turn now.”

“Your turn?” Shane said. “This is my parent’s house. Give it.”

“Your parents house, my turn.”

Shane made to grab the remote and then Ilya did the unthinkable. 

He yanked his hand up, away from Shane. “Go away, Hollander, I’m watching Ancient Aliens."

“Ilya.”

“Shane.” 

That’s when Shane reached again and Ilya - Ilya flicked him. 

“You - you!” And Shane pounced. 

“Give me the remote!” 

“Nyet!” 

“You’re being a child!”

“You are not respecting turns!” 

“Turn it back!” 

The wrestled - Ilya only had one hand to fight with since the other was holding the remote far away from Shane’s grabby hands. Of course, neither one was using their full strength and Shane’s playful smile betrayed his actions. At one point, he tucked the remote under his chest and curled around it, but that led to Shane rolling them both off the couch. Now on the rug, Shane had just put hands on the edge of the remote when they heard a sharp - 

“Boys!” 

They both whipped their heads around to see a wide-eyed Yuna taking in the messed up couch, blankets strewn around, cushions everywhere, her son and his boyfriend tangled together on the rug, Shane's fingers brushing the remote Ilya was holding away from him.

Ilya, having more experience, immediately took the opportunity. “Yuna! Shane is not letting me have turn.” 

“Shane,” her eyes zeroed in on Shane and narrowed. “Ilya is our guest.”

“But! Ilya isn’t a guest, he’s my boyfriend.”

“And he’s my guest. Honestly, you two.” 

“I will clean pillows, Yuna,” Illya suggested sweetly. 

“Thank you, honey.”

“But!”

“It would be nice for you to offer to clean sometimes, Shane,” Yuna uncrossed her arms. 

“Yeah, Shane,” Illya smirked and it filled Shane with an unreasonable amount of rage. 

“Dinner is almost ready,” Yuna said. “Shane, come help me.”

“But mom!” 

Yuna turned to go back into the kitchen, catching her husband’s amused glance. 

As Shane trudged into the kitchen, David told Yuna, “we always wondered what two would be like.”

“Mh,” Yuna said quietly as David wrapped an arm around her. “I haven’t seen Shane play like that for a long time.” 

[ravenclairee]

"One of the things in MM romance written by women that I've never— I've always been like, that's not us, is like, fucking— you have to say I love you before you eat an ass. Not true. It happens very quickly. And there was no way I was treating it like some kind of fucking cake he was getting. I was like, they did it the first time they had sex. If Ilya is a good top, he eats his ass in episode two. Like, that's when Shane's legs go behind his ears and that's what Ilya's doing.

I was like, no, no, no, no. This is a part where I'm like, I feel like I have to go forward as a gay man and being, like, enough. We do this on the reg. Everybody likes it. We're doing it here. We don't say— this isn't marriage. This is like, unfortunately, something you do to strangers. So just to be very clear." — Jacob Tierney

HEATED RIVALRY 1.02 "Olympians"

[jessiesjaded]

Ship dynamics are always like Sunshine and Sunshine protector~ Cinnamon roll and their grumpy one 🤗 Well what about 2 cunts. They're both cunts and that's the dynamic. cunt4cunt.

[snowsmoked]

Like everything in his life, Shane is very pragmatic about sex.

First it’s planning their meet-ups months ahead. Shane has time to plan his outfit, do a pre-workout, and complete his prep routine. When he’s hosting, the temperature is perfectly set, lights low, fresh towels set out on the counters. When Ilya’s hosting or a hotel, he builds in time to do everything he needs beforehand.

Once they’re married, that changes. Living together means things can be a lot more spontaneous (which he loves) but he also likes to know The Plan™️.

And once they’re married, Shane has no problem asking for what he wants so he can plan out his day and routine. It’s not particularly sexy, but he guesses that’s married life.

“Ilya?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to eat me out after the Canada match tonight?”

They had both been rooting for Canada at the world cup - Ilya even got them jerseys.

Ilya chokes and Shane frowns at him. “You okay?”

“I - just - what?”

“Well I’m going to do a full shower after my physio session with Amelia - I should be done by the time the Canada game starts. Oh - and I meant to ask if you liked those new frozen meals Lyn brought over. They’re a new brand.”

“I - yes, please Shane if I ever don’t want to eat you out, I have been replaced by aliens.”

“Okay, cool. And the meals?”

“Gross,” Ilya said. “But normal gross.”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya?”

“What?”

“Can we fuck on the couch tonight? With the fire going?”

Ilya grit his teeth and for a second Shane thought he would say no.

“Of course.”

“Maybe around 8? I bought 2 hour logs and the fire needs to be completely out by bedtime.”

“Okay.”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya!”

“Shane?”

“Look at your messages! I want to try that position. Maybe after we get back from our afternoon skate?”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya?” Shane asked through his cars bluetooth. Ilya was cooking and keeping him company on the phone as he drove back from an optometrist appointment. Much to his husband’s (fake) disappointment, his slight nearsightedness still didn’t need glasses for anything besides reading comfortably.

“Hm?”

“Did my package get delivered?”

“A package did. I put it on side table for you.”

“Can you go ahead and open it? I wasn’t sure what size to get so I got a few options. I want to try them this weekend - maybe Saturday? If they don’t fit, I’ll need to do another order tonight for 3 day shipping.”

He heard Ilya take a deep breath. He hated to give him another thing to do on top of making dinner, but he wanted to make sure they had the right sizes before they wanted to use them.

~*~*~*~

“Hey Ilya?” Shane said quietly, so the other people at the stuffy fundraiser couldn’t hear.

“Yes?” Ilya, his hand coming up to run through the back of Shane’s hair.

“I’m exhausted. Can we do shower blowjobs when we get home tonight?”

Ilya hand stuttered in his hair. Shane hated to disappoint him but he was too tired for his prep routine, his post routine, and cleaning the sheets. Or even getting up for Ilya to do it. Shower blowjobs had excellent clean up time and he could fall right into bed afterwards.

“That sounds perfect,” Ilya said, a little roughly.

~*~*~*~

Shane was going to kill him. Murder him. Like a sniper - out of the blue, at any given moment, Shane might call out to him all softly and then ask for hottest sex imaginable (all sex with Shane) AND THEN plan it for later, leaving Ilya incredibly worked up.

The worst part was Shane did not even know he did this to him - for Shane, it was just planning - run at 6, breakfast at 8:15, workout at 8:30, shower at 10, fuck husband at 10:45, off ice training at 12:15, etc. It drove Ilya insane.

But Ilya didn’t want to mess it up by acting on the extreme horniness he felt every time his husband causally planned out mind blowing sex. He knew routine was good for Shane’s brain and it would mess the routine up if Shane asked to pencil in a blowjob at 3:15pm and Ilya dropped to his knees right then. So he had to wait and wait until the clocked ticked down for their scheduled appointment. He loved it.