Diary Of A Medical Burden

Ankylosing Spondylitis Gastroparesis Cat mom pt w/c user Relapse date: 3.11.2024.

[clarkslex]

anyone else wish your body would just fully give out already so you can have a real fucking break

[inferno-spine]

Every single fucking night, I manifest that I won’t wake up in the morning and every fucking morning, I’m disappointed. I just want a break from this progressive disease 😩

[apatheistlesbian]

Anyway this disability pride month I would like to shoutout disabled folks whose creativity has suffered because of their condition. I’m talking people with hand tremors and pain that stop them from drawing, knitting, and playing instruments. People whose thinking has become so disorganized that nothing they write makes sense to other people. People with chronic pain who can no longer dance. People so over medicated in a fruitless attempt to maintain stability that the wells of their imagination have run dry.

I see you and I love you. You are more than your creative output. You are not a shell of what you used to be. You are a whole, complete person, regardless of what your creativity has been, is now, or will be in the future.

[inferno-spine]

Happy Disability Pride Month!!

❤️💛🤍💚💙🩶

Red Stripe: Represents physical disabilities, such as mobility impairments and chronic pain.

Gold Stripe: Represents neurodivergence, covering intellectual disabilities, autism, and ADHD.

White Stripe: Represents invisible and undiagnosed disabilities, like autoimmune conditions.

Blue Stripe: Represents psychiatric and mental health disabilities, such as bipolar disorder or depression.

Green Stripe: Represents sensory disabilities, including deafness and blindness.

Charcoal Background: Represents the mourning and rage for disabled people who have lost their lives to ableist violence and neglect.

Side note: The black background of this flag is supposed to charcoal grey and to me, it looks black. I think that it may have too much saturation, but it’s supposed to be a darker shade of grey/charcoal grey.

[inferno-spine]

[inferno-spine]

I no longer feel human.

[inferno-spine]

My cat Caramel is comforting me since I’m in a lot of pain today. She came to cuddle with me and hang out. She is literally the best 7.26lb ball of dark chaos I’ve ever had.

[inferno-spine]

I haven’t told my family why I’m actually going through such aggressive chemo. I have 4 more treatments left (for now) and as much as I want to tell them, I don’t want the attention. As long as I keep getting good news like I’ve been getting so far, I don’t think I have to tell them anything. I don’t want them to worry or start funding websites. Aside from social media, I’m pretty private and as much as I would love to have a viral Instagram blog about my daily life, like some disabled influencers, I find that I’m too much of a private person to have my personal life displayed like that. They are brave, but I don’t see or understand the point of putting every single day of my life on social media. I mean, my sister doesn’t even post photos of my nieces and nephews on Tumblr. She posts them on Facebook, but that is reserved only for family and close friends.

I’ve never been healthy. I went through seizures and asthma problems until I was about 13. Fast-forward a few years to age 21/22, and I’m dealing with unexplained pain that was later diagnosed as Ankylosing Spondylitis, a type of arthritis that fuses the spinal bones (vertebrae) and fuses other joints together. Now I have MALT lymphoma and going through a lot. Even though I’ve been getting good news after good news, I’m in so much pain and half the time, I just wish I would die because I’ve always been sick… all my life.

[inferno-spine]

Been going through chemo. After 2 rounds, my hair is already gone.

[inferno-spine]

Well, great… now I have to go through chemo starting January 6. I’ve been trying to grow out my hair back out and I’ve grown it out just to the point of touching the top of my shoulders. It’s going to take me forever to grow it back to this point.

[lunaautymn13]

♡ ҉ ₊ ҉.♡‧₊˚ It’s okay

╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝╮ ╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝╮. ҉

( •‿•。 )♡( •‿•。 ) ₊ ♡

╰◟◞ ͜ ◟◞╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝╮ ͜ ◟◞╯♡ ҉

. ҉♡︎ ҉( •‿•。 ) ₊ ♡ to not ✿

₊ 　 ╰◟◞ ͜ ◟◞╯ . ҉♡︎

feel okay... ♡

[inferno-spine]

My legs are so numb and tingly. This nerve pain can go fuck itself 🖕🏼

[inferno-spine]

Still healing from surgery, but I felt good enough to take some photos.

[elektra-pop]

Just FYI, it's still murder when disabled people die by medical neglect.

Read that again.

[inferno-spine]

When you have a progressive disease, but your cat doesn’t care and just wants cuddles.

[mindflamer]

trying to get disability benefits is less like applying for aid and more like being put on trial for a crime you didn't commit

[mindflamer]

they are not reviewing your case to understand how you are disabled. they are investigating you to prove or disprove the assumption that you are lying about being disabled. you are guilty until proven innocent.

[inferno-spine]

I finally captured it on camera!

Every morning, she turns on her "Black Hole Setting" to steal my soul the longer she stares. This Black Hole setting makes anybody who looks directly into her eyes do whatever she wants… you can’t escape it. This is her most dangerous setting.

[nightlyquotes]

“I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company.”

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