The Adults Are Talking

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[ironrad]

Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?

Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.

Tony: That’s oddly specific.

Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.

Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:

Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:

Peter: Um?

Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.

Peter: :)

[ironrad]

Peter completely drenched in a towel:

Ned: Woah dude you okay?

Peter: Yeah. I just slipped and fell in the pool.

MJ: Shit, did the lifegaurd come help you out?

Peter:

Peter: I am the lifegaurd.

[ironrad]

Peter: You know nobody is actually enforcing the laws of physics, right?

Tony: I’m sorry?

Peter proceeding to walk up the wall:

Tony:

[ironrad]

MJ: You know how I’m like one of the three women in our Engineering class?

Ned: Yeah?

MJ: Well, I got the lowest grade on the first test.

MJ: Guess I’m the underdog now.

Peter: No, you’re the main character who still hasn’t reached her full potential.

MJ eyeing Peter skeptically:

MJ: I better also get abs in this character arc then.

Peter:

[ironrad]

Peter getting comfortable with Tony:

Peter: Hey Tony!

Tony happy they’re on a first name basis:

Peter: Shit, sorry I mean dad-

Tony:

Peter sweating: Double shit I mean Mr. Dad-

Tony:

Peter panicking: Triple shit I mean Mr. Star-

Tony: Dad is fine, kid.

Peter: oh…ok :)

[stephenstrange-md-phd]

@tonystarkstrange @officialpeter-parker

[officialpeter-parker]

You just don't know how hard it is to decide what do call him

[ironrad]

[ironrad]

Natasha: Did you know The Beatles disbanded in 1970?

Bruce: Yeah, there was also an abandoned Apollo mission that had to return to earth that year.

Peter: God, 1970 was such a bad year, huh?

Tony: Hey, I was born in 1970.

Peter: I said what I said.

Tony:

[ironrad]

Peter: Mr. Stark, did you know spiders actually can thermoregulate now?

Tony:

Peter: Yeah it’s a new genetic mutation that scientists just disco—

Tony: We’re not leaving till you put the coat on, Peter.

Peter: You can’t make me >:(

[ironrad]

Flash: Give me your lunch money, dork.

Peter: It’s giving broke.

Flash: What-

Ned: Personally, you don’t see me asking for lunch money.

Flash: Wait but-

Peter: The food isn’t even that good.

MJ: If you can’t afford it, just say that.

Flash: I-

Ned: Common bully L

Flash:

[ironrad]

Tony: Peter, have you ever heard of the trolley problem?

Peter: I mean it’s not much of a problem anymore.

Tony: What do you mean?

Peter: I can just stop the trolley with my bare hands.

Tony: Ok, well, for the sake of the question, pretend that you can’t.

Peter: But I can. Why wouldn’t I factor in what I’m physically capable of?

Tony: Sure but we’re talking hypothetically-

Harley: Hypothetically I’d step in front of it because I can’t handle the pressure of decision making.

Tony: Harely no-

Peter: Don’t worry, Mr. Stark. I’d stop the trolley with my strength before he could do that.

Tony: Why did I even ask…

[ironrad]

Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely:

[officialpeter-parker]

@tonystarkstrange r-right?

[tonystarkstrange]

I’m not a biologist…. I guess, you are not really a spider but the song says “does whatever a spider can” so… I really have no idea kiddo

[stephenstrange-md-phd]

[ironrad]

Tony walking outside:

Peter running and belly flopping into the lake:

Tony:

Peter groaning in pain:

Morgan: Try again, Petey, my teacher said spiders can use surface tension to walk on water

Peter: Maguna PLEASE this is the SEVENTH try

Morgan: You have 8 legs, don’t you?

Peter: WHAT

Tony walking back inside:

[ironrad]

Tony: When I was at MIT-

Peter: Oh I have an ex girlfriend who goes there

Natasha: Another one?

Peter: No, same ex girlfriend.

Bruce: Oh okay, I was starting to think you had an ex at every school.

Harley: Why can’t you? Power move, we can make this happen.

Peter: ?

Harley: Will you go out with me?

Peter:

Harley: Just say yes.

Peter: …sure

Harley: Yay :) okay, I’m breaking up with you now.

Peter:

Harley: You now have an ex from NYU

Peter: This is brilliant, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.

Tony: ANYWAYS, TO FINISH MY STORY-

[ironrad]

Tony entering the lab: As a woman in STEM-

Pepper: Tread lightly…

Bruce: Why did you even come down here?

Helen: One more word and you’re kicked out of the med lab.

Peter: Is this because I said “ladies first” when opening the door for you earlier?

Tony giggling: No, I just wanted to see how everyone would react.

Helen: Out. Now.

Tony: Yes ma’am :(

[ironrad]

Clint: Yelena, what would you rather be, a lion or a panda?

Yelena: Clint Barton, I am me. Why would I want to be anything else?

Clint: I don’t think you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.

Later:

Kate: She’s a lion.

Clint: Definitely a lion.

[ironrad]

Peter: I think if I was one of the baddies you’d all be so dead

Tony: Ditto, now quit threatening everyone and do your chores

Peter: I’m just saying, I’m this close to going off the deep end

Steve: What is he going on about?

Bucky: Don’t humor him, he’s being dramatic

Natasha handing Peter the vacuum:

Natasha: Can you go off the deep end a little quieter please?

Bruce: Yeah, I’m trying to read

Peter grumbling: the one thing they love more than a hero…

Tony: …is to see a hero clean the compound

Peter:

Peter: Touché

[ironrad]

Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely:

[juju092118]

Later that night

Tony: WHAT IF HE DIES PEP WHAT DO I DO??

Pepper: I already had Bruce check three years ago hes fine.

Tony: I love you

[elizawillis06]

Pepper: I love you too.

Pepper: But you should thank Bruce too since he did the check, I mean I just asked him to do it.

Tony: Right. *Calls Bruce*

Bruce: *Answers* What going on Tony?

Tony: I love you.

Bruce: Um, what?

Tony: Um Pepper told me to thank you for doing the check up on Peter three years ago.

Bruce: Oh yeah, your welcome and I love you too. Well, I'm kind of busy. So, I'll talk to you later.

Tony: Ok bye.

[ironrad]

Tony: Hello everybody, I am pleased to announce that we will be introducing a new member to the family

The Avengers: WHAT ????

Peter and Morgan cackling:

Pepper rushing into the room:

Pepper: I’M NOT PREGNANT

Pepper: WE’RE GETTING A PUPPY

The Avengers:

Tony: teehee